Warning: Smut with no plot, straight into smut, p in v no protection (wrap it up), edging, semi public sex (in storage closet), cursing, pet names, degrading, receiving and giving oral, implied aftercare, i'm still figurin out smut tags.
Wave after wave of sparks roll through your body. The cramped closet was hot, the lights off making it almost impossible to see anything. Not that sight would really change much; Eric had you pressed up against the cool rock wall, facing away from him. You both were mostly clothed, only bare enough for a quick, desperate, fuck.
Well, it was supposed to be quick. Fortunate or unfortunate, it really depends on the situation and who you are, Eric was a thorough man. You were no exception. Right now, you hoped he wouldn't stop, that this time you'd get to finish.
All day Eric had teased you. The way he touched you, looked at you, gestures, even sparring, Eric weaved in something to ensure you remained hot and bothed. He reveled in the sight of you doing everything in your power not to squirm, and wine in front of the others. He would've kept it up all day, but today patience was not your strongest suit, not when your period just ended and your body famished for a good fuck. You teased Eric in the one way he couldn't ignore, and couldn't resist.
Eric had practically dragged you into that closet and shoved you to your knees. Yet you sucking him off wasn't enough to quell Eric's hunger like he wanted. Especially when you kept figuring out different ways to tease him while your lips were around his cock. At that point, the light in the closet was on, leaving you on perfect display. So he stuffed a cloth in your mouth and laid you on the ground with your head cushioned on his vest. And dammit, tasting your cunt made it worse. It made Eric starved. He wanted to wait, but the way you wined every time he brought you to the brink then backed off. Fuck. You weren't allowed to come; he was supposed to be teaching you a lesson on patience. Perhaps for now, Eric will let that rule slide.
When there was a sound of footsteps, Eric had to force himself away to turn off the lights and ensure the door was locked.
So now here you both are. Bathed in sweat and darkness. Eric has you pressed face first against the wall, your wrists pinned behind your back with his left hand, and his right hand over your mouth to muffle your moans. Eric fucks you from behind, hard, mostly controlled, and fast. Every thrust sent a small spark through your body, leaving you whining, for it wasn't enough.
"So fucking whiny," Eric groans, "as if you aren't the reason we're in this position to begin with." Asshole, you think. "Greedy for my cock. Couldn't even wait till tonight for a proper fucking." Eric slows to a stop, and you cry a little, you didn't need sight to know he grinned. "Use your words, doll, tell me what you want."
Eric's hand falls from your face. "Please," it was pathetic and breathy. You roll your hips, wanting to make those sparks return. Eric groans in response and stills your hips with a firm grip.
Eric grips your jaw, turning your face to his, "Please... what? I don't read minds. Use your words."
"Please," you beg again, "fuck me properly, make me come." You roll your hips again, and Eric whimpers, his hips rolling with yours immediately. He was close.
"Brat," Eric pulls his hand away from your hip to slap your ass. Once more, Eric resumes his thrusts hard and fast, this time with more control. Without Eric's hand to cover your face, your whines are louder now. Those sparks of pleasure return, but just sparks.
"Eric," you whine, getting frustrated.
Eric grips your throat, " You're so fucking needy doll," he presses a kiss to your cheek, his free hand cupping your throat, but slows his hips to hard, but slow rolls.
"Eric, you ass-" you frustrated complaint breaks apart into a moan as Eric grinds against your g-spot.
"What was that?" Eric taunts, "Repeat that for me." But every time you try, Eric grinds against that spot, going faster each time until he's fucking you fast and hard once more. Your moans start to echo through the closet. "Are you trying to get us caught?" Eric scolds, returning his hand to your mouth. Finally, Eric releases your wrists, allowing you to brace yourself against the wall. Your mind turns to mush, as Eric's arm curls around your hip to circle your clit with his middle and ring finger.
Eric's quiet grunts break into a few whimpers, then moans. Eric tucks his face into the crook of your neck to muffle his moans. Waves of pleasure crash through both your bodies, and after several rounds of Eric edging you, you felt the coil in your body ready to snap any moment. You were alomost there, teetering at the edge, the fire ready to consume. But then Eric loses his rhythm, his moans turning breathy and hoarse. Eric stills, his body twitching as he struggles to maintain control.
A sob escapes you, and Eric chuckles. "You'd think I'd forget the way you misbehaved earlier?" Eric groans, and stilflies a whine as he pulls out. "Only good girls get to come."
Before Eric could catch you, you reached behind yourself and gripped Eric's cock. Eric speaks your name in a moan that was meant to come out as a warning. In your grip, Eric's cock was still hard, throbbing, and leaking for your touch. With just a couple strokes, Eric releases a deep broken moan, his head lulling onto the back of your shoulder. In your hand Eric's cock twitches over and over, cum mostly spilling onto the floor with some dripping onto your palm and legs.
"Fuck..." Eric breathes out while regaining his bearings. "Why the hell did you do that?" Eric's voice was slightly rough now, his hands coming to rest on your hips while his thrumbs rub slow circles.
You smile, "Didn't feel like losing this time."
Eric kises the side of your thoat, "I'm far from finished with you, Dove." Eric spins you to face him; not that much was visible in the dark clost. "Enjoy your little victory while it lasts." With that, Eric backs off, his hands leaving your hips. However, before it could feel like Eric left you, the closet light turns on. You wince, squinting your eyes and blinking a couple times until your eyes adjust. Both of you were a sweaty mess. You watch as Eric grabs a clean rag and uses his bottle of water to wet it. "Now let me take care of you, so I can ruin you all over again tonight."
