#dawn.chats

[dawns-delight]

watching my friend trying to a+ poison the medicine and having anger issues because of franco, so i present to you:

franco stuck in a glue trap

[dawns-delight]

being fully able-bodied with no further issues and then slowly becoming disabled in your twenties is a different sort of grief for me

i've been struggling with migraines and theyve slowly been worsening to a point where my i was told i really should apply for disability, especially with my other issues like mental health and potential osteoarthritis

they started as silent ones, i only had some of the neurological symptoms like the tingling, a singular hemiplegic one where i suffered temporary paralysis but only for a very short while and was fine after. i was used to regular headaches, i got them since i was a kid but nothing a nap couldnt fix

but the tingling kept worsening, i started getting worse tinnitus than before, i was often so nauseaus or exhausted. but hey, i wasnt in pain, so i kept pushing it off until my mother, a nurse, forced me to go to the doctor

boom - you have migraines, just "silent" ones.

and few months later the now chronic headaches started. they were fine, maybe i was just on my phone too much. sure, bothersome, but eh, i lived. but then they never stopped and now i just adjusted to always having them, together with the other symptoms i previously had

and then last year, the *bad* headaches started. theyre not always, like my regular ones, but they make me want to claw my eyes and brain out and its horrible. and they also are coming more often now

i'm nauseaus almost every day, constantly fatigued, my depression is worsening. i feel like a failure, i'm the only one out of multiple siblings who is struggling to this extend

im grieving where i could be now if it wasnt for everything thats going on now. i neglect friendships, i cant do my hobbies whenever i want.

i miss when i was a teen, skipping school with my best friend because we wanted to get breakfast together, not because i was unable to handle fucking light

i'm so fucking angry over how my body keeps betraying me like this, almost some sort of punishment for a crime i didnt know i commited

and if one more person asks how i could be struggling this much when i'm only 24 - sincerely, fuck you

[dawns-delight]

something i didn't expect with being chronically ill is just how tired people are of me at one point, and how they stop believing me even though they know my condition is chronic

i have a mother who works in the healthcare sector, who knows people with chronic health issues, she has some herself, her own mother has some as well

but even she is at a point where she just sighs when i stay home because i physically cannot handle light. when i cant do my assignments because my hands are in pain. when she asks how i am feeling and i have yet another raging headache

my dad stopped asking me how i am or how i feel altogether basically. he still doesnt believe its possible i have headaches so often even though i have a diagnosis from my neurologist and who is slowly trying out different medications with me

hell, because my migraines dont look like my moms, he doesnt believe i have them at all.

they're tired of me never feeling better, and so am i. but god i just wish someone believed me

[dawns-delight]

my phone randomly died, like genuinely out of nowhere, so now i lost most of the pics of my old cat that died this year as well as the ones of the kittens i took in a few months ago

don't be a dumbass

save your pictures and don't just assume it'll all be cool

now if you excuse me, i'll go cuddle my kittens while mourning the pics of my old one and begging my siblings to send me whatever pics they have

(yall wanna send me cat pictures so bad) (i'll repay you in kitten pics once i have some again)

[dawns-delight]

in regards to modern pop media, vampire and werewolf roles swapped would also be an incredibly interesting concept in my humble opinion

often times, we associate vampires with those incredibly noble creatures, beautiful, never aging, graceful in the way they move and put everyone under their spell. we all know count dracula, and all the lovestories with mina (justice for jonathan btw, man went to all these lengths just to be forgotten, you are loved in this house jonathan harker). its also not uncommon to see vampire royalty in works of fiction. we all love them, i know

and im sure theres a similar section of fiction where werewolves also have the beauty treatment, but i dont see it as much. obviously, they differ wildly because of the transformation into a wolf, but still they have a lot more themes of isolation, placed under a curse, a sense of wildness and ruthlessness and still such tragedy

but i want to see that being changed more often

vampirism as a nasty disease spreading through the city as the people are forced to feed on one another, spreading it further like a plague. its not clean, its not palatable. they live the horrors of losing themselves to hunger every day, unable to contain themselves from spreading it to their loved ones. they try to isolate the ones who are infected, but its hopeless. masses of vampires burnt in the sun in the hopes to end the plague, yet it continues on as there is always one more that bites and spreads it. everyone has a story of how they lost a loved one to this cursed plague.

werewolves as high class people, tight family bonds, watching and protecting their pack. watching other families carefully, as they want to protect themselves and especially their weakest from the pact. first blood drawn from a newly awakened wolf is celebrated as they have become part of the pack, sworn to protect each other, the family, no matter what. strong, caring. taking over each others duties after a long and hard night, ensuring everything keeps running smoothly. hunting together to keep their home "clean" from outsiders that threaten the family. its not a curse, its a gift. vitality, strength, control. full moons are celebrations full of joy, not feared. their heritage, their gift, its not a tragic curse that isolated them from friends and loved ones - it gave them a new one, one that will always see family as nr 1 priority

[dawns-delight]

writing an arlesandbina fanfic currently and its over 250k words atp i am concerned abt my mental health

[dawns-delight]

friend: "lowkey, coyle could get it"

me: "lowkey pitcher could too"

friend: "NOT SURPRISED YOURE SAYING THAT NOW"

god forbid a girl has a wife to come home to (pitcher my love im waiting for you)

[dawns-delight]

EVERYONE.

I finished crocheting the shrug for the concert and its in the colors of the lesbian flag, PRAY with me a girl at least thinks its cute on monday or gets the message (its a scene queen concert, they probably will.)