Having Arachnid Powers and Dating Lena Luthor Would Include...
Request
@sandwichitodemilanesa could you please write what would include dating lena, being a kind of spider woman? probably have gotten your power because of Lena's dad or brother experiments to make a superhuman but now you're trying to be a super friend and save the world . thanks you so much <3
A/N: Hello y'all, sorry for being MIA, honestly adulthood is kinda sucking my soul, but as I've said before I'm still around. This time doing this little piece that was such fun honestly, also I love sandiwichitos de milanesa so I just couldn't ignore it. Thank you so much for the request and I hope you enjoy it! <3
Lena Luthor x Superhero Fem!R/Arachnid Powers/Word Count: 1,388
Your story starting the first time Lena ever saw you, you were on the news, stopping a bank robbery.
You were using nothing but a black hoodie, grey pants, a ski mask, and a pair of worn out shoes, and had disappeared before Supergirl could arrive.
The cameras spotted you swinging your way out through the building of National City, using what at first she imagined were hook-shots.
Like the rest of the city, she started seeing you more often on the news with growing curiosity as you helped all citizens.
The news outlets trying to come up with names for you; "The Human Spider", "The Web Slinger", "The Wall Crawler", "Arachnid Woman".
Your first close encounter with Lena was during a supervillian attack on L-Corp. The top floors were crumbling while Supergirl was fighting and you appeared, saving all the people from the falling debris, including her.
You carried her in your arms as you used your webs to pull you down to the ground, keeping her safe but leaving before she could say anything.
She and the whole DEO searching for you after that, wanting to know who you were and where you came from.
Lena investigating you but coming to dead ends, trying to understand you and your powers from what she sees in the news and DEO reports.
Losing hope after many months only for you to swing to her office balcony one night as she looked down the city.
"I believe you and your friends have been looking for me."
"Mostly me, but yes."
"What for?"
"I wanted to thank you, for saving my life."
Distrusting Lena initially due to personal reasons and avoiding further contact but slowly getting used to her as you came to her aid several more times.
"We should stop meeting in life threatening situations, Miss Luthor."
"We certainly should, and I still don't know your name."
"I guess you can call me (Y/N), for now."
Warming up to her and even visiting her a few times at her office. Always reaching her floor by crawling on the side of her building or swinging with your webs to avoid being spotted.
You always work this late, Miss Luthor?
I could ask the same.
You know what they say, crime never sleeps.
Lena noticing more and more of how your powers work, even making you a suit to help you out, leaving it on her balcony with a little note after leaving early from work one day.
Smiling at the gesture and the news making noise about your new look the next day, giving you new superhero names and such.
Going to her office more often and starting to enjoy your small conversations with her and the balcony kind of becoming your meeting place.
Finally building enough trust to tell her who you were and explain how you got your powers.
Telling her you had been very sick, almost too far gone a few years back, when her brother offered you some sort of experimental treatment for your illness. You accepted and Lex brought you to Luthorcorp.
Little did you know, her brother had been running illegal and dangerous human experiments in there.
You had woken up in a cryosleep chamber years later in a secret facility, as you had been the only survivor of his experiments and the only one who seemed to assimilate your new given powers correctly.
"I had nothing and nowhere to go but I didn't want to use my powers to take advantage of people."
Lena offering you a place to stay and helping you go back on track with your life.
Supergirl and Alex also offering you a place in the DEO but refusing as places like that bring you bad memories but offering your help back in case they need it.
Having a bit of trouble adapting your new life with the superhero gig going on but Lena helping you as best as she can with everything you need.
"What if I say I need a million dollars?"
Lena discovering your funny dorky side.
Your relationship with Lena growing over time as she helps you settle as the newest heroine of National City.
Lena helping you design your supersuit and inventing new devices for you.
"I think I need to come up with a superhero name. People are starting to call me 'The Tarantula' and 'Black Widow'."
"Mmh, maybe you would like something more classic?"
"Like what?"
"How about… 'Arachne'?"
Her choosing your new name and going along with it.
Visiting her regularly when the city seems calmer and conversing for hours in her balcony.
Developing a soft spot for her and finally inviting her to move with you through the city.
"You know I have a driver and a car, right?"
"Swinging is faster, you can avoid a lot of traffic."
Lena actually enjoying the rides with you, although only the short ones.
Lena introducing you to the Superfriends.
"So, spider powers, uh? What's that exactly? Extra eyes? Extra legs? Can you stick to any surface?"
"No extra limbs as far as I'm aware…and I suppose I can stick to anything, uh, so far?"
"Cool. And the web, does it come from-?"
"Alex, stop."
"I'm just asking. What? As if you aren't curious too."
Lena helping you train and taking the chance to analyze and help you with your own powers.
She realizing she worries about you the more you get involved in fights to protect National City, particularly when Kara isn't in town.
She being the one to patch you up at your place when you don't want to stay at the DEO.
"You should see the other guy. The other guy, in this instance, being a killer croc."
Lena visiting your place and spending more time with you outside her office and the DEO.
Putting more attention to her and her safety when a fight or battle breaks lose.
Realizing after many of those you like her more than you think and going to her balcony one night to confess your feelings.
Lena admitting the same and being happy about it as you ask her to go on a date with you.
Spending your first date with Lena watching the sunset from the highest place of the city after a rooftop picnic.
Lena making sure to leave L-Corp early to spend more time with you.
Helping each other when there are criminals on the loose and being very protective of Lena if there's any after her.
Upside down kisses.
Taking her to dates by swinging around the city and her offering her limousine from time to time as a way to spoil you.
Making it official and the Superfriends being really supportive and happy for you.
Being awkward and nerdy around each other.
Very interesting moments in bed.
Grabbing food or coffee for her any chance you can so you can visit her at her office.
Dates on her office balcony also becoming a regular thing.
Sticking upside down out of her window and knocking at it at the end of her office hours to take her home.
Enjoying swinging around the city just to keep her clinging to you.
"You better hold on tight, spider-monkey."
"Is that a Twilight reference? I shouldn't have let Kara convince us to watch those."
Lots of game nights with the Superfriends and always teaming up with Lena.
Lena being your unofficial handler and she always being on your side whatever happens on your fights and missions.
You always supporting Lena and her ideas, but knowing when to call her out when things feel out of hand.
She doing the same with you, particularly when you feel responsible for everyone.
"I'm sorry, (Y/N), sometimes the hardest thing about this is you can't always save everybody."
Hugs so tight and long they feel like home.
Leaving Lena huge messages around different spaces of the city written with your web. Mostly hearts with her initial in the middle.
Being really close and intimate on your alone moments.
Always coming to aid the Superfriends when they need you or teaming up with Alex and the DEO.
Lena spoiling you with new gadgets and even making you a new suit with nano-tech.
Lena Luthor x reader (Worked it out, and figured you out)
Request: I love your writing! Can you do one with Lena x fem!reader? It's Lena's first time in the DEO and sees reader training and gets hit with gay panic. Then both flirting over being complete science nerds. Thanks!!
a/n: YOU BET I CAN. And also... thank YOU! All the prompts you folks send me is what keeps this blog going! I’m getting at it at a relatively steady pace I think, sometimes it’s a little bit difficult than other days to find inspiration, but somehow you all manage to surprise me and remind me of how wonderful this fandom is, and then it makes me want to work even harder and contribute what I can to it! So thank y’all so much!!
Fun little sidenote, it’s actually my birthday today! :D I have too many cute fic ideas swimming around in my head (which is a little bit of a rarity these days) and I’m not even sure when I’m going to get to write for them if I’m going to be off being a loud, delinquent dumbass all weekend. But, yeah! I’m feeling extra inspirational and thankful today... maybe that might even translate into some fics that nobody asked for LOL.
Have fun with this fic though y’all! I was in the mood to write something cracky with J’onn in it and I have not a clue as to why... You’re also a little bit of an ass in this one too but it’s totally fine, it’s part of your charm obviously
- - - - -
For as long as you can remember, you have always been a force of nature. You knew how to work hard and you knew just how hard to push yourself to make the reward that much sweeter.
Simply put, you had fun living life, and despite the handful of troubling setbacks and the unavoidable years-long turmoil that is the discomfort of adolescence, you still looked at the world like it was your playground.
As rambunctious and tenacious as you were, you had just as much discipline, and it paid off deliciously in a plethora of ways.
You would say the human body is a blessed vessel; the tone and curves of some, the muscle and elegance of others, the ability to persevere and flourish, to deconstruct and to rebuild, it amazed you all the same.
What amazed you particularly (and was frequently the subject of ire around all your friends) is how you could eat like absolute shit and still maintain the form that you do.
As it was, you found yourself at the DEO working off last night’s conquest of an army’s weight of cheesy garlic bread and a late night call with Domino’s.
You loved where you work, you loved the fact that you could say you work for a secret government branch (but you couldn’t actually say that, because the admission would cause a whole series of complications you have neither the attention span nor the patience to deal with), and what you loved the most was how spoiled you were with the training facilities.
There were the conventional weight and fitness rooms, the swimming pools, and the standard equipment one could find at any regular gym.
However, the DEO is a respectable, covert government operation and as such, it is absolutely required to have a parkour gym, multiple obstacle course racing circuits, several rock climbing walls which apparently, some of the analysts have hacked into to replicate a ninja warrior course, and even archery and knife throwing ranges, simply because why shouldn’t the DEO have them?
And to think when you first arrived, you thought the Kryptonite lined sparring room made for Kara was the coolest thing you’d seen, how wrong you are now.
You’re starting off easily before your workout, doing your stretches and lifting lighter weights than you usually would. You have to work harder this time - the sweet, sweet release of pizza is, admittedly, your greatest downfall, and you ought to work it off on top of the training you have to do for work.
You hop up and pull yourself up on a chin up bar and figure you’ll make a leisurely time out of it - you’ll wait until your arms and shoulders are screaming bloody murder at you before you focus on another part of your body.
You become well aware of the fact that it’s 6 o’clock in the morning and far too early than you would have the self-respect in any other career choice to stand for when you stifle a yawn and shake your head in an attempt to wake yourself up.
You skipped out on the coffee this time, supposing your night’s misgivings had some consequence, and now you suspect you’re going to begin paying for it emotionally.
The voice of your director, J’onn, pokes through your admittedly still sleepy haze and even before you see him you can hear that his tone is as cordial as you could expect from someone as stoic and brooding as him.
You see his figure approach from the entrance and beside him, a woman accompanies him, though you can’t quite make out who she is.
J’onn gives you a nod in acknowledgement and you return the sentiment while continuing your chin ups.
"The DEO has an abundance of training facilities that are of use to our agents, and hopefully it encourages them to be well-rounded in all aspects of the body’s functions. The investment pays off when combative performance on the field is maximized - it leaves lesser room for error in practice.”
The woman nods at his words and looks at the expansive room, seemingly impressed.
You’re about ninety-five percent sure it’s Lena Luthor who’s with him, and the directionless stream of consciousness monologue you have running through your head derails into curiosity when you wonder what it is she’s doing here.
You have the notion she might be buying the DEO as well after her CatCo acquisition, and a cheeky smile begins to form on your lips when you think to vocalize the question to make sure it is Lena Luthor, of course, but then you see the mild look of warning in J’onn’s face and you’ve somehow forgotten that your boss can quite literally read your mind.
Despite the smile that’s slowly forming on your lips, you raise your eyebrows in silent question and J’onn shakes his head, the two of you sharing a wordless yet intelligible conversation.
You feel the weight of someone’s gaze on you, and when your eyes fall on Lena’s, you can see her mouth slightly agape as she looks at you.
You smile wolfishly at the sight and find yourself instantly awake, the gears in your head turning as you begin scheming.
All thoughts of your boss reading your mind dissipate in the well that is the endlessness of your thirst when you resolve to begin messing around with Lena a bit.
You make a show of letting go of one hand as you continue your chin ups one-handed - you’ve decided at this very second that normal chin ups are boring anyway.
You think you can hear J’onn face-palming, but you can’t be entirely sure.
Lena still stares at you, you can just feel her gaze taking in every inch of your form as you lift yourself effortlessly.
You bring a hand up and give her a goofy wave, a stupid grin spreading on your lips as you emphasize the extent of your strength and ease, and you think you see her jaw become slacker.
You watch as her eyes trail up to meet yours, and instantly, they widen. This time, you hear J’onn inhaling deeply and you hear the imperceptible clearing of his throat, no doubt trying to fathom just what it was he’d done to land himself in the timeline where he’s meant to be dealing with your gay foolishness on so very early of a morning.
“Ms. Luthor, would you care to see the rest of the establishment?”
I think we’ve established she’d care to see the rest of my workout routine, you think mischievously to yourself.
J’onn sighs deeper and you can hear as it becomes the beginnings of an actual honest-to-god groan, and you’d be impressed with yourself if you weren’t so amused by your current preoccupations.
“Yes, of course,” Lena says after staring at you for another moment too long than is socially acceptable.
“Agent (Y/L/N), I’ll see you out on the floor,” J’onn addresses you, seeming to be more than eager to leave the room.
“Yes, sir! See you around.”
You’ve decided that you’ve worked out enough of your one arm and you have to switch it up. You extend your arm fully and let your entire weight hang on one arm before you spring yourself high enough to let go of the bar, easily falling into rhythm again as you grip the bar with your other hand and begin to work out your other arm.
You bring yourself up lazily and give another wave to Lena.
“See ya, Ms. Luthor!” you all but yell across the room.
For whatever reason, you feel in your entire being the compulsion to make her squirm; perhaps you know how easy it is to get a reaction, perhaps because you’re being egged on by the presence of your boss and pushing the limits of insubordination has always given you a thrill - perhaps, more simply, you are a little shit and you live for the excitement of testing people.
J’onn practically leaves Lena behind as he turns his back on you a bit too eagerly, Lena sparing you one last look and you wink at her, enjoying the knowledge that even from a distance you can see how flustered she is from your gesture.
You let your one-handed workout run its course and make your way to the rowing machine. You go through the leg press and your battle rope exercises hastily just so you can get to your favourite part of the DEO’s training facilities and the only reason you woke up so early in the first place.
You love the fact that deep hidden in the DEO’s ominious looking presence, a freerunning playground is at your very disposal, and you were notorious for being the agent who practically lived on it.
If your colleagues didn’t know you any better, they’d say you only agreed to your recruitment with the DEO because you had access to what is essentially five gyms in one, which is only fifty percent of the case if you are to be honest.
But you ended up loving what you do anyway, the point is moot and it all worked out in the end.
You’re on your third run of going through your freerunning and at this point, you’ve stopped running to work out and are more than pleased to just be screwing around.
One of your field partners, Davis, showed up at some point looking just as tired as you first did, and you smirked as she side-eyed your cheeriness, seemingly capable of only a grunt in greeting as she made her way to the spin bikes.
You feel another presence in the room, and you glance at the entrance to see who else of your squad decided to make a surprise early appearance but you see Lena again, this time eyeing you with confident curiosity.
You smile mischievously, not bothering to hide it as you acknowledge her attention, and if you showed off just a little bit more, you definitely wouldn’t have denied it.
You make your way to Lena through flipping and diving and vaulting various obstacles, because walking up to her like a normal person is far too conventional and you are so much better than that.
For her part, she looks impressed by your showboating, and you take your time walking up to your bag as you wipe your face off with a towel and let it drape over your shoulders.
You make a spectacle of showing as much of your body as possible, Lena becoming increasingly flustered again as you get closer, and when you’re standing in front of her you put your hands on your hips.
“Couldn’t get enough, eh?” you ask with a grin on your face.
Lena takes in your body and you watch as her eyes stop at your stomach, the tone of your abs slightly glistening with a subtle sheen of sweat. She blinks several times before snapping out of her reverie.
“I’m more impressed by how little space the DEO has used up to fit so much into one tiny place. You wouldn’t even guess this was here just from the outside.”
“Yeah, I bet,” you say dubiously. “So are you buying us out too?”
Lena’s eyes snap up at yours in mild offense, “no, I am not. I’m only here to sign an NDA. J’onn has been gracious enough to show me around since my resources and knowledge could be beneficial here.”
You regard her carefully for once, really taking in her figure and you begin to scratch the surface of fathoming the wonder that is the great Lena Luthor.
You think you mutter a “holy shit” to yourself in a low enough voice, but you hear her chuckle and you realize you might have been a bit louder than you thought.
“Well shit, how are you supposed to run L-Corp and CatCo and spend your time here? Do you even have hobbies? Aren’t you going to burn out?”
Lena scowls again and your lips quirk into a smile.
“I’ll deal with that when I get there. Frankly, I’ll go wherever I’m needed, but I’m prioritizing CatCo at the moment since it’s a new acquisition, but of course the DEO is exceptional in its necessity and scope.”
You hum in consideration and shift your weight, bringing a hand up to your forehead to wipe at the excess of sweat still there.
You suspect Lena is trying her absolute hardest to not let her eyes drop to your abs again, and you laugh softly to yourself at the thought. When you move your eyes to look at her, you catch her staring at your arms rather intensely and you break out into full laughter.
For now, you decide, you’ll let it slide.
“Well, that’s a shame. Your last TED talk on AI brought up a lot of interesting things I never really considered before. Are you not going to do anything about that?”
Lena’s eyes snap to you again and there’s a disbelieving look on her face.
“You watched my TED talk?”
You hesitate, “uh, yeah? Is that not a thing I should do? You’re pretty much a genius, it’d be interesting to hear what you have to say. And it does help you’re a lot better looking than the majority of your counterparts in STEM.”
Lena laughs at your backhanded compliment and tilts her head in challenge.
“All this talk of yours and for all I know, you vehemently deplore everything I surmise.”
“No, not at all,” you reply with sincerity. “You’re pretty much one of the only people who are pioneering some sort of course for AI technology right now in the country, if not the grander spectrum of the world. Human technology and AI is a whole different playing field, and who knows what otherworldly technologies there are that surpass our own? In this world anyway, we have to stick with what we know and not mess around with other tech.”
Lena smiles broadly at your response, seeming to be absolutely taken with your engagement.
“But if we do have access to alien technology, at the very least should we not examine and study it thoroughly to compare and see how we can apply certain principles to our own Earth technologies?” she asks curiously.
“I don’t think we should. It works on their planet, and we’re at the stage of scientific development we are currently at for a reason. You even brought it up yourself, AI is more than just a technological endeavour.
“You made pretty compelling arguments about how this is a science that is matter of ethics and philosophy and other deeper existential inquiry. Honestly, I don’t really think our society is ready for or even capable of understanding that kind of introspection or critical thinking - not in the science realm and most definitely not in the everyman’s realm.”
There’s a softer look about Lena, and you don’t really have time to think much of it when you add another afterthought, seemingly reeling at the turn of your conversation.
“I mean, you see how we still act about living among aliens, you really think we’re ready to make something that’s capable of emulating our intelligence? Using alien technology to speed up a process that we are socially and culturally just not ready for is such a bad idea. Until we grow as a society and develop together, we can’t just push forward and force something like that into the mix. It would just be detrimental to introduce something we don’t understand.”
Lena smiles at you meaningfully as you finish your little rant. You think you see something like fondness in her look, but you think nothing of it for now.
“Well, I’m glad my talk has impressed quite a lot on you,” she says earnestly after a moment.
“I’m not just all muscle, you know,” you reply cheekily.
“Of course not. No matter how exquisite you look, I don’t think I’d be much interested in merely staring at you in silence for an extended period of time.”
Your raise your eyebrows at the remark and she squints playfully at you in jest.
“Why don’t we continue this compelling discussion we’re both evidently capable of over dinner? You can get your delightful conversation and stare at me for as long as you’d like.”
You smirk when you see the slight flush of colour on her face.
Lena hums in mock consideration, “I don’t know, it would be rather inappropriate if you went to dinner with your shirt off. I might just have to pass.”
“Who said we had to go out?” you state suggestively.
Something flashes in Lena’s eyes, but the sentiment is fleeting. When she replies in a low voice, you feel a swirl of excitement kindling low in the pit of your stomach.
“You seem to enjoy playing with me,” she says.
“I’m not playing with you. I’m not doing anything.” You move just the slightest bit closer to her.
“Perhaps that’s what you’d call it, but that only means you’re letting yourself get carried away by it,” and then, you add slowly, “that only means it’s working.”
You think Lena’s forgotten to breathe, but she looks at you defiantly and you smile at her look.
Lena still doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking at you in challenge and with interest and you think to fill the silence.
“You know, I’m aware that you’d hate to part with the strapping image of me in nearly nothing, but I do have to put a shirt on again at some point.”
“By all means, go ahead,” Lena says, this time unabashedly trailing her eyes over your body one last time and biting her lip when she catches your eye.