_____
Authors note: To my one coworker who can see my account, don't you mention this to a damn soul. Same goes for all smut I write.
Summary: In a rare show of affection, Dauntless leader Eric finds himself traveling with Y/N to Amity to retrieve a personalized gift she insists on having: a hammock. During the journey, Y/N sees a glimpse into the softer, rarely-seen side of the hardened leader.
Warnings: Mild romance / sexual innuendos, implied emotional trauma or nightmares, slight language (e.g., "curse her short legs"), and power dynamics in relationship (subtle, not abusive)
Masterlist: See fandoms (pc-friendly)
He thinks it's lame. What is the point of a hammock when they have a perfectly fine bed. But everyone in the compound knows Eric won't tell her no. Even though he typically doesn't show affection in public, everyone knows he always gives her anything she asks for.
That's how they end up in Amity, of all places. The people of Amity have seen Y/N many times when she is meeting Johanna, as part of her leadership duties. However, they were not used to seeing Dauntless men who could be mistaken for tanks.
"Y/N. Why are they all staring and smiling at me," he asks as they began walking through the market.
"Eric, honey, that's why I make sure not to eat the bread when I have meetings with Johanna," she snickers and steals a glance at the handsome smirk on Eric's face. She loves being the reason he looks that way, even if she doesn't tell him very often.
"Was it really necessary to drag me to the land of the hippies for you to pick up this thing," Eric grumbles under his breathe, making her smile. She steps in front of him and puts her hand on his arm causing him to look down. Biting her lip she flicks her eyes up to meet his and puts her other arm on his shoulder.
"Baby, you know I need a big strong man to carry it for me," she says as she leans on her tip toes and gives him a peck on the lips. She maneuvers her lips as close to his ear as she can and whispers "If you didn't want to help me I could have asked Four," she breathes quietly with a grin knowing what the mention of his rival will do.
When she pulls back and looks into Eric's eyes she sees the fire in them and knows it's time. She bolts toward the end of the market laughing knowing he is right behind her. Eric easily catches up to her, curse her short legs, and wraps his muscular arms around her waist forcing her to a halt.
"Now, now, Stiff you behave yourself," he whispers in her ear then drops a kiss on her neck causing her to shiver. He spins her around and looks at her face while smiling before giving her a sweet kiss.
"Let's find this hammock so we can go home," he tells her and wraps his arm around her shoulder which causes her to automatically wrap an arm around his waist and lean into him as they fall into step together. They make it to the end of the booths and find a girl of almost choosing age who looks bored until she sees them. They both are sure they will see her at the next choosing.
"Y/N, hi, I have your hammock for you!"
"Oh, thank you Rose! I'm sure it's perfect." Y/N returns the girls greeting.
"So you had a- a special hammock made for you," Eric asks furrowing his brows in confusion.
"Nope, for us," Y/N giggles and he can't help but smirk hearing the sound. Rose comes from the back of the booth with a large hammock that she has rolled up and placed in a canvas bag. Smiling the entire time Y/N happily pays for the hammock, grabs Eric's hand and begins the walk back to the train stop.
"Are you going to let me see it?"
"Not a chance, handsome. You can see it when we get home," Y/N replies and kisses his cheek. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head with a small smile on his face. When they get to the Amity stop they board the train and begin making their way to Dauntless.
They walk into their apartment and lay the hammock on the coffee table. She sits in his lap and he wraps his arms around her pulling her to him as tightly as he can, allowing her to tuck her face into the crook of his neck. After minutes of sitting in the silence she raises her head and he looks into her eyes and he can see happiness with a hint of sadness. Before he can ask her about it she jumps out of his lap and begins opening the canvas bag.
"Do you want to help me put it up," she asks and gives him a small smile.
"You know I won't tell you no," he answers with a smile of his own. He moves from the couch and grabs the end of the hammock to let her unroll it. She holds the fabric and begins walking backwards while smiling. When the hammock is unrolled he takes a moment to stare at it, understanding why she had it special made.
The rope of the hammock is black. The fabric is different though. It is sectioned into three colors. The top color is Erudite blue and the bottom is Abnegation gray. In the middle is black with Dauntless flames in the center.
"It's us." She hears the way his voice is slightly husky and smiles at him. He pulls her to him and kisses her passionately.
When they pull apart he clears his throat, "It's great. I love you." Just like every time he says it her stomach erupts with butterflies and she kisses him.
"I love you," after a pause she winks at him and continues, "now help me put this in the corner babe." After 30 minutes the hammock was bolted into the wall and Eric climbed in it resting his left foot on the ground and held his arms open to her. Without a word she climbed in with him and snagged into his chest.
He gently rubbed circles on her back knowing it would help ease what was bothering her. After rocking the hammock with his foot and rubbing circles on Y/N's back for a few minutes he felt her breathing even out and knew she was sleeping.
Y/N was the first girl who ever looked through his bad attitude and good looks. The few women he had been with only wanted physical encounters but nothing meaningful. Y/N got to know him and learned all she could about him. They became friends.
One day they were in the training room sparring and she knocked him down and sat on him to pin him in place. They were looking in each others eyes smiling and he leaned in and kissed her. It was nothing he had ever felt before and he knew she was going to be special.
Their relationship began to grow and they became even closer. They would sit and talk for hours and he loved how her eyes would light up when she would speak about her mother and her friends, even her specific leadership duties. One night they had stayed up at his apartment so late they fell asleep together in his bed.
