#dating while fat

[victorianachos]

[loomingseafog]

Dating as a non-binary, fat black alternative afab person has been the most draining experience. The addition of being non monogamous makes it even worse.

I have actively been attempting to date an additional person for nearly three years now. The nonchalant behavior of men in general is already tough to navigate. Men are so upset at the high expectations that women have of them, be a provider, cover financials, have a car, have their own place that they just offer nothing to start so everything else feels like gift. Also, so that when you do inevitably have expectations just from a personal, person to person, standpoint they can say some variation of, "well it was never that serious for me."

When you're fat you cannot have any expectations because the sheer fact that someone is talking to you is supposed to be enough. The moment you give back talk or stand up for yourself, or be difficult in anyway you're exposable.

I don't dress high femme. So despite only seeing me as a woman because to most gender is binary, they also do not see me as one given that I am fat. Which is different than the normal way women are seen as objects. There's like a disgust of me they are trying to keep down just to have access to a body for sex. Foreplay? Aftercare? Who cares about that! Kissing? NO!

Even if someone finds me attractive genuinely, the ego that I might reject them despite not being fat perhaps offends them. They'll show these horrible character flaws of hating women or being judgemental of other women and think I'll over look it because I am "different than other women" as if it is out of a hatred for women. When I simply hate all the expectations men and other women have simply because I was born a "girl."

I'm not your mother, I'm not your caregiver. I don't actually expect men to pay all of my bills or have a car or their own place. This world is TOUGH! I don't even have all of those things! But because I am a woman they believe they know what I want. I want a team player. A supportive non judgemental person who loves as much as they want to be loved. Someone who isn't a pessimist and isn't a love bombing optimist. Vibe with me because you like who I am, not JUST about what I could do for you.

Being non monogamous people just automatically think the friend zone is the only place I want to be. That being non monogamous is only about wanting sex and nothing more. I simply have a lot of affection to give and I am not shy about it. If you show me love, if you listen to me, if you are willing to love me and talk to me through the unsavory parts of my personality (that we all have) that is enough for me. Be broke, live with your parents, live with 5 roommates that shit isn't your fault this country SUCKS! But if you want to be miserable and hate the world and assume the worst of me no matter how calmly I come to you about a problem? Then stay miserable and di-

[thyccandtyred]

Still not horrible. I matched with some cute guys. Set some boundaries when one wanted to instantly start talking about how "good you look in corsets and skirts" which he seems to have respected without me having to get blunt about it. I just hope he's not a conservative or a centrist 🙃

[forgotn1]

It genuinely sucks that being fat means that a large percentage of people wouldn't even entertain the idea of dating me. Because they have preconceived notions about my character, my personality, and my lifestyle based upon my size. But my size tells them nothing about me except how big I am. They cannot determine my loyalty, my honesty, my ingenuity, my intelligence, my drive, my anything, just by looking at me. And because of their prejudicial projections, they will never get to know how amazing I truly am.

Unfortunately, missing out on that does not have any impact on them or their lives. But it does on my life. Not individually, but when viewed as a whole, each individual choice compounds. To the point that it becomes far more difficult for me to meet people who want to get to know who I am and see if we're compatible enough to date, because the majority of people I meet have decided they would rather not as soon as they see me. And that fucking hurts. It is painful having this understanding because I know I can't change it. It's just a shitty fact that I have to accept.

[thenapturalone]

This year I would actually like to go on some dates. Or hook up with some folks. I really don’t care which. 

[gloriousfatpoc]

I just had the whole you’ve got just a pretty face but you I would be so much prettier if I lost weight. They literally laughed in my face and told me I had the body of a hippo and the face of an angel. 

My response you’d be a lot more attractive if you kept your gob shut and weren’t an asshole. People these are NOT compliments! These are not nice to say to someone. If you say this shit to someone you deserve to be punched in the face. 

Mod M

[victorianachos]

victorianachos.substack.com

DATING WHILE FAT

[whatevski]

Man I've been really digging this dude and like, not only is he super cute but he also is decent??? Plus he saves all my snaps (he asked first before he did too omg) and tells me how cute I am and like??? This is nice??? Anyway, I'm pretty afraid I'm going to fuck it up Saturday or he will be like every other dude I've met recently and end up wanting to just have sex with me so lmao. Anyway. We'll see I guess.