summary: Polaris explores the fragile line between comfort and control—between being seen and being kept.
At its core, the story follows two people shaped by instability, drawn together not by something healthy, but by something familiar. In a situation where escape is blurred and dependence becomes inevitable, attachment begins to form—quietly, persistently, dangerously.
When love is built on fear, need, and recognition… is it still love—or just survival dressed as something softer?
C.W: kidnapping, captivity, stockholm syndrome themes, toxic dynamics, unhealthy attachment, psychological dependency, mental health themes, trauma, emotional manipulation, morally gray characters, violence, blood, power imbalance, obsession, coercive intimacy, slow burn, dark romance elements, potential smut, canon divergence
Just a short drabble about the reader getting a tattoo.
Warnings: fluff, corny, mentions of sex, swearing.
When Dex first saw the ink etched into your skin, he wasn’t sure what to think.
It was simple. A target over your heart. The heart that you had given to him. The heart that felt like he had already pierced with an arrow.
When he didn’t immediately move or speak, you started to worry. What if it was too much? What if he hated it? What if he didn’t want to be reminded of everything when he was lying in bed with you?
“Dex?” You prompted, hoping that he would give you something, anything.
What he gave you, however, was not what you expected. He wasn’t sure that he expected his reaction either.
Dex practically jumped on you, pressing bruising kisses against your lips.
“Fuck!” He moaned out. “So. Fucking. Hot.” He barely separated his lips from yours to speak the words between the kisses. “You’re. Mine. All. Mine.”
“Yours,” you managed to moan out.
And later, when the tattoo was healed and settled into your skin, Dex would press kisses against it during sex, sometimes even biting near it, wanting to mark you even more as his.
On days when the buzzing was more noticeable, or during nights when he couldn’t sleep, he would lightly trace the pattern with his middle finger.
The ink would last forever, just like your devotion to him.
As long as you were still breathing, you would never leave him.
fin
(thanks for reading! let me know what you think <3 )
tags: @fallingfavourites @see-the-divine // prev // next
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia Yersova (OC), mentions of June Yersova x Joaquin Torres (may get a feature piece later)
Word Count: 6,336
Summary: Livia faces some emotional hurdles and clears them with a very obvious lack of grace. But when all else fails, why not return to what you know? Even if what you know is a vigilante suit…
When it came to Matt coming over, Livia was regretting her decision to invite him. She didn’t care about the extra cooking. She generally made enough for leftovers and meal prep anyway. It was just the idea of having that conversation with him.
She has actively avoided it for a reason, after all.
The meal itself was easy enough. June managed to fill any awkward silences with her own stories. Matt seemed to keep a smile on his face for the whole night.
It made Livia’s heart ache, made her yearn for a peace she couldn’t quite have.
“Oh.” June said suddenly as her phone rang. “Um…”
“Go ahead.” Livia motioned towards the other woman’s room. “It’s about that time.”
“Well…” She looked at the screen, bit her inner cheek, and then looked back. “He’ll understand. I can call him later.”
“Wow.” Livia nodded then looked over to Matt. “She never ignores his call.”
“Really?” He raised his brows. “Guess this is important.”
“It is.” June agreed. “Okay, we’ve stalled enough. Livia, go.”
“Okay.” Livia shrugged. “What happened with you at the bank, June?”
“Hmm?” She pressed her lips into a line and raised her brows. “Come again?”
“When one of those guys had his gun aimed at Matt, you freaked out. I felt it. You were practically shaking after. What was that?”
“Uh… Well, it- It was nothing. Nothing.” June shook her head.
“Liv, maybe we don’t.” Matt tried.
“You know, don’t you?” Livia faced the man.
“Maybe.” He sighed. “When we went to California, she had some-“
“No!” June cut in.
“We have to tell her.” Matt reasoned.
“That’s not what we’re talking about.”
“It sort of is, Bug… We can’t fix everything if we’re still keeping secrets. You can read our minds but we can’t read yours.”
June chewed the inside of her cheek as she thought. She was quiet but gestured for Matt to continue. Livia watched as the blonde sunk into her seat with a huff, crossing her arms and trying to make herself smaller.
Matt waited until Livia was focused on him to talk.
“She was having nightmares in California.” Matt explained carefully, telling the story with such gentleness and care that Livia was still shocked that he ever sent June to Natasha. “She’d wake up, just drenched in sweat. Sometimes she’d scream, other times she was crying… It was always the same thing. One of us-“ He gestured between him and Livia. “-dying.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Livia gently asked June.
She shrugged a shoulder, pretending it didn’t matter. “What were you supposed to do about it?”
“If I had known, I-“
“There was nothing you could’ve done, Liv.” June sighed, seemingly exhausted at the idea. “I figured it out on my own.”
“The problem is you’re not on your own, not anymore.”
“Never again.” Matt agreed. “June, I’m sorry for everything. When I said what I did, I wasn’t thinking. I was so hurt by what Natasha had said that I…”
Livia hesitated.
She never hesitated when it came to Matt but this time she did. She reached slightly towards his hand before letting hers land on the table. She tapped her fingers, eyed the distance between their hands, but did nothing about it.
Matt’s head cocked in her direction, sensing whatever reaction her body was giving away. He offered the slightest smirk, almost proud of what he had discovered. Livia just shook her head. She was going to withdraw her hand but Matt reached over before she could. He laced his fingers through hers and it felt like the most natural position she had ever been in.
She was so entranced by the feelings that she didn’t even hear what else Matt was saying. Some sort of apology, some grovelling, the usual.
It was almost as if her bones were made to fit with his. Every hole in her heart and soul, every gap in her bones, every valley of her muscles, any possible opening or cavity within her seemed to match with something in Matt like puzzle pieces. It was exhilarating to have those small things filled, to simply feel complete even if just for a fleeting moment.
Matt completed Livia in ways that no other man had. Marc had done his best but there was a softness that he lacked, to no fault of his own. Steven was sweet and loving, but there was an edge that Livia needed to combat her own. Billy was the only one that arguably competed with Matt for that space, but he had gone bad long before she knew him.
Then there was Dex. Ben Poindexter was a man that she probably never should’ve taken to bed, but there was something in that instability that called to her. She saw her darkest potential in him. Maybe she thought she could fix something broken in herself if she could fix him, but it very well could’ve been too broken for her to do anything with.
She came back to the conversation when Matt gave her hand a small shake.
“I know you think you need to be alone to figure everything out.” Matt said gently. “But just like you told her, you’re not alone. I’m always here for you, Livvy.”
Her heart fell a beat behind at the nickname.
“Really, we should be blaming Uncle Frank.” June added, twirling her fork in the air as she spoke. “He’s the one who opened his mouth.”
“Or I can blame all three of you.” Livia countered. “You all hid it.”
“Cause we didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Yes, but can you just admit that you were wrong?”
June opened her mouth to speak, registered Livia’s expression, and then offered a frown of her own.
“I really am sorry, Liv. I didn’t know how to bring it up so I just figured it’d be easier not to say anything.”
“Thank you.” Livia nodded before turning back to Matt. “I could’ve been more willing to hear you out and for that, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for your feelings.” He offered a gentle smile.
“It just hurt so much to hear what had happened. But I guess I didn’t take into account everything else…”
“Does that mean he’s forgiven?” June asked excitedly.
“Depends.” She turned to June. “Do you forgive him?”
“Yeah, we’re good.” June smiled. “We can keep him around a little while longer.”
“Only a little?” Matt laughed.
“In that case, we will definitely work towards getting back to normal.” Livia told Matt.
“Sounds good to me.” He nodded. He shook her hand slightly, as if to confirm the deal. “However long it takes.”
“Yay!” June clapped. “My turn. Livia, you need to be more honest with us.”
