Discover Top Posts Tagged with #dating app fail

Today in the worst use of emojis ever...

#emoji fail #emoji #lol #my post #cowboy emoji #dating app #dating app fail

anyway, deactivated my OKCupid account again today

#things that happened #single forever thank god #finding friends is hard #dating sites are the worst #dating app fail #creepy guy #people are weird #bad compliments

dating app: 1,556 local men like you! Pay to see who they are! me: I’d pay you to keep them at bay but you’re already doing that for free.

#frightening #hilarious but still alarming story #being a woman is exhausting #okcupid #adventures in dating #dating app fail

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8:12P, Wed BigJohnny hey, whats up? My name is John 8:15P, Wed AmberHeart nice to meet you. Amber. 8:15P, Wed AmberHeart just finished washing dishes. Now, I’ll prolly watch TV. You? 8:16P, Wed BigJohnny what are you watching? 8:16P, Wed BigJohnny I just took my dog for a walk. He needs a shower, and I’m procrastinating that. Haha 7:21A, Thurs AmberHeart sorry, John! I forgot to respond. I watched last week’s episode of Amazing Race that I recorded. I’d love to travel more, but that requires money. Instead, I’ll just watch and dream about seeing the world. What’s ur dog’s name? Have you done any traveling? 7:22A, Thurs BigJohnny some, I guess. I’ve lived different places. I just moved here. Ur my first match. 7:22A, Thurs BigJohnny his name is Dexter. 7:32A, Thurs BigJohnny so, would u like to get dinner? 11:58A, Thurs AmberHeart I haven’t been on the app long either, so ur mine, too. Dexter is a fun name. Like Dexter’s Laboratory? Or the guy obsessed with blood? haha. I think it’s a little soon, don’t you? I hardly know you. Let’s start simple. What do you do and what’s ur fav thing to do when you have freetime? 3:56P, Sat Amber It only took a few days, and I got a match! 4:17P, Sat Hanna OMG yayyyyy. 4:17P, Sat Hanna What’s he like? 4:20P, Sat Amber He seems responsible, traveled, intelligent. He has a dog named Dexter. He likes going out for an afternoon fishing trip with his dog. Um, he likes puzzles and isn’t a fan of card games. [You sent a picture] 4:21P, Sat Hanna Oh, he’s cuuute! Does he look that good in person? 4:23P, Sat Amber Idk. We only just started talking a few evenings ago. 4:23P, Sat Hanna Has he asked u out yet? 4:25P, Sat Amber He asked me to dinner like the 1st morning after we matched. Is that weird? 4:26P, Sat Hanna Maybe you were real charming that first nite. What did u say? 4:27P, Sat Amber I asked him more about himself. 4:29P, Sat Hanna Girl! Don’t play too hard to get!! You don’t want to lose someone this good looking. Just pick somewhere safe. 1:22A, Sun BigJohnny hey, Amber. U up? 1:22A, Sun AmberHeart surprisingly, I am. 1:22A, Sun AmberHeart why r u up? 1:23A, Sun BigJohnny Dexter needed to go out. I thought to message you and see if you were ready for dinner yet. 1:25A, Sun AmberHeart Sure! How do you feel about buffets? 1:26A, Sun BigJohnny buffet? -_^ 1:26A, Sun BigJohnny haha 1:26A, Sun BigJohnny not a normal first date spot, but I’m down. U have somewhere in mind? 1:27A, Sun AmberHeart I know, but I’ve been in the mood for some cheap crab legs and sushi of questionable quality. There’s a good place in the city. R u free 2morrow (Monday)? 1:30A, Sun BigJohnny wut time do u want me to pick u up? 1:31A, Sun AmberHeart I’ll meet you there at 7. I’m going to be in the city in the afternoon anyway. It’s getting late, so I’m going to bed. Goodnight. 1:31A, Sun BigJohnny sounds good to me. Sweet dreams. 7:05P, Mon Hanna Does he look like his pictures? 7:07P, Mon Hanna Is he cute? 7:17P, Mon Hanna Are you having a good time? 7:18P, Mon Hanna You have to tell me all about it. 7:29P, Mon Amber Gosh, a little excited aren’t we? 7:29P, Mon Amber I go to the restroom and find that someone has been blowing up my phone. 