#relationshipask

[hazbinlover234]

Just curious not trying to be a creep or anything, but are you into online dating?

I'm just going to answer this as simply as I can.😊

If I don't know them in real life, I don't date them, because of too much catfishing.

[hazbinlover234]

Are you currently dating anyone?

Kind of weird, but no not currently. I do have a couple of exes though.

[arospecawarenessweek]

I don't know how to come out to my boyfriend as aroflux because he knows I don't want to fall in love but he thinks it's just cuz someone messed up my idea of love and I just don't really know how to do it

Talk to them! Explain as clearly as you can and as in depth as you need to in order to be understood. Hopefully your boyfriend will understand and embrace you for you. If not, they’re probably not worth spending all that much time with (imo).

-nef

[touplift]

Hi! I want to let you know that I tried to look up the verse "Song of songs 8:4" in the bible. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" Do you mind if you give any thoughts or explanation about that? Thanks

Hello!

I read something about this verse recently that was telling. Given the context, David’s bride is actually pleading with her friends to “not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”. In the same chapter, she also talks about the nature of love - how once love is lit it is like a forest fire that several rivers cannot stop from burning (Song of Songs 8:6-7). She of course is trying to convince her friends of this after her love has already ignited with David. To be honest - if I were one of her friends, I would probably roll my eyes at her if I didn’t understand where she was coming from. Seriously? Of course that’s easy for her to say - she’s already found love.

However, the reason that I (personally) have found this verse even more reassuring (and alarmingly true) is because I’ve been in a place where I was severely burned by premature love. I know that sounds all hokey - but let me clarify. I think this new bride was convicted to express the importance of waiting for love to her friends, not because she was trying to brag about the significance of her own love, but because she truly cared and desired that each of them would understand how crucial it is to wait for love in the context of the Lord’s blessing over it.

Let’s be real - we’ve all been there. We see that guy or girl who’s super attractive, has a great personality, even makes us laugh, but there’s a little RED FLAG for you. Maybe your beliefs or ideals don’t line up just right. Maybe they don’t value or respect you the way that they should. Maybe you are on different levels of maturity in regards to your spirituality or emotional well-being. I know from experience: THESE THINGS ARE CRITICAL TO ASSESS. Why? Because if we choose to awaken or arouse love despite that little red flag or the assurance that this person fulfills the qualifications God has set aside in our heart - chances are the fire of that love will start to burn, momentarily blind you to those issues, and then leave a significant mark of pain and heartache in your life when after the honeymoon phase you realize those flags you chose to ignore were actually quite critical in developing and progressing in any sort of healthy relationship. Don’t jump on board, don’t quicken the pace of a relationship simply because you want to be in love. Jump on board only when your led there to love that person by the Lord. 

This bride knew that her love, this great love she had found was delegated to her not because of anything she did - but because God had purposed her for that love and qualified them for one another. She desired, she pleaded for that same fate for her dear friends. Because premature love, love that we eagerly and blindly fall into, can have disastrous implications on our hearts and in our lives. Take your time. Be patient. Wait on the Lord. Take those little red flags seriously. You’ll be more than relieved you didn’t settle for less when you’re matched with the person God has for you.

That’s my take on it, I suppose. I desire this same love for you dear!

Love, Josie

[touplift]

How will you know if he's the right guy for you? How can you be so sure that he really is from God? I dont know if I should give this guy a chance because im really afraid that giving him a chance might not what God really wants me to do.

Hello dear, 

My heart aches to think of your situation because I too have been there, numerous times. If anyone is prone to over-analyzing and making overly-calculated decisions to avoid risk or pain - it would be me. But you know what I’ve come to learn through that? Too often I am allowing fear to operate my actions and decisions. I focus solely on the situation and/or guy to pick them apart flaw by flaw afraid that they aren’t the person God has for me rather than actually drawing near to God and making Him my sole focus and adoration.

Have you ever heard the phrase “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her” ? I believe Maya Angelou said that; she was a very wise woman. I think about these words often and wonder what exactly it means to be “lost” in God. Well more and more I think it points to surrendering all of those wants, desires, and worries to His will and allowing God to flood your mind instead of fear or self-seeking control.

Fixating and worrying about a tough situation never made it magically resolve, at least not in my experience. It’s when I can learn to let it go and make a conscious effort to leave it to God and be led by Him that situations have miraculously resolved, and not always in the way I think it will. 