“Right.” Livia nodded once. There was no point in arguing against that request. “What about?”
June’s eyes darted to Matt.
“I have been honest about that.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.” Her pointed stare told Livia everything.
“Is there something specific you want to know?”
“No, because I think I already know, but you just won’t say it.”
“You’ve been waiting for a chance to bring this up, haven’t you?” Livia raised a brow.
“Maybe.” June shrugged innocently. “If you’re asking me to be open and honest, it’s only fair that I ask the same of you. Right?”
“She’s got a point.” Matt agreed.
“You’re only agreeing so she doesn’t turn this onto you.” Livia slightly rolled her eyes. Matt gave a slight tilt of his head in agreement. “You are right, June, so I’ll concede to answering anything you ask honestly when it’s just us.”
“That’s not fair!” June exclaimed.
“It is, and it’s all the compromise you’re getting.”
June pursed her lips as she thought.
“And the same goes for Matt.” Livia added.
“Hang on.” Matt chuckled nervously. “I’m not even sure what it’s about.”
“Deal.” June answered quickly, not allowing Matt to question it.
“Anything you’d like to add, Counselor?” Livia looked to Matt.
“Not at the moment, no.” He cracked a small smile. “I’ll let you know if anything comes up.”
The three of them finished dinner and moved to the living room for a movie. They were laying on the couch, watching one of the many movies Livia had missed during her five year disappearing act. It was of course June’s selection, but she had fallen asleep about halfway though. She was laying with her legs over the armrest and her head in Matt’s lap. Livia was angled on Matt’s other side, careful not to lean onto him.
“Are you comfortable like that?” Matt laughed slightly when Livia shifted beside him.
“Yeah.” She lied. As she moved, she winced at the slight pain in her ribs.
“I can hear your bones rubbing together.” Matt countered. “Did you do something recently?”
“Not since the flake’s apartment.” Livia shook her head, gently rubbing the tender spot. “Well, technically the bank is more accurate but that was only a few days ago so I guess it doesn’t count.”
“Okay. He was scared, right? You can’t hold it against him.”
“I fear it all would’ve ended the same way, regardless of how he testified.”
“Maybe.” Matt agreed. “So you haven’t gone out since?”
“No. Believe it or not, I haven’t. I still train with June, though, so I think she got me good at some point.”
“You train with June?” His brows went up in surprise.
“Have you seen her in a fight? If she’s not using mindwork, it’s like a toddler waving pool noodles.”
Matt laughed. “Hard to believe that if you two were from the same place.”
“I think that was always the point...” She reached forward and brushed June’s hair off her forehead. “Two very different purposes.”
“You two aren’t as different as you think.” Matt offered gently. He reached for Livia’s hand but she smoothly avoided it, tucking both of her hands between her folded legs.
“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, she’s in a better place now than I was at her age. She has you to thank for that.”
“She has you, too.”
“I guess the guy she’s with deserves some credit, too.”
“Right, right.” He nodded. “What’s his name again? Joseph?”
“Jared?”
“Jasper.”
“Jacob.”
“Jorge.”
“Julian.”
“This is what happens when she won’t introduce us.”
Livia laughed slightly. “So.. When does the missus expect you home?”
“The missus.” Matt nodded slowly.
“I’d hate to get you in trouble.”
“Since when?” He laughed.
“When have I ever gotten you in trouble?” Livia replied in offense.
“I don’t think we have time for that list.”
Livia laughed and smacked lightly on his chest. “You’re just asking to get your ass kicked, Murdock.”
“I thought you don’t do that anymore.”
“I saw the way you moved at the bank. Clearly, you’re out of practice. It’d actually be unfair to you to fight in the state you’re in.”
“Oh really?”
“Really.”
“Let’s go to the roof and find out.”
“Gladly.”
Before Livia stood, she scribbled a quick note in case June woke up while they were out, then she lightly twisted her torso to stretch her back. She watched Matt carefully rearrange June, who murmured some nonsense before settling back to sleep. Matt gestured for Livia to go first, a smug expression on his face. Livia couldn’t help but roll her eyes to herself as she stepped around him.
At that time of night, the roof was abandoned. No one from her building really went up there anyway except for a couple of teens that went up to hide from their parents while they smoked. Livia wandered the open space, stretching either shoulders and loosening her hips. She heard Matt’s footsteps a few feet behind her and she assumed he was doing something similar.
“Ladies first.” He offered.
She faced him with a smile.
“Be my guest, Matthew.” Livia held her arms out to the side, offering a wide open shot to her torso.
He laughed slightly, the kind of chuckle that sent a jolt through her. The jolt was the kind that meant her life and her thoughts were going to get very complicated very quickly.
As if he knew she was distracted, Matt acted first. He came at her and threw one quick punch. Livia reacted just in time, catching him by his wrist.
She spun her hand around his forearm to push his arm down while she dropped to a knee. Her other arm wrapped around his weight-bearing leg and with a yank, she flipped him over her shoulder.
He landed with a thud and Livia had to laugh. Just a small chuckle.
“Are you taking it easy on me?” She teased.
“Just getting warmed up.” Matt smiled.
They both stood and this time, Livia made the first move.
She went to sweep his legs but Matt avoided it with an acrobatic flip.
Livia knew better than to give him too much time. Once his feet landed, she went to kick out at his chest. Matt also knew her tendencies so he was expecting the kick. He smacked it away and threw one of his own, a high roundhouse that she had to duck under.
She righted and aimed a kick for his ribs. He caught her foot and pinned it under his arm. His other hand gripped her shoulder.
She reached forward and put one hand behind his neck and the other hooked his elbow. With a small hop, she let her body weight drop to drag Matt down. On the way down, her free leg lifted to swing over the arm she had caught.
The back of Matt’s shoulders hit first, meaning her other leg was now free. She spun quickly, adjusting her position to lock Matt into an armbar.
He tapped out quickly.
“Not looking good for you, Matty.” She continued her teasing as she released him. She tumbled backwards to get her feet under her. “I think June could even beat you.”
“You’ve made your point.” He replied from the ground. He shot a hand up, a silent request for her to help him up.
With a small eyeroll, she obliged.
“I really didn’t think you’d be this out of practice.”
“You’d be surprised how fast I catch on.”
“Alright then.” Livia smirked. “One last round?”
“If you say so.” Matt gestured to the space between them.
She moved intently this time, walking in slow circles around him. He spun with her in an effort to keep her in front of him. They both knew he could react to her moves easily and he didn’t need her to be in front of him, but it was all part of the game. That’s what it was to the two of them at the end of it.
A game.
A tricky little cat and mouse neither were going to concede in. It had always been that way for them, she realized. Neither of them were ever truly available to the other, be it due to another relationship or something threatening their lives or someone taking their turn to be “dead”. It was a vicious cycle of want, of yearning, of chasing the impossible.
Livia knew that and yet she let herself fall back into the cycle every damned time.
She needed to get off that train of thought and quickly, so she punched him.
The sloppy attack missed and Matt took a quick step to the side. He threw his elbow towards her chest but she got her hands up to block it and push him away. She swung on him again but he ducked under it, quickly switching his feet to angle himself at her side. He had a leg behind her and Livia quickly recognized he was either going to flip her or trip her.
When he reached across her waist, she didn’t waste time. She drove a knee upwards, forcing the joint into his armpit to block his range of motion and give herself some space. Matt reacted by hooking a foot around her planted ankle.
She went with the momentum of the pull on her ankle and lifted her leg for a kick to his chest. Unfortunately, it was exactly the motion Matt was hoping for. He caught her foot, bracing her ankle against him as he moved closer. She cursed to herself when he caught hold of her planted leg.
With a quick spin, he pulled Livia to the ground and pinned her on her back. Her heart was racing, breath coming hard and fast.