The next morning he woke up holding her close to him. Because they were leaders, both of their apartments were in the pire and had windows to outside. The morning sunrise was shinning on her face in a soft orange glow and he realized he, the ruthless Eric Coulter, was in love with Y/N.
He is pulled from his thoughts when he feels Y/N stiffen and squeeze him in her sleep. He looks at her sleeping face and sees that she no longer looks peaceful. Her eyebrows are pulled together and her perfect lips are shaped into a frown.
"Baby, are you having a nightmare," he whispers to her but he gets only another squeeze in response. He begins running his fingers through her hair and holds her tighter as they rock.
"Sh, Y/N, baby. It's okay. You're okay." "I'm here. I'll always protect you," he whispers and softly kisses her head.
The rumor started one day at lunch when the recruits were talking about their higher-ups. The non-dauntless recruits were talking shit about Eric and how much of a tightass sadist he was, one throwing around “maybe if he got laid he would chill out” which caused some laughter but a dauntless born recruit spoke up, in a hushed whisper. “I forget yall don’t know. Eric’s married but it’s not like legal or okay” and that caught everyone’s attention. “You see…she’s in another faction….we don’t know which one but we speculate it’s amity or erudite.” Four stood up and bent down to the recruits, “if I were you I’d shut up and not talk about topics you know nothing of the sort” and sat back with Eric who was minding his business.
2 years prior
Eric was at the choosing ceremony, dressed in his erudite blue in alphabetical order with other random teens ready to choose their path in life when her name was called and by god if she wasn’t the most beautiful creature Eric ever saw. Amity, dressed in a beautiful pink and yellow dress and flowers in her hair. Amity usually wore yellow or orange so she stood out with her pink and yellow.
Her hair natural and she had this confidence about her like she just knew where she belonged which deeply resonated with Eric because he knew he was destined for dauntless the same way she felt when she chose amity, her parents cried happy tears as they embraced her. Eric shouldn’t care about the mystery girl but for some reason his heart felt a little empty.
-
After the choosing ceremony was concluded and everyone was to leave, Eric couldn’t help but look back at her, embraced by her parents, face so full of joy—then she locked eyes with his and her face became flush. You didn’t expect to see such a handsome guy look at you—especially Eric of whom you’ve had a crush on up until this point. He had a slight blush on his cheeks which filled your heart with a sense of sadness knowing that you’ll never be together as your both in different factions…or so you thought.
-
It had been a couple weeks since the choosing ceremony and initiation week was over, you had been accepted as an amity. You were currently helping package and send off the food for the districts when a large hand grabbed you and whisked you away behind barrels upon barrels of bags. It was Eric, and he seemed out of breath and awkward, which was unlike him and he didn’t even speak—he just kissed you.
Now had it been anyone else to kiss you without your consent you’d be livid but since as long as you can remember you’ve been pining for him you happily kissed back—then he pulled back and began apologizing in harsh whispers— “oh fuck I’m sorry love I didn’t even ask- oh shit not love I mean- I don’t even know your name and-” you shut him up by kissing him again, your hands cradling his chiseled jaw.
He instantly relaxed and returned the very needy and exciting kiss before you pulled away—a string of saliva connecting you both. “For 1, my name is …., and for two, I- if we’re gonna do this, us, we have got to be way more careful bc this is really fucking bad” he nodded before holding you really close like in an almost bone crushing hug as he inhaled your scent, nose traveling from your hair to your neck.
To Eric you smelt like the earth and flowers. To you, Eric smelt metallic and dangerous. Being polar opposites drew you both in—I mean opposites do attract or whatever they say. Moving forward for a year you two dated and by the end of the next year you were both married in a small ceremony—four being the officiant since he’s the only one to know about you two because besides the front Eric puts up—him and four are pretty tight.
- present day
Eric was sat in his room, in a pair of black boxers about to get ready for bed when he opened his latest letter from you. You two sent letters daily to one another as well you are married, even if not allowed, and it’s painful for you both to not constantly be together so this fills the void. He read about your day and your new dress you made, and how much you missed him when he heard the window slowly pop open and in fell, “baby? What the fuck- how’d you get here?” He crouched down to your body that was laid slack on the floor before picking you up and holding you so tightly as if you’d disappear from his grasp.
For an amity, you sure showed some dauntless qualities like your braveness and when you made a decision you stuck with it. You hugged him back before kissing him with a type of rough need—longing. When you pulled back, out of breath albeit—you smiled. “I had to come see you. I miss you so much. Don’t ask how I got here, the less you know, the better. Can’t a girl miss her husband? Also did you get more piercings since I last saw you?”
Usually you two meet during the visitation day as you go with his parents, dress as an erudite to not cause suspicion of course. Eric smirked slyly, “missing me are we? Hm it’s cute on you—and yeah I got some new piercings here and there, scares the initiates a little but I got them for me and you..” he trailed off his sentence by sticking his tongue out—your husband has a fucking tongue piercing. “Oh!” You made like a cute little shocked face, lips puckered up before you tilted your head with a smile, “it suits you!! I like it!!”
Eric’s face went back to the usual stoic look, accompanied by a slight smirk before carefully hauling you off to his bed for some much needed rest. As he cradled you to his chest, inhaling your scent and warmth—he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous having you here. It’s not like it’s the first time but it has a sense of it being the last time and he couldn’t figure out why.