You heart skips a beat and you feel yourself become warmer. You don’t say goodbye to Lena, somehow you know she’ll still be around when you come back from the locker rooms.
You spend the moment of reprieve that you get hidden away to replay your interaction with Lena and you can’t help but smile to yourself in amusement. There’s something about her that makes you come more alive and experience everything more intensely, and you think you’re already hooked on the feeling.
When you get back to the entrance to the training room where you think Lena is still waiting, you hear laughter and catch the figures of Kara and Alex.
“So you’ve met Agent (Y/L/N) finally? Seems like it was only a matter of time. She’s an actual monkey, have you seen her working that parkour course like it’s nothing?” you hear Alex say.
“Lena, are you okay? You look like you’re having trouble breathing,” Kara adds.
Your laughter catches their attention and you watch Lena nearly stutter in protest.
“Ms. Luthor was particularly interested in the fitness facilities here, suffice it to say,” you say as you approach the group.
“Yeah, I wonder why,” Alex mutters under her breath.
Kara nudges an elbow into her and Alex flinches with a loud groan.
“But we’ve learned that I am the most beautifully complex creature, equal parts alluring, intelligent, and pretty drop dead gorgeous, so we’re going out to dinner later.”
Lena sputters in surprise, “and when exactly did I agree to this?”
“You don’t seem the type to be giving so much of your attention to someone who didn’t deserve it, Ms. Luthor,” you say with a wink. “But no one’s stopping you from backing out.”
When Lena does nothing but shake her head in annoyance with you, you take that as your approval and you grin to yourself. You think that you’ll ask her out properly again when you’re both alone.
“(Y/N), keep it in your pants until we’re gone, please,” Alex says as she rolls her eyes.
“And be decent when J’onn’s around, he can read minds, remember,” Kara supplies helpfully.
Suddenly, Lena’s eyes widen comically, and the knowing look Alex gives you and the blush that colours Kara’s cheeks has you bursting into laughter.
Lena mutters something quickly under her breath that you couldn’t quite catch, and then she’s leaving the group and waving goodbye as she hastily makes her departure.
You think about how much fun you’re going to have teasing her about your boss’ otherworldly abilities and sharing your own stories of a similar folly.
It’s only later you realize that you somehow landed a date with Lena Luthor, and you’ve long ago stopped laughing and instead opted for mild panic at the very fact.
Lena had been contacted by the DEO to help them catch you since Supergirl's own strength and speed just weren't enough to do the job.
She developed a couple of devices to keep you restrained and contained and she even used her name's reputation to lurk you into her trap.
"I'm glad you followed my bread crumbs."
"You made it too easy, Ms. Luthor."
"That was the idea."
While the DEO kept you inside a special cell, Lena came often to talk to you or rather study you. She had never met a metahuman like you before.
You refused to talk with anyone at the DEO but her.
Whatever she asked you answered.
"Why me?"
"I think you're clever enough to understand why I do what I do."
"You're no different from those other men."
"I know, I'm worst. But what do you prefer, me against you or against them?"
Your conversations started to become more and more frequent until she finally had to admit to herself she had grown fond of you.
You discovered you understood each other better than anyone else.
When the Daxamite Invasion occurred, and you found out Lena had been kidnapped, you offered your help.
"I heard you helped."
"Well, I couldn't let the Earth be invaded just like that...Besides, if I didn't do anything we would miss our weekly meeting. I wouldn't like that."
"I wouldn't like that either."
You didn't go back to the DEO after that and Lena didn't try to capture you again.
She heard news about you sometimes. They regularly came in the form of police reports about the homicide of criminals. She learned to recognize your modus operandi.
After a couple of months you finally visited her at her office, confessing your feelings for her.
"As hard as it is to believe, I have a heart Ms. Luthor, and it cannot seem to stop thinking about you."
She admitted her feelings for you too and you started to see each other often.
You did what you could to hang out and you used your real identity while being with her.
You made sure to take her out to places around the world she could like. After all, it was easy with your speed.
She also used your time together to show you there were better ways for doing things.
"The good way is not as effective but I could try it a bit more."
"That would be nice."
When the DEO found out about your relationship they did what they could to catch you again.
You tried to come to an agreement with them. They would leave you two alone and you would help them once in a while and cause less trouble around. They had to agree.
After that it was just you and her.
Since she didn't really knew much about you, you came clean about your life, your powers and all the things you had done before.
She talked with you about her life too.
You accepted each other with all your good and bad.
She likes to design new suites for you, using only high tech materials.
You're really protective of each other. You are first on her speed-dial.
She knows you are a softy even when you won't admit it out loud.
You always make sure she knows she's not a bad person and that her family name does not define her.
"You're good, the best of us if I have to say. And I know because I've known some very bad people and you're not like them."
Having make out sessions whenever possible.
Since you need a lot of calories in your diet, she makes sure the fridge is always full and home cooking with you is her favorite part of the day.
You don't get along with the Superfriends but you're there if they ever need you, but mostly because Lena asks you.
You don't really like going slow but she has taught you to enjoy the slow life.
"Come on, (Y/N), just take a moment."
"A moment for you can be an eternity for me."
"Well, if that's the case, I like the idea of spending all of my moments with you."
Request: since you said anything,can i have some headcanons about lena having a daddy kink with dominant reader please?
a/n: I hope y’all realize Lena smut always breaks me... LIKE, this is probably my most favourite type of thing to write LMAO. But also, even though this is one of my favourite ideas to write for, it is surprisingly pretty difficult to write straight up smut all the time for some reason? So that’s why it’s a little lowkey these days, in case y’all were wondering! That particular muse is apparently in hiding... I have to scour the dark garbage corners of the earth to find it again LOL
This got really mushy in the end, leave me alone I apparently have feelings?? Weird, I’m gonna have to have that checked... Have fun y’all! ;)
- - - - -
you could say you’ve been warned about the trouble Lena Luthor could cause you, but not once did you ever think you would consider that trouble laying on your back with her straddling you, your name falling from her lips in a long moan that echoes in her empty office
your girlfriend, as you know, is a woman of utter wonder and she is never merely just one thing - sometimes she likes being obedient and sometimes, she likes to push your buttons
you suspected she knew exactly what she wanted in the bedroom, and if you were completely honest with yourself, she was really just waiting on you to catch up
whenever you give yourself the chance to think about it, you really begin to appreciate just how considerate Lena is, letting herself be an open book but also knowing how tragically useless you become and how you look like a deer in the headlights whenever she asks you direct questions about sex - she took care of you in this way, and for recompense, you made it your mission to take care of her
Lena Luthor is a wildcard, but for the most part, she seems more than content to have you, the most important person in her present life, to be an authority over her - National City’s most powerful woman offering you control over her and telling her when she gets to come is really, really a thrill you never could have previously imagined
needless to say you were beyond honoured and became so ridiculously soft when you realized just how much she trusted you with herself
at first, what happened in the bedroom stayed in the bedroom, but eventually and without really knowing exactly when, your games seeped beyond the confines of the bedroom and became so much more exciting
you have a little bit of a kink of fucking Lena when she’s still got most of her work clothes on, and you particularly love the image of her in her high heels and begging for you, her legs spread out and thrown over your shoulders
this is why she often seduces you in the most inappropriate places and at the least convenient time possible, and you think oftentimes you ought to punish her for her teasing
your favourite place to fuck her is her office at L-Corp; her white, minimalist furniture and her solid, pristine desk making it that much more desirable to tarnish
she was more often a good girl when you visited her at work, and you realize that perhaps time constraints and the very real possibility of having surprise meetings with people from the business world could very well have influenced your play, and you took it in stride
once, you’d come to her office after a particularly frustrating morning at work, and several enticing text messages from her later, you were on your knees with Lena’s thighs pressed against your head and her legs propped over your shoulders and on her desk
with your mouth preoccupied with being slick with the taste of Lena and your tongue slipping against her pussy, that didn’t leave much room for talking, which is arguably one of your favourite parts of fucking her
“Look at you, moaning and panting with your skirt rucked up to your waist. Whose pussy is this, baby girl?” you ask her, your voice causing delicious vibrations against her core
“Yours, daddy- please-”
“Are you going to be a good girl and come for me when I tell you?”
“Yes, daddy, I’ll be a very good girl. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Tell me how long you’ve been waiting for me, princess. Tell me how much you’ve wanted me.”
“I couldn’t concentrate all day... my second meeting was almost too much. I waited for you, and you feel so good now, daddy.”
“You’ve been so good, you are so beautiful. Let me taste you, Lena. Come all over my mouth and make a mess on me.”
your second favourite part about fucking Lena with your mouth is how her legs tighten around your head and she grips your hair desperately when she rucks against you, rolling her hips until you’re licking her clean and she becomes limp after her orgasm
for the most part, however, you were content with making her scream and edging her only sometimes when you sought her out at work, simply because you secretly loved the power you felt of raising the pitch of her volume effortlessly and knowing anyone who really listened could hear the goings-on inside Lena’s office
coincidentally enough, Jess has stopped eyeing you with suspicion and disapproval whenever you arrive and has instead opted for the subtle arch of her eyebrow and the lazy lift of a hand to gesture you to Lena’s office
whenever you’re finished with Lena and part ways after your dalliances, Jess has always had her earphones in and never bothers to spare you a second glance; whether in indifference or the sheer unwillingness to look you in the eye, you’ll never know - Lena has since given her another raise and added a week of vacation, and you make it a point to bring her coffee whenever you can (which she always accepts gratefully, but with a knowing smirk)
you’ve grown accustomed to calling her pet names you have had an actual track record of resisting or thinking very little of, and you find it incredibly endearing and so very arousing when she responds to baby girl, princess, and sweetheart in casual conversation
when you’re not in play, Lena is the most doting, nurturing girlfriend, and you feel that much more inspired and resolute to play your part when she tells you wordlessly what she needs from you
it’s a whole other playing field when you’re both home and you finally have the space and the time to really get rough and dirty with each other
from the time you’ve known her, Lena has since taken a huge liking to being restrained in as many ways as she can; you think one of the greatest discoveries you made in your relationship with Lena was learning how very much into being choked she was
one night, when you were in a particularly rough mood you’d taken your necktie and scrunched it up into a small ball and asked her if she’d wanted to put it in her mouth - Lena came in almost record time when she realized she couldn’t make much sound
“No one but me can hear you anymore. Show daddy how much you want this cock, baby girl, come all over me.”
sometimes you let Lena bottom from the top, and watching her ride you and having a clear view of what pulling her hair and scratching roughly into her back does to her gives you enough vigour to love her thoroughly the entire night
you’ve learned that Lena has just as much fun being a brat as she does when you reward her, and this manifests itself during public events, galas, and places you are very well not meant to be inappropriate in
it comes in whispers when you’re alone and in low, offhanded comments thrown casually in between conversations with inconsequential party-goers that only you can hear; it comes in the featherlight touches that linger and in the blatant gripping and rubbing of your leg under a table when the risk of someone watching is so much higher
Lena knows being a bad girl in public gets her punished in the nearest bathroom; but sometimes, you make her wait for it
“You were being naughty tonight, princess.”
“I know,” she says mischievously
“Bad girls get punished, you know that don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, daddy” she says unconvincingly
another one of your favourite views is watching Lena moan and squirm when you spank her ass - you can practically hear the wetness of her pussy with each slap, and if you were a god, you would have quite easily resisted the overwhelming feeling of desire the sounds and sensations of seeing Lena like that gave you
you are merely a mortal, however, and you never could deny yourself the aphrodisiac that was Lena on all fours pushing her ass into you, begging for you to fuck her
still, you find that with all that could be said of your compatibility and the ease in which you both seemed to meld into the roles you played in each other’s lives, your favourite part of being with Lena was being able to take care of her
for all your uselessness and awkwardness whenever clinical discussions of sex come up, you absolutely love pillowtalk with Lena, becoming the soft, mild-mannered caretaker that is your usual disposition outside of sex, and she just as much indulged you with your need to cuddle as you sought it out
you love feeling Lena in your arms; she is the most beautiful, remarkably profound woman you’ve ever had the pleasure of loving, and her steadfast trust and belief in you gave you previously unheard of inspiration and fortitude that you’ve never once known
Lena Luthor is as strong as she is soft, as trusting as she is good, and you’ll never truly fathom just how lucky you are to be the one who knows her as much as she sees all of you - Lena is so very capable of looking after herself in life, you know, but it’s the fact that she lets you that really humbles you and could very well bring you to your knees
(you love her, you love her, you love her, and somehow, you’re the one who gets to love her the way she deserves - she is the one whom you were made to love in this time of Life, and perhaps, one day you will find you’ve become worthy enough to love her for the entirety of hers)
Lena Luthor x reader (I think I was made to love you; tell me it’s true)
Request: " you touch her , I kill you " and " you act like you're the bad boy , but you're not " with lena
a/n: y’know what this apparently calls for?? PINEY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS TIME. BECAUSE I’M IN THE MOOD FOR LIKE, the smallest amount of angst and I just wanted to suffer through it. Because like, imagine Lena interacting with someone who has just as much of a guilt complex as she does... HOPELESS.
I was definitely in some sorta mood... really couldn’t tell you why. I shall take this prompt and run with it! It’s a little cute and dumb. I was like, probably at the half-way mark of this before I looked at it all and went wtf are you even talking about? LOL, but I’ve finished it, so I’m definitely happy about it. I figured there’s not enough campy, YA-esque romance stories starring you as the useless protagonist, so I just HAD to do this... there was no other way lol. This one’s a bit of a monster. Hope y’all like it, and I hope the wait was worth it!! Thank you so much for reading :D
- - - - -
Throughout most of your formative years, you were always underestimated. Your teachers would first look at you on the first day of school every year and even at your young age, you could tell they were eyeing you with some level of wariness and suspicion.
You’d always taken great pleasure in proving them wrong, proving to be not the troubled delinquent they thought with unfailing frequency you would surely be, nor no more than the above-average student either.
You simply just were, and for so often in your life you merely drifted through and participated when it was really demanded of you.
As such, your parents and whoever else decided to give a damn whenever they so happened to remember you would comment on your penchant for underachieving, would state their desire for you to do more, to do better, and this was a surefire way to antagonize you more than you’d care to show.
It was the principle of the thing, really - to think they’d know you well at all to make such valuations like that, as if they had any real sway in shaping you into the person you are now; that annoyed you to no end.
The only thing you could say with confidence that any significant person in your life contributed to your personality was your disgruntled irritation at most figures of authority.
You attributed your affinity for letting most things simply wash over you to them as well - you’ve spent a good portion of your life letting half-baked words of love and affection fall on deaf ears, the pressure and expectation of achievement and this sole importance it held with your parents, and their legacy, and the shame that you weren’t as invested in doing good for the family as they wanted you to be was just begging for you to deflect with cynicism.
You wouldn’t say it made you apathetic, you would rather say it made you jaded and pragmatic. If you could achieve things in a way that was the total opposite of your current disposition and act out of the sheer force of spite rather than deflate with self-sabotaging indifference as is your natural reaction, you would certainly have chosen that instead.
All things considered, this surely lent itself to the ever-evolving mystery that was your entire relationship with Lena Luthor, and you always wondered just how it was you landed yourself into a role in her life; even more so, you wondered just how it was you even got to call yourself anything of hers at all.
Lillian hated the idea of you, that much was clear to you as you grew into your teenage years, and you think this was part of the allure of you that drew Lena in instantly.
Despite this, you didn’t mind at all, even when so often people using you for whatever reason or another that aggravated you, you could say with startling certainty that you have not once in your life harboured anything close to animosity when it came to Lena.
Somehow, it was just different when it came to her, and though you knew you started off a little bit as a pawn in her teenage rebellion, it came to the point where you ended up being so much more than that anyway, and that’s what counted to you.
You always knew where you stood with Lena, and you appreciated that. For all her antics and her mind games to vex her mother, you still knew who you were to her, and you took comfort in your part.
You’d spent most of your afternoons with her the summer before she left for boarding school, watching as she swung herself on the swing at the park and leaned backwards to look at your mildly confused expression.
She laughed when she called out to you, telling you to join her and watch the clouds do gymnastics as she flew upside down.
You grinned then, not able to resist the amusement evident on her face so you sat yourself on the other swing and pushed yourself, rushing for momentum to catch up with her height, but she was always just a little bit higher than you.
Your protests and grumblings chased after her; her wonderful, youthful laughter ringing through the park at your grievances and sure, you may have stared a little bit too long at her head tilted back in glee, laughter tumbling from her lips like an untamed musical score.
You hadn’t admitted it then, but as much as the rippling, afternoon sun warmed your skin, there was something about her smile that did the same to your heart.
She was infectious, and you smiled whenever Lena laughed, and back then that didn’t cause you much alarm.
And so it was, somewhere along the way you gave Lena much of your heart, and whatever she felt, you felt too. So when she cried that last week of August before the inevitable week of radio silence enforced by her mother as the last-shot attempt to reign Lena in, you got a little misty-eyed too.
She’d hugged you at the park that last day and held onto you like no kids your age should have any right to; with the level of desperation and unnamed fear in her eyes that now, you think was unfair for her to ever know then.
She stayed in your arms and sniffled into your sweater, tears wetting your shoulder as you kept her there and stood only at a slight loss for words. And with the expected passion and fervency of any daughter of a Luthor could muster, she demanded your staying presence in her life, made you promise explicitly to keep in touch, and she in turn would write to you always and, you’d better write her back!
Lena had asked, and she’d cried, and she’d muttered soft mumblings that were muffled by her tearsoaked solace in your shoulder, and you think that alone was her covenant.
She’d asked you and made you promise, as if you would make any other choice that would lead you away from her; you matched her ardour with your own promises, and reassured yourself as you reassured her.
Even after you watched her walk away to the big Luthor manor on her own - knowing you couldn’t accompany her - you felt a little bit taller, a little bit like a giant, and you’ve resolved that it made a little god out of you.
You puffed your chest out and walked back to your house with your head held high, only letting it fall when you laid to rest, and only in some muted prayer as you ducked your head at your desk that night, already writing the first letter to her in the dimmed lighting of your bedroom before she was even gone.
(You couldn’t sleep; you couldn’t fall asleep without writing first, and you think in a way, it felt a lot like talking to her before you closed your eyes, and you quite liked that very much.)
So that’s what you did; you wrote to Lena everyday. For every day of your high school life, as inconsequential and trivial as the day could have been or for as eventful and triumphant, you told her everything, refusing to forget anything.
But as much as she was just as happy to reply to your bulk of letters in one giant reply of her own, you think she may have been holding back, and honestly how could you have blamed her?
Somewhere in your sophomore year of high school, you stopped hearing about all the other girls at Lena’s boarding school or of her excitement of the things she’s learning and found yourself reading her description of the sky as she saw it at that very moment, somehow able to hear her voice and how her mouth might have ticked upwards in a little smile as she wrote about the pretty colours of dusk, or like how quiet her voice gets when she’s on the tail end of some poetic rumination and it’s one of those things you let slide, opting not to tease her about the things she says this time.
She talked about what was around her often, and you took notice of the way she nearly stopped describing her own life or her experiences in a way that was once candid and earnest that she did when you were together, but you figured that was just growing up.
You liked the way Lena described her world; you thought as you read her gradually contemplative paragraphs that she’s really grown up, and you were happy for her.
In junior year, you got a letter from her - the first one in two weeks - and it stuck with you as a defining moment for reasons you hadn’t understood then and are only beginning to realize now; it was a distinct turning point in your young life, and it was just one of many crossroads in your path in which you could have walked the other way, but did not.
You had become privy to the demands of life; you understood that life had its moments and you were demanded to be present for them - with this knowledge, you were still just as excited to be receiving anything from Lena at all as you were the very first time you’d gotten your first letter from her.
In her letter, she’d described a book she was reading for her English class, and said nothing much of it apart from mentioning how she thinks you’d have loved that book, that she knows you wouldn’t be able to stop talking about it even after you’d left class, and it was in that moment - with all the years you’d spent in high school - it was in that moment when it really struck you just how much you missed Lena.
So it went, you wrote to her and she wrote back. You graduated senior year and you were set to go off to National City University. You’d left home without much fanfare - it was what was expected of you, after all, and you spent the drive there with your parents in silence and spared one quick goodbye before they left you to your own devices seemingly for real this time.
Throughout your time in high school, you wrote to Lena every day. You told her nearly everything you were willing to admit - there were some letters you just didn’t send; they didn’t feel right, there was something missing, always it felt like the entire thing was off, and it was another day passed until the next time you’d get to hear from her.
You didn’t think you’d forgotten to mention anything, but you felt a lack of something integral in the words you were saying, and you’d stopped trying to figure out what exactly it was and just didn’t say them at all.