It was the thrill of the fight.
It was the thrill of him.
He still had hold of her leg, bracing it against his hip, when she closed her eyes. She sighed before she let herself laugh. It was genuine, truly enjoying her existence for the moment.
“Maybe this was a bad idea.” She said quietly, eyes darting across his face. So many things were racing through her mind, thoughts she couldn’t entertain. Thoughts she was purposefully trying to avoid.
“What makes you say that?” He asked in the same low tone. He hadn’t released her leg, nor had he attempted to put any distance between their faces. Livia almost thought he had moved in closer.
She had to maneuver her hands carefully to his chest and push him away. She hardly gave him a nudge and he complied without protest.
“You know why.” She answered, shifting away from him.
She stayed on the ground and drew her knees to her chest. One arm wrapped around them and the other fidgeted with her hair.
“Just say the word, Livia.” Matt tried.
“Say what?”
“You know what.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Say it, right now, and everything changes.”
“If there was something to say, I’m not going to.”
“Why not?”
“Aren’t you happy?”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“Maybe, but I’m asking anyway.” She shrugged. “So just tell me. Are you happy?”
“Don’t… Don’t ask me that.” He nearly whispered. “You can’t ask me that.”
“Why? Because we both know the answer? I can’t hear your heartbeat but I can feel the truth. Are. You. Happy?” She repeated the question slowly, enunciating each syllable.
“Yes…” He said it quietly, like a whispered confession in some sacred place.
“Exactly.” She smiled sadly. “We both know how this goes. Are you feeling bad for living your life- living a good life without me? I don’t blame you for that. Your life had to go on, Matt.”
“That’s not-“
“You’re happy. June’s happy, That’s all I could ask for…” She began heading back towards the building’s entrance. “I won’t ruin that for you.” She added over her shoulder.
“Are you?”
The question stopped her at the door. She knew exactly what he was asking, but she acted as if she didn’t, if only to give herself time to formulate her lie.
“Am I what?” She didn’t look at him, didn’t take her hand off the knob.
“Happy.”
Livia drew her ability within herself. She felt it course in her veins, every bit of power she had interlaced with her blood. She used it to create a sense of truth, for she needed to believe those next words just as much as she needed Matt to. He wouldn’t know she was lying if she could maintain that control.
She had to maintain it.
“Of course.” She answered, a tone so foreign she wasn’t sure it was her own voice. Detached but seemingly honest, dripping with fake sweetness, just enough to convince him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“So we lie to each other now…” Matt nodded in understanding.
“I’m not gonna lie to you if I don’t have to.” She shrugged a shoulder. “We can’t tell June we had this conversation.”
“Now you’re asking me to lie to her?”
“Not lie. Just not to bring it up.” Livia countered as she turned to face him. “I know she wants more from us. If she knew we’ve agreed to-“
“Hang on. I didn’t agree to anything.”
“C’mon, Matt.” She said tiredly. “You know as well as I do that you and I are doomed. We always have been.”
It felt honest enough, but the words cut through her like a knife. She wanted to believe Matt would pick her, but part of her knew he never would. What did she have to offer when compared to a woman like Heather? Where Livia brought pain and blood and bruises, Heather offered peace, stability, and gentle hands. Livia’s hands were rough, scarred, misaligned from broken bones and dislocations. Heather’s were pristine. Heather’s words were polished and comforting while Livia’s were soaked in lies and sharper than the blades she brandished with ease. Livia lived her life under a security blanket of violence.
“You deserve peace.” She took one step forward. She couldn’t allow herself any more than that. “Heather gives you that.”
“What about what you deserve?” He closed the distance between them.
“I think I’ve gotten more.” Her hand up on reflex, aiming to push him back his chest.
She didn’t know why she thought she could try with Matt. She wanted him. God, there was nothing she wanted more. But there was nothing special on the table from her. She could never stop hiding under that blanket she grew up with. She physically wasn’t capable of letting that cursed thing go.
He caught her by her wrist as soon as her fingertips met the material of his shirt. Her mouth opened to argue, to come up with some weak excuse as to why they could only be friends, but his next actions were too quick.
He gave a small tug and pulled her against his chest. She landed with a soft ‘oof’ and tensed immediately. She knew she was supposed to pull away. She had to stick to what she said. But the feeling of being in his arms, being held so close, she was suddenly terrified for it to end. Something about life outside of that embrace suddenly seemed like the worst thing she could imagine.
There was no use in pretending anymore, but that didn’t mean she would stop wanting.
So she sunk into the embrace. Her arms wrapped around him and her hands balled into tight fists, catching the extra fabric of his shirt. He sighed, leaned some of his weight against her, and dug his fingertips into the soft skin at her sides.
How long they stayed tangled together, she didn’t know.
She just knew she had to be the one who pulled away.
“Don’t tell me-” Matt tried, a certain desperation in his voice that she figured only she would recognize.
“I know.” Livia cut him off. She had no idea what he was actually going to say, but someone had to stop. Someone had to get control before they crashed. “I know.” She nodded once then went back inside.
Matt came back in soon after and they resumed their positions on the couch. This time, Livia leaned against the opposite arm just to ensure her and Matt couldn’t accidentally touch. It was drastic and obvious, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.
It was what was best.
It was what she had to do.
She only hoped he understood, but he was gone before either her or June woke up. June ranted about it in the morning, how it was rude and inconsiderate to just up and leave in the middle of the night, but Livia had nothing to say on the matter. She was sure Matt understood what she was doing and he probably decided that he had to do his part too.
She received another collect call from Rikers Island. She knew only one prisoner there and she’d chew off her own left foot before dealing with that man.
Livia expected the office to be relatively awkward, but Matt was nearly as skilled at facades as she was. No one was any wiser to the eggshells surrounding the two. She was both impressed and annoyed by his capability. Things went as expected, both keeping to their own work for the most part, until Angela Ayala came in.
“Hey.” June appeared behind Livia’s computer. “The Ayala girl is here, wants to see you and Matt.”
Livia was out of her seat without hesitation. “Is she okay?”
“Looks fine, physically.” June shrugged. “But she’s shaken up about something. Matt took her to the conference room.”
Livia nodded her head for June to follow.
“...with all those people going missing.” The girl was explaining when Livia walked in. “Hi, Ms. Yersova.”
“Hi.” Livia smiled. “Sorry I’m late. What’d I miss?”
“Angela was explaining what her uncle was looking into before his death.” Matt explained as Livia sat on the table beside him. He lifted his hand as if to put it on her leg, then he course-corrected at the last second and placed it on the table, tapping his pointer finger.
June shot Livia a confused look over Matt’s shoulder but, thankfully, the blonde didn’t say anything.
“I really think it had something to do with those missing people.” Angela nodded. There was no room for doubt in her and Livia couldn’t help but crack a small smile. “He was tracking those kidnappings.”
“Angela, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be.” Matt began, trying to talk her down. “But this isn’t safe.”
“Don’t tell me how to be, Mr. Murdock. Don’t pull that therapy talk that I’m processing, or trying to control, or whatever.” She said, both angry and heartbroken at the same time. “Or that I should be in school, because that’s what Hector would’ve wanted… This is what he would’ve wanted.”
“And what is that?” Livia asked, earning a quiet sigh from Matt.
“Someone finishing his work, someone actually doing something for once.” She sniffled.
June took a seat beside Angela and put a kind hand on her arm. Livia didn’t say it, but she was thrilled to see June offering someone she didn’t necessarily know a physical sort of comfort. The gloves were there, as was Angela’s jacket sleeve, but it was still more than the version of June she first met would ever offer.
“Therapy talk? Was I doing that?” Matt asked, humor tinting his words.
“Absolutely.” June answered, making Angela laugh. “I blame your girlfriend.”
