Pour. Swallow. Burn. Repeat. You didn’t understand how this was supposed to be a fun thing, you didn’t understand how people thought this was enjoyable. In fact the only reason you were currently partaking in such a stupid tradition was to forget.
Divergents were the enemy, you did the right thing? Right? You made the right choice by telling the Dauntless leaders that your bunkmate was Divergent. You did it to protect everyone, they can’t be controlled, they’d start an uprising. At least that’s what you’d told yourself, but was that really the truth? Or did you do it to make sure you’d remain at the top?
“This seat taken?” You turned to see Eric standing in front of the chair next to you. Seeing him brought a bad taste to your mouth--he reminded you about the vile thing you’d just done. “Yeah.” You said not bothering to look at him as you replied. You downed another shot and allowed the awful taste wash away your guilt. “Well that’s too bad.” Eric said as he dropped himself on the stool anyways.
“Didn’t take you for a drinker.” Eric said casually. You rolled your eyes. “Didn’t take you for a killer.” You shot back as you motioned for the barman to bring you another round.
“We both played equal parts in her death, after all I couldn’t have done what needed to be done had you not provided the necessary information.” Eric said after the barman brought you your drinks. His words stung. You knew they were true, you were just as guilty as he was--if not more.
You didn’t respond, you just finished your row and when the barman came over to refill them he just left you the bottle instead. You gave him a sloppy smirk and took a swig. You sighed after you swallowed, the burn was starting to become less noticeable and you hated that because it meant you no longer had your distraction--but on the bright side: maybe in the morning you’d forget that you’d been mourning.
“I wouldn’t show that I care too much.” Eric said after awhile. “Why? Is it weak?” you spat out the word as if it were poison in your mouth. “Caring isn’t always necessarily weak, but the other leaders are watching you. And if they note that you start caring too much for the Divergents, well it might put a hold on you becoming leader after you pass initiation. Or worse, they could just decide that you can’t be trusted and it’d be you that they’d find at the bottom of the river next.” Eric explained.
You noticed that he always seemed to have a strong demeanor, not necessarily calm, but collected. Yes, he got angry, but was that to help us improve? Or was it actually him? You couldn’t be sure, but there were moments, moments around you, when he wasn’t angry, wasn’t serious, he was just strong, but you wanted to find out.
“Are you threatening me?” You asked angrily. “No, I’m just telling you what’s going to happen to you if you don’t pull yourself together.”
“And why do you care? With me out of the way your little gang Dauntless born get to take over the top rankings.”
“Because I don’t want you to end up at the bottom of the chasam. You’ve got fire, Dauntless likes that.” You bit your lip maybe it was the alcohol, maybe you just needed to act a little reckless right now, you convinced yourself it was anything but the truth.
“Dauntless? Or you?” You asked you saw a smirk appear over his lips before he turned to face you. “Both.” He said simply before he got up and walked out. You told yourself you were being too reckless--even a dauntless could cross the line into stupid, and this was it, but against your better judgement you got up and followed him.
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You woke up with a throbbing headache and a feeling that you weren’t where you were supposed to be. The bed under you didn’t feel like the one in the dauntless compound. The light that hit you when you finally opened your eyes was almost blinding and it only intensified your headache.
You let out a groan and laid back, you were perfectly content to just lie there until darkness fell again, but something in the back of your mind made you jump to your feet--training.
Immediately the cold hit your bare body and the event from the previous night came rushing at you. You and Eric both fighting for dominance, hair pulling, biting, scratching. Moaning, calling out his name several times, and him calling out yours just as often. You felt yourself flush at the memory of the previous night. You quickly picked up what little of your clothing you could find and dressed yourself, feeling your muscles ache with a new type of soreness, one which you would never gain from Dauntless training.
_____
All eyes were on you as you entered the compound late--including Eric’s. “Initiate! Why are you late?” Eric shouted from the front. “Rough night.” You said simply looking at everyone else--daring them to try and call you out.
You saw the glint in his eye, it told you that whatever was going to happen next he was doing for your own good, and you understood. No one could suspect or your entire ranking would be called into question. “Well then, why don’t we make you feel more at ease? JoAnn, your fighting (y/n).” She wasn’t the worst fighter, in fact she was top three now that the divergent was gone, but she’d be easy enough for you to handle--Eric had known that too. She was skilled enough that it didn’t look like he was going easy on you and she wasn’t strong enough to knock you out of top spot. This was Eric’s way of telling you he was protecting you.