As often as she’d write to you and reply to your long-winded ramblings and excited rants, you think she may have been holding back, and could you really have blamed her?
You were holding back too.
You tried not to think too much about how much less Lena seemed to be when she wrote to you. You don’t think about how quickly the thought comes to you that you could read her so easily in the words she’s written and the things she hasn’t said.
You tried not to think about how it might have been a long time coming, how it may have started somewhere in high school, and you really think to sift through your hundreds of letters from her to define the exact moment she started seeming dimmer, but you don’t do it.
Somehow, with those flimsy sheets of paper in your hand, she seemed heavier, and you didn’t know how to broach that with her... so you didn’t.
You didn’t hear from Lena about her relationship with Jack Spheer - who were you to demand that expectation from her?
You loved Lena enough to take what she’d give you, and you’d never asked much from her.
You heard it first from a gossip column; oddly enough, you stumbled upon it in your Twitter feed seemingly accidentally, and you felt neither the sting nor the ache of ignorance; it just was what it was.
It was in one letter you figured it out, screaming out at you from within her neatly scrawled sentences.
Lena told you excitedly with the same determination and invincibility of sheer will you’d only seen in your childhood and so seldom the past few years of your young adulthood that she was going to find the cure to cancer, and that a boy named Jack was working with her to do it - it was at this very moment that you finally understood that she was in love.
You got it, dear god, did you get it. You remembered your fondest memories of Alicia, a past girlfriend from your second year of university who asked nothing of you but for your own happiness, whatever it may have been; she compelled you to become a better man.
She made you feel both parts resolute and infinite; you could have walked to the ends of hell and back just to be good for her.
For the entirety of your relationship with her until the very end, Alicia made you feel impossible. She made you feel like you could do anything. And in the irony of it all, you couldn’t be what she needed you to be.
She taught you everything that you didn’t know had to be taught; she showed you how to fight well and how to make up just as well. She taught you how to apologize and how to comfort someone who didn’t cope in the way you were so familiar with. She taught you things you just couldn’t know on your own, and you figure that’s just why you’ve come to the end of your learning with her.
You’d hoped you taught her just as much - she’d said rather often how you were a stabilizing force in her life. She was a girl who loved life and she never kept anything to herself; whether it was her love, her goodness, or her fury, everyone around her would feel it and know about it.
Alicia was a girl who was so into her world, and she loved everything with unparalleled passion as much as she fought with that same level. You hadn’t thought much of it then, but in retrospect, you think you grounded her. You calmed her in a way she may have been wary of before you, but you think now, she can take that bravery with her long after you.
You loved her, and you broke up mutually one late Thursday night, crying in each other’s arms and flitting back and forth from ending it to just hanging on a little bit longer, back to ending it again.
Hours had passed and you both finally accepted the end for what it was; it was too late for her to go back home and neither of you were quite ready to say goodbye - you let her sleep in your bed while you curled up in the loveseat at the corner of your dorm until morning.
And so you thought, if Alicia did the impossible and showed you that you were a man who could be a worthy partner, that you could be someone who was just as meaningful as an individual as well as a second half of a relationship, that you could be expected to do things that weren’t in your own interests and not at all feel as small as you often did when you were around your family, then Lena Luthor could very well cure cancer.
In no uncertain terms, you thought about how fantastic it was that she had something, that she was revived with the excitement you were convinced had been lost to her, and at the same time you tried so ardently to ignore how messy and selfish you truly were in your reluctance to concede to her statement, that she was going to cure cancer.
You tried in vain to ignore how the simple innocence of her admission felt a lot like a stab in the gut - there’s meaning in her words where it may not have been intended to be at all, maybe you were reading into your feelings too deeply and were overreacting to her seemingly flippant behaviour at the veiled confession.
Any way you put it, you were still the world’s biggest asshole for reacting like shit when Lena, your first and longest friend, tells you she’s going to cure cancer, and you were the world’s biggest asshole because the only thing you took from the pure goodness of her noble intentions is that she was in love, and you wondered why you were being such a dick about the whole thing.
You tried so hard to ignore the ugliness of your feelings; how mixed and troubled and menacing they were. You tried to ignore the poetic implications of Lena’s words and thought nothing else of the matter.
You wrote your letters to Lena, and she wrote back to you. You became less excitable about your routine of checking your mailbox, thinking you would hear less from her then.
And even still, surely as your luck would have it, it would be that very moment in life where she’d begin writing more to you unprompted and with growing frequency again, and who could have blamed you if you were just the slightest bit happy to fall into your anticipation of her letters - that she actually wants to talk to you and is seeking you out?
You passed your classes with high seventies, maybe mid-eighties if you were really trying to work hard, you had your casual dalliances with girls who expected nothing much from you, and with whom you expected nothing less.
It was easy, and it didn’t require much thinking on either of your ends and there were very minimal feelings to be dealt with. All the girls were such pleasant, different characters, ones who you knew for a fact will find an equally lovely person to take home to their parents eventually; and you took comfort in that, in the definitive lack of commitment.
You found the years you spent at university flew by somehow, even with your degree in hand, graduated with honours from the English program at NCU, you couldn’t truly wrap your mind around the fleeting reality of time.
It all came to a screeching halt when Lex Luthor was finally put up for 37 consecutive life sentences for his incessant rampage against Superman - mass casualties of citizens lined up to fill vacant graves. Metropolis had become a city fraught with an internal war, and everyone had something to say about the political, cultural, and emotional implications of the entire debacle.
You heard nothing from Lena throughout the ordeal. You thought you ought to reach out to her, and how badly you wanted to say the right thing - how much you’d scrapped, drafted, rewritten, and tossed out your endlessly rephrased sentiments of the same iteration: I’m here for you if you need me.
How utterly small and useless it seemed - the mere simplicity of your words and their very real, profound candour felt nothing more than a Hallmark greeting card whenever you felt resolved to send it to her... and you hated it.
More and more time passed you as you struggled with something of significance to tell Lena in the face of her darkest hours. You’d stopped getting letters from her a long time ago, and it was entirely out of the question to just text her your heartfelt sentiments right under your previous thread of text messages that saw you two bickering over the question of peanut butter and bananas as an actual sandwich.
You thought it was beyond reason to send her an email, how impersonal and disturbingly intrusive you ought to be to send such a personal, earnest remark to her inbox - so you didn’t.
Eventually, you opted for the most singlehandedly stupid solution you could have possibly chosen and resolved on saying nothing.
You, selfishly, thought to yourself that Lena should know you well by now, that she should know that you would be there for her and that you’ve always been there for her and surely, always will be, and that you weren’t going anywhere if she needed you.
Lena, being tasked with the impossible task of mindreader from your emotionally stunted, painfully useless ass, said nothing in return, and you took the easy way out and took this nothingness as affirmative to the truth that she didn’t need you.
You don’t bother her then; whatever you heard on the news is what you got, just like anyone else.
Lena Luthor was nothing more than a familiar stranger to you. And still, you think that’s no better than anyone else in National City either, how they all seem to have some opinion about her - you were no different from anyone else.
You thought you were definitely to blame in some small part to this great disservice to the world - you asked for this after all. You were the one asshole who reacted nothing short of affronted and childishly at Lena Luthor striving to cure cancer. It was you and you alone who channeled your inner monster and couldn’t find it in your heart to just be happy for her that she finally had someone, finally had something when you barely had your own shit together.
You carried that with you alone, as you should - no one should have to know about the guilt you felt about robbing the world of Lena’s love, her passion, her dedication, her heart - they need only know about your complicity in its taking.
Lena may not have needed you then, may no longer have need for you, but the real fact of the matter was that you should resolve to stay far away from her, to shut yourself away and temper the wrath of your greed - this was the very least what she deserved, and it was entirely what you deserved.
It didn’t make it any easier, or difficult; it shouldn’t make you anything at all. It was merely what set you on the path to finally doing something good for Lena for once.
You gleaned what objectivity you could possibly tolerate from the news; she relocated to National City and took over as the CEO of LuthorCorp. You thought nothing at all about what this meant for you - it means nothing, it means nothing, it means nothing.
You thought you did a pretty good job of convincing yourself - you only experienced the irrational, truly terrible idea of dropping by her office only once every so often, and you felt the impulse to send a letter to her new office even less frequently.
You masked the magnitude of each of your follies whenever the mere contemplation of visiting Lena again, of seeking her out on your own volition reared its ugly head and demanded your action. You did anything to forget the fact that you once knew her at all; you found it in the form of self-sabotage and a deep, senseless brooding that should have no right being appealing in a young 20-something man, yet you found it attracted a certain type of girl.
You fell into your old habits of university; just as much, you turned a blind eye from the bar TV relaying the latest LuthorCorp - now L-Corp - gossip, put your headphones on to tune out the droning of inane accusations coming from the loudest voices of National City’s citizens for this news hour.
It was just over a year into your imposed self-exile of sorts when the unthinkable happens, and Lena shows up to your work much in the same way she entered your life - tearing up the fabric that is all the things you thought you knew and creating new worlds where there weren’t any; impossible but real.
You’re alone at the front, your manager being the only one who was with you at work but he was off doing his own thing since there was really nothing to do around the store.
This time, you had no excuse to not talk to Lena - after all this time and you were still very much the same; speechless and rendered useless by the girl standing in front of you.
You think she’s grown into her personality; she’s really matured into something great, and you marvel at just how little you really do know of Lena anymore.
There’s a confidence about her, a certainty that is unwavering and sure, and you realize it’s the same fortitude you’d always seen in her and that which you really loved about her.
All things considered, she still seems hesitant when you lock eyes again and she’s the one who breaks the silence.
“Hi,” is all she says.
Somehow even in her stumbling over a singular word, in her hesitancy and her shakiness, you think it’s the most brilliant thing you’ve ever heard.
You not so much feel as you hear the ricocheting of your blood tumbling against every immobilized limb of your body, your blood trumpeting underneath your skin as everything crashes down on you, and you can only widen your eyes just the slightest bit more in shock and stand there as you continue to do absolutely nothing.
Lena opens her mouth and begins to say something, but stops herself before she says anything and there is question clearly written on her face now when you’ve still yet to say anything at all to her.
“You know, yeah, this was definitely a bad idea, just forget-” she turns to walk away and she’s made several steps before your reactionary gut instinct to the idea of Lena leaving again is to tell her no this time.
“Wait, no-” you choke out clumsily on top of a bated breath. “No, that’s not- how did you know where to find me?”
Easy steps first, you think. This is territory you could both work with.
Lena gives you a small, meaningful smile - there’s the slightest flash of a grimace there and you barely have time to wonder about it.
“It would be too forward to admit I’ve had to seek you out with a little bit of help, wouldn’t it?” she mutters as she ducks her head in embarrassment.
That particular trait is new; you’re absolutely baffled seeing Lena so bashful.
“I, uh-”
“I suppose I should have figured,” she states in amusement, more to the effect of self-deprecation than at your expense.
“No-” you rush to interrupt her. “No, it’s just... really? Why me? Don’t you have... things... to do?” you finish uncertainly.
She gives you a look and furrows her eyebrows in a way you think looks vaguely disapproving. It takes her another prolonged moment of regarding you carefully before she answers you.
“Really? ‘Why you?’ Do you really want me to answer that right now, (Y/N)?”
You blink silently at her response before you let yourself smile just a little bit, huffing at her quickness.
“Nah, I guess not.”
The conversation splinters into silence again and you and Lena do nothing but watch each other, simultaneously waiting for someone to do something and also content to just soak each other in.
You see her eyes fall onto the tattoos on your biceps and upper arms, and when you watch the trail of her gaze, there’s a look of question on your face.
“So, uh...”
“I know this is probably completely out of the question and I have some audacity to even ask you this but I’ve started now and I can’t just stop so I’m just going to ask it, I’d really like to catch up with you,” Lena spills out in one breath.
Your eyes widen again at her admission, and with all that you’ve gleaned from the exceedingly unpredictable turn your day has taken, it’s taking you even longer time to process your options.
“Is that- you wanna do that?” you muster.
With me? goes unsaid; you barely resist and only do because you’re beginning to realize how needy and obnoxious you sound.
Lena gives you a look that clearly says ‘of course, I asked didn’t I?’ and you wince internally at your ineptitude - even now, Lena still has you the same she’s always had, as you’ve always been with her.
“You’re my only friend in National City, if I can even call you that at this point...” she says instead as if it were explanation enough, and you think in a way it really is - you give nothing away in your expression that could tip her off to something akin to pity; she doesn’t need that right now.
She gives you an apologetic smile as you watch a mistiness pool in her eyes, and the nagging, muted thought in your head that’s screaming at you that this is Lena needing you now, she’s reaching out, isn’t she?, marches to the thunder of your riotous heartbeat.
“Of course you can,” you say, and then, “nothing’s changed.”
You shift your eyes to anywhere but Lena, stubbornly refusing to meet hers when you feel the heaviness of her gaze on you.
You steal a glance and see the softness her expression has taken. In that moment, you really see how much she’s grown. You’ve spoken to Lena somewhat consistently for several years, but you haven’t properly seen her in just as many.
Her face is slightly more defined, taking a certain sharpness where her cheeks were once a little chubby. There’s still the eternal inquisition in her eyes despite the vaguely dark circles below them, and you think the years have been so good to her.
Her voice is quiet, seeming to mull the idea over thoroughly in her head as she parrots you.
“Nothing’s changed...” and then, “you’re still you,” she states more to herself as an after thought.
You feel something in your chest dip, suspended and holding on to nothing but the threads that have kept you together all this time.
You’re both silent for another pause longer, watching and testing and risking.
Whatever moment you two are in, Lena is the first to break out of the reverie and even shakes her head imperceptibly, snapping into the pretense of composure.
“Right, well, I should give you my number then. All my contact info has changed, though I won’t bother to give you my work one.”
She takes a napkin from the counter and scrawls her number with a pen she’s taken from her bag - you watch her and have to tear your mind away from the notion of Lena writing to you and how different she must have looked then than she does now.
You instead wonder what it is you’re supposed to do with this information. You use the number, naturally, should be your first thought, but instead you’re left malfunctioning to the highest degree.
“Do you have my number?” you ask her suddenly - the question is reasonable enough.
“No, I don’t,” she mutters sheepishly.
“Well how is that going to work out?” you reply as you roll your eyes good-naturedly at her. You move to take a napkin of your own and write your number on it.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Lena says as she watches. “You don’t have to use it, I just wanted to give you that option.”
“Nuh-uh,” you say decisively as you take the napkin in your hand and wait for her to take it. “We won’t be doing any of that- you’re going to be just as hopeless about all this as I am. I see you trying to put all the pressure on me.”
You can’t help but smirk as you watch her reaction morph into something of alarm.
“No, that’s not- that wasn’t my intention,” she sputters. “I just... I wanted to make sure you knew you still had an out and you can take it whenever you want.”
You regard her seriously now, the implication of her remark sobering you.
“You’ve said that before, you know that?” you say, and then, “You don’t need to be so easy on me, Lee, I can make my own decisions.”
“You’re right... I’m sorry, it’s just been so long, I don’t know how to... be anymore.”
You scoff in agreement, “you and I both.”
Lena smiles at the remark and you feel a little bit lighter.
“So, we’ll just handle this then. Give it a few days, give it another go after patting ourselves on the back for this first of many stumbles. Ball’s in the middle of the court, we’re just gonna have to pick it up.”
“Of course.”
You both know you’re overdue for a conversation, and if you were being truly honest with yourself, you felt no matter how much you denied it or tried to deprive yourself, your curiosity for Lena’s life was always rooted in your profound care for her.
“So, I should get going.”
“Yeah,” you nod with the sneakiest hint of reluctance - you hope you’re not too obvious about it.
“I’m so glad to see you again, (Y/N).”
You give her another smile, definitively aware of how genuine and unrestrained it feels than you think it’s ever been.
“Yeah- yeah, I’ll see you around, Lena.”
You spend the rest of your remaining hours at work wondering just what the hell exactly happened, and what possibly did the universe have any business to do with pitting you and Lena together again?
You almost forget that you not only saw Lena again, in person, but that you also exchanged numbers as if nothing interrupted your last year of absolutely no contact with each other - if not for the inexplicable heaviness of the phone in your pocket that’s demanding your attention, telling you something is missing, you wouldn’t think this entire day was real.
You gingerly take the napkin with her number on it into your hand and study it like a missing artifact from the past, dug up from the grave you thought you’d effectively buried it in and to see it make another reemergence into your life.
There’s history there, and it’s yours, and you feel like nothing will be the same after this day.
You think back to your earlier conversation, the first time you’d ever talked to each other in a year, and you think, ironically, Lena wanted to give you an out but all she’s done is captivate you again as she always has.
The entirety of your night, you remain at a total loss, sitting in a meditative contemplation as you stare blankly at your TV.
For all your talk with her earlier, you hadn’t realized then the magnitude of the conundrum you built for yourself. You’re torn between the reality of Lena finding you again, of her seeking you out, of her needing you - you wonder if it makes you an asshole to let yourself care for her, or if it makes you an asshole to do as you’ve always done and to shut her out for her own good, to protect her from you.
I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions, you repeat your previous words mockingly. You’re an idiot. How is it that you think you’re going to walk around and decide things for Lena when you’re the one telling her to not do that?
It’s all messy, you realize. For all your gross, petty handling of Lena seeming to have a life outside of you, of having someone else who meant more to her than you did, that alone is reason enough for you to distance yourself from her. But in you punishing yourself, you face the very real certainty of letting her down when she needs you.
When it comes down to it all, you’re either a self-fulfilling prophecy and watch as you possibly disappoint her over an extended period of time, or you get to be the jerk that breaks her heart just a little bit by abandoning her.
You wonder then about just how good of an idea it is to entertain this new development your life has taken, to just let it happen and not think too much about it. Thinking, as is so evident now, takes you nowhere, and so you brace yourself for impact.
You’ve already inputted her number into your phone, now all you have to do is message her, and you’re in the midst of a very weak opener of “hey how are you” when you realize at some point, both of you are going to have to talk about all this, you’re going to play catch up and you’re either going to dance around the subject or you’re going to keep avoiding it until it eats one or both of you alive.
It’s only a mild freakout you’ve induced in yourself, you toss your phone away like the truly offending object it is and cower into the other side of your couch as you mull over another hazy future that you really wish you could see clarity in.
Even with all your need to complicate things, to overthink and to brood and to martyr yourself, Lena always makes things simple, always does things that in spite of everything you may think or do to suggest the contrary, makes everything feel so easy.
It’s she who messages you at around 11pm that night, not too late to point to the startling realness of a vulnerable hour, not too early either to seem too eager - enough to give both of you plenty of room to make your mistakes and have your incoherent screaming before you compose yourselves again, and she’s asked you about a time and place you’re available if you wanted to chat over coffee.
So you do what’s necessary in your natural, instinctive compulsion to be whatever it is that Lena needs you to be, and right now that is to be the person she meets with for coffee.
It’s elementary enough in its request, and you almost forget the deeper implications of this meeting right up until the point you sit across from her in your uncomfortably stiff chair and she says nothing but, “so, tattoos now?” in question and somehow, it’s enough to open the floodgates of everything you both missed throughout the years leading up to this point.
Admittedly, you chug your coffee in a relative desperation, and you regret the thing entirely when you start buzzing with pent up energy as if the fact that you’re having an actual face to face conversation with the girl who, for the longest time, was nothing but a pen pal and a vaguely familiar face to you wasn’t enough to cause some hysterical distress in your mind.
If Lena takes notice of your nervous shifting and general internalized freak out, she says nothing and instead looks at you periodically in silent question, both parts asking you wordlessly and wondering how much you’re able to take and when to raise the white flag.
You’re both in new territory, testing the waters of whatever this is between you, navigating the reality of life after your no-speaking sabbatical and also seeing each other fully and truly for the first time in a significantly long while.
It’s moderately easy, but it’s new, and you’re both gentle enough with each other and are forgiving of each other’s slip us and the justifiable tension.
You think you’ve taken a sledgehammer to the progress made in conversation when you ask about Jack, Lena telling you she’d ended the relationship before she got to National City, right when her family life went to shit, and you snap your mouth shut and try not to watch her reaction.
She’s calm enough, wistful but not entirely regretful, and the sadness there is something you think you’ve seen before - the inadequacy of not being able to provide, to not be the person one needs you to be? You see it in the mirror all the time.
You merely soften at the contemplative expression her face has taken, the shadow of whatever guilt or bitterness you once harboured completely shut out when you understand just how much you feel for her, and you know without a doubt there are all the strings of what ifs that are still coursing through her mind, forever an alternative universe and never a real happening.