“Be nice.” Livia said with a small smile before looking back to Angela. “Tell me what you remember about your uncle’s work.”
“Liv.” Matt tried quietly. She kicked lightly at his chair in response.
“All those kidnappings were all close to the old Q line.” She began, almost excitedly. This wasn’t a girl who wanted to run head first into danger. It was a girl who just wanted to be heard.
“The one they shut down?” June’s head cocked.
“Track 61.”
“Angela, listen. We’re just lawyers, right? I tried to help your uncle in court but this… That’s for the police.” Matt tried.
June shot Livia a look, a silent plea for her to do something. Livia gave half a shrug.
“The police killed my uncle.” Again, no room for doubt in Angela Ayala. “I’m not going to them.”
“Alright, fair enough, fair enough, but what do you want us to do about it?” Matt leaned back in his chair.
“How about literally anything?” Angela laughed. “You know, at least Ms. Yersova wants to hear me out. You can’t wait to shut me down.”
“That’s not-” Matt tried.
“Mr. Murdock is trying to say that getting physically involved in this may be outside our scope of practice as lawyers.” Livia explained carefully. “However, we may be willing to compile some additional evidence and present it to the NYPD. If we do enough of their investigating, they can’t possibly mess it up.”
She nodded, eyes red and watery. Livia wondered how much sleep the girl had gotten since her uncle died. How many nights did Angela stay up, cursing every police siren? Blaming any and every officer for her uncle’s death? How had grief haunted this young girl?
And what could Livia do about it?
“All about helping the little guy, right? But only on your terms.” Angela’s anger turned on Matt. “Cause when the little guy puts something for real in your hands, you don’t want it.”
Matt was quiet and Angela had enough.
She stood abruptly. “My bad for thinking you cared.”
“It’s not that simple, Angela.” Matt tried again, but the girl was out the door before Matt could finish.
“June.” Livia looked to her friend.
“I got it.” She nodded and hurried after Angela. Once the door closed behind them, Livia looked to Matt.
“You could’ve at least listened to her.” Livia said plainly. “That was really what she came here for, to have someone that she thought could be trusted hear what she had to say.”
“You know as well as I do that she wanted more than that.” Matt countered, surprisingly calm. Livia thought he almost sounded detached.
“And we can do that for her!” Livia urged, careful with the volume of her voice.
“No, we can’t. We don’t do that kind of thing because we are lawyers.”
“We are very capable of looking into something to make a young girl who’s just lost a major part of herself feel some sort of peace. Since when does that not matter to you?”
“I never said it didn’t matter.”
“That’s how you’re acting, Matt. That’s what Angela thinks. She left this office feeling crushed and you let that happen.” Livia stood from the table.
“Livia, there’s nothing we can do for her.” Matt shook his head.
“Sounds like nothing you can do for her.”
“Livia, we can’t do this.” He emphasized.
June came back into the room, hands in her back pockets and a frown on her face.
“Is she okay?” Livia asked.
“She’s lost in her own head.” June shook her head. “I didn’t… I don’t think she’s going to let this go. It worries me. Is that normal?”
“Yes, it’s called empathy, Bug. Welcome to my world.” Livia joked slightly. “What do you want to do?”
“Don’t ask her that.” Matt sighed.
“I want to try and help her, give her closure or something. We can do that, right?”
“I think so.”
“You know what? I’m done. I…” Matt put his hands up in surrender and left the conference room.
“Did I make the wrong call?” June asked worriedly.
“No.” Livia smiled. “Matt’s just trying to stick to this vow he made. It’s not you.”
“Do you think I’m right?”
“Absolutely. I can let a man suffer and not lose a wink of sleep over it. I can even let a grown woman. But to see her so… It just doesn’t sit right.”
“Okay.” June sighed with a nod. “Okay…”
“See what you can find on that old Q line.” Livia patted June’s shoulder. “But keep it discreet. I’ll see if I can get Matt to come around. Or at least be less pissed off about it.”
The issue with that one was that Matt didn’t seem to want to talk to either woman for the rest of the day. In fact, it wasn’t until the following night that she caught up with him. June left early for something with Joaquin and Livia decided to stay late, organizing some details on the kidnappings, so it was only her and Matt in the office.
She knocked on the conference room door before stepping in.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were avoiding me.” She teased as she entered, sitting opposite of him.
He cracked half a smile. “Now what makes you say that?”
“I know you’re not thrilled with how things went with Angela and I know that you’re not necessarily on board with what June and I are considering.”
“I just don’t think it’s safe. Do you?”
“I think that I’ve been the number one fugitive of several foreign governments since I was a kid. Tracking a kidnapping through abandoned tunnels is the least of my concerns.”
“I mean with Fisk in office… He knows you, he knows her. If you two step out in those outfits…”
“So that’s what this is all about.” Livia nodded in understanding.
“I don’t think a target on your backs does either of you any good.”
“I’d never say this to her but I honestly think she has an advantage no one else does. Fisk still cares about her. He genuinely loves her like family.”
“You think he wouldn’t do anything?”
“I think he wouldn’t hurt her.” Livia corrected. “He still thinks they can reconnect and I don’t doubt he realizes that having her on his side would be good for his image.”
Matt tilted his head in agreement. “But that doesn’t extend to you.”
“I don’t need it to.”
“Livia.”
“Matt.”
“You’re going to do this anyway, aren’t you?”
“Probably.” She nodded.
“And so is June?”
“Yup.”
He sighed heavily, tilted his head back to mumble towards the sky. Before he could say anything else to Livia, Cherry walked in. Livia offered a polite smile, but she really didn’t care for the man. Every time she saw him in the office, it made her think of Brett and the times he tried to arrest her as Exodus.
And the one time he actually did arrest her at the hospital.
Livia listened quietly to what Cherry had to say. He said that there was talk of a local serial killer totalling more than sixty victims. Her fingers tapped against each other, thumb tapping each digit as she counted up to sixty. She heard the name ‘Muse’ and he was painting in blood. The thought sent a chill down even her spine. It was saying something if it made Exodus shudder. Cherry hoped Matt would let it go and then he left.
“Are you?” Livia asked when the door closed.
“Are you?” He countered, turning towards her. “This is…”
“It’s horrific.” Livia nodded slightly. She stood and breathed deeply, patting him on the solder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Matty.”
“That’s not an answer.” Matt called after her.
“Isn’t it?”
When she got back to the apartment, June had her research strewn about the coffee table. Two energy drinks were open, one was empty and on its side. Livia let out a low whistle.
“You never drink those.” Livia gestured to the cans. At least they were the small cans.
“I needed to focus.” June shook her head.
“I thought you were going out with your guy.”
June waved a hand. “Until this. Come look.”
“Looking.” Livia sat beside June on the ground.
“I caught these a little bit ago.” June flipped her Ipad to show a photo of a mural. Lady Liberty with blood coming from her eyes, and two girls slumped against the wall missing their eyes. “There was another body found with the same trademark and all these murals by this guy, Muse, they’re all-”
“Done with human blood.” Livia finished. “Yeah, Cherry came by and mentioned it to Matt. There’s estimated to be sixty victims of this guy.”
“Do you think Muse is the one at the old Q-Line? With all the kidnappings Angela was talking about?”
“If so, then we need to figure this out fast. I don’t think Angela is gonna sit back much longer.”
“I like the kid.”
“Me too.” Livia pushed herself to stand. “Alright, get changed. Cover your face and hands. Pull your hair up.”
June jumped to her feet. “I know how to dress for a mission.”
“Yes, but this is very specific.” Livia explained as she walked. She could hear June’s shuffling feet hurrying to catch up. “We get in, we look around, we get out. We leave no trace. No fingerprints, no hair, no DNA, no proof of us ever being there. Fisk has made it very clear that vigilantes are his top target. I won’t take an additional risk on your safety. Got it?”