Something Y/n hated about being Dauntless was having to deal with unruly factionless. A group of Dauntless including Eric, Four and Y/n had been sent out to deal with a group of factionless that had killed multiple people.
It didn’t take long before they had gotten the situation under control. Y/n was walking around checking to make sure they could leave soon. When all of sudden she felt something run into her.
“Ooph.” Y/n looked down and saw a boy hugging her. “Hello there.”
“Where’s your parent’s?” Y/n asked after the boy didn’t say anything.
“Don’t have any.” he shook his head as he answered.
Y/n raised a brow. “What do you mean?”
“They were killed.” The boy mumbled looking at his shoes. Y/n noticed he had some dirt on him and a little blood but he didn’t look hurt.
“By them?” Y/n pointed to the group of factionless behind her. The group who had been responsible for killing a few people. The boy nodded ‘yes’, confirming her perceived thoughts.
“Stay next to me okay?” Y/n told him, holding him to her wanting to comfort the poor child who saw his parents murdered only hours ago. “Eric!”
Eric walked over with a confused expression. “What? Who’s this?”
“I’m Emmett.”The boy spoke up softly.
“That's a great name.” Y/n smiled down at him. Trying to show the child a friendly face after what he had no doubt seen.
“My mommy named me.” Emmett smiled up at her.
“Where is she Emmett?” Eric questioned the boy, he was wondering why his girl was with this boy in the first place.
“Gone.” the boy looked down at the ground sadly with watery eyes.
“Can you stay with my friend Four for a second?” Y/n knelt down hoping the boy would trust her.
“O-okay.” Emmett stuttered anxiously, not liking the idea of being away from her.
“You see that guy right there? That's my friend Four.” Y/n turned them to face where Four was and pointed him out.
“Like the number?” He asked with a smile.
Y/n nodded with a smile. “Just like the number.”
“Four!” Y/n yelled out causing Four to turn around and look at her. He sees the boy and nodd’s to Y/n in understanding. Emmett walked over to Four. Once he was out of ear chot Y/n and Eric turned to each other as Y/n stood back to full height.
“Where are his parents?” Eric asks with crossed arms.
“Gone. Dead. He said they were killed and pointed to the factionless over there.” Y/n explained to him what Emmett had told her.
“His parents were killed in the attack.” Eric sighed, getting even more angry that this happened at all.
“I think so. He’s not dirty, besides from hiding and there is some fresh blood on his clothes. But its not his, I checked.” She told him further.
“God dammit.” he huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.
“Eric, I don’t want to leave him alone.” Y/n spoke with a shaky voice worried to the boy who was no more than 6, having already grown attached to the kid.
“Be with him, We’ll deal with this.” Eric nodded understanding where she was coming from.
“Eric.” Y/n called his name as they walked away from each other. Effectively stopping him. “Make it hurt.”
Y/n referred to what they were gonna do to the murders in the factionless group. She hated that they made this poor boy an orphan.
Y/n walked over to Four and Emmett immediately latched onto her legs.
While Four walked over to Eric and the two watched Y/n and the little boy walked away.
“She’s already fallen in love with that boy. You know that right?” Four spoke up to Eric smiling at Y/n’s behavior.
“Yeah. I can tell. . . His parents were killed in the attack.” Eric agree’s before telling Four what had just happened to the said boy.
“Poor kid.” Four sighed feeling for the boy.
Once Four and Eric talked about what to do about the factionless situation Eric headed over to where Y/n and Emmett were playing tic tac to in the dirt.
“Ready to go?” Eric says as he approached Y/n.
“Yeah.” She nodded.
“Come one kid. You to.” Eric gestured with his hands for the boy to get up to go with them.
“What?” Emmett was confused.
“Your coming home with us.” Eric states, completely shocking the boy.
“Not that I’m not happy but why?” Y/n whispered to Eric so Emmett wouldn’t overhear her.
Eric looked her in the eyes. “He needs a family.”
It was more than that but they could talk about that later. Alone without listening ears.
“Are you serious?” Y/n was shocked but happy and also confused Eric doesn’t like kids as far as Y/n knew.
“He’s grown on me okay.” Eric answered with a shrug of his shoulder. Really what had grown on him was watching Y/n with the boy. How she was acting all motherly towards the boy. It did something to Eric watching that.
“Thank you.” Y/n smiled gratefully up at her man before kissing him on the cheek. Their little family.
Pairing: Eric x gender neutral reader (reader's faction has not been specified)
Word count: 690
Warnings: none, really
Summary: Dauntless are conducting a search and your nervousness flags you as suspicious, leading to a pat-down
---
The ground floor was overcrowded, people swarming around down there. At first, you couldn’t tell what was going on, but soon enough that became clear. A search. Clearly. There were some higher-ranking Dauntless screening the crowd. Some they let continue on their way, but some they stopped. For questioning, for pat-downs, some they even led away.
The closer you got, the more nervous you became. What was this? Why would there be some random search? You bit your lip, trying to stay calm. You knew you hadn't done anything, so why worry?
Trying to distract yourself, you let your gaze wander over the guys conducting the search. You couldn’t recognize them, except for one. He was one of the leaders. A scary one at that.
Eric.
And he was looking at you. His cold eyes were scanning you, and you could feel your nervousness growing. You were getting tense, your breaths growing more heavy, more laboured. You had to fight the urge to fidget your hands, trying to avoid drawing attention to you.
But it was too late for that. Eric moved to your direction, stopping you by stepping on your way. You swallowed.