She asks about you, then; are you seeing anyone? It’s casual, but there’s a weight there you refuse to acknowledge. She knew about Alicia, but not enough in depth and you try to remember if you’d held back then or if you’d simply just missed mentioning most things about her to Lena.
The conversation diverts soon after, perhaps a bit too eagerly, and you both discuss work without mentioning the big stuff, like Lena’s brother or why exactly it was you’d lost contact with each other.
Eventually, enough of these coffee dates repeat themselves. A lot of the time, your interactions with Lena involve learning new things about each other that vary from small surprises to mind-boggling revelations.
Lena is absolutely dumbfounded when she finds out one day that you smoke - casually, you emphasize; you’ve quit cold turkey before and you don’t need to smoke, you just do (to which she’s even more utterly bewildered and you just shrug with a small laugh) - you learn that she has some life or death reliance on caffeine and you more often than not comment on her nearly hourly need to have a fresh coffee, to which she just purses her lips at you and stubbornly steers you two into some cafe to get her fix.
You wonder just how it is Lena’s convinced you to join her at one of her L-Corp galas, but you do, and you’re dragging your feet about it just a little before you’re genuinely enjoying yourself as you watch her interact with and very clearly be superior to the businessmen she speaks with, and you have a little bit of fun pulling their leg and making teasing underhanded jests at them that could be seen as innocent enough, though Lena knows better and gives you a warning look and a shadow of a smile every time.
You’ve grown into the role you have in Lena’s life; somehow, you seem to have lost sight of what it is exactly that made you so sure that distancing yourself from her was the only plausible choice. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you still have the nagging thought that you don’t really deserve this, that you don’t deserve to feel happy around Lena, that you’re merely obliging in your loyalty to her and that should be it.
Sometimes, you think she can feel you pulling away, and she gets that look on her face that reminds you too much of what you so often felt like when you were much younger, how so often the quality of ignorance took stock in your child mind and made you wonder why you weren’t enough for the people who should have loved you unconditionally.
So you temper the wailing nature of your musings for a moment longer, enough to reassure Lena in some half-assed way that she’s okay, it’s not her and it’s just you being all up in your own head.
You don’t think much about it - you really don’t want to think more about it, lest you really fall deep into shit - but you think Lena’s a lot touchier with you; you don’t recall her being so with you or in general when you were younger.
You wonder what changed, and you try not to think about what or who it might have been that inspired this new characteristic in your old friend.
True to your unfailing track record of being shockingly terrible at handling your emotions, the first time Lena ever puts her head on your shoulder when you’re watching a movie at your place is to just stare at her from the corner of your eye with rapt intensity, long enough for her to turn her head and look up at you, and see the look of utter shock on your face.
Somehow, your mind thinks it’s a great idea to scoff nervously and roll your eyes, and even though you’re trying to reign in the smile that’s threatening to form, Lena just huffs and rests her head more forcefully on you as if to make some point, and you actually laugh this time.
She does that often - you react absolutely moronically to something she does (anything, really) that threatens the very fragile grip you have on your composure around her, and she makes a point to do it even more, and you begin to understand that pushing each other’s buttons is just a little game you two have come up with.
If there was any doubt in your mind that Lena is truly something special, all pretense is eradicated entirely when she lets herself be pulled into your idea of an easygoing night out - rounds of drinks and good conversation in between watching a game at the bar near your apartment.
You feel like perhaps you really could not have chosen a more obnoxious place to be, it’s entirely your fault if the sports bar is full of young varsity athletes and bro-types, and it is entirely on you when Lena inevitably gets hounded at some point even when you try your best to dash any of the stupid looking boys’ ideas with her, if the way they were eyeing her was any indicator.
You realize the folly of your misgivings the moment you step out from the bathroom and see one of them talking with Lena, his arm nearly on her as he leans close to her.
She doesn’t look too bothered, just a mild annoyance despite the politeness her face seems to have taken. Her forced smile tips you off though, and when the boy doesn’t relent, he puts his hand on the back of her stool so that he’s practically looming above her, and she leans further away from him.
You stride briskly to them and make a show of taking your seat on the stool beside Lena, turning your entire body so you’re facing both of them. You clasp your hands in front of you and rest them between your legs as you lean back slowly, making sure the boy’s attention was drawn to you and how your face is nothing but an unimpressed, uninhibited expression of repulsion when you level his stare.
“Problem?” you finally say with a tick of your eyebrow.
You glance over to Lena quickly before you peel your eyes lazily to the intruding boy again.
“Didn’t realize this was a date. Could have fooled me, seeing as though a woman as fine as this shouldn’t be seen out in public with a shmuck like you,” he says with the terribly unironic voice of an intoxicated frat brother.
You shrug noncommittally, making a pointed effort to ensure all your movements convey the total inconvenience this boy’s hassling is causing you and Lena.
“Well, I don’t know about that. Lena here makes her own rules. Far as I know, she’s made it pretty clear she’s said no to you but you don’t seem to be taking a hint. But I guess that’s to be expected from a shmuck like you,” you reply slackly.
The boy puts his foot on the footrest of Lena’s seat, his leg moving inches close to her and she actually recoils at his movement, trying to move farther from him.
“I don’t know why you have to make this so hard, buddy,” he says slightly delayed as he shifts and almost falls into her. “I just wanted to talk, is all- don’t you wanna do that? Ditch this guy, we could have more fun, I promise-”
Suddenly, you raise your voice and enunciate every word menacingly, “you touch her, I kill you.”
Your voice is loud enough that several patrons turn to the commotion and the bartenders eye you two tensely.
“One more misstep, and I haul your ass outside to handle you properly.”
He glares at you one last time before his friend pulls him away by the scruff of his shirt, practically stumbling back to his table and you think at least his friend has the decency to look slightly embarrassed.
You watch them return to their table and you keep your scowl fixed on them. You see them look up again and they divert their eyes immediately, attempting to turn their backs to you and huddling away from you.
Content that you’ve finally made your point, you scoff and snap your eyes immediately to Lena, immediately your face softens and takes an expression of concern and you don’t even get to ask her how she is before she’s asking you the same thing.
“(Y/N)? Are you alright?”
“Me? What about you? Do you wanna get out of here?”
Lena looks at you guiltily and ducks her head a little, “honestly, yeah, I think so.”
You say nothing else as you leave your bills on the counter, opting to leave any change as you walk Lena out by your side.
The walk to your apartment is spent in relative silence. You shift your eyes to look around you and tap your belt to feel your knife and sheath still there. It’s not needed, however, as you make your way to your floor, only acutely aware of the fact that you two have just silently agreed on your apartment as your destination.
Still, you two have opted to continue having drinks on your couch in defiance of a moderately soiled night.
It’s in her second glass of wine that either of you finally mentions anything about the night’s occurrences.
“You act like you’re the bad boy, but you’re not,” Lena says, her speech taking only the slightest slur that’s entirely endearing to you.
“Yeah, well, I realize that could have been a bit of a dick thing to do. I probably could have just reasoned with the guy, but I don’t think-”
“I’m not talking about just tonight,” she says with a marked decisiveness. You wonder if she might be a little tipsy, but you’re proven wrong when you realize Lena is just as sharp as ever.
“I’m just saying... you always have been, that’s just you. You have this, this attitude. Not an attitude actually, just... just this mentality that’s always in the back of your mind and it makes you think you have to be a certain way. You’re not the bad boy- you just think you have to be and so that’s what you become.”
“I don’t know if I follow where you’re going about all this, Lee-”
“You sell yourself short too often, do you know that? For as long as I’ve known you, you always have,” she turns to face you and you move your head to look at her.
“You’re talented and you’re grounded and you’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met... You have one of the kindest hearts and I think deep down, you’ve got a poet’s soul.”
You look at her in silence, still not sure you know what she means by all this.
“I just know you. But I also want to know why you feel you have to hide behind whatever bad boy caricature this is that you’ve made for yourself. You’re a good person, (Y/N).”
“I’m damaged goods, Lena,” you reply.
There’s an expression of question on her face, prompting you to continue.
“There’s a reason why I haven’t kept a relationship that lasts longer than milk does,” you comment half-jokingly.
“You’re not- have you even tried? Do you even want to?” she asks, and you don’t question Lena’s sobriety anymore when she looks back at you with startling focus.
“For whatever reason you think it is that girls haven’t stuck around, whether you force it to be that way or not, it’s not just because there’s something wrong with you. Maybe it’s because they don’t know a good thing when they see one, maybe it’s because you don’t see the good in you. You’re not damaged or broken or whatever else you may think because of it.
“You are, though, when you punish yourself and feed into this self-sabotage I know you always have and push people away who don’t want to be pushed away. You deserve good things but you don’t let yourself have them.”
You match your gaze to Lena’s and remain speechless, watching the furrow of her eyebrow as she regards you in silence.
“I loved you, you know. You were my first friend- you were my best friend. Even when we may have fallen apart from each other sometimes... even when I needed someone to talk to when everything with Lex was happening... maybe I might have shut you out, I don’t know... but not hearing from you hurt. I forgave you a long time ago though. I think I always will.”
You stare stunned at Lena, your jaw slightly slack as you try to process everything she’s said.
“I didn’t know what to say,” you mutter quietly, entirely lost in the stunning revelation of Lena’s words.
“Yeah... me neither,” she amends.
“I missed you a lot,” you say after a moment of silence. “Like, a lot. More than what my young mind could have put words to back then. I still probably couldn’t explain how much I did.”
You ponder your oldest memories, the ones you’ve kept forcefully stored away in the deepest recesses of your mind in the name of ‘coping’.
“It was a lot though- enough to be scared by it. There were so many... there were just a lot of feelings I had. I was scared- I was scared of what I was feeling and I was scared of watching how I was becoming less important in your life.”
You see the shift in Lena’s eyes, how much softer and defeated she looks, and you rush your words in assurance.
“No, but it was really stupid and selfish to even think like that. But, I don’t know... it’s hard as a kid. You get a lot of these grand, unheard of feelings that you’ve never experienced before and you have absolutely no damn idea what to do with them. And the thing is they stuck, Lena. I think I knew I loved you long before I even knew to call it that. And then we got a little bit older and tried holding onto something that is constantly evolving and changing and it grew and changed with us, and life gets in the way and it is what it is, but we had something different. We had it and had no idea just exactly what it was except that we did have it, and I didn’t learn how to handle my shit and I still haven’t learned how to.
“I was scared of all the change and I was scared that I was losing you... so I just forced myself to push you away because I was deluded into thinking it was my choice. I thought I’d be protecting you, but I was only trying to save myself,” you scoff sardonically at yourself, inhaling deeply as you ignore the incessant pounding of you heartbeat against your chest.
“You could never lose me,” Lena says softly. “You never did.”
“I didn’t know that,” you mutter defeatedly.
“Do you know that now?”
You merely glance at Lena, a tight-lipped, apologetic smile forming in reply and Lena takes it for an answer.
“Why did you even say yes to that first coffee date at all? If you don’t think you deserve to be happy?”
“Who says I’m not happy?”
“Just answer the question, (Y/N).”
“Because you needed me.”
“So I did. What if I still need you?”
“Then I’m not going anywhere.”
“Well, don’t do it just for me.”
You take a deep breath, looking away in some last ditch attempt to run away but you’re pulled back into Lena, Lena whose eyes look imploring and she’s watching you like everything rests on whatever sentences you decide to utter next, and you think in a way they really do.
You shift on the couch so you’re facing her. Suddenly, you become very aware of everything - you feel the presence of your entire body, the simultaneous heaviness and lightness of it; you notice the verdant iciness of her eyes, mesmerized by the lack of definition you could ever hope to name that very colour and are only left with one notion: divine.
You become very aware of the tragedy of her beauty; how entirely breathless she’s rendered you as you watch her love you still, love you still even when your best intentions only left her in hurt, love you still even through the ugliness, the helplessness, the lack of knowing.
You become aware that even in this lack of knowing, she has been the only consistent in your life even when you so blatantly refused it for the gift that she was, she has been the only clarity you’ve had in your life even if it took you so long and so many detours to figure it out.
You steady your gaze as you look at her, the entire weight of the universe suspended between you as you sift through these delicate moments.
“I convinced myself I didn’t deserve you. I felt like I could only be justified if you outright said you needed me. But that’s the coward’s way of doing shit. I shouldn’t have left it all up to you. I should have tried harder when you did need me. I should have put my pride aside for once. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But that’s what I did, even when I did every single thing I thought was right to make sure I didn’t do exactly that.
“I’ve made some stupid mistakes and did things that could have been costly- things that could have ruined my life... but I’m hoping they haven’t ruined too much now. No matter how I’ve acted or whatever I’ve said or haven’t said, I have never once regretted loving you. I just wish I knew how to love you properly... to love you the way you deserve.”
“You’ll never know unless you try.”
“Will you let me?”
“If you really think you still have to ask that after all this...”
“No, Lena, I need to know this-”
“Yes, (Y/N). Even if I could help it, even though I can’t help it, I want you to try and I want to try too.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
You and Lena are facing each other, Lena sat cross legged in front of you as you lean your side into the back of the couch.
“Okay,” you repeat again. You turn to face the TV and Lena repositions herself so she’s comfortable when she moves to put her head on your shoulder.
“Can I kiss you?” you blurt suddenly, feeling just a little guilty about jostling Lena in your abruptness.
“Yes.”
You stare at her when she looks up at you, and you feel entirely blank - there is nothing, and you feel nothing, and you’re a wholly mindless state and you just are, and you know you feel yourself closing the distance between your lips and hers and even when you feel her pressing against you, there’s nothing.
It’s when you close your eyes and start seeing without looking; when you take that first deep breath in that kiss and feel her so close to you - closer than you’ve ever been, that’s when you finally realize it’s real.
It’s at that moment everything becomes solidified in reality, the exhalation of breath that you make in profound wonder at the very fact that you’re kissing Lena - it’s then that you’re beginning to understand what it was you were missing for such a long part of your life.
This is your reality now, and for so long, it seemed nothing but an endless musing of some universe not meant to be yours.
You kiss her, and you feel yourself get pulled in, or maybe she’s melting into you, and that touch of contact on this groundbreaking new territory is historic and momentous.
Your breaths are shaky, you admit - you think you’re even being a little sloppy but Lena sighs into your lips, and it’s when you two eventually pull away and open your eyes that you feel like you’ve learned something new for the first time.
Lena’s eyes look a little glassy, something so mystifying there like a deep body of water long after it’s been disrupted and it’s just the after-echoes of the ripples lingering; you don’t know how it is you never really noticed how much you could see there, how much Lena said with so little.
Her jaw is slack like yours, both of you looking at each other and you wonder what it is going through her mind right now.
You wonder if she feels anything that you feel; like having just read the last page of your new favourite book and you’re left contemplating how you never once suspected it to be so life-changing, save for the little hints left between the sentences.
Lena, you realize, is your new favourite thing - something you never once suspected except in retrospect, yet something you were meant to love all along. She is your meant to be, your has been all along, your until we no longer can.
“That felt nice,” is all you provide, and you can be absolutely relied on to articulate the most insightful comments, undoubtedly.
Lena, for her part, laughs wonderfully at your remark - the special kind you’re reminded of from your countless afternoons at the park, and you think how astonishing and extraordinary it is to feel relief in its whole, unadulterated form.
Like a new chance at life, you grin, turning to face the TV again to figure out what trivial thing exactly is on at this very moment, taking in another deep breath to regulate the erratic short-circuiting of all your mental and physical functions.
“Nothing’s different, but everything’s changed,” Lena says quietly as she nestles into you and drapes the blanket over both of you.
“No, it’s always what it has been. We just had to figure it out.”
“No more hiding, okay? We actually have to talk now. We can’t just fix our problems by not talking.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re right.”
Neither of you say anything else after. You watch whatever channel it is you’ve skimmed and landed on. It’s as seemingly mundane as it could possibly be - you’re not at all surprised Lena breezes through most Jeopardy questions, but Wheel of Fortune is something you two bicker over and you think she’s loathe to admit you’re pretty good at it.
For all the guessing and wondering you’ve done throughout your life, it’s not so anticlimactic to be sitting in silence with Lena after a night out and sharing your first ever kiss with her.
For as long as you’ve known her, you’ve loved her, and you don’t need to integrate her into your life - she’s always had a place with you, and she has staying power.
You think by the way she dozes off on your shoulder after her third and a half glass of wine and snores lightly that she might think something similar - that you’ve always been a part of her, something familiar and inevitable.
You think finally, you’ve allowed yourselves to admit that very sentiment and not feel anything but a comfortable steadiness about it - finally, you can say you love her; simply, entirely, and surely.
Lena Luthor x reader (Couldn’t stand a chance; not against you)
Request: Can you do a lena x reader : where the reader doesnt think they have a chance with lena because they think that she has feelings for kara but she likes the reader instead
a/n: so, I guess it’s pretty obvious that I’ve added another component of media to complement the reading experience, and here’s my first ever go at it!!! There’s only so many of the same gifs I can use for these posts tbh, LOL. I am seriously having the time of my life though... It’s so much easier writing this particular style of fan fic and being able to envision so many different lives this way - there’s really so much freedom and I am absolutely loving every moment of it. Thank you all for sticking around and thanks to those who dropped by and read something I’ve written. I truly appreciate every last one of ya :D
this was a really fun one but also a bit challenging. I feel like I’ve taken a bit of a different direction than what I’m usually predisposed to and totally cranked up all the angst I could muster for this... Who knows why I was in such a mood to be an angst monster. I guess I figured this one in particular deserved it. I think I can happily say I’m pretty proud of this one!!
- - - - -
If anyone were to ask you to describe your life, you would perhaps say it’s remained rather happily uncomplicated thus far, and you’d coasted for the better part of the two decades of your happy-go-lucky life. You left high school and the rest of your worries behind, ready for the next chapter in your life.
You messed around a little bit before eventually buckling down to attend a small community college and chase your diploma - much to your pleasant surprise, you somehow managed to graduate on the dean’s list.
Now, you find yourself starting as a tattoo apprentice, something you absolutely did not go to school for but stumbled upon in a serendipitous stroke of events. Naturally, you said yes to the opportunity when it presented itself.
You’ve come to understand that in life, things more often than not have a long-winded way to go about being; things that are meant to be come to fruition right as you’re ready, and yet they are realized long after you can be aware of what’s happened. Before you know it, you’re changed - and that is the truth of the very reactionary nature of the privilege that is to exist.
As it was, you’re just like anyone else, trying to find the precarious balance of standing out of the way of things you can’t fight with, and taking action for the things you so badly wanted and to fight for them.
Still, you would admit you were a lover more than a fighter - and still you think that’s the shittiest cliche known to mankind. You’ve come to learn that the two aren’t mutually exclusive - you often in fact found yourself dancing on the precipice of both realities at once.
So how on earth possibly were you to know if you would fight for what you love, or love what you want to fight for, or whatever else tired trope have you? You certainly did not know.
It’s a conundrum indeed to be a respectful person, and even more so a challenge to respect yourself enough and to believe you deserve certain guarantees of happiness, just like anyone else.
If you were confronted with the choice of getting what you so deeply wanted in your heart, but doing so would be at the cost of irreparably hurting the one you desired at all, what would you even choose?
You find yourself contemplating such tenets as they applied to your life inside a relatively swanky cafe, staring blankly at the cup in your hand as if it had all the answers to your questions, which frankly is quite a lot to ask of your coffee.
“(Y/N)?” a voice calls out to pull you from the void, and you come back feeling as if you’d just spent some time underwater.
The rush of noise fills your ears as you look up at your coffee drinking and philosophizing companion, Lena Luthor. She’s the image of concern and curiosity as she coaxes you tentatively.
“Are you alright, darling?”
Whatever look of vaguely pained contemplation you have on your face dissipates immediately at the sight of her. Despite yourself, the smile comes so easily to you and that in itself should set the alarms in your head right off.
You think you might stare a little bit too long at her, her pink glossed lips just short of a slight frown, and you think about how much you want to wipe the sadness away from her lips when you realize that simply answering her would suffice.
However, the simple and honest truth was that Lena rendered you profoundly useless most times, and it took admittedly a lot to leave you that certain type of incoherent - this alone is a testament enough to the sheer power one Lena Luthor had over your entire being.
“Yeah- sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Anything pressing that you’d benefit from talking about? It seemed you were rather taken by it.”
Your face softens at her and you feel yourself instantly relax.
“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I zoned out, I hope it wasn’t anything too important that I just clocked out of,” you grimace at your apparent disregard of your conversation with Lena.
She observes you wordlessly and looks as if she’s about to say something, but at the last moment, she decides against it and just smiles, a reflection of your own fondness.