“What about your gloves then?” June asked defensively.
“Look at my hands, June.” Livia spun to face her and held out her palms. June took Livia’s hands and examined them carefully. Through the contact, Livia felt the new wave of cold. “I don’t have prints to leave anymore.”
“Everyday I learn something new about you.” June swallowed. “And everyday I hate Dreykov even more.”
“At least we can say, with certainty, that he’s dead.” Livia patted June’s cheek. “You have three minutes to change or I leave you.”
June made a noise close to a squeak before hurrying away.
Livia took a moment to look at the disfigured pads of her fingers. Bits and pieces of prints remained, but nothing distinguishable. A partial print was all she could ever leave. The memory of losing those flashed in her mind. The hot knife scraping them away, individually removing each layer of skin. The chemical she never knew the name of dripped over the seeping wounds, as a promise they’d never return. It was another piece of her identity that place had taken from her.
She heard a thud from June’s room, followed immediately by “I’m okay!”. It made her laugh.
Maybe she didn’t need that little piece of identity anyway.
She hurried to change and equip herself when her implant sounded in her head. She hadn’t realized it was even on so she flinched at the sudden chime. She tapped it quickly, if only to shut off the sound.
“Where are you?” Matt’s voice was rough, angry almost, and hurried.
“Home. What’s going on?” Livia froze, her boot halfway zipped.
“June?”
“Falling off her bed. What’s going on?”
“Meet me at the Q-Line.” Was his only answer before he hung up.
“Okay!” June hurried into the room, her face mask in hand. “I’m ready. What’s that look about?”
Livia yanked her boot zipper the rest of the way and flashed June a triumphant smile.
“Our duo just became a trio.” She winked before sliding her mask over her eyes.
Frank, Matt and Dex bond over the fact that they've all been played by The Fisks. And although Matt's forgiven him, the return of some folks makes Matt feel a little differently towards Dex. Frank is caught between the two, wondering how he ever got to this point anyway.
//A continuation of my Widow!OC lead Daredevil story! Here’s a masterlist to the rest of the series. We’re following DDBA canon this time around. Enjoy!// tags: @fallingfavourites @see-the-divine // next //
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Alivia Yersova
Word Count: 7,802
Summary: It doesn’t count as dying if you don’t stay dead, right? Livia Yersova returns from the Blip to find her friends family is still the same but also very different.
Five years.
When Alivia Yersova took the trip to Wakanda after Nat and Steve convinced her, she wasn’t so sure she’d make it back to Hell’s Kitchen. She knew she could only cheat death so many times. Surely, He would come to collect after nearly taking her after the carousel incident.
So when she collapsed at her cousin’s feet, it was no real surprise to her.
“Tell them.” Was all she managed to say.
It was strange that it didn’t hurt. It was as simple as existing and then not. It took all of maybe two seconds for a higher power to rid the world of her, but those two seconds were a replayed lifetime for Livia.
A lifetime of fighting, bleeding and bruising, screaming and crying. A lifetime of love, laughter, happiness and family.
Foggy Nelson. Karen Page. Frank Castle. Dinah Madani and Amy.
Nat and Yelena.
Marc Spector and Steven Grant.
She even thought of crazy old Ben Poindexter and Billy Russo.
But it all came down to two names. Two faces etched into her memory.
Matt Murdock and June.
For the briefest of time, she wondered how she couldn’t think of June’s last name.
What would happen to her little Junebug? Surely, Matt would take care of her… Right?
Coming back was the strange part.
The terrain seemed the same and everyone around her was just as confused so that made her feel less out of place - if that was possible in a foreign country with no one she knew around her. Glancing down, she saw her suit was still covered in blood, dirt, and alien fluids. Her bodily aches were still there. She recognized the others around her only as people she fought with but Livia couldn’t really name any of them other than the Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes.
Livia quickly realized she couldn’t hear herself think. All she could feel was everyone else. It brought a panic to her bones to think of what that meant. Livia’s built up control, the means of survival she spent years fine tuning, was gone. Her chest was growing painfully tight and she had to unzip her top just to try and breathe.
“Alivia?” Barnes’ voice was muffled, drowning in the sea of panic she was surrounded by. He gently held onto her arm and she flinched away from the sudden contact. “You’re alright.”
“No, I-“ She shook her head, aggravating the spinning sensation. “I can’t breathe. It’s too much. It’s-“
Was she even speaking? Her voice sounded so weak, so small and confused.
She looked over at his expression and found a surprisingly compassionate set of eyes staring at her. She yanked her mask to hang around her neck, ignoring the shakiness in her hands. He was scared, too. He didn’t understand what was happening either, yet he was there trying to comfort Livia. She broke into a small smile and he returned the gesture.
“I’m alright.” Livia forced herself to say. She sure as hell didn’t believe it, but she could lie through her teeth. “Confused but alright… I just need to get home.”
“Come on.” He nodded, offering her a hand. “Let get you home then.”
Livia followed Barnes without hesitation. She looked around in part awe, part confusion. How did everyone come back? She was dead, wasn’t she? Weren’t all of them?
She tried to write it off as the power of the Stones. Maybe they were faulty. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe the idea of uniting the Stones was a pipe dream, never really possible. That meant she was only gone for a few moments.
As quickly as the thought came, it left. Livia noticed the changes of the shrubbery, what had formerly been bright green was now a faded shade of orange. Flowers were wilting, branches drooping.
Livia and countless others were gone for a good chunk of time.
Livia startled when an orange ring of sparks ignited in front of her. She jumped back, flexed a hand to activate her Bite and reached for a blade with the other. She had one left and she’d sure as hell make it count.
“Good, you’re all here.” The man that stepped through said, surveying the various reappearances.
“What the hell happened?” Livia couldn’t stop the question from tumbling out.
“It’s been five years.” He rushed the explanation. “Now you’re all needed at Aveng-“
Five years. The thought made her head spin again.
“No.” She said firmly as a new determination lit her bones. “I’m going home. Send me home.”
“I’m sorry, but we cannot do that.”
Livia’s fingers found the handle of her knife.
“I wasn’t asking.”
“One person isn’t gonna change what’s gonna happen.” Barnes tried. “She’s done her part.”
“We need everyone.”
“I won’t go.” Livia shook her head.
All she could think was seeing Matt and June again. Reuniting with her friends, being in her own home and her own bed. Getting that stupid suit off. Screaming at Natasha for dragging her out there.
Come to think of it, Livia noticed she hadn’t seen Natasha since she returned. She must not have disappeared when Livia did.
“I don’t think I was really meant to be here.” Livia changed tactics, considering going as far as begging. “Please.”
The man sighed heavily. “Where is home?”
“Hell’s Kitchen in New York.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Livia’s stomach dropped.
“Did something happen?” She asked in a new panic.
“No.” He turned, swinging his hand in a wide circle for a new ring of sparks. “Just sorry it’s Hell’s Kitchen.”
She made a face to herself then faced Barnes.
“Thanks.” She felt strangely awkward having to thank or directly address the former ghost story. “I owe you.”
“I’d say this makes us even.” He smiled.
Absently, she snuck a hand into her hair for the scar hiding near her ear. It was that failed mission that resulted in the implant… But none of that was directly Barnes’ fault.
Livia smiled slightly and offered a hand to shake.
“You ever come through Hell’s Kitchen, we should talk some more.” Livia offered as Barnes shook her outstretched hand. “Always helps to have a friend that gets it.”
“I’d like that.” He nodded. “Take care, Alivia.”
“Call me Liv.” She slipped her mask back over her eyes and stepped through the portal.
Her feet landed on the New York streets she knew. There was a slight wobble in her step at the sudden appearance but it faded quickly. She looked around, grateful to be in a familiar setting through the chaos.
