Data had been still for well over a minute. Not still in the way a biological became still, with the occasional blink or sniff, but entirely still. Even breathing, a system so low in his awareness that it approached what a human would consider instinct, had halted. All his processing power, every corner of his mind, every fiber of his being, had devoted itself to the analysis of his realization. He'd even shut down the exploration of why it hadn't occurred to him before for the sake of grasping onto this tendril of code, this possibility that had invaded his systems, before any of his self preservation systems could tug it away. And they were trying - but for those, he had allowed a small corner of his awareness to refrain from the analysis for the equally important task of preventing the systems intent on keeping him from cascade failure from stealing this away. This, like that first glimpse of sentience that had opened the door for so much more, was worth the risk.
A blink. "Longing is an emotion," his voice was distant in the way only his could be, stilted and more mechanical than it ordinarily seemed. 'Longing' was synonymous with 'want', it was the experience of wanting something so badly, so dearly that it seemed like all of one's being was reaching for it. It was, for example, wanting to be human and, ironically, to feel.
Systems were overheating. Data finally gave in just enough to the warnings to gasp in some air and cool the overworked processors. It was safe now, anyway, he had a program in place, a string of code like a thread in his mind linking that realization with every experience he had which fell under the category of wanting to be human. Longing. He knew longing, had known it for nearly as long as he had existed. He didn't have a heart to ache and yet there had been moments when he had wanted to be other than he was with such intensity that it had seemed like an electric shock.
"Longing... is... an emotion." Gold eyes fixed on the person before him who, he realized, he must have given cause for concern. "I have felt it. I... I am capable of emotion... and it would seem that I owe Counselor Troi a Samarian Sunset," for she had once, in good humor, bet him that, one day, he would be.
The activation of the emotion chip had not gone as planned. He had assumed the updates his father had installed on the chip would simply assimilate into his previous programming and instill the ability to feel as humans felt.
This was absolutely not the case.
It seemed Data had been feeling something all along. Every memory, every experience, every thought had an emotion attached to it, but it had been muted, defined by logic, and flattened into lines of code that reasoned each feeling with harsh angles and two-dimensional understanding. It had been Soong’s wish for Data to incorporate the chip earlier and learn to incorporate it a little at a time. Without direction, however, Data had simply run the programs as they appeared on the chip.
He was rewarded with a cascade of overlapping, unfamiliar emotion. He had no time to process or define them. No time to apply them correctly. For several months, certain feelings would invoke random memory files to be accessed, resulting in Data reliving experiences from earlier in his life and having strong emotional reactions to them.
These memories appeared out of nowhere, sometimes at night during the time when he shut down his primary functions and allowed his dream sequence to self-activate. He had nightmares, dreams that appeared entirely real, dreams that appeared entirely impossible, sexually driven dreams, dreams that caused him to relive certain moments from his life. Sometimes the memory files opening in a background process and played - without his permission - while he was on duty. As understanding as Captain Picard was when this occurred, he knew it was inappropriate to have an overt emotional reaction of any kind while sitting at the conn on the bridge.
Some memories did not present themselves until there was a visual reminder. Deanna had told Data this was very common in humans as well. A certain image or object could evoke a very powerful emotional response. Data - as well as those who spent a considerable amount of time with him on a daily basis - had become accustomed to his sudden emotional outbursts as he still struggled to control them.
Data found he loved the feeling of nostalgia. Returning to a place that he had visited in the past was such a unique and positive feeling that he had not anticipated. When the Enterprise docked at Deep Space 9, Data looked forward to experiencing it again. He had been to there several times prior, and he noticed a scramble of memories associated with the place as he beamed down to the station.
He hoped to visit Julian Bashir. They had been conversing via subspace about his difficulties with the chip. Ever the enthusiast, Julian had been more than willing to offer Data advice and conversation about incorporating the new programming. His mind had been on this correspondence, new adjustments made to the chip, calculating crew scheduling, an ongoing project left standing in his lab, four distinct memories dealing with Quark’s bar, a conversation he had had with Geordi the night before, and an especially tricky Altonian brain teaser as he rounded the corner and suddenly every program shorted and stopped.
This had happened once or twice. Usual functions were suddenly interrupted by a visual trigger that overloaded his systems in order to prioritize an unexpected emotional stimulant. Down the corridor, Data saw a quite familiar figure. He stopped moving entirely as his neural net re-processed a situation from so many years before. He reviewed their conversation in the Arboretum word for word. The impact of her offer, the implied significance of his rejection, the passion behind the kiss, her face...
Everything had new meaning now. The level of understanding was so much different. He recalled the conversation as if it had just happened. Data felt a great pressure on him. It was unfamiliar. He could not determine if it was negative, positive, or otherwise. It was driving. ‘If I find new meaning in our conversation, I will contact you immediately.’ He had promised her.
And there she was.
He moved without thinking, succumbing to the overwhelming nature of whatever this emotional response was. “Liz!” She had aged, slightly, but repeated visual scans and a quick check of the station log confirmed that it was her. It seemed all subroutines had ceased and his main memory was focused only on this act. He did not possess so much as the processing power to determine what he would say to her when he reached her.
When he reached her, he stopped less than a foot away, peering down at her. He opened his mouth, but found his auditory processor to be malfunctioning - or he just could not think of what to say. The memory continued to play on a loop in his mind. Her offer. The metaphorical door she had opened for him. The way she had asked permission to kiss him. The way he had offered her whatever she wanted without understanding...
In one swift motion, Data took her face in his hands and pressed a calculated, passionate kiss to her mouth.
Data lurked in the mine, his biolights darkened to hide in the gloom, he had a bird to catch, and given the information feed to him.... He should be coming very soon.
Starscream’s wings twitched as he walked into the mine. He never liked coming here, or anywhere underground, but this mine held promise. After the last rains he’d scouted it and seen evidence that the conditions were right for Energon crystal formation as raw liquid fuel was forced to the surface. It had been a few months and he wanted to see if any had grown. Part of him still enjoyed the geology and chemistry aspects of Energon scouting, but he did look forward to when he’d have more trained scouts and could send them down the tunnels for the unpleasant jobs.
The stillness below ground bothered him - no wind, barely any air movement at all. The only sound was the echo of his own footsteps. As he ventured deeper into the tunnels he fanned his wings, trying to feel something on them besides dead air. He hated it here. The sooner he could go back outside, the better.
"I have observed that in most species, there is a primal instinct to perpetuate themselves. Until now, I have been the last of my kind. If I were to be damaged or destroyed, I would be lost forever."
- Stark Trek: The Next Generation, "The Offspring"
PCNURNBRA : a multi-muse rp blog containing muses such as DATA SOONG from star trek: the next generation, and more… mun has 7+ years of rp experience and is 18+