“There’s no need to apologize, I know how busy you are at the shop. How’s the tattooing going?”
You sit up in excitement. “It’s so great! Everything’s really coming together. I’m not actually tattooing yet, I’m practicing on fake skin for a while but a lot of the sketches I have up on instagram are getting some attention. I think when I do eventually start working on people, I’ll have my work cut out for me.”
She smiles at you and her eyes light up, “I’m so proud of you, I know how much you’ve really fallen in love with the art. You were so worried in the beginning; I’m really happy to see you didn’t let your fear take control of you.”
You remember it all too well. Lena was there from the very start, and you in fact are indebted to her in a very holistic way for convincing you to test the waters. She was such a vital part in helping you push your boundaries, and you know that’s another flag to throw up in the grand scheme of all the ways in which Lena made you a better person.
“Yeah, well, I only ever take advice from people smarter than me,” you give her a sly grin and laugh when she rolls her eyes.
“It doesn’t take a genius to see you have talent, but you flatter me.”
“It certainly helps when you have one in your corner though.”
She gives you another one of her fond smiles, one that always supplies just that little bit more of belief that maybe, just maybe, you’re wrong about all this. You refuse to think much about it though - it’s the only way you’ve survived all this time.
“You know I will always be in your corner,” she says. “I don’t think I could stop rooting for you even if I wanted to.”
“Have you even tried?” you ask, raising an eyebrow in question.
You were just joking, but you can’t help but feel the immediate weight of the implications that came with your question and you can’t take it back now - not when you’ve already thrown it out there.
You can only hope the answer doesn’t disappoint you.
Lena’s eyes flutter as she blinks, her eyes move downward when she reaches to take a drink from her cup. She waits another moment before she answers.
“I don’t think I’ve any reason to do that,” she says quietly. “Unless you want me to?"
A smug smile comes back to her lips as she throws out a challenge of her own.
You breathe just a bit deeper and lean imperceptibly closer across the table. Your eyes trail down to Lena’s lips and you let a small smile form on your lips.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to... a smart woman like you ought to know that.”
You hear her sharp intake of breath and glance up to see her eyes fixed on your lips. She peels her eyes away just an instant later and meets your gaze.
She hums in consideration before she answers you, “why do I have the notion that you’re giving me some sort of permission?”
You can’t help but smirk; this delicately tense exchange is so natural with you two and you’re loath to admit you live for the slight thrill it gives you.
At this point, however, you’ll take anything you can get that Lena gives you - you know that could very well be all she is able to offer you.
“It’s your world, Lena. We’re merely rocks just orbiting around you.”
You lean back in your chair and throw your arm easily over the back, still reeling at the charged conversation that is such a common theme with you and Lena.
There’s a flash of the same look in her eyes, but you dismiss it immediately as a product of your wishful thinking - you know better than to let yourself get too hopeful, especially now.
Lena gives you another soft smile, shaking her head as she leans back in her seat and crosses her legs.
Just then, you’re reminded of the reality you’re currently living in and the dull ache that usually sits neatly in your chest becomes just that much sharper.
Perhaps in another life, you could sit here and not have to pretend. Perhaps in that life, you could reach your hand across the table for Lena’s - to feel the softness of it in yours and feel the world’s weight in gold in her fingertips.
It’s not that life, however, and you become painfully aware of that fact when you see Kara’s cherubic face beaming at the sight of you two and she waves happily, approaching from the entrance of the coffee shop.
Lost in her own train of thought, Lena just has the time to subconsciously react to the new presence that’s standing near her, and the smile that spreads across her face when she sees who’s beside her nearly kills you.
As if she didn’t know already who it was.
You’re finding it increasingly difficult to tame your bitterness.
Kara, you’ve learned with much bullheaded reluctance, walks through the walls that are fortified around her effortlessly and she’s always none the wiser to it - even in your festering resentment of your circumstance, you find some sliver of sincerity whenever you smile at her, mostly out of politeness, and hate immediately how easily the sentiment mixes in with genuine goodwill.
You want to hate Kara, but you can’t. How could you, when you see just how remarkable of a person she is?
How could you hate someone like Kara? How could you hate Kara? How could you hate Kara who was literally Supergirl? How could you ever bring yourself to hate Kara who personified goodness, Kara who was so unfairly wonderful, Kara who was beautiful both inside and out, Kara whose ass the sun literally shines out from?
How could you bear to look at yourself in the mirror and know you are the bad guy of your own story?
You want to hate Kara - Kara and her altruistic sense of unfailing kindness. Kara is loving, and just, and you know all too well how undeserving the world is of her; Kara, whose existence is really an honour that blesses everyone who merely looks at her, and does so much more for those who actually know her.
You don’t hate Kara - you despise what ugly monster you become in the wake of your deepest insecurities and you know the roaring decapitated head of jealousy is the spitting likeness of your own face.
You want to hate Kara, but you know with all honesty that you only resent the fact that she makes Lena smile in a way you wish you could.
You think you hate Kara because she makes you feel inferior, but the simple truth of the matter was that you could never compete with her even if you had the shameless audacity to do so.
How could you possibly think you, a mortal of Earth, would ever stand a chance against a godly, celestial being like Kara?
Lena sees the same expression on your face again from when you blanked out earlier and she really does look like she’s about to confront you on your bullshit this time.
There are other plans from the universe though, and you become ever cognizant of the life you will never live (but you still hold on to that stubborn hope anyway). You feel moderately relieved that you’re spared of that conversation.
“Hey, (Y/N), Lena. I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Kara smiles, though she looks like even she can sense the unspoken conversation that’s occurring between you and Lena.
Lena tips her head to the side, a wordless question suspended in the air as she stares at you - some inexplicable sadness is plain on her face and for the life of you, you can’t figure out why.
“It’ll be fine,” Lena says.
You refuse to listen to the voice in your head telling you that Lena is also doubling her words to address you specifically.
“Were you just dropping by for some food?” she asks Kara.
Kara begins to shift on her feet, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with each passing second.
“Uh, actually, I don’t think you remember- which is totally okay if you don’t! You’re very obviously busy with... CEO... things, and no one can blame you. It’s just, you texted me to meet you here, like an hour ago? It’s on the way to L-Corp? I’m supposed to interview you for another story, but we can totally postpone it for later, Snapper even said I could take my time with it and if you’ve got more important things to address-”
“Oh!” Lena snaps out of whatever daze she was in and slips effortlessly into business mode. “Right, I am so sorry, Kara. I’ve lost track of the time entirely.”
You lament the physical limitations of your human form and the very rude inability to not sink further into your chair, or just disappear from life altogether as you watch Lena scramble to explain herself.
That gut feeling in your chest has lurched considerably and sits just at the pit of your stomach - the sudden desire to dry-heave overcomes you.
For her part, Lena looks visibly remorseful when she looks at you and you really, really wish she’d stop being such a good person for once and just stop giving a shit about you, if only to spare you the pity on her face of you having to share her time and implore for her attention like the martyr she is.
“I apologize for having to cut our conversation so abruptly, (Y/N). Will you just be around here for a little longer, or...?” Her question trails off with a little less confidence than she started with, another silent one left voiceless in the shadow of self-doubt.
When you speak up, you have the decency to cringe at the hoarseness of your voice, rough with whatever cocktail of unpleasant feelings you downright refuse to acknowledge at the present moment.
“Yeah-” you clear your throat, “yeah, I’ll just hang around a bit. I don’t have to be at the shop until much later anyway, I’ll probably kill some time riding around.”
Your mouth twitches in what you’d hoped would be a reassuring smile, but you are more than positive it comes out as a pained scowl - you bring a hand to the back of your neck and rub awkwardly, a nervous habit you never could get rid of.
Lena blinks the mild distress from her eyes and you refuse to acknowledge it, staring at the coffee you’re going to chug and toss out as soon as you can get the hell out of there.
She nods silently as she accepts your weak answer and gets up to collect her belongings.
“I’ll see you later then,” she says.
“Yeah, for sure.”
Lena looks like she’s about to say something else, something like ‘text me later’, or, ‘can I call you after?’, which is usually what occurs without prompting anyway, but this time both of you can feel it’s just different.
Something’s shifted and both of you are disinclined to state the obvious.
She doesn’t say anything else. You don’t bother to reach out for the follow up you know you’re both wanting.
Kara is looking aggressively at anywhere but you and Lena - she snaps her attention back to you when she realizes Lena is set.
She does a much better job than you and Lena at gracious ignorance - though perhaps, she isn’t really faking it at all and smiles, “it was nice seeing you, (Y/N)! I’ll see you around!”
You lift a hand up in a feeble wave, your mouth pressed into a tight line as you bid them goodbye.
Deciding that you can’t sit in the suffocating air of the coffee shop for much longer, you all but rush to the entrance after giving Lena and Kara a few moments to get ahead.
You realize then, in your thoughtlessness, that perhaps your solution wasn’t the best as you move to put your helmet over your head and catch a glimpse of their departing figures.
You don’t want to watch, and you valiantly rip your gaze away with a heaviness you refuse to name. Still, you know - it’ll take quite a lot of nearly everything you have and everything you know to forget the image of the girl who has your heart (and is blissfully ignorant of that very fact) as she walks away from you with someone else by her side.
You start your bike and rev the engine when you mount it. You push off into the opposite direction, hardly surprised at all that you have somewhere to go before you’ve ever properly considered it.
Perhaps you had indeed thought about it and were just too preoccupied to realize, or perhaps you fell back on an instinctive inclination and named the first place that came to mind when you thought about solitude - regardless of the method, you heed your heart and find yourself driving towards the National City limits.
With the promise of a place where you can watch the skyline and ruminate the entirety of your circumstance in silence and with the feel of the wind pressing all around you as you speed up on the gradually empty roads, you feel just a little bit lighter.
You know you can spend hours on your cliff point, marvelling at the landscape and the vastness of your smallness when you’re forced to see perspective like this.
You hadn’t prepared for the little bit of a roadtrip that became of your journey whenever you ventured outside of the city - though that always ended up being the case whenever you found yourself here.
Without fail, you spend the rest of your day among nature and hadn’t even realized the time you spent on these hills. You think a beautiful kept-away place like your view of National City’s skyscrapers deserves better than you only visiting in turmoil, but you resolve that perhaps that’s precisely its allure.
You left your phone on silent, noting the lack of messages or calls on your phone and you think, ‘of course’ and also, ‘what really else is there to be expected?’.
The shop hadn’t even called you, and you feel a sudden wave of guilt at completely disappearing on them. At the same time, you do know they are all quite lax, almost to the point of irritating negligence - now more than ever, you appreciate their casual disregard.
You fall into a mindless routine of work, Netflix, and food. The next few days blur together and are spent in near radio silence - your phone hasn’t blown up save for the occasional notification from one of your social media accounts, and though you’re completely bummed out about not hearing from Lena, you also know it’s ultimately better this way.
That doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though.
You’re parked outside the shop and you stand near the door as you observe the goings-on of the street around you. Suddenly, you hear a voice calling to you and then you see Kara coming up to you.
“Hey! (Y/N!)”
You don’t have the time to process much as she comes closer with her arms outstretched for an embrace. You automatically open your arms and wait for Kara to come to you.
You let your arms wrap around her without even thinking about it.
“Kara, how’s it going?”
“All’s well, I’m doing well!”
You pull away from the hug and she continues, “it’s actually great that I caught you now, I was literally just about to text you and Lena about a get-together at my place tonight.
“I totally get it’s too soon and if you already had something else planned then I absolutely understand- it’s just, I don’t think the superfriends have seen much of each other in a long time and I wanted to fix that! There’ll be tons of food, I already called the Chinese place on 5th for three party platters, and the place with the really amazing jerk chicken that’s spicy enough that even I could taste it, and I got Alex to stock up on chips!”
“Kara,” you smile in spite of yourself, trying to interrupt her excited ramble. “Don’t knock yourself out, you don’t need to convince me. I’ll be there, armed with gifts of a 2-4 of beer and enough donuts to feed a small army.”
“If you make it the donut holes from the bakery on King, I’d love you forever and ever.”
“Yeah, alright, you got it.”
“Yes!” Kara fistpumps the air. “You are a hero.”
You roll your eyes at the irony of her statement - you figure she must let funny phrases like that come out of her mouth often, the irony entirely lost on her.
“I was going to bug Lena about it but I have to rush back to work, Snapper’s putting the pressure on and the office is super hectic right now. You can go ahead and text her for me though, I’m sure she’d really love to have a break and talk to you.”
You look up at her face and wonder if there’s any underlying context in her suggestion.
She’s smiling at you and then tilts her head in concentration, perhaps listening for something a human couldn’t possibly pick up.
“Okay, I really have to go now. Text Lena about the get-together for me! I’ll see your wonderful donut bearing face at mine! Come any time around 7!” she calls over her shoulder and waves as she leaves.
You shake your head and just stand there for a moment, processing the flurry of constant motion that is Kara’s existence. Suddenly, you get a text message.
Lena: “Hey, I just wanted to check in on you. We haven’t really spoken since we convened at the coffee shop. Is everything alright?”
You stare at the message, wondering how you were going to answer. It seemed like forever ago that you and Lena last spoke; sometimes, you two have gone on for much longer without so much as a hello, but you both took it in stride.
This time though, it feels different. There was still the charged tension between you, and you surmised that you both knew this. The days apart felt like weeks, and you scoff at your initial apprehension.
As if you would ever ignore Lena even if you had the option to.
You stop kidding yourself and just message her.
you: “yeah, it’s been alright. It should be me asking you though, I guess the office is keeping you hostage these past few days?”
Lena: “Ugh, I don’t even care to get into it. I can’t imagine what it’d do to you if it already bores me to death.”
Your mouth twitches into a smile. You get the unbidden feeling of wanting to stop by her office, some takeout from her vegan restaurant of choice in hand to make sure she’s eaten something. You consider the thought, but tamper it down just a bit more.
you: “I just saw Kara by the shop, she’s having a hang out at her place for the crew tonight. Will you be the princess stuck up in her high, lonely tower of corporate woe again?”
Lena: “I think I’d rather much die before I spend any more time past the hour of wine o’clock in this office. I will definitely be there.”
You laugh at her reply, forgetting you’d ever spent the past few days dejected and miserable without contact from her.
You try not to think about how severe your dependence has become and how easily it is for you to slip back into each other’s lives.
you: “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind! Did you want me to pick you up?”
Lena: “Don’t push your luck. Not even you could convince me to get on the back of a motorcycle.”
you: “there is such thing as walking ;)”
Lena: “It never hurts to make sure! No need for that though, I might run a bit late and I wouldn’t want to hold you up. But thank you for your offer :) I’ll see you there.”
You let the conversation end there as you put your phone away, feeling lighter than you ever have in the entire time you and Lena exchanged not a single word for days.
There’s no denying the relief you feel, and you’ve resigned for now to just accept it for what it is.
You’ll ween yourself off of your ever-growing feelings for her eventually.
You spend a lot of your time conceding the fight, not really knowing when, and more disconcertingly, if you even will at all.
A lot of your time, you realize, is spent in a happy, light preoccupation with all things Lena, and the rest of your time is spent in utter peril and haunted by all things Lena and knowing what can’t be.
Even in a room full of your greatest friends, you still find yourself spending a lot of time in a reclusive stupor, and you know you should be better than that - your friends deserve your attention.
Still, you’re keeping back, watching the gaggle of Winn, Maggie, Alex, Kara, and James bickering and arguing loudly over a cowering Settlers of Catan board. Lena arrived a bit later as she said she would, but insisted to not partake in playing, and she seemed content in her decision as she spectated the game in quiet amusement.
You found yourself at the kitchen washing the multitude of dishes; somehow you managed to convince Kara and the rest of the gang to start the game, all of you knowing Kara could very well have cleaned everything up in a matter of seconds if you’d let her.
You won out in the end, the others excitedly getting into competitive mode quickly as you stayed back in the kitchen and watched the ordeal unfold. Lena had a soft look about her for the better part of the night, seeming to not be fully present, and you figure it’s very much similar to how you are at the very moment too. You wondered what she’s thinking about.
You’d catch her glance often; neither of you saying anything and neither of you extending an invitation to start a conversation. You still smiled at her all the same, and she returned the smile, and she’d be back in her silent reverie and you’d go back to your own state of meditation.
You think a few times, you see her shift in her seat like she’s chocked up some resoluteness and would make her way towards you, but she’d always backed out at the last moment, and you’d politely ignore that you’d noticed anything at all.
“You’re doing an awfully superb job at washing that one plate, for like, five minutes now.” Lucy comes up to you instead with a smug grin as she takes a seat at the barstool by the island.
You roll your eyes and twist your mouth in an attempt to damper the smirk that’s promptly forming on your lips.
“Yes ma’am,” you salute sloppily and purposely let the soap duds on your arm flick in her direction.
She clicks her tongue and shoots you look, you grin as finally put the plate away. You see that Lena has taken notice of your interactions.
“What’s got you all in your emo state of mind?”
“Pfft, nothing.”
Lucy’s eyes grow incredulously at you as she stares - you realize the subtle hint of offense that’s in her expression and she looks at you in no uncertain terms which silently conveys the very loaded question, do you really think you can fool me?
“Yeah, sure. Even without all the military training, even a civvy could see you’re an absolutely shit liar.”
“And even with all those high accolades and accomplishments of yours, Major, I don’t think a therapist is in your job description.”
“No, but I could always give it a shot as a friend,” her expression softens and she gives you a reassuring smile. You return the smile and drop the banter. You allow yourself to let go of some of the tension you’ve been holding.
“Seriously, what’s up? You wanna talk about it? Or we could not, both are perfectly fine for me. In fact, I usually prefer the latter in most situations.”
You breathe in deeply and exhale slowly, leaning your forearms onto the counter and let your hands hang over the sink. You only smile slightly at her attempt at a joke.
“You ever feel like you can’t compete with someone? Like you’re trying too hard to work on yourself, but then there’s this- there’s this unfairly amazing person who gets added into the mix, and they’re always setting the bar higher?
“The bar is always being pushed impossibly higher because that’s just who they are and you’re stretching yourself thin just trying to get on their level, and you’re just... there’s that unfortunate realization you have that even if you did manage to get there, you still wouldn’t be half the person they are. Not at all.”
Lucy lets out a low whistle and chuckles derisively, “Oh boy, don’t I know it.”
You scoff in agreement, nodding your head at her silence.
“They’re in this room, aren’t they?”
“Who?” you ask a bit too quickly.
“You know damn well who, (Y/N). You thought about them right as I said that. You didn’t have to say anything for me to know you instantly thought of someone.
“They’re on your mind, they always are on your mind. Whoever it is you’re competing with, or whoever it is you’re trying to reach out for. Maybe both. They’re here, aren’t they?”
You don’t answer immediately, you in fact don’t feel like you want to answer that specific question at all, but your silence is answer enough for Lucy.
“Yeah, that’s some real tough shit,” she says.
The two of you are silent again in contemplation. You begin to wonder if there’s really any resolution that will come from this. Still, you have it in your heart to thank Lucy for her attention. You seem to both have a similar way of handling emotional matters.
She speaks up and interrupts your reverie, “well, there’s not much I can say about that, except you need to stop selling yourself short. You’ll only ever be half the person you think you are because you’ll beat yourself up to get to that point. And that’s sure as hell not fair to you. That’s self-sabotage, buddy, and if you want to be a better person for someone else, if not even for yourself first, then you need to start believing that you’re top shit.
“Unless you’re an absolute ass of a person, which I know you are not - usually,” you smirk at her backhanded compliment, “then I really don’t believe you are anything other than a remarkable person, let alone less than half of some bullshit standard you think you see in someone else.”
“For all your scrappy looks and unfailingly successful intimidation tactics, you sure do have a way of making me feel special, Miss Lane,” you smile in spite of yourself.
“You think I’m intimidating?” she grins, and you so wish you could backpedal. Of course that was the only thing Lucy got from your remark.
You reply mechanically, “you are a very intimidating person and it can be argued that one might even think it is vaguely hot.”
You hope your sarcasm is clear enough in your retort, but you suspect even in the face of blatant mistruths, Lucy Lane is the type of person who takes any compliments she gets in stride.
“You don’t need to feed my ego for me to help you, but I appreciate the sentiments all the same, (Y/N),” she says flippantly.
You roll your eyes, coming to learn you are indeed correct in your presumptions and you flick water at her, grinning at her disgruntled look.
“Alright, do you trust me?” she asks.
“Yeah...” it comes out more as a question than a conviction.
Lucy comes closer to your face, leaning in slowly as your eyes widen slightly in surprise.