Livia ducked down the closest alley and sucked in a deep breath. Unfortunately, not even the scent of stagnant garbage water could distract from that tightness in her chest and head.
What was happening to her?
Livia tried her best to shove the thought away. She could figure that out later. Instead, she needed to focus. She needed her bearings so she could get to Matt’s apartment. She couldn’t go to the office because… Well, she didn’t know where it would be or if they even had one. Were they still working out of the deli?
It didn’t matter. Not yet, at least.
Matt’s place first. Everything else could wait.
She balled a hand into a fist, letting her first finger sit up a little higher. She clenched her jaw and shoved the knuckle against her rib. The pain flared almost immediately and that seemed to shove every other emotion out of her head. For a second, she thought she heard them rattling to the ground as she doubled over.
Her entire body faded and was rebuilt, but that damned rib was still the bane of her existence.
It took a few minutes on the nearest rooftop and the help of her mask, but Livia soon had a path. She was moving quickly, with as much agility as her excited state could manage. She scrounged up enough control and focus to exist in a bubble, to block out every other emotion around her and just feel her own. It was still foreign but not as unusual as the other option.
She’d need to work on rebuilding her mental walls soon.
Her feet had landed on Matt’s rooftop when her phone rang. It pinged in her head and the sudden sound made her wince.
Livia had forgotten she had a phone. Hearing the familiar point echo in her skull, she felt a little silly.
“Hello?” She answered quickly.
“Liv?” It was June’s voice, but not the June she remembered. Her voice was mature now, confident. She had grown into who she was supposed to be and Livia had missed it. Tears welled in her eyes when June spoke again. “Is it really you?”
It almost brought Livia to her knees.
“It’s me.” Livia managed. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before continuing. “Where are you? I’ll come to you.”
She heard a small chaos on the other end of the line. Vaguely, there was another voice there but it was too quiet for her to make out.
“I’m at your apartment… I kinda moved in while you were gone.” She laughed nervously. “I have so much to tell you.”
Livia smiled and her feet moved automatically. “I’m on my way. Who’s with you?”
Silence. The phone was exchanging hands. Livia could hear the small thud of it being pushed into another palm. Hushed encouragement came as well then a sigh, a hesitation, and finally a voice.
“Hey, Livvy.” Matt said softly and she stumbled over her own feet. She would’ve welcomed the crash just to confirm that she was real, that the moment was real. Matt wasn’t sure it was real either. Livia didn’t need her abilities to know that much.
She was struck again by how long it really was. Five years is enough to take hope from even the most optimistic. It made the weight of her disappearance all the more heavy on her shoulders.
“Hi, Matty.” Livia answered with the same tone, a swell in her chest at hearing the voices of her most beloved. If she wasn’t already off balance from the return and the portal home, she was dizzy then.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, blood rushing through her veins, heat flaring throughout her body. So many emotions raged war in her head, abused her via sensations. Her eyes were growing blurry and she couldn’t tell if it was from tears or just a loss of control. She was too overwhelmed to care either.
She trusted her feet and her body to get her where she needed to be. She knew the paths to her apartment like the back of her hand, always aware of how to get home.
One of the many rules of the Red Room that remained etched into her mind.
“God, is this real?” He sighed. His voice served as Livia’s tether to reality and kept her from spiraling into the abyss of emotions nipping at her heels, a dangerously strong riptide threatening to drag her under.
“I really hope so.” She laughed slightly.
She wanted to keep talking but she was at a loss for words. She had so many questions.
What had she missed? How was Karen and Foggy? Was Frank okay? Who else had disappeared? Did anyone explain what had happened?
She had no idea where to start.
“I have so many questions.” She settled on.
“We’ll answer all of them.” He answered. “As soon as you’re here, okay?”
“I’ll see you soon.”
Livia tapped her scar and picked up the pace. Her heart upped gears in her chest, not just from the sprints across rooftops. It was at the prospect of reuniting with her family. She felt a heat on her cheeks just from Matt’s voice.
He would know, she realized as she dropped onto her fire escape. He’d hear her heart, feel the heat of her skin, know her breath was fast and shallow. Livia had no defenses at the moment and maybe, just maybe, she didn’t want them. Maybe it was only right that she be laid bare before Matt in a way she almost never was before. Maybe it would be a relief to both of them or at the very least, remind them they’re both alive.
She pulled her mask to hang around her throat before she shimmied the window up. Her feet barely landed on the floor when a body collided with her. The impact was so sudden she worried she’d fall back through the window.
Livia was hit with a thundering wave of emotions. Disbelief, gratitude, relief, love. So much love. All the colored hazes and sensations mixed into a cacophony of an experience. It all made Livia sway slightly on her feet but the arms around her were like a vice. Hands were balled into the material of her top and the girl hugging her was shaking slightly.
“You’re here.” June mumbled against Livia’s shoulder. “You’re really here.”
Livia hugged her back with the same tightness. “I promised, didn’t I?” She answered, fighting back tears.
“Took you long enough.”
“You’re so grown now.” She laughed sadly.
June laughed and squeezed Livia tighter.
A hand landed on Livia’s shoulder and she looked over. There was Matt.
She was both thrilled and crushed. Both emotions mixed and brought tears to her eyes. She let them freely fall.
It was a relief to see him, to see the soft expression on his face. To have his tentative touch, like he wasn’t sure she was really there. She reached for his shirtfront and pulled him towards her without a word. The three stayed in that tight sandwich of an embrace for God knew how long.
The thing that made Livia’s stomach drop was the sudden understanding.
Neither June nor Matt felt the way she knew.
If there was any way for her to tell that time had passed, it was that.
Livia kept that to herself. She never mentioned it. Not when she was catching up with them, not even when she saw the rest of her friends again.
Foggy and Karen and Frank. All of them the same, all of them completely different people.
She never mentioned it while they worked to help Spiderman.
Livia and Matt were seated with the young vigilante at his aunt’s kitchen table while June lounged on the couch. She was giggling at her phone and typing furiously. Livia had made a face and meant to question it when Matt came back from his phone call with Foggy regarding the case.
“Well, I have some good news, Peter.” Matt announced, which drew her attention away from June. The girl didn’t even look up.
Who was she so interested in? Was the air around her pink or was it just the way the papers on the windows filtered the light?
“I don’t believe any of the charges against you are gonna stick.”
“Wait, seriously?” The boy smiled, sighing in relief. His aunt had a similar reaction and she couldn’t help but smile too. “Mr. and Mrs. Murdock, thank you. That’s amazing.”
“Oh, I’m not-“ Livia tried to argue. Matt decided she wouldn’t get a chance, simply giving her knee a small squeeze under the table.
“However, Mr. Hogan, the feds are actively investigating that missing technology.” Matt nodded.
Peter’s head cocked and his brows furrowed. He didn’t know about the missing tech or at least that the man across the table from him was potentially involved.
“We understand your loyalty to Mr. Stark and his legacy.” Livia began carefully. “My cousin spoke his praises from time to time.”
“Cousin?” Peter asked.
“Natasha.” She answered without looking.
“Cool.”
“If you are involved, I recommend securing a lawyer.” You finished.
“If- If I was involved?” Hogan began and she had to refrain from rolling her eyes.
His guilt was practically pouring out of him as he rambled on. Livia bit the inside of her cheek to keep any expression off and she felt Matt pat her leg under the table. She lightly kicked at his foot in response, a quiet signal that she was fine.
Briefly, she wondered if there were some signs her body was offering that he could pick up on. If he had noticed how vulnerable she was, Matt hadn’t addressed it.
“Regardless, Mr. Hogan.” Livia finally cut off the nonsensical babbling. “You’re going to need a really good lawyer.”