7:30P, Mon Hanna Sorry… not sorry. Of course I’m excited. What’s he like? 7:31P, Mon Amber He is cute. He looks just like his photo, which was honestly a relief. He’s kind of intense, though. I’m not sure what it is about him. 7:32P, Mon Amber He’s got some stories that make him sound exotic. Maybe he just doesn’t want to waste time dating around and he takes this serious. 7:32P, Mon Amber Anyway, time to go back. I promise I’ll call you later. 7:33P, Mon Hanna You better!! 4:44P, Tues BigJohnny thx for last nite. It was fun! 4:44P, Tues BigJohnny it was great to finally meat you 4:45P, Tues BigJohnny meet* 4:50P, Tues AmberHeart it was gr8 2 meet u too. 4:50P, Tues AmberHeart I’m honestly relieved. U look just like ur picture. 4:53P, Tues BigJohnny nd ur as pretty irl as in ur pic, too. I think that fear is universal. 4:54P, Tues AmberHeart yeah 4:55P, Tues AmberHeart I was kinda surprised you didn’t go for the sushi last night. 4:57P, Tues BigJohnny ehh… a bit too /questionable/ to my tastes. were u okay all night?? 5:01P, Tues AmberHeart ofc. no matter how questionable, I’ve never gotten sick there. it’d make for a terrible first date otherwise. 5:11P, Tues BigJohnny speaking of dates. Can I interest you in another? 5:11P, Tues AmberHeart definitely!! 5:12P, Tues BigJohnny want to come over tomorrow? I can make dinner and we can do one of those puzzles or watch Netflix or something. 5:16P, Tues AmberHeart I definitely want to try ur cooking sometime. But I think that’s still too early 5:17P, Tues AmberHeart I happen to have off Thursday. I know you said ur work was flexible. Want to have a picnic. 5:18P, Tues AmberHeart U can show off your cooking skills with sandwiches or a fancy charcuterie board. 5:18P, Tues AmberHeart Thank God for spellcheck. I can never remember how to spell tht word. 8:02P, Tues BigJohnny it’s a date! 8:10P, Tues Amber Guess what 8:11P, Tues Hanna You stepped on a crack and ur mothers in the hospital? 8:12P, Tues Hanna You cut ur finger again in the kitchen and the doctors say they’ll have to amputate? 8:12P, Tues Hanna You finally found that bra you thought you lost weeks ago under the washing machine? 8:13P, Tues Amber Stoppp it 8:13P, Tues Amber oooh, that’s a good idea. I haven’t checked there yet. 8:14P, Tues Amber no to all of them. I’ve got a second date! 8:14P, Tues Hanna then tell meeeeee 8:14P, Tues Hanna Niceeee! That’s exciting 8:15P, Tues Amber btw, you were right about the bra. ty 8:16P, Tues Hanna lol, nice. yw. 8:17P, Tues Hanna so when is it? 8:20P, Tues Amber ugh, who knocks on somebody’s door this late in the evening? 8:22P, Tues Hanna who was it? 8:28P, Tues Hanna is it a booty call from John??? 8:29P, Tues Amber no… it’s John, tho, what do I do? 8:29P, Tues Hanna wut do u mean? Go with it. Have fun! 8:29P, Tues Amber I never gave him my addresss… 8:30P, Tues Hanna Call 911 if you don’t feel safe! I’m sure everything is good and you forgot you told him or he was able to look it up. Txt me l8r! 8:52P, Tues Dispatcher 9-1-1, what’s your emergency? Hello? 9-1-1, what’s your emergency? What’s your emergency? 8:52P, Tues Amber [muffled cries] [sharp gasp] 8:52P, Tues Dispatcher Hello, are you alright? Do you need an ambulance? 8:53P, Tues Amber [yelp] Why are you scared? We’re just having fun? [thud] [clatter] [smack] [growl] [strangled plea] 8:53P, Tues Dispatcher Help is on the way. Try to keep the phone on. 8:53P, Tues Amber [whimpers] Stop! [thump] [grunt] [thud] No, please no. Why do you always have to put up a fight? [fabric tears] Is that a knife? Are you going to kill me? Call it… motivation. Or a promise. Ouch. [heavy thud] 10:56P, Tues Hanna how was your night? Get any? 11:00P, Tues Hanna everything good? 12:01A, Wed Hanna Amber, are you alright? 9:37A, Wed Amber I’m fine, now. 9:38A, Wed Amber he attacked me. He had a knife. I thought I was going to die. He cut me, but I managed to kick him off until the cops came. Back to Table of Contents (x)