If it were me, and I were the slightest bit interested back but unsure of what God would want me to do - I would start by letting this gentleman know, if he inquires about whether you’ll date him or give him a chance or whichever, that dating relationships are intentional and purposeful for you and not something you take lightly. Tell him you want to pray about it. Or if you don’t know him well enough yet, ask if you could spend time working on your friendship first before pursuing anything romantic.

In my experience a Godly man will respect and even be drawn to your confidence and relationship with the Lord.. he will be willing to wait. If he responds disrespectfully or impatiently, that’s a sure sign of a struggle you will encounter again and again if you do enter into a relationship with him (i.e. a red flag). No one is forcing you to make up your mind right away, and if you do feel forced - that is certainly not a healthy relationship to be in.

Take your time, get to know him as a friend; “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song of Songs 8:4), and as my absolute favorite verse suggests, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). 

If there is a woman in your life that you admire greatly for her Godly relationship, I would highly recommend speaking with her as well and asking for her prayerful advise in your situation. Often that has helped me profoundly when I found myself stuck.

I am praying for you my dear, I hope that you encounter peace and guidance in your situation! 

God Bless, 

Josie

[touplift]

I need some advice and would like to get an opinion on a situation. There's this guy who from high school and a year ago he started texting me. I know he isn't where he should be with Christ. He says he liked me in high school, that he "liked my body" then he told me that he was "laying in bed hung over" thinking of me. I've turned him down for a date twice now but he recently told me that he's reading the Bible. If I wanted to, would this be a relationship to pursue?

Hey lovely!

From someone who’s been in your place before with guys like that talking to me, I want to encourage you to know that you deserve better than that. I understand you don’t want to shut him out because you want to be a good witness and friend, but you need to set clear boundaries, which isn’t always the easiest to do.

When I was in youth group I always heard that “it’s easier for someone to pull you down, than it is for you to pull someone up,” and I think that’s the perfect example to look at for your situation. You are strong in your faith and in the Lord, but someone who isn’t right with God and is caught up in severe sin can easily pull you down, even if you would think so. I have seen it so many times.

I don’t think it would be smart to pursue a relationship with this guy, because you are worth so much more. You deserve a man of God who isn’t fawning over your body, and is fawning over your heart and passions. A man who will be a gentleman to you, patient with you, and who is willing to truly grow in love with you- and together, in Christ. 

With that being encouraged to you, I hope I’ve been able to help a little bit. I’m praying for you, lovely!

-Summer

[touplift]

I've been in a relationship for 3 and a half years now. I was planning on waiting till marriage to have sex but sadly temptation got the best of us and since then we have done it more. I would feel guilty afterwards so I finally talked to my boyfriend. We are putting a stop to everything and we are putting God in the center of our relationship. My question is will God forgive us? Do you think it would be okay to get purity rings to show we really are changing?

Hey there friend :)

Will God forgive you? Yes! God knows we are all messed up! That's why he sent Jesus! To take the punishment we deserved & to give us the Holy Spirit so that we can live under God and his plan!

"And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again... Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new has come!" (1 Corinthians 5:15-17)

So yes, 100x yes! God forgives you! And will forgive you continuously.

In regards to purity rings, in the Christian culture here in Australia they aren't a big thing, so I'm not 100% familiar with the whole intricacies of them but from the basic stuff I do know that'd seem like a really good idea! So if you feel that it'll serve as a reminder of the change you are making and the new path of your relationship, yes go ahead if you feel so lead! Just be prayerful about the whole situation, both in your private life and together! It sounds like you are both looking at quelling this temptation! Will be praying for you both!

BlessingsJono!

[touplift]

Hi, I'm in a bit of a situation. I really like this boy who's almost 4 years older than me, I've always been extremely mature, & I just don't find people my age intriguing. I don't know what to do, because he really is amazing.

This might not be the opinion of everyone in this group… but honey, if you are under 18, just don’t. Just. Don’t.

If you’re both under 18… still sketchy. A 13 year old dating an 17 year old is not a good situation. The mental, physical, and spiritual differences are like night and day, and will lead to a bad situation.

If you’re over 18, it’s still hard. Make no mistake- unless both of you have graduated college, four years of difference is crazy tough. I’m going to be 22 in a few months- who I was, and who I would have dated four years ago when I was 18 are super different from whom I am and whom I’d date today. 

If you’ve both graduated college already, and you think of this guy as a boy… then neither of you are ready for anything more than being friends.

My advice- be patient. This fella might be rad, but there’s lots of rad guys out there- ones who might be closer to your age and will intrigue you. Maybe some of them deserve a chance!

-Alex