“You may have dodged your legal troubles but things will get much worse.” Matt explained to the younger boy. “There’s still the court of public opinion.”
Peter looked to his aunt and Livia felt Matt shift beside her. She looked over and noticed his head tilt, focusing in on something else. She leaned a little closer, intending to ask, but Matt spoke first.
“Don’t move.” He said lowly.
Livia didn’t, her eyes still on him. She traced the shape of his cheekbones, the line of his jaw, the length of his throat. She didn’t even flinch when the glass of the window broke and Matt’s hand shot out to catch whatever projectile came through. If there was one thing that hadn’t changed, it was Livia’s unwavering trust in Matt Murdock.
Livia could only laugh to herself. Matt flashed her a crooked smile.
“Show off.” She said quietly.
“Well.” He flashed her a full grin. “What can I say?”
After a moment, she looked back to the table and saw Peter had his hand out too, ready to catch the same thing. Based on where they were, it would’ve hit somewhere around the base of Livia’s skull.
“Woah.” June said from the couch. “Nice catch, Matt.”
“How did you do that?” Peter asked carefully. There was something in his voice. Not quite an accusation but a sense of knowing Matt was something more. His expression shifted to confusion and suspicion and Livia tried not to laugh.
“I’m a really good lawyer.” Matt reasoned, handing the brick to the younger boy. Livia elbowed him lightly in the ribs.
“Clearly, this isn’t something you can hide from.” Livia explained, hoping to divert attention away from Matt’s inability to maintain the secret of secret identity. “Popular opinion isn’t something that will change overnight. It may take a long time.”
“So what should he do?” Peter’s aunt, May, asked. Her eyes were full of worry for her nephew. Livia saw something of herself in the woman, a burning need to protect those she felt responsible for.
“Live his life.” June offered. Livia looked over her shoulder and saw June leaning her elbows on the arm of the couch with her knees on the cushion. “He’s still a teenager so he’s got his whole life to make vigilante fuck-ups.”
“June.” Livia warned.
“It’s true!” She defended. “I’d bet every vigilante fucks up, especially young ones.” Livia didn’t miss the way June tugged on her glove. “The point is that he can’t let this break him. So what if people don’t like him? It doesn’t change who he is. Right?”
“She may have a point.” Matt tried.
“Do not start with me.” Livia pointed a finger at him. With a smile, he gently grabbed hold of that finger and pushed her hand down.
The simple touch sent her into a manageable tizzy. His smile grew a bit and Livia knew her body had betrayed her. She reeled in her emotions as best she could, quietly cursed the Blip and its unraveling of her defenses, and returned focus to the conversation at hand.
All of it was doing nothing to counter Peter’s earlier misidentification of ‘Mrs. Murdock’.
“Regardless, it could benefit you to find some allies among local heroes.” Livia suggested.
“He has the Avengers.” May offered.
“Right, but I think people closer to home may be better. There’s a trio in Hell’s Kitchen that might be a good start.”
“Hell’s Kitchen?” June parroted.
“There’s a girl relatively close to his age, calls herself Alter.” Livia continued, ignoring June’s addition. “She hangs around with Daredevil and his friend, Exodus.”
“Friend…” Matt mumbled with a slight nod. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “I think Livia is onto something. It’s not a bad idea.”
“Assuming you’re going to keep your spider persona going that is.”
The boy blew out a long sigh. “I’m not sure right now.”
Livia offered a kind smile. “Do what you think is best, kid. Everyone will have advice for you but ultimately, it’s your decision, okay? And hey, you know where to find us if you need a different perspective.”
The boy met her eyes for a moment and she shot him a wink. His eyes went wide with understanding and his gaze darted between Livia, Matt, and June. He smiled then, as if he was seeing who they moonlit as.
“Thanks.” His smile was so genuine it made Livia’s heart twist. “That means a lot.”
That was the last time she saw the boy without his mask. It wasn’t long until she forgot his name and his face. All she knew was that she had been Spider-man’s lawyer.
At least once a day since then, she looked over the New York skyline and hoped he was doing okay.
She still couldn’t tell Matt what was wrong when she told the office she’d be unavailable for a few days, maybe longer.
“What’s going on?” Foggy asked carefully as he came to join everyone. “Liv?”
“I was trying to tell Matt that I’ve gotta deal with something for my cousin starting tomorrow morning.” Livia explained. “It could be a while.”
“Your cousin?” Karen asked. “For Natasha?”
Livia titled her head side to side. Hearing her late cousin’s name was still a knife in the chest. Processing that kind of grief was a terrifying idea. For the time being, she was avoiding it like the plague.
“Yes and no. Yelena called… She wants my help.”
“Well, what with? I can come, too.” June offered. She had been suspiciously quiet while she sat at Matt’s desk, her feet kicked up on the surface.
“No, she said just me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Take it up with Yellie, June.” Livia pinched the bridge of her nose. “The point is that I’m just gonna be offline for a week, maybe more.”
“Offline?” Foggy’s brows furrowed. “But you’ll be in town, yeah?”
“Yes, but-“
“Then why can’t I come?” June argued and jumped to her feet.
“Because it’s not up to me!” Livia snapped.
Matt sighed, rubbed a hand along his jaw. Foggy shared a worried glance with Karen. June glared at Livia like she wanted the woman’s hair to catch on fire.
“What aren’t you telling us?” Matt finally spoke. Livia didn’t miss the accusation layered in the question.
Everything.
“Nothing.” Livia answered.
“Liar.” June accused.
“Shut it.”
“Livvy?” Foggy tried. “We know something’s wrong… Talk to us.”
“I don’t want to.” Livia shrugged slightly. “I don’t want to talk about my dead cousin, how I wasn’t here when she died, how she sacrificed her life to bring me and so many others back. I don’t want to talk about losing five years while the rest of you were fine. I don’t want to-“
Her words stopped when she felt a tight grip on her hand. June had quietly made her way over and cut off Matt in getting to her. Livia saw the way Matt stood now, a few steps closer and pulling his hand back. She watched him press his lips into a line and step away, one single step that felt like a mile.
Livia wondered if that was intentional, if June put herself there on purpose. June would never do it maliciously. Livia knew that. Sometimes June was just so zoned in on one thing, she had no spatial awareness.
But there was something off with them. She realized it a few days after her return. They were shorter with each other, not snippy but just reluctant, as if they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Livia had meaning to ask what happened but she also wanted them to tell her of their own accord.
They were hiding something, some sort of fight or argument that was sitting unresolved. It grated on her subconscious, lingering in her thoughts when they were all together, but she had no idea how to ask. Could she just come out and say “What’s going on between you two?” and expect the truth?
Matt was regretful, apologetic even. June was upset, bordering betrayal. Whatever happened was likely Matt’s fault.
Regardless, deep down Livia still yearned for Matt’s comfort.
It would’ve been so nice for him to have gotten to her, to hold her hand with the gentleness only he ever seemed to give her, to just be at her side. She wanted that more than anything. She wanted to go back to what they had before, for things to be normal again.
Maybe that was the new normal. Maybe the want and the yearn was all she’d be able to have where Matt was concerned.
She’d have to learn to accept it.
“Just be careful.” Matt said. Livia noticed something in his voice, not quite concern but something like it. Something that made her skin flush. “You have a habit of getting in over your head.”
Livia couldn’t help but laugh a little. Matt smiled at her response.
She could learn to accept it later… Right?
“When have I ever done that?” She said innocently.
Matt shook his head affectionately and came back over. Livia felt her heart stutter and she forced the emotion down. She tried to lock it in a neat little box but it fought back. She had to settle for the flush on her cheeks when he got to her. June nudged her with her elbow and Livia gently pushed the girl woman away. June giggled but went with it.