“What are you-”
“I’m gonna get really close to your face.”
“Yes, I definitely see that-” you say.
“And I’m gonna get so very close and it’ll raise some alarms with whoever’s watching us right now, at this very moment.”
“Uh, yeah, okay, but-”
Lucy gets closer until there’s barely any space between you, her eyes level with yours and you can actually feel the breath from her lips as she speaks.
“And I’m gonna see the truly hilarious image of you looking like you’re about to shit your pants, but I’m not gonna laugh about it yet, because we’re going to stare at each other really intensely and we’re not going to say anything else.”
You merely stare at her, paralyzed with confusion and bewilderment, your mouth opening and closing like a fish as your gaze at her wordlessly, and she takes it as your affirmation.
“So now you’re going to look around to the direction of whoever your person is, subtly!” she adds quickly, “you’ll do it subtly - make it casual for god’s sake. And if I’m right about anything, which I am all the time, you’re going to catch their gaze and you’ll get the very nagging thought of ‘why do they look jealous?’. Am I right?”
You take another moment to process her absurd instructions before you tear your eyes away from her mischievous ones slowly, eventually landing on the group and Lena’s questioning expression.
As impressed as you are with Lucy’s uncannily accurate commentary, you refuse to believe that there’s a low simmering anger in Lena’s look as she looks between you and Lucy. You really cannot afford any more delusions regarding your feelings.
“You know what, that means absolutely nothing.”
“It means nothing, or you want it to mean nothing?” Lucy pulls away and leans back into her chair in a socially acceptable distance, smiling smugly.
You realize she’s never fixed her eyes on anything but you, and you feel a deeper respect for Lucy for not following your gaze to identify the person you’ve been talking about in question - she lets you keep the secret of your unrequited feelings, and you really admire her integrity for that.
You stare at her, and as much as you have a newfound admiration for her, you’re slowly realizing with begrudging acceptance that Lucy’s nearly got you in a corner. Turns out, she is an impressive counsellor, indeed.
“I don’t want it to mean nothing,” you mutter under your breath.
You think she hasn’t heard you, and you’re kinda glad she didn’t if you were being honest with yourself, but then she’s clapped her hands together and you flinch at the abrupt noise.
“Well! Would you look at that, then it doesn’t have to be nothing! Do something about it,” she says easily, as if it were the simplest solution. Perhaps, it really is.
You can’t help the bitterness that laces your rebuttal, “I can’t compete with a goddamn superhero, Lucy.”
She pauses and glances at you when she hears your comment - any fleeting look of deeper understanding in her eyes eludes you before you can even try to spot it, but without missing another beat, she replies, “frankly, if there’s anything we learned just right now, it’s that I don’t think you have to compete at all.”
She says nothing else as she takes two bottles of beer from the pack and opens the first one with the other, placing it roughly on the counter near your hand before she takes the second bottle and pops the cap off easily with her teeth.
“Lena invited me to the L-Corp gala tomorrow,” you mention quietly.
“And? Don’t tell me you’re gonna bail on her.”
“No. Kara will be there too.”
“And?” she asks more pointedly. “What’s your point? Because I don’t see any.”
You sigh harshly, “I don’t know, damn it. I don’t know if I can handle that shit.”
“Just go, don’t be an idiot. Kara’s there because she has to be. She’s Supergirl, and it sucks to say it but there’s something about Lena that makes every alien and human with one bad motive have a hard on for terrorizing her. But the fact is, Lena asked you to go because she wants you there.”
The comment is flippant, but it’s enough to make you stop and feel the familiar sinking feeling in your gut again. You’re trying hard to not get your hopes up, you really are. There are just some off-handed remarks that demand your attention, and you so wish to just be able to ignore the simple truth in some of them.
“Quit your moping, it’s such an ugly look on you - and you’re hotter than that. Moreover, I really don’t believe you’re going to get any of this shit done,” Lucy waves her hand at the sink full of dishes, “so I think it’s time you get your butt on a couch and start heckling the others with me.”
She has a wolfish smile on her face as she begins to scheme. You take her moment of distraction to get a wet rag and you snap it in her direction, laughing at the shock you’ve given her.
“Thanks, Lucy.”
She hums, “no need to thank me just yet. Call me back when it all pays off, though. Then you can treat me to lunch, or drinks, or constant affirmations of how beautiful and smart and talented I am. I’m not picky.”
She winks at you as she climbs off the barstool, grinning over her shoulder as she makes her way to the others.
You shake your head again and take a few minutes to breathe. You’re considering the conversation you just had and you wonder if Lucy is right. Even if she was, though, is the risk really so worth it to take?
Maybe you could rock the boat and put your feelings out there in the open, but that didn’t mean Lena felt the same way. There are so many repercussions to consider.
You dry your hands on a towel and take a swig of the beer Lucy so graciously opened for you. You catch Lena’s eye again but her face is devoid of any telling expressions.
When you finally get to the table, Winn and Kara are arguing over bricks and sheep, nearly wrestling over each other and arguing their case to a smug looking Alex - presumably, they’re all entrenched in a multi-trade stand off and Alex looks to be enjoying her time messing with the two and stringing them along.
“This seat taken?” you ask Lena as you hover near the empty spot on the couch beside her.
She looks up at you tips her head in the affirmative. You nod your head wordlessly and take your place, looking up as Lucy watches you and raises her bottle to you in recognition.
You smile at the action and raise your own slightly, both of you taking a drink and then she jeers at Alex. You laugh at Alex’s obscene hand gesture that she’s employed as her only retort.
You lean back into the couch and sigh deeply, closing your eyes as you force yourself to relax.
“That looked like quite the intense discussion you and Lucy had back there,” Lena comments. She’s looking at you when you open your eyes and you sigh again.
“Yeah, you could definitely say that.”
“Did it help any?”
You consider the question. “I think so, yeah. My head’s in a really weird place lately, but I’m kinda glad Lucy forced me to talk it out. She’s helpful in her own aggressive way.”
“Well, that’s good. At least there’s someone who could help you.”
You glance at Lena, noticing her slightly standoffish behaviour. You wonder what instigated the change, you even consider asking her what’s wrong.
“Yeah,” is all you faintly supply.
There’s an awkward lull in your conversation and, yet again, you feel the unwelcome tension that’s been cast over you and Lena eating you alive again. You choose to press on and ignore it.
“So, that gala, did you still want me to come?”
“Of course, the offer always still stands with you.”
“Alright, cool.”
You take a long drink of your beer, moving your hand up to your neck to rub it awkwardly.
You and Lena spend the rest of the night in strained silence. You can sometimes feel Lucy’s eyes on you, but whenever you look, her eyes are politely set on something else.
You’ve been gradually restless with each passing minute, breathing deeper than usual with increasingly shorter breaths and bouncing your leg, rubbing at your neck, toying mindlessly with the empty bottle in your hand in agitation.
You don’t know how long you’ve been fidgeting for, you’ve been so distracted and jittery that even Lena has begun to take notice - and even when both of you have exchanged less than three sentences with each other the entire night, she’s wordlessly put a hand on your knee to calm you down.
You blink several times and stare at the hand on your knee - you trail your eyes upward to see Lena’s expression, less troubled than you’ve seen it the entire night.
She observes you and tilts her head imperceptibly, seeming to look for something in your blank stare.
Without thinking, you give her a half smile, already utterly spent by the toll your emotions have taken on you. She must see the exhaustion clear on your face, as she softens sympathetically and her eyebrows furrow in worry.
Silently, she scoots closer to you and puts her head on your shoulder - when you sigh and feel the weight of her against you, it’s probably the most subdued you’ve felt all night.
When everyone leaves Kara’s apartment, you can’t say you remember how you get home. Though not in part to the very little alcohol you consumed, you feel as if some more responsible part of you took over on auto-pilot and shut itself off the moment you locked your doors and dropped onto your bed.
Even then, you spend the night restlessly tossing and turning, falling in and out and again in sleep. Somewhere in the pattern, it becomes 8am and you trudge through the morning in a trance.
You get through the rest of the day in an idle sort of functionality, your shop owner even regarding you in doubt before sending you home an hour earlier than you usually go home.
You decide on perhaps napping before the gala, but it feels as though the moment you finally get to sleep properly, your alarm is blaring in your ear and it seems that you’ve woken from one of those naps that make you feel worse than before you fell asleep at all.
You blindly reach to turn the offensive noise off, groaning as you attempt to wake yourself up, smacking your cheeks slightly in hopes that you can pull yourself together quickly.
A hasty shower and one migraine pill later, you’re riding up to L-Corp in your tailored grey suit and brace yourself for the mass of people, noise, and sudden claustrophobia you know you’ll have to battle tonight.
You stay at the very edges of the floor space and opt to people watch - eventually you catch sight of Lena and Kara not too far off from you. They’re both conversing with a small group of people, Kara equipped with her notebook. You realize then that Lena is addressing a group of reporters, she glances away distractedly and that’s when she catches your eye.
You think she brightens subtly because she’s talking animatedly now, laughing graciously at a reporter’s comment and finally manages to take her leave.
You feel the breath escape your lungs when you see her approach, taking in the entire image of her - you think to yourself, there’s never a time she’s not absolutely radiant.
She gets closer and you feel a dull ache in you when you see the inconspicuous tiredness in her eyes, no doubt well hidden from years of practice by her make up and the well-honed art of pretending.
You open your arms for an embrace and sigh when you feel her pressed against you, taking in her perfume and letting it soothe you.
Still grappling with the multiple ailments of your body and mind, you really wonder how you manage to get through a conversation with Lena. She smiles broadly at you as she takes in your suit, you think you spot a fleeting look of longing in her eyes.
You manage to struggle through the interaction, nodding and speaking up when required and you only have half the mind to remorsefully consider that Lena might very well have mistaken your reluctance to engage her as total indifference, and you want to throttle yourself.
She, for her part, smiles through the hurt she no doubt feels and bids you goodbye, to enjoy the night and perhaps you two will be able to talk when she’s done making her rounds.
Not long after she leaves you with the unresolved desire to be with her for longer, an old colleague of yours you knew well from college comes up to you, and though you are pleasantly surprised to see them, it’s another bout of will and endurance to appear socially appropriate.
For what feels like hours later - perhaps it very well could have been, you really couldn’t tell, you feel the distinct lack of Lena and you wander around to see if you can find her.
At some point, you bump into Kara and she’s wondering the same thing.
“You know what, I might actually think she’s up in her office. Don’t take me at my word for it though, I’ve kinda been too preoccupied with looking around for anything suspicious.”
Kara looks just the slightest bit guilty when she speaks, and again you’re left marvelling at Kara’s altruistic goodness - only she would feel bad about being proactive in wanting to protect an entire banquet space full of people.
In your sleepless abandon, you think you’ve lost most of your inhibitions, and subsequently, your filter.
“You’re too good, Kara.”
She tips her head to the side, staring at you in question at your mildly strange remarks.
“I think it’s worth checking out though, she’s said she just wanted to be alone last time I saw her,” her eyes grow wide in an abrupt realization, “oh, shi- shoot! I don’t think she’d be in any danger though, I feel like I’d know that, I mean the whole point of even being here-”
Kara looks around, conflicted as she’s scanning the space around her. You see several DEO agents stationed throughout the room. You’re grateful that for once, an L-Corp event hasn’t been disrupted.
“I’ll look for her, Kara.”
She sighs in gratitude before looking at you again meaningfully, “good luck.”
You’re beyond the point of critical thinking and really couldn’t be asked to decipher whatever deeper meaning Kara intended for you in her last comment, instead just making your way to the elevator that’ll take you to the top floor.
When you walk through the darkened office, you cross the floor and navigate easily until you’re easing Lena’s door open.
You find her on the balcony and she has the sense to turn around to look at her new visitor.
She eases immediately when she sees it’s just you and turns her gaze back toward the skyline as she waits for you to join her.
“Got sick of the people at your own party?”
She huffs in laughter, smiling wryly at your remark, “I never really felt exhilarated in playing that social game.”
She’s quiet for a moment before she murmurs softly, “not in the way Lex always was, anyway.”
Thoughtlessly, you move to take your suit blazer off, draping it over her shoulders and you watch as she instinctively wraps it closer to her. She turns to glance at you, seemingly satisfied that you at least had a rolled up long sleeve underneath.
You rest your arms on the balcony railing and take in the night view, inhaling the crisp fresh air and closing your eyes, listening to the muffled sounds of the street far below.
You think you feel Lena’s eyes on you, and the moment you move to turn to her, she speaks.
“Did I do something to upset you?”
You feel a certain pang in your gut again, your eyes snapping wider to look at her. You ache as you see the pained nervousness on her face.
“No, Lena,” you answer earnestly - how so very badly you want to do something to wipe the sadness from her eyes.
She’s silent for an unnervingly long time. She doesn’t seem convinced by your answer.
“As long as you tell me... I’d want to know if I did anything wrong. I think I deserve at least that from you.”
I would tell you anything you’d want to hear, you think - though you know that’s a lie. You don’t think you’ll tell Lena how you really feel about her even if she asked, and you hate that it’s your truth.
“Of course,” is all you concede.
She takes her time answering you, seeming to consider all her actions, and you’re nervous at the mere thought of that alone.
“I just feel disheartened... you’ve been avoiding me all week and I’ve no idea how to broach that with you,” she admits.
You sigh deeply, thinking of the week you had and the way your morning turned out and all you hear is just excuses.
“I know, I’m sorry I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve just been feeling stuck these past few days, and I didn’t get much sleep last night... everything just feels messier than usual and it’s hard to keep track of it all, and to manage it is just-” you cut yourself off, refusing to get into it.
Lena merely looks at you, gives you a sad smile and she blinks her eyes forcefully when she breathes in.
We always used to tell each other everything, goes unsaid for both of you; neither of you will say it, but you know you’re both thinking it.
She pushes further, seeming to find the strength for what she’s about to dive into.
“I think I know deep down, if I am truly honest with myself, that I’m the reason you’ve been so distraught and troubled.”
You force yourself to look at her, you think you owe her that much.
“And I think, regardless of me being ready to hear it or not - I want you to just tell me now. Please, (Y/N), just talk to me,” her voice quivers slightly and you press your hands into your eyes, unable to face her turmoil for much longer.
“I...” you trail off, shaking your head.
You struggle for the words you need to say, struggle with the things you want to confess, struggle with your very tangible conflict of admitting everything and thus freeing your heart, but consequently facing the harrowing reality of hurting the woman you care for - the woman who means more to you than you could ever have anticipated.
You begin to brace for impact, “if I am really honest with myself, if I can find that strength to admit it to you and to myself... it is you, Lena. It’s... all these months, this past year; it’s never been anyone but you.
“I’ve been tripping over myself all this time trying to wrap my head around you, trying to understand what it is about you that makes me come apart and makes me feel like I can take on the world all at the same time and- it’s you I’m trying to figure out how to get over.”
Lena twists and purses her mouth as she looks at you - even under the hazy moonlight, even illuminated by the dimmed luminescence of the skyscrapers around you, you can see the wetness in her eyes.
She’s silent as she watches you - you have to look away.
“Because I can’t do it- I can’t keep pretending anymore,” you say with a shaky voice, “but I know I’m gonna have to. And I’ll do it for you. I’d do anything for you because I don’t think there’s much left in this world that can really stop me when it comes to you.
“Even if it ends up killing me in the end, even if it’s you who asks me to stop and ignore every compulsion in my body I have that lives and breathes for you, you’re the only one who can tell me to stop lov-” you stop abruptly, eyes widening immediately as you tear your gaze away from her, taking in a sharp breath to steady yourself.
You hasten to recover from your costly near-miss, “you’re the only one who can ask me to stay away, and I’d do it- I’d do it because you asked.”
She blinks several times, tears freely falling, “why would you have to do any of that?” she asks in a small voice.
She looks at you, imploring with a question in her eyes when you don’t answer, “what if I don’t want you to do that?”
It’s so quiet - the question is so small and saturated with the ever-heavy weight of vulnerability, and even still it could just get lost in the chilling night air.
She asks again, “what if I don’t want you to stay away or to get over me?”
You inhale sharply, clenching your jaw as you close your eyes. Your words come out slowly.
“Then... then- I don’t know. Whatever string it is you want to pull me along with, you know damn well- damn fucking well, I’d keep letting you drag me along. You know-” your voice cracks as it becomes broken with unbidden tears.
The last of your remaining composure escapes you as you rush for your words, “-you know I would let you. But Lena, please. I’ll need space. I won’t be able to see you. I wouldn’t handle it. And it wouldn’t be fair to me or you. I don’t know for how long, and I really wish I could give you an answer, I know I want one just as badly too, but it’s already so hard as it is. It’s already so hard now to see you with her-”
“What?” she interrupts you.
“Please don’t make me say it.”
“No, tell me- tell me who are you talking about? What do you mean? Who are you talking about, who am I with-”
“Kara!” you all but yell. “For god’s sake, it’s Kara! I don’t know why you’re even asking me to say it like this,” the tears fall from your eyes, wetting your cheeks and cooling them against the chill evening air.
“I am tired, Lena. I am so tired. I can’t keep looking at her knowing I want to hate her and knowing damn well I really fucking can’t. Not when she’s the most honest, caring person I’ve ever met. Not when she’s so good to you.”
“(Y/N)...” you hear her say
“I can’t do it, not even for you. Believe me, I have tried. I am still trying, and it’s the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do. I can’t. Not now, at least. It’s fucking killing me, it’s already taking so much-”
She tries again, “(Y/N).”
“No, Lena, please-”
“No!” Lena yells. “No, you listen to me, let me say my piece.” She doesn’t wait long for your concession.
“Do you really think that after all this time, everything that’s been said and done... did you really still think I don’t-” she shakes her head in aggravation. “Did you really think it wasn’t you that I want? How could you think there is anyone else?”
She lets the question hang in the tense silence. She takes a shaky breath when you’re speechless.
“Because you’re wrong. There has been no one else in my life. There never was anyone else, (Y/N). It’s only been you- you’re the only one I want. And if you think otherwise, which is evidently the case, then I have been doing an extraordinary job of monumentally fucking up every single thing I have worked so hard for. I have been doing everything so very wrong if you think you’re not the one I’d so willingly give all of myself to.”
You breathe in shakily as you let what little air you can into your constricted lungs.
“It feels like it will only ever be you who can take me apart just as easily as you can hold me back together,” she says.
You wipe at your eyes - at any other point, you’d find it a bit comical how helplessly speechless you currently are. Lena merely looks pensive, stares at something beyond her when she speaks again.
“If you really think it’s Kara who I care about in the same capacity that I care for you... you’ve got it so very wrong. There has never been anyone who even comes close to what I feel for you.
“You unravel me, (Y/N). You’ve pulled apart every pretense I’ve made to guard myself, and you’ve left me bare with nothing standing in between. Whatever it is you see in me, I’ve learned to reconcile that it might be worth caring for, and it terrifies me because this is all of me - this is it.
“It terrifies me that I’m so open to you and that I want you to take it all - I so badly want you to, and this is me saying it out loud, finally letting myself hear the truth that I want it to be you.
“I was just too much of a coward to admit it first. And then I let it go on for so long that you started questioning yourself, and for whatever it is you pushed me away for, I’ve pushed you away just the same.”
You steady your gaze on Lena now - the tears you’ve cried are nothing in the grand scheme of things you care about at the moment.
“I was too scared to admit my feelings for you, and it’s cost me,” she amends quietly. “For all my work of letting you in so close and allowing myself to be vulnerable around you- it’s like it’s pushed you away in the end.”
You shake your head, not accepting Lena’s words.
“No, that’s- that’s not entirely it. It’s not just you, Lena. I’m just as culpable. I didn’t want to admit what I feel for you,” you put your hands on her arms, running them up and down soothingly.
“I was selfishly guarding my heart. I didn’t even see you trying. I didn’t see you reaching out to me and didn’t see it for what it was worth. I let my pride get the better of me. I could have just asked. I could have just said something and we could have avoided all of this. I just, I didn’t know-” you have a moment of realization.
You’re quiet in your admission, “I just didn’t know.”
“It seems as though there’s a lot of things we didn’t know,” Lena says sardonically.
You pull Lena into a hug, bringing her head gently to your chest. You let your hands trace on her back - with no doubt, you know she must be cold from all the time you’ve spent out on the balcony.
“All this time, this is all that I wanted. If only I’d just put my bleeding heart on my sleeve and yelled at you. We could have skipped to this part much sooner,” she jokes.
You feel her shiver in your arms and you decide to bring her inside - you’re long overdue to bring this conversation indoors. When you shut the door and secure the balcony door behind you, Lena’s looking at you with purpose.