“You got something to hide?” Eric asked, a hint of danger in his voice, even though his tone was calm.
“No”, you replied honestly.
There was a moment of silence, during which Eric’s eyes wandered over you, making your skin tingle. He was suspicious, reading your behavior as a potential sign of you not being totally innocent.
“Then you probably won’t mind if I check you up.”
You said nothing, figuring it was the smartest thing to do. When no objection came, he raised his brows, his expression slightly amused.
“Okay then”, he simply said. “Hands against the wall.”
You took a couple of steps, stretched out your arms and pressed them against the cool surface. The next thing you felt was his hands on your body, patting down to find anything hidden. At first, the contact made your breath hitch and your body tense up even further. His hands had landed on your waist, brushing over your clothes. You could feel the warmth through the fabric, and it made your pulse quicken. When he moved higher up, his palms dragging over your ribs, you swallowed again. You felt exposed, being touched to places strangers usually wouldn't. But there was nothing improper in his touch. Nothing at all.
And soon enough, despite not having expected it, you felt warmth starting to spread in your chest. Your breath evened out, and you found yourself relaxing as Eric’s hands moved over your sides, your arms, down your legs, firm but never aggressive. He was thorough with the search, the steady presses of his palms mapping you out, not missing a spot. It was starting to really get to you - it was pleasant. So pleasant that you didn’t want him to stop.
But of course he did, eventually.
His hands left your body, and suddenly the absence of his touch made your skin feel cold. You stayed still, unsure if you were supposed to turn around or wait until dismissed. At the back of your mind, you were hoping it wouldn’t be over, that he’d touch you again. But that touch never came. Instead, he spoke up:
“All clear.”
You turned around slowly, forcing your expression into something neutral. Eric was watching you, his gaze unreadable but intent. The moment lasted long enough that it made your tummy flip, even if in reality it was only a few seconds.
Then the corner of his mouth tugged upward.
“Didn’t seem like you minded.”
Your eyes widened slightly, unsure how to respond. So you remained quiet and still, again. Eric stepped back, a hint of a smirk on his lips as he nodded towards the way you had been heading.
“Go on”, he urged when you seemed to have rooted right there.
You did just that, and he turned his attention back to the next person, leaving you there with the aftershock of his touch - and that hint of a smirk like he knew exactly what he had done to you.
Warnings: meeting with the abusive parents, talks about child abuse
Word Count: 3.441
Summary: You transferred from Erudite to Dauntless, to finally be in the place you feel like you belong. While trying to navigate the initiation training, friendships and memories of your past, you can't help but notice that a certain mean instructor seems to have an eye on you. [Contains smut, 18+]
A/N: A new part of Panzermensch in 2025???? CRAZY! I have reread this story, while home with an annoying gastritis, and decided to finish the part that was half written on my pc since 2022. It is not long, so sorry about that. This story.. this fucking story. It has been with me through so much. When I started it in 2016 (WTF) I was in my bachelors. Since then I have finished my bachelors, started and finished my masters, and started and finished my PhD. I have moved to a different country. I have lost and found myself like 10 different times. Yet I always come back to Eric and the reader with his anger problems. I don't know if anyone still cares about this. Maybe you have never seen this story because 9 years ago you were a child haha. idk. So here have a random chapter with some emotional baggage and Eric opening up a bit. Also added a summary for people freshly stumbling upon it
Part 3:
The next few days were full of more meditation training with Calder and the rest of your friends, continuation of your regular workout routines, and.. secret dates with Eric on various abandoned roof tops, out of sight of the rest of Dauntless.
You had to admit, you really enjoyed your time with him, the meetings, the kisses, the conversations. You were looking forward more and more to the time after initiation, when you would be a full Dauntless member, and didn’t have to hide anymore. Eric had played it down a bit, that it would make the leaders doubt his evaluation of you, but after doing a bit of research in the actual rules and laws of your new faction, you found out that an instructor dating an initiate was very much against the rules, and Eric could get in quite a lot of trouble if that came out.
You were sure, Eric didn’t want to tell you that, to not make you worry, but knowing the possible consequences, you decided to be extra careful around him, so no one would get any suspicions.
You really envied Ven and Liz, who were able to just openly walk around, hand in hand. They kissed in the pit, were playful with each other and very obviously in love, while Eric, of course, had to treat you like any other initiate when you weren’t alone.
Four had sent you and Ross into the ring, during one of the afternoon trainings, which had come to quite a surprise to everyone, as he was usually not one to just throw people together who obviously wanted to kill each other at any given moment – that was Eric’s job. With all the mental training of the recent days, though, you managed to keep yourself in check, constrain your anger and not lose control, when you beat Ross into the ground, stopping yourself before going too far.
Eric let his mask slip for a mere second, as he watched the fight, awarding you with a proud nod, when you stepped off the mat.
You were not entirely sure what kind of problem Four suddenly seemed to have with you, as he had never shown any significant emotion towards you before, but after he gave you another glare when the fight was over, you were sure that something was going on.
Maybe it was time to talk to Eric about it. He knew Four, and he had his own beef with the other instructor. Maybe.. maybe Four had noticed something.
The next morning, all of you were woken up as usually: by a metal pipe being banged against the metal railing of the stairs, leading down to the dorms. But instead of Four, who usually woke everyone, it was Eric.
“Alright, listen up.” He said, looking almost bored, as he looked down at all of you.
You sat up, running a hand over your head, looking up with a light frown at the other man.
