#datingask

[touplift]

Yesterday I went on my first date. I have prayed so, so much about our relationship, and I feel like God has blessed us every step of the way. But his parents are really, really protective, and they don't want to think of me as more than a friend to him. I'm so afraid that our relationship will never be allowed to develop. Can you pray for us? I know God can change anything. I've seen him do it in my life.

We can definitely pray!

I have some advice for you too, and I’ll keep it brief since you didn’t really ask for it.

Parents are (generally) pretty good judges of character. There are definitely examples of parents who are overzealous in protecting their children from mistakes and sin, but most parents simply want what’s going to be best for their kid.I can’t truly speak for them, but I’d be willing to be that their protectiveness has very little to do with you. They probably don’t have any kind grudge against you; they just haven’t seen their son display the level of maturity that they want to him to show before he engages in a dating relationship. And, quite honestly, that’s their prerogative. You may not like their protection of their son… but it might be that, by protecting him, they’re protecting you from a relationship that could be really damaging in the future. Just something to consider!

Be aware of his parent’s role in his life right now. If they’re overprotective of him, it’s pretty likely that they won’t stop being that way. I’ve had friends in relationships where the parents were overly involved, and it was extremely destructive for both of them. If he’s used to that relationship with them and doesn’t stand up for himself in an appropriate, respectful way, he will let his parents walk all over the both of you, and he won’t stand up for you to them. I’m not saying that you should end it with him if that’s the case, but definitely consider if you feel like you can handle that pressure, and if you can, ask yourself if the effort of that pressure is worth it.

Take heart though- God is with you, and as long as you seek Him and His favor, everything will work out as He’s ordained it!

-Alex

[touplift]

I need some advice and would like to get an opinion on a situation. There's this guy who from high school and a year ago he started texting me. I know he isn't where he should be with Christ. He says he liked me in high school, that he "liked my body" then he told me that he was "laying in bed hung over" thinking of me. I've turned him down for a date twice now but he recently told me that he's reading the Bible. If I wanted to, would this be a relationship to pursue?

Hey lovely!

From someone who’s been in your place before with guys like that talking to me, I want to encourage you to know that you deserve better than that. I understand you don’t want to shut him out because you want to be a good witness and friend, but you need to set clear boundaries, which isn’t always the easiest to do.

When I was in youth group I always heard that “it’s easier for someone to pull you down, than it is for you to pull someone up,” and I think that’s the perfect example to look at for your situation. You are strong in your faith and in the Lord, but someone who isn’t right with God and is caught up in severe sin can easily pull you down, even if you would think so. I have seen it so many times.

I don’t think it would be smart to pursue a relationship with this guy, because you are worth so much more. You deserve a man of God who isn’t fawning over your body, and is fawning over your heart and passions. A man who will be a gentleman to you, patient with you, and who is willing to truly grow in love with you- and together, in Christ. 

With that being encouraged to you, I hope I’ve been able to help a little bit. I’m praying for you, lovely!

-Summer

[touplift]

I've been in a relationship for 3 and a half years now. I was planning on waiting till marriage to have sex but sadly temptation got the best of us and since then we have done it more. I would feel guilty afterwards so I finally talked to my boyfriend. We are putting a stop to everything and we are putting God in the center of our relationship. My question is will God forgive us? Do you think it would be okay to get purity rings to show we really are changing?

Hey there friend :)

Will God forgive you? Yes! God knows we are all messed up! That's why he sent Jesus! To take the punishment we deserved & to give us the Holy Spirit so that we can live under God and his plan!

"And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again... Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new has come!" (1 Corinthians 5:15-17)

So yes, 100x yes! God forgives you! And will forgive you continuously.

In regards to purity rings, in the Christian culture here in Australia they aren't a big thing, so I'm not 100% familiar with the whole intricacies of them but from the basic stuff I do know that'd seem like a really good idea! So if you feel that it'll serve as a reminder of the change you are making and the new path of your relationship, yes go ahead if you feel so lead! Just be prayerful about the whole situation, both in your private life and together! It sounds like you are both looking at quelling this temptation! Will be praying for you both!

BlessingsJono!

[touplift]

hi there! i'm a 16-year-old and i'm just getting started in my first-ever relationship. he's a really wonderful, Godly person, and i pray so much for us. we've already established boundaries, and i am so certain that God has really blessed me with everything about this relationship. do you have any advice you could give us for the future? :)

Take it SLOW.

Having a Godly relationship doesn’t mean thinking about marriage at 16 years old- it means learning about the character of Jesus by watching the person you’re dating.

Be encouraging.

Expect that mistakes will be made, and that your feelings will get hurt.

Forgive quickly and easily.