You stand before her wordlessly and tilt your head in question.
She’s leaning against her desk, simply regarding you as you both stand silently in her dark office. The weight of the room grows heavier, the silence just a lit bit louder when neither of you speak. You wonder if she can hear your pounding heartbeat - you think you can hear it beating erratically in your ears.
“No more doubts... no more unanswered questions,” she utters quietly.
You gasp slightly when she reaches toward you. She’s got a grasp on your necktie and tugs - you take the hint.
You stand between her legs and let your mouth hover near hers; her lips are slightly parted as she waits.
You look for any trepidation in her eyes but all you see reflected in her is the similar desire that is kindling in you. You close what little distance there is between you and you both sigh in long-awaited relief.
You swallow her moans in the kiss as you bring yourself closer to Lena, hands on her waist and you press her into her desk. She tugs more forcefully on your tie and a low groan rumbles deep in her throat.
She does everything to spur you on, or perhaps it’s just you that’s irrevocably aroused when you feel the pressure on your neck. She bites on your lip and sucks, relishing in the sound you make at the sensation.
You lift her up onto her desk, feeling blindly for anything that could poke at her and make her uncomfortable, but she’s got her hands cupped on your neck and brings you impossibly closer into another heated kiss.
She moans softly at the feel of you tangling your fingers in her hair, massaging at her scalp as you work slowly to free her hair from her high ponytail. When it all comes undone, her jet black hair cascades over her shoulders and you’re momentarily stolen of your breath.
Lena’s breathing heavily as she notices your pause, smiling slightly at your daze. She watches before she decides she’s grown impatient, realizing you’re not really going to do much unless she reminds you.
You feel a tug again, one hand on your shirt collar bringing you in closer and you feel the other grab for your hand. She guides your hand to her leg - you realize only then that her dress has ridden up her thighs, and then she’s taking you underneath the fabric. Your jaw goes slack as you feel the slight wetness of her there.
“I don’t want to waste any more time,” Lena murmurs. “Let there be no more doubt when I show you just how often I’ve thought about this very moment... about how much I’ve dreamed about a reality that I thought would never come to be.”
Her eyes flutter shut as you twitch your fingers, testing her reactions as you press into her with varying degrees of pressure. You become emboldened by the little sounds she makes, and you decide without much thought that it’s all you want to chase.
You bring your other hand just to her cheek, brushing the back of your fingers lightly over her cheeks as she leans into your touch. Despite the recent turn of events, you still feel a dull ache in your chest when you feel the softness of her cheeks, dampened from her earlier tears.
You bring the pad of your thumb just below her eye, your eyes furrowing as you wipe away what’s left of her dried up tears and she all but watches.
Your eyes flash with a twinge of sadness and you think Lena sees it because then she’s nudging you closer, and when you meet her gaze, you see no trace of blame - you take it as the forgiveness so freely given to you, the forgiveness you haven’t worked for but will take anyway.
You let your fingers linger before you run them through her hair, you chase her lips and fall into her kiss. Your fingers splay on the back of her head, holding her tenderly as you move to bring her impossibly closer.
The hand on her head tugs her hair back gently, the noise Lena makes awakening a rapidly building desire in you. You bring your mouth to her neck, kissing the dark freckle that’s there and she leans back to give you more access.
You squeeze her inner thigh and savour the moan that vibrates in her throat, quickly finding that you are enjoying every single thing that she’s giving to you. You massage her thigh a little more before pushing the fabric of her underwear to the side without much warning.
You feel the slickness of her and coat your fingers with it, teasing her entrance and smiling when you hear the lewd sounds that escape her parted lips.
Your hand pulls with slightly more force and she tips her head back with it, a long, unhindered moan drawn from her when you finally slip a finger slowly into her.
Lena decides immediately that it’s not enough, brings her hands to your back and digs forcefully in - again, you take a hint.
You thrust your finger, testing her reactions as you twist and angle your finger, coaxing all sorts of sounds from her - you decide it’ll be your new favourite pasttime. You nearly growl when you feel her clenching, and without much preamble again, you slip a second finger in and smirk at the loud cry that rings through the quiet office.
“Oh my god, (Y/N)-”
Lena rocks against your hand as you pump your fingers into her, teasing her with a slowing speed and bringing her back up again, your mouth planted to her chest.
A steady stream of moans and soft mewls fall unbidden from her lips, and you suck and bite on her skin, soothing the area with licks and kisses as you alternate your ministrations, intending to leave marks like constellations and map a galaxy across her chest.
“Harder, baby,” she whines at you.
You decide to turn up the notch one level higher and press your thumb to her clit, her voice echoing through the office and you have no doubt anyone outside her door could hear. You circle your thumb as you fuck her with your fingers, your hand growing wetter as she rides you.
She rocks against your hand and pants loudly, the crude noises of her pussy mixing in with her moans and affirmations.
“Yes, yes- (Y/N), I’m close.”
Lena whimpers as you continue your pace, happily occupied with everything she’s offering you. You know you’re officially hooked on everything Lena; you know deep within you that you’d take her anywhere she’d let you, but still you decide, perhaps selfishly, that what you’re getting right now is not nearly enough to satiate your overwhelming arousal.
Your voice is gravelly with misuse when you bring your mouth to her hair and mutter, “let me take you home, Lena. You’re mistaken if you think I’ll be done with you once we leave this office.”
You hook your fingers slightly and tug forcefully on her hair, her voice taking a higher pitch as she cries into the empty room - somewhere in the currently absent rational part of your mind, you think you suspect Lena’s being louder on purpose (you take note to test your theory at your earliest behest).
Her fingers scratch at your back desperately and you nip at her collarbone, biting lightly as you hear her the fractured panting of her breaths.
Lena is a babbling mess of incoherent vulgarities and your name as she rolls her hips into your fingers.
“Holy shit, (Y/N)- yes! Baby, right there, oh my god! Don’t stop-” she punctuates her stream of consciousness with a long, drawn out moan. You feel her body seize against you and then she’s screaming out in pleasure.
She cums all over your hand and you feel some slickness against your suit trousers - the thought of her cum stains visible on your pants gets you pulsing with arousal.
When she comes down from her orgasm, she’s panting heavily as her eyes flutter shut. You smirk at the sight of her and become increasingly restless to fuck her more thoroughly.
No sooner than you can think about the wonders this experience has done for your ego, the smugness is wiped clean off your face when Lena brings your fingers into her mouth and sucks on them.
Your jaw goes slack as you watch her, realizing she knows damn well what she’s doing to you as she swirls her tongue around your fingers.
When she’s finished - you think you actually pull your fingers away in impatience - you kiss her and chase the taste of her on your tongue. It’s not nearly enough for you, and somehow you both end up stumbling out of her office only half decent and, you suspect, absolutely, very obviously disheveled.
You miraculously find your way back to your apartment, barely keeping your hands off each other in the back of some poor man’s uber, and you all but drag her to your room - along the way you’d made a detour against a wall, against your door, nearly just right on the floor, but you make your way to your bed.
Come morning, you wake up much earlier than Lena and you have truly no clues as to what time it is. You untangle yourself from the koala-hold she’s got on you and allow a quiet, breathy laugh to escape you when she sleepily whines at the loss of contact, pouting as she curls deeper into your blankets.
Satisfied that she isn’t going to wake up, you check your phone and learn that it’s 7am - no doubt she’d consider that just short of late for work, but you also wonder if she’d allowed the employees of her company, and by extension, herself, the leeway to sleep in after the company event.
You think to call Jess on her behalf, but decide perhaps that might be too bold of you, and instead you pull on a sweatshirt and the pants thrown over the chair in your room to finish your errands.
You have some loose ends to tie up today, and you’ll only be semi-reluctant to admit you’re getting it all out of the way now in hopes for a half day spent with Lena in bed.
In your careless haste, you left your bike at L-Corp for an uber and you laugh at the very fact - having to walk around for a bit is a very small price to pay when you consider the payout of the circumstances that led to that outcome.
You stop by the florist business that’s just two shops away from your apartment on a whim, feeling particularly cheesy and disgustingly soft - you’ve been feeling like directionless, miserable shit for the past week, you resolve that you and Lena both deserve absurdly cliche acts of affection.
You bound back to your apartment nearly running, still finding Lena’s naked form very much asleep and wrapped in your bedsheets. You smile as you lean in to press a soft kiss to her head, not wanting to rouse her awake.
When you leave the single rose you’d purchased in your place on the bed, you left a quickly written note with it:
“Lena, I’m just running some errands. I left rather early. Will pick up my bike and get food, text me when you’re awake”
Without much consideration, you scrawl the best heart you can draw at the end. It’s only just an hour later after you leave when your phone buzzes with a notification.
Lena: “I’m awake :)”
You laugh at the simple message, and you’re just in the middle of texting her back when she sends an attachment of a picture.
Lena: DSC_09086.jpg
Lena: “Hurry up, I miss you. I even grief-cooked all these pancakes and bacon in your absence. What else am I supposed to do with this?”
You can’t help the happiness that springs from your chest as you smile at Lena’s series of messages, laughing at finally being at the place you never thought you’d ever get to - not even in your wildest dreams could you have pictured this.
You realize, however, that this reality is much better than anything you’ve ever dreamed of, and it’s the only explanation you’ll firmly stand by when Lena watches you practically crashing into your apartment not even ten minutes after she sent her last text.
Lena Luthor x reader (No more masks, I won’t hold back)
Request: "The candy is for the trick or treaters not you, quit eating it all " with lena
a/n: HAPPY HALLOWEEN you wonderful ghouls and pals of mine! Whether you celebrate it or not, have a kickass day, stay safe, and do all the things you want to do, no matter what it is that makes you happy - today and all the days!!! :D
Anyway... how was THAT for an episode that we just watched?? I am STILL reeling about all the Supergirl Ladies content we are having and I have never felt so ALIVE!!!
Here’s a short cute one for y’all though! I freaking LOVE domestic Lena alright!! I swear it is the greatest concept and not only does she deserve this, but we too also Deserve This. Now also imagine Lena having to deal with someone who has approximately zero impulse control?? That’s you this time LMAO. Happy Halloween and happy Tuesday!!
- - - - -
There were only two occasions you ever looked forward to in your life, and since your birthday wasn’t considered a national holiday by the nation yet (how rude of them honestly) you had to settle for the next best thing.
Autumn was your favourite season - you romanticized every single aspect of it that could possibly be cherished to the high heavens and back again. The crunch of leaves on sidewalks under your boots, and leather jacket and sweater weather made you come alive when the rest of nature around you was settling down and shedding.
The colours around you and the anticipation of keeping away indoors to stay warm - it was what kept you going, to say the least.
Even the pumpkin flavoured everything you didn’t bat an eyelash at, and so often some of your friends have expressed their ire of your tendency to go overboard with the festivities.
How could you have helped yourself if it was just simply more fun to act like a suburban housewife and decorate your entire house in Halloween decorations and buy an army’s worth of candy rather than to deny yourself the simple happiness of doing so?
Naysayers be damned, you’ll eat your themed cookies and ensure everything from your house to your car to nearly every single orifice of your body smelled of pumpkin, you’ll eat all your Halloween candy and only regret it for the next few days, and you’ll damn well call anything and everything ‘spoopy’ until the retail industry pries it from your cold, dead hands and forces aisles and aisles of Christmas decorations down your throat.
It was also Lena’s first official Halloween, and much to your friends’ amusement and great exasperation, this very fact seemed to make your excitement reach unprecedented heights.
She’s only been your girlfriend for something just over half of a year, but already you could very well say you knew each other well enough to not be so surprised by each other’s funny quirks.
After you finished work you barrelled right through your front door and darted into the shower the instant that you could, throwing on your favourite obnoxiously bright coloured knit sweater and sneaking six packets of candy into your pocket, for later, obviously.
You promised Lena to bring out all the stops for her first Halloween experience, and you were beyond ecstatic that you got to be the one who did this for her.
You were pondering just how lucky you were to have Lena in your life as you laid out the ready to bake Pillsbury pumpkin and ghost cookies before putting them in the oven.
You’d tried convincing Lena that she didn’t need to leave work too early; Halloween is a late affair anyway.
For her part, she seemed just as excited as you about celebrating, perhaps it was your zealous eagerness that was infectious, but more and more Lena was becoming as taken with the day as you were, and you thought it was absolutely adorable.
Still, her text message to you made it evident she was insistent about coming home early to be with you.
Lena: “I let Jess go home early again... I’ll see you soon :)”
you: “was she just as perplexed as she was the last time you told her to go home early?”
Lena: “It seems as though she’s stopped asking questions and just accepted it.”
you: “seems wise, especially considering what you get up to when you do leave early, I imagine she wouldn’t want to know anyway ;)”
Lena: “And you seem to be wanting to push your buttons tonight, what makes you think you’ll get so lucky?”
you: “you are the light of my life and I am more than lucky to take anything you are so gracious to give me, Ms Luthor”
Lena: “Yeah, yeah, I get it. No need to kiss ass, I’ll see you soon babe ;)”
you: “Love you! Can’t wait <3″
You grinned to yourself as you put the cookies in the oven, marvelling at just how easily it is to smile when it comes to your girlfriend.
With nothing much else left to do, you sit down on your couch and peruse through Netflix’s Halloween selection, wondering if you could convince Lena to watch a horror movie with you.
It’s probably about fifteen minutes later and you’re in the middle of the third episode of Mindhunter when you hear the door open and you turn around to catch the figure of your girlfriend by the threshold.
“Hey babe,” you smile broadly as you take notice of her casual clothes.
“Hi yourself, (Y/N),” she says, walking over to your place on the couch as you lean your head back for her to give you a kiss.
She glances at the TV and squints her eyes suspiciously at you, “you started another episode?”
Your eyes widen and you try to hide your sheepish smirk, “no.”
Lena raises a stern eyebrow and you’re becoming less and less successful at hiding your guilty grin.
“I don’t like it when you lie to me, (Y/N).”
She leans down closer to your lips and you can feel her breath. You move up to kiss her but she dodges the move.
“Uh-uh, tell me the truth,” she says slowly.
You stare up at her again, your head leaning back as you gaze at her chastising look upside down. You smile softly to yourself at the sight of her, the teasing and fondness masked behind a veil of reprimand, and you think you zone out for a little bit in a dopey trance when you hear her click her tongue at you in frustration.
“Don’t do that.”
“What? What did I do?”
“How am I supposed to be angry with you if you keep looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” you ask half curiously.
Lena takes a deep breath and a smile forms on her lips, she shakes her head as she grabs your cheeks and kisses you.
“I can never say no to that face of yours, even if you do try to sneak some TV behind my back.”
“I did not,” you grumble petulantly, watching as her eyebrow arches again when she makes her way to sit beside you. “Entirely.”
“Mhm, right,” she remarks with a fond smirk. “How was your day, darling?” She presses up against you and leans her head on your shoulder.
“It was awesome, everyone dressed up which isn’t really something I’d expected. How about you?”
“It was a day... It’s rather difficult to talk Kara out of an idea once she has one, isn’t it?”
“What did she do now?”
“I believe she and Winn had some bet which she lost, so she walked around the office today in one of those inflatable dinosaur costumes that are always circulating the internet?”
You burst into laughter at the thought and wondered how Winn convinced Kara to walk around in an obnoxious costume for a day when her crime-fighting extracurriculurs were to be considered.
“I don’t really think she considered that she could actually lose,” Lena answers your wordless question.
“Those are always the best bets.”
“So what’s on the agenda today? Are you going to make me watch some ridiculous horror movie so I can snuggle up next to you?” Lena asks conspiratorially.
Despite yourself, you blush at the remark and try to hide your grin.
“I was, actually.”
“You’re so transparent,” Lena says, laughing as she moves in to kiss you.
“Not my fault you’re so irresistible,” you retort with a little pout.
Lena levels her look to you and mumbles against your lips, “you don’t need an excuse to hold me, (Y/N).”
“It’s Halloween anyway, what else could get us into the mood-”
Lena interrupts you as she kisses you, moving so she’s straddling you and pushes you into the couch.
“I know plenty that could get us in the mood,” she comments in a low voice.
She grinds softly into you and you groan, your hands moving to her hips as you chase her lips.
The rustling of something Lena’s disrupted distracts her and she looks down at your leg. She eyes your pocket suspiciously before she snaps her eyes up at you.
“Do you seriously have candy in your pocket?”
“No,” your eyes widen and you make a valiant effort to hide the humour in your lie.
“You’re in a dishonest mood today, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it this is my favourite!”
“Darling, I love you, but your sweet tooth is entirely ruining the meaning of ‘assorted candy’. You get to keep whatever is in your pocket for the rest of the night,” she says with a half-serious warning.
“Yes ma’am,” you mutter as you try to tug Lena back towards you.
“Nope,” she says, refusing to let herself be pulled in.
You look at her with your best puppy eyes and make a grand pout, blinking your eyes in utter sadness and deprivation.
“You’re going to burn the cookies. Don’t think you can use me as your excuse for gross negligence,” she remarks with a mischievous smile.
Lena moves back to her seat on the couch and you make a great show of slowly getting up and dragging your feet toward the kitchen, muttering just loud enough so she can hear.
“I guess! I guess I’ll go, I guess! I didn’t want kisses anyway, it’s fine!” you continue until your voice is nothing but a muted lament from the kitchen.
You take the cookies out of the oven, exceedingly impressed by Lena’s timing, no doubt, and you eye the bowl of candy that’s on the kitchen counter next to the tray of cookies.
You move to stick your hand out and you make just the slightest ruffling sound when you hear Lena’s voice calling out to you from the living room.
“The candy is for the trick-or-treaters, not you. Quit eating it all!”
You drop your jaw slightly in surprise and wonder if Lena’s got eyes on the back of her head.
“Hurry up and get back here before we’re interrupted for the remainder of the night and you regret all of your choices.”
You nearly slip in your socks rushing back to Lena, catching that look of amusement that you’ve noticed is becoming a common expression of hers, her eyes crinkled and lips twisted into a subtle smirk as she watches you dive onto the couch beside her.
True to her observation, you’re about half an hour into Friday the 13th Part VI when the beginnings of the never-ending doorbell mark the start of the evening.
You, being the child at heart, are exceedingly impressed by the sheer number of Supergirls you see; pirate Supergirl, zombie Supergirl, you think you see a velociraptor Supergirl to which you were witness to a brief argument of, ‘it’s Halloween I can be whoever I want to be’, and you whispered to the kid your shared affinity for dinosaurs, to which you received a beaming smile.
You can’t help it but you laugh when you see a child dressed in a laughing-crying emoji costume, and it wasn’t long at all before Lena’s become envious of you that she’s joining you at the door.
In between Halloween-goers, you find yourself sat on the stairs and you’re making out with Lena like two teenagers with the house to yourselves before the next doorbell interrupts you, and you always half-heartedly groan at the distraction and Lena dutifully shoves you toward the door.
Once, a solitary scientist shows up at your door, her mother standing a few feet away from her and the small girls looks up at your tall figures.
“Hi, I’m a scientist,” she says, completely opting out of the traditional greeting.
“That’s awesome, you probably need all the energy you can get to save the world, right?” you say as you drop some candy into her bag.
“Yeah, my mom says too much candy isn’t good though.”
“She’s right, my girlfriend is a scientist too, she only eats healthy food.”
The girl looks up at Lena and her eyes widen in wonder.
“You’re a real scientist?”
“I am, aren’t you?”
The girl tilts her head and her eyes widen again in realization. “Yeah.”
Lena grins as the girl happily waves goodbye, skipping to her mother who’s shaking her head in amusement at her daughter.
When it’s later in the evening and the number of trick-or-treaters has dwindled and you’re almost finished your third movie, you interrupt the B-horror movie you and Lena had opted for in favour of light conversation.
“You gonna dress up next season?” you ask as someone on the screen trips over their own feet.
Lena’s head is leaning against your shoulder and she snuggles closer to you under the blanket draped over you two.
“I suppose so, I definitely will when we have kids of our own though.”
You think you feel your heart skip a beat and you hear the low trumpeting of your heart in your ears. You think you’re projecting, totally having misheard Lena and you don’t dare comment on it at all, lest you make everything awkward and more troubled than it ought to be.
Your silence goes entirely noticed, however, and you don’t have to see Lena to know her eyes have shot to the size of golf balls and you can feel her entire body tense beside you.
You keep your eyes stubbornly trained on the TV, trying to steady your breaths but you learn that the mindful attempt of regulating a natural phenomenon is far too much work.
Lena’s uncharacteristically stuttering when she speaks up, “I just- I meant, that if... in the circumstance that could ever be a possibility-”
You move your arm and put a hand on her knee, your other arm bringing her in close and you squeeze reassuringly.