“Today is a special day. Your families will have the ability to visit you.” he paused. “Of course there is a good chance they don’t want to see you, so don’t get your hopes up. And remember.. Faction before blood.” With that, Eric turned around and left, while around you people started to immediately talk amongst each other.
You let yourself drop back onto your cot with a sigh. You didn’t even consider your parents coming to visit you. Not after you had lied to them about the aptitude test, and had chosen Dauntless, without even looking back at them. Frankly, you thought they were probably glad to finally be rid of you, the embarrassing son who could not keep his temper, and that they were unable to control.
On the other side.. that meant that you had the day off. The day to yourself, in the dorms, relaxing on your cot, and maybe getting around to read that sci-fi book that you had found in the library, ‘Roadside Picknick’. Something told you that it was probably another one of Eric’s additions.
You and the other initiates got ready, heading to breakfast, where the excited and also a bit nervous mood was very obvious. Your friends were all quite excited, but gladly knew better than to ask you about your own feelings.
After breakfast, you headed back to the dorms – alone – grabbing a tablet and a bottle of water, making yourself comfortable on your bed, and started to read. You were quickly lost in the book, following the conversation of two scientists talking about a ‘Zone’, when you were pulled out of your thoughts by footsteps on the stairs.
You looked up, spotting Eric, dressed in his usual combat trousers and vest combination, tilting his head at you when he saw you lying there on your cot.
“What are you doing down here?” He asked, jumping down the last step, and walking over to you.
“Reading.” You simply said, putting your tablet down on your bedside table, sitting up a bit. “Don’t really feel like watching other people’s family reunions, to be honest.” You joked, but pursed your lips when Eric’s face remained serious. He came to a halt in front of you.
“Your parents are here.” He said, his blue eyes mustering your face for a reaction.
A high pitched sound, like a tinnitus, was in your ear, cold sweat on your hands. You were not quite sure what you felt.
Surprise?
Anger?
Disappointment?
Confusion?
Maybe all of that together in a horrible soup of emotions that was impossible to detangle.
“You don’t have to see them, if you don’t want to. But I thought I should tell you that there is the option.” Eric frowned, mustering you with concern in his eyes. He clearly noticed how you tensed up, how colour had drained from your face.
Also.. Eric had seen your fear landscape, multiple times at this point. He had seen almost first hand how your parents had treated you.. how they had locked you up in a sterile, small room, like a rabid animal. The rest.. you had told him about.
You chewed the inside of your cheek, eyes unfocused on your bedding, as you tried to consider your options. On one hand, you never, ever wanted to see them again, after everything they had done to you. On the other hand.. and that was maybe a petty part of you.. you kind of wanted to make them see how you’ve blossomed since coming to Dauntless, outside of their influence, and how you had found a place for yourself to be who you wanted to be.
It was silent for a while, a long while. Eric was patient, waiting for you to make up your mind, for making a choice.
“No, I’m.. I’m going to meet them. “You finally said, standing up, and pulling your shirt over your head, turning to where you kept your clothes. You were not quite sure what you were looking for, but you wanted to look.. intimidating. Impressive.
Eric raised an eyebrow, taking a step back to give you some room.
“You sure?” He asked.
You were indeed not sure. Not at all. But you had made a decision, and you didn’t want to rethink your choices.
“Either I manage to restrain my anger, which will be a great exercise, or I will end up punching my dad in the face. All in all, a win-win situation, don’t you think?”
You pulled a tight shirt over your head, together with a mean looking vest that showed off your muscular arms and your new tattoos, turning around to see Eric smirk at you.
“Not really surprised to hear you say that.” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s go.”
You managed to overplay your growing nervousness on the way with cockiness, causing Eric to chuckle and shake his head a few times, but when you finally reached the pit.. it felt as if there were ice cold stones in your stomach.
You spotted them immediately.
Dressed sharply in blue, tense expression on their faces, as they looked around, clearly uncomfortable. Your parents looked down on most of the other factions, but Dauntless – in their opinion – was filled with brute idiots who were no better than a pack of apes.
You clenched your jaw, but felt Eric’s hand squeeze your shoulder for a moment, giving you enough strength to take a deep breath and head down the metal stairs with a confident looking step.
It didn’t take long for your parents to notice you, and they turned around, watching you come towards them. You could see your mother mustering you with something akin to shock in her eyes, as she clutched her handbag and pressed her lips together.
You knew you had changed a lot in the past weeks. Your hair, your muscles, the tattoos and piercings, your scars.. all that together with the black faction clothes, instead of sharp blue, and the new confidence Dauntless had made you feel, made you appear like a completely different person.
Eric also descended the stairs behind you, keeping a distance to let you talk to your parents on your own. You were not quite sure if that was really reassuring, but you made sure that your face didn’t give away any sign of your insecurity.
“Hey.” You said as you reached them, casually putting your hands into the pockets of your combat trousers. You tilted your head at the two people in front of you, mustering them from top to bottom, before you continued to speak. “Didn’t expect you to come, to be honest.”
“Oh, Y/N.. [if you have chosen a different name at the beginning, they are using the old one]” Your mother managed to bring out, her voice strained. She shook her head. “You.. you look so different, we.. we were worried about you, we-”
“Bullshit.” Now it was you, who shook his head. “You were worried about how it looked to the other families. Your only son, defecting to the brainless faction. I know how it is.” You tilted your head to the other side.
In a way.. this was freeing. There were no consequences now, nothing they could do to you. You could – for the first time ever – just say exactly what you were thinking.
