All I want for Christmas is that big beautiful obituary
Reminds me of this old Soviet joke I heard a while ago. So a man walks by a news stand every day on his way to work. Every day, he picks up a paper, looks at the front page, and shakes his head before returning it to the vendor. Now the vendor’s a quiet man, he minds his own business, but after a few months of this he can’t help but be just a little curious. One day he lets his curiosity get the better of him, and he finally asks the man: “why don’t you ever buy a paper? You come here every day, look at only the front page, and then put it away again!”
The man replies, “oh, i don’t need to buy a paper. I’m just looking for the obituaries.”
The vendor, puzzled, says “what do you mean? You only ever look at the front page. The obituaries are in the back!”
“Not the one I’m looking for!” says the man.