“Kid talk already, eh?”
You feel her indignant blush and you laugh, feeling her sink her head deeper into you if it were even possible.
“I’m sorry, I’m just bugging you,” you amend gently. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper as it’s muffled by your clothing.
“So we’ll get there when we get there. And I know I can take on everything with you, and I in fact want to.”
You squeeze her again and feel her wrap her arms around your midsection, you adjust yourself accordingly to let her.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think I could have a better Halloween partner than you.”
“How charming and thoughtful of you to say,” she says in a teasing lilt, taking her head out of somewhere from under your arm and resting her chin on your shoulder.
You turn your head slightly to look at her, adding an afterthought.
“Or a better partner in general.”
She looks up at you through her lashes, studying the soft look your face has taken when you look at her, and after a long moment she purses her lips for a kiss.
You turn your body to her and smile into her kiss, grinning at the soft exhalation of air she lets out when she melts into your touch.
You tug on her waist to bring her on top of you, Lena falling into your lap easily as you run your hands up and down her back in a soothing motion. Lena moans lowly in your mouth as your hands slip under her shirt, finally touching skin.
She rocks into you softly and your jaw drops a little, Lena’s touch tracing your lip gently before nipping at it.
You think you feel so viscerally shaken when Lena abruptly pulls away, leaving you feeling particularly cold and at a loss of contact.
By the time you figure out what’s going on, she’s already just made it to the bottom of the stairs.
“Hurry up, babe, or you won’t get to see the other costume I have in store for you.”
For the life of you, you think you black out momentarily when you process Lena’s words, and you think in that split second of seeming eternity, you caught a glimpse of your whole life flashing before you.
If there was any indication of eager excitement on your face, Lena most certainly caught it if the wink and sultry eyes she gives you is anything to go by.
You were proud to say you tripped only once bolting up the stairs; that and a handful of other bruises you garnered that night surely ended up being worth your troubles.
Lena Luthor x reader (For as many miles and hours apart, I’m with you)
Request: "You look super cute right now , and it's really hard not to kiss you " with lena
a/n: well well well... guess who’s back again from gallivanting around a very small corner of the world... yes, that’d be me! I’ve taken the time I needed to recover from the jet lag... tbh I am still very affected lol. I think I’m done for this year, no more trips for now unless the universe decides to surprise me! Time to get this blog back in running order LMAO. I have a masterlist now for all you wonderfully organized people as well since it’s been asked for. Moreover, it’s kinda made me realize how very little I’ve written... I definitely want to expand my collection! Thank you all for sticking around though! Whether you’ve read one thing or a handful of things, I appreciate you all so very much :D
Now... guess who seems to be moderately inspired by their adventures that directly influenced the direction of this fic! Yeah, LOL. This one’s pretty fluffy... just pure fluff actually who am I kidding. A very cute fic for a very cute prompt?? Why the heck not! And because I always need to have at least one cracky headcanon in all the things I write, for whatever reason, I just want to say Lena would be the absolute worst with dogs, because she would be the biggest Sucker of all time, and she has the dumbest nerdy baby voice she uses for them, I don’t make the rules y’all
- - - - -
You’d say you did quite alright thank you very much, if anyone were to ask what it was like dating someone as big of a deal as Lena Luthor. It’s no surprise that having a big-time CEO for a girlfriend would have its perks as well as its challenges, but like any other relationship, you figured all that was needed was to just take things in stride.
Much to your delightful discovery, in fact, Lena had a harder time letting go of you than you did of her. She travelled less often for work than you anticipated she would. She’d told you once she tried not to travel too much if she could avoid it - you found it rather peculiar that someone wouldn’t want to indulge such an opportunity as she could.
You realized then Lena had a fear of flying, and moreover after having an incident with a helicopter and her brother (you’d only discussed this once), she was even more disinclined to be anywhere that wasn’t on solid ground.
She travelled on her private jet if she absolutely had to, and though you weren’t too shocked by this, she was just as quick to admit her fear of flying commercially with so many other innocent people on board and how she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if anything were to happen to them on her account - that made you all the more reluctant to let her go.
Still, she’d left your apartment with her head held high and a steely resolution. And still, it wasn’t even ten minutes before she’d messaged you and sent you one inconsequential heart emoji and a smiley face, just because she wanted to.
Lena wouldn’t be gone for too long, and you’ve become used to not missing her too much like you first did, but you knew you’d miss her now for not being able to kiss her when she did stupidly adorable things like that.
You supposed it could wait for when she came back - absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.
It would only be a few days, she surmised, no longer than a week. She would be staying in Rome, and though you knew she was hasty to come back to National City, you reminded her of the benefits of a vacation.
Petulantly (with a pout, actually), she remarked that she doesn’t take advantage of her time away on business - and what exactly is the point of travelling for leisure if the only person you’d have fun with isn’t there anyway?
Needless to say, you kissed her then.
Your life had gone on as usual. For the most part, it seemed like any other week regardless - you saw less of Lena these days anyway.
Truthfully, the reality of Lena actually being out of the country only hit you with her “I wish you were here” messages, and only then did you realize you couldn’t really actually do anything about your absence - that didn’t stop you from replying “I’ll be over soon” regardless.
Lena: “You shouldn’t keep a girl waiting, you know. You’ve told me the same exact thing two days ago.”
you: “I’m only collecting all your favourite foods together. It’s taken me exactly one business day just to reconcile the fact that you prefer gluten free cookies over chewy Chips Ahoy”
Lena: “You’re so rude, I merely grew up with those. It’s a force of habit.”
you: “I cried outside of the natural food market parking lot for five minutes before walking in”
Lena: “You are so brave and selfless, my hero.”
you: “thanks, I know. It’ll take another business day to process the kale and spinach though”
Lena: “Oh? Well, that’s too bad, I’ll be gone by the time you get here. I have someone very important I have to kiss when I get back. Better luck next time? :)”
you: “wow, lucky asshole I bet ;) what am I gonna do with all this junk then?”
Lena: “Junk? I think you’ve got your definitions confused, darling. But you will figure it out <3″
Your banter with Lena was arguably one of your favourite things about her, and it didn’t hurt that it helped you forget how much you could miss her if you really let yourself think about it.
From the very start, she was a bit of a goofball, and you had to wonder where it was people got off on glamourizing and over-exaggerating just how evil a Luthor could really be.
In fact, she has arguably the biggest heart of anyone you’ve met. And the fact that you could make such a statement said quite a lot in and of itself.
You met Lena through your friend Winn, who finally relented to you after you caught him in a lie (but you didn’t really have to try hard at all) about where he really worked, and he’d tripped over himself explaining how he met Lena “through work” when you knew he still worked at CatCo and she most definitely still worked at L-Corp.
You thought he was still hiding something, but that was Winn and you always knew he’d come around if there was anything he really couldn’t handle.
You’d gotten along with Lena right off the bat when you’d met her one night at a bar with some of Winn’s other friends. He’d introduced you to everyone, and they were all very welcoming of you and eager to bring you in, but you just couldn’t bring your attention away from Lena.
You wouldn’t admit it then, but you would say you could tell she was just as taken by you, and by how much closer you two physically got throughout the night, somehow ending up sitting beside each other rather than across from each other like you’d started the night - it was quite obvious you two had chemistry.
It was a bit of a surprise to you, just how much you had to talk about with a 24 year old billionaire, but what was even more of a shock was how much you still liked her despite her having something contrary to say about all the things you liked.
You two had bickered and teased each other all night, you realized Lena was just stringing you along after she’d noticed the keyring on your keys and teased you about your favourite soccer team.
She conceded later in the night with a dangerous smirk on her face (after another double jack and coke) that she didn’t actually care as much as she made it seem about soccer - she knew enough about it to poke fun at you, and you were too impressed by her ability to bullshit her way through a conversation with you to feel antagonized.
You’d all departed the bar that night and said your goodbyes, slightly buzzed and happily tipsy, and you were the last to bid Lena a goodnight.
It was only after you watched her sneak a wink over her shoulder at you as she walked away that you acquiesced to the realization that you didn’t remember to give her your number.
You didn’t have to wait too long, however, before you ran into her at the park while walking your dog one morning.
“Hey, Lena, how’s it going?” you smiled at her.
“Good morning, (Y/N),” she said, taking notice of your companion. “Who’s this big guy?”
“This is my puppy, Justin.”
Lena regarded your dog again, and stared questioningly at you and then at your full-sized Doberman, and back at you again.
“You named... your puppy... Justin?”
You grinned broadly at her and watched your dog shyly go up to her.
“Yeah, I love him. Still haven’t given him a middle name. I’ve got a few in mind though.”
She smiled peculiarly at you again, “what were you thinking, then?”
“Justin Time, Justin Case, Justin-credible.”
Lena broke out into laughter and nodded sagely, “right, of course.”
You watched as Justin warmed up to her and let himself be pet by her, Lena seeming to know what to do around unfamiliar dogs.
“We should go out again some time,” she said as she smiled at Justin’s inquisitive head tilt.
“Yeah! That’d be awesome, I had a great time with everyone last time. I don’t know when Winn’s gonna hit up everyone again though-”
“Oh, I meant you and I.”
“Oh. You mean like, by ourselves?”
“Yes, if you’d like, of course.”
“I totally would, I was actually thinking about how I didn’t get your number the other day-” your eyes widened and you snapped your mouth shut.
Lena grinned, “is that so?”
“Yeah,” you let out the affirmation in a sound that resembled more of a squeak than an actual word.
“Well, I suppose that just means I wasn’t the only one so carried away by how much fun I had.”
The rest of the encounter was spent in a blur, and you don’t think you can recall exactly what had happened, but you remember Lena hugging you (which you suppose was precisely the moment you blanked out) and her leaning down to pet Justin one last time as he tugged lightly on the leash to go after her, and you had your phone in your hand.
It wasn’t until you were at the door of your apartment that you really realized Lena saved her number into your phone, and it was another ordeal in itself for you to figure out when to text her and how and just what exactly you would say.
Lena made things easier for you, despite her affinity for making you a bumbling, happy mess sometimes.
You’d gotten better at being more composed around her, and you gave yourself all the credit for it.
And so it was, now you were waiting for her to come back, and you only had one night left before you’d be able to kiss your girlfriend again.
It was early in the evening and you’d just got back from walking Justin when you get an incoming Skype call from Lena.
You answer the call on your laptop with a beaming smile, Justin trailing happily behind you at the ringing.
“Hey, angel, what’s up?”
“Hi. I missed you,” she grumbles.
You didn’t have to see Lena’s pout to know it was there, and you smile to yourself. It didn’t take much for you to figure out she was laying in bed and on her phone.
“I missed you too, baby. Isn’t it 1 in the morning there? Why aren’t you sleeping?” you chastise lightly.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Did you even try?”
There’s a guilty pause on her end, and then, “I will...”
You laugh softly at her sleepy voice, and you thought to yourself how the hours really couldn’t go by any quicker, “alright, I’ll believe you.”
“Where’s my boy, Justin?” she asks.
“Oh don’t worry, he’s here. Slobbering at attention and all. Say hi to Lena, buddy!” you tilt the laptop screen closer to the ground and half of Justin’s face gets into the shot.
He immediately perks up when he sees Lena and he tries to get closer to the screen, putting his front paws up on the desk to get a better look.
Lena laughs, “hi, Justin! I missed you! Are you being a good boy? I’ll be back so soon to feed you all the food I know (Y/N) won’t let you have.”
You huff indignantly at her cooing and shake your head in amusement.
“Justin’s gonna get chubby because you keep feeding him your gourmet salmon.”
“He runs you in circles, my boy will never be a little chubster,” she grins.
“Seems like you missed him more than me,” you joke.
“Oh, I most certainly did.”
You click your tongue in mild offense and tilt the laptop screen back up to your face.
“I’ll hang up now, seeing as I’m unwanted.”
“Okay, leave the laptop on for Justin.”
You lift the dog up with considerable effort and put him in your lap. He’s a bundle of hair and everything when he’s trying to get comfortable and repositions himself on your legs.
“At least I can tell you in no uncertain terms how much I missed you. I don’t know if you speak the language of dogs,” you remark with a sulk.
“I don’t need to, I know it by how excited he gets whenever I come to visit.”
“Are you saying I need to drool on everything you own and chew up your one favourite heel for you to see how much I missed you?”
“Justin is a majestic creature, I let him do what he wants. You, on the other hand, should know better.”
“Maybe he does know better and he just knows you’ll let him off easy.”
“He’s a good boy regardless, I love him very much.”
“Go to sleep, Lena,” you smirk at her increasingly sleepy rambling.
“Okay, I love you too, you know.”
“I do know, baby. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Okay. You don’t have to pick me up okay? I know I’m going to be rather grumpy when I get back. I just want to crash at yours and cuddle.”
“Of course, we can do whatever you need.”
Lena hums sleepily and her eyelids seem to become heavier with the threat of sleep.
“I can’t wait to see you, goodnight,” she manages to mumble.
“Goodnight,” you murmur softly as you wait a moment before ending the call.
When you go to sleep just hours later, it’s with the fondness of knowing just how much of a nerd your girlfriend is, and how much you missed her.
It’s only with the promise of seeing her again that you finally convince yourself to fall asleep and be that much closer to reuniting with her.
When you get the text from her in the morning informing you that she’s close to your apartment, you can’t stop buzzing with even more excitement than you woke up with, and you figure Justin can feel some of that excess of energy too if his pacing around the apartment is any indication.
“You too, eh?” you mutter to him.
Justin merely huffs and keeps his guard on watching the door.
“You’re almost worse than me, you big sucker,” you say fondly as you tousle his fur.
It’s a few more minutes before there’s a knock on your door and Justin springs up from his sleepy post and you jolt to life.
You barely open the door before the entirety of Lena’s form slips through and melds into you, and you laugh as you feel her weight in your arms.
“Holy shit, I missed you so much,” you mutter into her hair.
You feel her pull away as she looks up at you, looking every inch the immaculate woman she is and not at all the exhausted woman you know she is.
She brings her hands to your cheeks and smiles as she pulls you in for a kiss. She runs her fingers through your hair and you bring her closer to you.
Justin waits patiently between the two of you, you can sense his presence even without having to feel his body pressed up between the two of you expectantly.
Lena hums lowly into the kiss and it’s only when you two break apart that you realize how sleepy she must be.
“Coffee, or sleep?” you ask.
“Kisses,” she grumbles, and she moves in for another kiss as you relent with fond admiration.
“You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?”
“No,” she supplies helpfully, and you think you’ve got enough for your answer.
You help her take her coat off and you hang it quickly before you jog to your room to get some of the comfy clothes that she keeps at your apartment.
Lena’s already settled into the couch and yawning as she curls into the cushions, and you almost feel bad about having to disrupt her.
“Baby, you should change, I don’t think that’s comfortable.”
“It’s fine, that’s a later problem,” she says sleepily, and you find yourself laughing again.
“You didn’t want to even sleep in a bed?”
Lena hums sleepily and you can tell she’s about to fall asleep again. You crouch down beside her sleepy form on your couch and smile at the sight of her. You place a hand gently on her cheek and rub your fingers at her temple.
She smiles contentedly and leans into the touch, and you kiss her on her forehead before you bring your hands up and tug at her ponytail.
Somehow in her sleepy state, she gets the idea and she lets you ease her hair out of the tie. She groans happily at the ease of pressure and you leave the hair tie on your wrist.
You move to stand up to let her sleep, but she feels you move away and reaches her hand out to stop you impressively quickly for someone who should have one foot in the dream world.
She mutters disapprovingly and her pout is out in full force. You grin at the display and roll your eyes.
“What do you want me to do, baby?”
“Cuddles, please,” she says quickly, and you only have half the mind to think about how difficult she makes it to not smile so much around her.
“Alright.”
She readjusts to make room for you. You fall asleep holding Lena snugly, and you know it already that she’d never admit it even if all the proof in the world stacked against her that she fell asleep within a minute of being in your arms.
It’s a few hours later, you deduce after waking up from your nap, and you feel Lena’s body still pressing against you firmly as if preventing your escape.
You try to slip away from her slowly and you see Justin laying quietly in a heap beside the couch and he looks up at you when he notices your movement.
You cock your head into the direction of the kitchen when you finally stand up, successfully not having woken up Lena and Justin follows obediently behind you.
It’s mid-afternoon, but you know coffee is always appreciated so you boil water for when Lena wakes up.
Only half an hour later, you walk back to check up on Lena after you hear significant movement coming from the living room.
Lena’s grinning as Justin sticks his entire face into her lap to coax all the cuddles out of her.
“I couldn’t have forgotten you, sweet boy. You did such a good job of protecting me while we were sleeping didn’t you? Yes, you did,” she says in her baby voice she uses specifically for Justin.
You smirk at the voice and leave momentarily. When you come back, it’s with a cup of coffee in hand for her.
She smiles brilliantly at you, in much better condition than when she first arrived and eyes the coffee mug you have.
She only purses her lips in challenge after she’s taken a few sips, and the expectant eyebrow that ticks at you makes you wonder what her problem is.
You glance at the coffee cup and it’s your favourite mug that Alex gave you for Secret Santa, the one that has “Good Morning, Asshole” written in a nice handwritten font on it.
You try to contain your laughter but your smile gives you away and Lena ticks her tongue at you.
You move to sit beside her and you bring an arm around her as she leans into you. You turn the TV on and leave the sound on a low volume as you sit in contemplative silence, and Lena leaves her coffee on the table. Justin lies in a heap like a carpet in front of the TV with you, finally content that he can take a nap.
“I’m really proud of you, you know,” you say after a moment.
“What? Why?” Lena asks with perplexity.
You suppose it’s justifiable, you hadn’t shared more than several words with her and you do have a bit of a habit of vocalizing things to continue a conversation you’ve been having solely in your head.
“No, it’s just- you’re out there doing your thing, travelling the world and also doing what you can to help it. I love being able to say, ‘that’s my girlfriend’. You make it hard to not be proud of you, actually.”
You smile to yourself, and you only pull yourself out of your reverie when you realize Lena is considerably quiet. When you turn to look at her, you see the mistiness of her eyes.
“Come here, you nerd,” you say fondly as you wrap Lena in an embrace. “This isn’t meant to be a crying moment.”
“If you didn’t keep saying wonderful things like that maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to cry as often.”
“You’re going to make Justin cry,” you say teasingly.
“I’ve missed both of you,” she says.
You bring her hand to your lips and place light kisses on her knuckles.
“Lie down,” is all you say, and she smiles at you, both parts in total adoration and in question.
You bring her feet to your lap and turn the volume of the TV up just a little bit higher. You start massaging her calves, leaning back into the couch as you continue your ministrations on Lena.
From the corner of your eye, you can feel her gaze on you, and you smile a little to yourself. You try not to, but you can’t help it - you sneak a glance at your girlfriend and realize just how lucky you are to have her relaxing on your couch with you.
She looks radiant with her hair down, her hair sprawled a little messily across the cushion and falling into cascades off her shoulders, and you think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.
You wonder if the tension in her calves has anything to do with her wearing heels far too often, and you muse deeper and deeper into just how much a creature of wonder Lena really is.
You stare blankly at the TV as you bring your hands blindly to her feet, but then she’s poking at you with her foot to get your attention.
“What?” you smile with amusement.
She’s silent for a beat before she says, “hi.”
“Hi,” you reply with a grin.
You laugh at the foolishness of the scenario - the lightness you feel now that Lena’s back and how easily she makes you feel weightless seems a lot like being home, regardless of whether you’ve left or where you will go.
You think that’s part of the magic of her.
“You look so cute,” she says.
You smirk, “thank you. I could say the same thing, but it goes without saying you always look amazing.”
“It’s really hard not to kiss you right now.”
“Oh yeah? What’s stopping you then?” you ask.
“You’re too far away,” Lena says simply.
You grin at the statement and turn to get a better look at her.
Then she adds, “come here,” more suggestively.
You stare at her in challenge, heavy with the weight of anticipation, and you move her legs off you gently before leaning in to hover above her.
“I really missed you, baby,” you say as you bring your lips just inches within hers.
“Really?” she whispers. “Care to show me?”
You smile mischievously as she tugs at the front of your shirt and wraps her legs around your waist.
You only have the vague notion that Lena Luthor is a little troublemaker, but you don’t have time to ponder it before you feel yourself getting lost in everything that makes her the remarkable woman that she is.
You feel nothing but happiness with the sudden realization of just how much you love her.
You would take the handful of moments you can steal with Lena if it meant being the only one to know fully and intimately the bliss of being the one who can love her the way you do.
For you, that was enough, and for now, the days you share until she has to leave again are enough.