Your mother pursed her lips, not denying what you had said. She looked over at your father for a moment, for help. But he looked just as overwhelmed as she did.
“You..” She looked back at you, her hands fidgeting with each other. “You told us your aptitude test said Erudite..”
“Yea, well, I lied. To get you off my back.” You raised the corner of your mouth for a moment, seeing their shocked faces. “Half expected you to lock me in for good, if you would get the smallest hint that I would try and leave.”
“Y/N!” Your mother exclaimed again, taking a step forwards. “With all your reading, we just hoped-”
“Why are you here?” You interrupted them, feeling the familiar anger rising inside of you, even though you tried your best to sound bored and unbothered.
You didn’t want to show them, that you still got angry, that you were still struggling with that part of you. You wanted them to see how much you had blossomed here at Dauntless.
But then again.. and that was the anger speaking.. part of you didn’t care, and would not mind punching them.
“We just wanted to see how you were holding up, son..” Your father spoke up, earning a raised eyebrow from you.
“He’s holding up great.” A voice behind you caused your parents’ attention to shift, as Eric came up next to you with a charming smirk. He was tall and intimidating, and even though the smirk, still used his appearance to his full advantage. “One of our top ten in the ranking. Best shot too. We are very happy with him, he’ll go far.”
“And you are..?” Your mother asked with confusion, looking from you to Eric and back, taking a step back again.
“I’m one of the leaders, here at Dauntless. And Y/N’s instructor. Eric.” Eric said, crossing his arms.
The demeanour of your parents changed in an instant, as they realised that the man in front of them – however young he was – was a person that they had to respect. Even if they didn’t think much of Dauntless, a leader was a leader.
“Eric is right, I’m doing great.” You smirked.
With him at your side, facing your parents, confidence flooded through your system. Even though you could not show that you were together, you felt like a ‘power-couple’.
“Not being locked up and treated like an animal, you know? Does wonders, really.” You could not hold back and add.
The level of embarrassment on your parents’ face after you said that caused a surge of satisfaction to run through you. Finally. Finally you could speak your mind. It was such an incredible feeling, so..freeing. That must’ve been what Candor people felt like all the time, and you had to admit, you kind of envied them for it. Especially after all the secrecy of Erudite, where no one was supposed to know what went on behind closed doors.
“’Faction before blood’ is a really neat concept, isn’t it?” You smirked. “I would say ‘thanks for dropping by’, but that would be a lie, because I’d rather liked you wouldn’t have come.”
You let out a sigh, having to look away, as their expressions had grown a bit too much for you to handle. You didn’t want to feel bad for them – they deserved every mean word out of your mouth, and more. You let your walls wander through the Pit, the place that had grown so familiar to you over the past weeks. The stone, the concrete, the metal.. it was comforting, it was home. It gave you a feeling of safety and security, just as the man next to you.
“But anything to ease your minds, eh?” You continued, looking back. “As you can see, I am happy. Very happy. I am finally where I belong, and I am finally far away from you, which is ideal. Optimum est.”
The Latin words brought tears into your mother’s eyes, and this time it was her, who had to look away.
“Son..” Your father started, but you just waved him off.
“No, thanks.” You shook your head, not interested in hearing an excuse, a justification, or even an apology. It was too late for all of that now. “Have a nice rest of your day.”
And with that, you turned around, swaggering back through the Pit towards where you had come from, feeling as if a massive weight had been taken off your shoulders, that you had not even been aware of carrying. Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest, and you could hear the blood rush through your ears, and it was that moment that you actually grew aware how stressful the whole situation had been.
You kept walking, not looking back, your mind playing the confrontation over and over again. You were pulled out of your thoughts halfway back to the dorms, when Eric caught up with you.
His hand was on your shoulder, turning you around to him, and you felt some of the tension finally leave your body.
“Well, that was..” Eric started, but stopped himself, as if he was not sure what to say.
“That felt.. strangely amazing. Shitty, but also amazing.” Your brought out, an unintentional laugh leaving your throat, and you were not quite sure what caused it. Nervousness? Relief? Delayed panic? Maybe all of those. You went through quite the assortment of emotional cocktails today.
“I think you handled it well.” Eric smiled softly, squeezing your shoulder. “This could’ve gone much worse.”
“Thanks..” You smirked back, rolling your shoulders. You felt like working out until your mind was quiet. “It feels.. good. Baggage lost. Baggage that.. I kind of should have known was there, but.. I didn’t realise how much was actually there.” You tried to word it.
“I know, it is.. it gives you closure..” Eric’s voice made you look up at him, mustering his face.
“Did.. your parents..?” You were not sure what you were even trying to ask him.
“They also came, yes. To see how I was doing. I didn’t tell them either that I was going to defect, so it was.. it gave me the opportunity to show them that it was the right thing, the right choice, and that this was where I belong.” It seemed to you as if Eric had never talked about this with anyone before, as the words came out slowly, hesitantly.
“Were they.. angry?” You asked, tilting your head. Eric was.. strong. He was the one to push you, to hold you up when you were failing, when you were on the ground, so seeing him.. almost vulnerable right now was something entirely new to you.
Eric nodded slowly. His hand moved from your shoulder to your upper arm, and he pulled you along, instead of going to the dorms – like you had intended – pulling you into a different direction, that you by now knew would lead to his apartment.
You let him, not fighting it, understanding that this conversation didn’t need any people drop by, by chance. Also, the thought of sitting on Eric’s soft sofa, instead of your uncomfortable cot, was also a nice bonus.