Laugh loudly, laugh often.

Surrender the relationship back to God every day.

Go out of your way to make sure this guy knows you care for him.

Don’t be jealous of him.

Don’t sink all of your time into the internet and this relationship- maintain strong friendships too.

Pay attention to the little red flags that go up in your mind when he does something you don’t like.

Most importantly, have fun!

-Alex

[touplift]

Hi, I'm in a bit of a situation. I really like this boy who's almost 4 years older than me, I've always been extremely mature, & I just don't find people my age intriguing. I don't know what to do, because he really is amazing.

This might not be the opinion of everyone in this group… but honey, if you are under 18, just don’t. Just. Don’t.

If you’re both under 18… still sketchy. A 13 year old dating an 17 year old is not a good situation. The mental, physical, and spiritual differences are like night and day, and will lead to a bad situation.

If you’re over 18, it’s still hard. Make no mistake- unless both of you have graduated college, four years of difference is crazy tough. I’m going to be 22 in a few months- who I was, and who I would have dated four years ago when I was 18 are super different from whom I am and whom I’d date today. 

If you’ve both graduated college already, and you think of this guy as a boy… then neither of you are ready for anything more than being friends.

My advice- be patient. This fella might be rad, but there’s lots of rad guys out there- ones who might be closer to your age and will intrigue you. Maybe some of them deserve a chance!

-Alex

[touplift]

So I'm having a bit of a problem. I really like this guy from my church, we have hung out multiple times and it's starting to get flirty between us and I'm starting to really like him. He's extremely good looking, has a great personality and loves The Lord w/ all his heart but there is just something that seems off. He is always making little comments that make fun of me and it kinda hurts. I don't really want to talk about him about it because we don't know each other THAT well. Help!

Hey there, lady! 

If he is making little comments here and there that hurt you, you do need to let him know sooner than later. I am sure he’s not intending to hurt your feelings, but sometimes guys just don’t know. It’s important that you express your feelings of hurt to him now so he can work on those things. Never let anything prolong that shouldn’t. I am also sure that when you bring it up to him that he’ll feel bad and really be sure to think before he talks in the future.

Also, just because I care about you! You said that you don’t know each other super well, but you two are getting flirty now…be careful. Remember to guard your heart.

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” -Proverbs 4:23

Take your time getting to know each other and build a firm, Christ-centered friendship before it escalades into anything possible in the future. You need a solid foundation and that takes time to build. So I just want to encourage you in that! Keep your heart set on the Lord’s and follow His leading in your life. I’m praying for you and if you ever need a gal to talk to, message me on my personal blog off-anon. :)

-Summer

[touplift]

I've grown to be best friends with a godly, inspiring young man. I feel incredibly blessed by this friendship, but sometimes wonder if God had something beyond a friendship in mind for us. This guy, however, has not defined our relationship, and I don't foresee him doing so in the near future. Is it in my place to tell him that I've been feeling conflicted and confused and don't want to cross any emotional boundaries before knowing what he's thinking? Or is that simply the man's job?

Hey there!

God blesses us with friendships with our brothers in Christ and they should be incredible. I understand your mind wandering into the “what if” scenario, but when you start to find yourself wandering there, ask God in prayer where your intentions and thoughts should be.

There is also a huge difference between the “what if” thoughts and being confused/conflicted. So I think you need to spend some time in prayer and thought and really figure out what’s going on for real. In my opinion, I think you should keep to yourself about the situation and just let the friendship flourish even more and don’t let yourself think on possible future scenarios. 

Things take time. Don’t let your thinking get the best of you, or complicate a great friendship. I understand that it’s difficult, but really rely on the Lord and His leading. I am praying for you! :)

-Summer

[touplift]

Is it unhealthy/risky to have a deep spiritual connections with my boyfriend early on in our relationship?

It is unhealthy, and it is definitely risky to be in that situation.

Boundaries are an important thing in relationships. When you get emotionally and spiritually intimate with someone, you give a part of yourself to them. 

A friend of mine was dating a girl for about three months when he first told her about his temptations with pornography and masturbation. While they bonded over helping him avoid these sins and grow closer to Christ, sharing that knowledge created a level of intimacy that they shouldn’t have had that early in their relationship. When they broke up, they had an incredibly kind breakup, and they’ve remained friends… but they were SO deeply wounded by the loss of that intimacy. 

My friend gave a part of himself to her that she shouldn’t have had. They both still have scars as a result.

Prayerfully, carefully consider those connections before making them. If this person is the one you are meant to end up with, you have your entire life to develop that spiritual intimacy with him. It doesn’t have to (and absolutely should not) happen quickly, especially if it’s forced.

-Alex