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Ranking Delanceys On How Good Their Fighting Skills Are

Disclaimer this has absolutely nothing to do with the actors

David Sheinkopf’s Morris: Stay away from this dude. He’s not a good fighter, but you don’t want anything to do with him. He’s just creepy, and he smells like a weird mix of garlic and dirt. You wouldn’t even fight him, because you’d probably just leave. But if you did, he’d win. He’d strangle you. 9/10

Mike Faist’s Morris: Beatable. He relies on his brother for strength. He can probably punch pretty hard, but that’s about it. You can overpower him easy enough. And I feel like he’d cry if you stole his hat. Mike was also the only actor to call Morris a nice guy. 2/10

Adam Kaplan’s Morris: He looks like he’d be someone’s uncle. I’m not intimidated by him. If he approached me and wanted to fight, I’d just tell him a dad joke and he’d probably be too distracted laughing at it to fight me. But if you do fight him, he’s got a whip. Other Morrises don’t have whips. So either he’s kinky, or he’ll kill you. Either way, 10/10.

Devin Lewis’s Morris: Okay, he may look like the strongest Morris, but he’s not. This Morris is all talk. He talks about his skull-bustin’ arm, well, he doesn’t have one. He’ll start a fight, then have Oscar finish it. If you hit him, he will run away. Or cry. He’s scared of fights. Even though he is the best Morris I have to give him a 3/10

Shon Greenblatt’s Oscar: A creep. The worst. Look at his eyes! He’s also the only Oscar to canonically become a crime lord. I can’t make this up. However, it’s a bit hard to take the outfit seriously. Someone put a feather in his hat. But, if you do fight him, he’ll knock your teeth out. 7/10

Brendon Stimson’s Oscar: This dude has seen some fights. He knows what he’s doing. Look at that confidence! He’s ready. He’s not the best fighter, he’s lost a couple times. But this Oscar always has his brass knuckles. He doesn’t forget them like some other Oscars. 8/10

Jon Hacker’s Oscar: I couldn’t even find a picture of him in costume, this is the closest I got. He looks like a neighbor. Don’t let that fool you, neighbors can be fighters. And this Oscar is no exception. He’s also the type to knock your teeth out, although it takes him a bit more effort. 5/10

Anthony Norman’s Oscar: Remember when I said some Oscars forget their brass knuckles? It’s this one. He usually has them though. But he’s also a gremlin. He’s the type to climb on your back and attack you that way. He’s strong, and can do some real damage. But you could easily pick him up and put him somewhere else. He’s fast though. 6/10