After some minutes you arrived, and Eric opened the door, letting you in.
The apartment didn’t feel.. familiar, as of yet. It wasn’t as strange to be here as it had been the first time, but still, it was a rare occasion. You sat down on the sofa, while Eric grabbed some water from the fridge, before joining you.
“My parents.. were very.. ambitious.” Eric said, sitting down and taking a sip from his water. “We were.. five generations of continuous Erudite members on my father’s side, which.. as you know is quite the prestigious thing.”
You nodded, well aware of that. Family lines like that had a good chance of being important people in the faction, with a legacy of successful scientists and good connections.
“My parents had already planned it all out. Wanted me to go into chemistry, to work on more serums. Kind of a family thing too.” Eric sighed. “I always knew, I wasn’t really that passionate about shit like that but.. I thought that is maybe something you grow into. But then the aptitude test told me I’m Dauntless, so..” he bit his lower lip. “I knew I would disappoint them.”
You mustered Eric, never having seen him this.. vulnerable. It was new to you.
“But you still transferred.” You said, as he didn’t speak on.
“Yea, of course.” Eric huffed. “Don’t want to waste my life doing chemistry shit, when I can be here.”
You had to laugh, as Eric was back to his normal self.
“When they came to visit, they were furious. Telling me how embarrassing it was that I went to the idiots at Dauntless, and all that bullshit.” Eric continued. “But then I told them that I was number two in the ranking. That I was considered a good candidate for leadership. That I had found my purpose here. That I would have ended up a shitty scientist, bringing them even more embarrassment.” He paused, taking another sip of his water.
“What did they say?” You asked, tilting your head.
“They.. understood.” Eric said, chuckling. “And now they had something to brag at home about, that their son was going to be a big thing in Dauntless. It gave them closure, just as it gave it to me.”
The two of you were quite for a moment, just sitting there, both a bit lost in memories. You, of what had happened just a few minutes ago, and Eric in his own last meeting with his parents.
You were.. glad that Eric was also an Erudite transfer. It meant that he understood you on a level that Ven or Orion never could.
You mustered his face again, the pale eyes, the strong features, the dark piercings. The tattoos on his neck. You could not really imagine how he would have looked like before, in Erudite, probably a lot less muscular, and dressed in all blue.
Before even thinking about it, you leaned in, capturing his lips with yours, and sighing when Eric kissed you back. The kiss was not hurried, but slow, full of.. emotions you were not quite able to admit to yourself.
Summary: You have a problem with Amar. You don't have a problem with the greaseball transfer.
On Ao3: archiveofourown.org/works/67797736 🔒
Amar had been all but the dream initiate. An excellent fighter, undaunted by his fears—but not too undaunted—and a good shot.
Still, it had always chafed when one of the Dauntless-born initiates deserved the top spot in the rankings over one of yours. It was understandable, seeing as the Dauntless-borns had an 18-year lead, but always just as galling.
It had chafed even more when the Dauntless-born had taken your job as transfer training instructor.
So yes, you could say that you hold a bit of a grudge.
You’d challenged him to a shooting competition. Should he lose, he’d request that you remain as shooting instructor. Should he win, you’d gladly step down, and the better shot would deservedly take the reins. You’d worked with the Dauntless-borns’ instructor on the final rankings. You’d known exactly where Amar’s shortcomings lay.
Of course, you’d won.
That Amar’s priorities lay elsewhere showed in the new initiates’ undisciplined handling of the rifles. The dummy ones in the training room weren’t just for show.
So, you might have told him off a little bit. Just quietly, to the side, not within earshot of most of the initiates. You didn’t intend to undermine Amar’s authority—that would’ve been petty and unprofessional.
Afterward, with the rifles back in their racks and everything locked up, you dismiss the initiates for lunch.
Most tables are already full by the time you get down to the cafeteria, but you find an empty table and take a seat. You’ve gotten in a few spoonfuls of beef soup when one of Amar’s initiates, recognizable by his greasy hair and lack of Dauntless flair, sets his tray on the other side of the table.
You give him a surreptitious look-over, and can’t help but give him the same advice you’d always given your initiates.
“If you’ve ever thought of dyeing your hair, or getting a piercing or a tattoo, now’s your chance to do it,” you say, glancing at him. “In other factions, people might say shit like ‘what if you do it and regret it?’, here it’s ‘what if you don’t do it and regret that?’. Hair’s an easy start.” You point your fork at his limp curls.
He meets your gaze, eyes cold and impassive, then glances around the cafeteria before focusing on his soup. You return to your food, expecting to be ignored, but then he asks, “How much of a pain is it to maintain?”
You shrug one shoulder. “Depends on what you do. Bleaching is a pain, so bright colors are a pain. And they fade fast. Root growth is a pain, so full-head dye is a pain. Going darker is easiest, and you don’t need to worry about your scalp just—sizzling off.” You gesture towards your hair.
“Have you actually had dyed hair?” the initiate asks, more pointed than genuinely curious. It’s a fair question, considering you’ve stuck to your natural color for a while now.
“I had it white for a while, then dyed it rainbow until I got bored and had a Stiff cut for a bit.” You raise a brow at him. “I’m not just talking out of my ass, y’know.” You drain your second glass of water and stand, picking up your tray. “Enjoy your initiation,” you say with a wry smirk, knowing full well that there isn’t that much to enjoy, and leave him to his meal.