Matt gently took Livia’s hand and pushed her sleeve up enough that he could run a thumb over the circular scar of a bullet wound.
“That wasn’t my fault.” Livia reasoned.
“No.” Matt cracked half a smile. “Of course not. Not this one either, right?”
His hand landed on her stomach, fingertips pressing gently into where the scar from Dex’s knife sat.
“No, sir.” She shook her head.
“And these?” Without releasing her hand, he used the other to trail his fingers over the scar on her face, following the shape of her mask.
“Absolutely not.” She spoke, more breathless than she would’ve liked to sound.
It made Matt smile to himself.
“Should we give them some privacy?” Foggy asked, not bothering to whisper.
“Get a room!” June called out while laughing.
“Well hang on.” Karen said. “One of them is bound to do something stupid and ruin it.”
Livia peaked over Matt’s shoulder and saw the three huddled together, smiling as if they were plotting. Livia tried to frown but it didn’t quite work. She broke into giggles almost immediately. Matt didn’t bother to look. His focus stayed on Livia, almost as if she was the only other person in the room. As if he wanted to memorize something about who she was now.
“What do you think?” She faced Matt, who had leaned in a little closer. One hand had stopped to rest at the side of her face, his thumb gently moving against the hinge of her jaw. His other still held on to her hand. “Are they right?”
“It’s usually me.” He confessed. Again, she had to laugh. “I know you have to do this for Yelena.” He spoke quietly.
“That’s not all.” Livia tried to argue in the same quiet tone.
“I just need you to be careful, Livvy. Okay? We just got you back…”
Her heart twisted at the nickname and a new flush climbed her cheeks. She carefully pulled Matt’s hand off her cheek before he could piece anything together.
“I know, Matt.” She nodded, squeezing both his hands slightly. “Yel wouldn’t call if she didn’t think we could handle it. If you don’t trust her, trust me.”
“I do.”
“Good.” She smiled slightly. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
Matt hesitated. He opened his mouth to say something else then decided against it. He pressed his lips together, gave a quick nod, then stepped back. Livia’s friends came up after that and June was focusing a bit too hard. She could feel that familiar sensation of June’s power reaching out, like a ghost of fingertips on her forehead. She always wondered if anyone else ever felt it the way she did. Did they feel Livia’s power?
Livia glanced over, flicked her former shadow’s forehead, then laughed.
June was stunned, eyes wide as she dropped her power. Clearly, no one had thought to do that before. After a few seconds, she laughed about it.
“Take care of them.” Livia told June. “It’s like managing a bunch of toddlers but you’ll be alright.”
“Love you too, Liv.” He shook his head fondly before firmly pointing a finger at her. “But you’ve gotta come back in one piece. Nothing more than bruises or else I’m kicking your ass myself.”
“Oof.” June sucked a breath between her teeth. “He sounds serious, Liv.”
“I know.” Livia nodded.
“Okay, guys.” Karen said with a small laugh. “Foggy just worries. He’s a very concerned citizen.”
“Exactly!” Foggy announced, throwing his arms wide. “I’m gonna have to invest in backpack leashes for the both of you.”
“At least we’ll match.” Livia said to June.
Matt chuckled and June elbowed him in the ribs.
“I actually meant you two.” Foggy pointed to you and Matt.
June grinned in triumph and Matt scoffed in offense. Livia hid her laugh behind her hand.
It was as close to normal as she had gotten since her return. With everything in her, she wanted to stay in that moment, when everyone felt that the people she knew. People she’d lay down her life for. She still would, but that didn’t mean things weren’t different.
Generally, she felt like an outsider amongst her friends. It was like she showed up to a party late and everyone was well into conversations. She was on the outskirts. Usually, it wouldn’t bother her, but not with these people. Not with her people.
She still couldn’t tell them when she returned from Yelena’s mission. That was a flurry of emotion in its own right. Facing the grief of losing Natasha, the anger at Clint Barton for not doing more, the yearning to take her place, the regret of not being there, the frustration of Fisk lingering in her peripherals. She wanted to scream but she didn’t. She maintained her facade throughout, if only for Yelena’s sake, and screamed inside her head.
She forced those shaky walls to hold, to keep emotion away. She had to be strong for her little cousin, even if it was only a two year difference. At least since they both blipped, she didn’t have to lose that too. Seeing Yelena in that type of pain hurt Livia more than almost anything.
It didn’t feel right to leave Yelena after that. Her little cousin insisted that she was okay, that she just needed to be alone for a while. Livia, as stubborn as she was, knew better than to press her lethal family. Instead, she took Yelena’s phone and changed her lock screen to a photo of the two of them.
She held her cousin’s face in her hands.
“I want to take this pain away from you.” Livia said softly, her own eyes brimming with tears. Yelena’s expression was a mirror of her own and it made her heart hurt even more. “I so badly want to fix this.”
“Please.” Yelena’s voice broke.
“A friend of mine once said if we don’t feel this pain, we’ll never learn how to live through it.” She sniffled, repeating Matt’s words from so long ago. “You’re stronger than you know, Cousin. I can feel it… I love you, Yelena. I love you so much.”
“I miss her.” She whispered.
“I do too. But I’m only a phone call away. If you need anything, I promise I will come running.” Livia promised, hugging her cousin so tightly her own rib shifted beneath her skin. Thanks to a well-placed swing of Clint Barton’s bow, her bone was likely broken yet again. Livia was too wrapped up in emotion to care.
She still didn’t tell anyone anything when Matt was slated to go to California.
“Just send June.” Livia shrugged when Foggy offered. She wasn’t looking at him, focusing on some papers on her own desk. “I’m fairly sure I’m on the TSA’s no fly list by now.” She tried to joke.
“You don’t like California?” Foggy asked instead.
“Never been, but it makes more sense for June. She’s his disability assistant sometimes, remember? And I think they’ve got something they need to work out.”
“Okay, sure, but I’m asking you to go.”
Livia didn’t miss the way Foggy purposefully changed the subject. It made her wonder what he knew about it.
“And I’m saying no.” She looked over at her friend working at his desk, though his work was seemingly abandoned. “What difference does it make?”
“Fine.” He dramatically sighed in defeat. “I didn’t wanna have to pull this card.”
Livia raised her brows in question. “Oh, it’s serious now. Hit me.”
“The guy Matt’s gonna defend, Luke Jacobson, he makes super suits. In addition to the firm’s fee-“
“We needed a case to pay the bills I take it.”
“Hundred percent. Anyways, he’s offered to make something for all of you guys.”
“All?”
“Daredevil, Exodus, and Alter.”
“You made a deal for new suits for everyone? Even June?” She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “That’s interesting considering you’re always the one saying that it’s irresponsible to let June come and the three of us together is too risky for our identities.”
“I wasn’t going to!” He defended. “Dealing with you two is stressful enough but I knew she’d know and then she’d be mad at me for not getting her something. I wasn’t gonna deal with her icing me out for a month!”
“At least.” She nodded. “June’s so petty for someone so small.”
“Exactly!”
“You should’ve seen how bad she hated Billy Russo. The guy called her an ankle biter once and she never forgave him.”
“Can you blame her? That’s offensive.”
“Eh.” Livia shrugged. “I’m pretty sure June threatened to castrate him if he said it again.”
“Jeez…”
“Yeah, takes after her Uncle Frank I guess.”
“Oh yeah. Frank’s to blame for that.” He rolled his eyes.
Livia nodded innocently. “I’d never threaten a man with that. I’d just do it.”
“Okay, can we-“ He gestured vaguely. “Can we get back to the topic of LA? The suits were supposed to be a surprise, by the way. Thank you for that.”
“You chose to tell me!” Livia defended. “Still, I don’t know. I don’t think I can be alone with him like that.”
His head cocked and he pushed his chair all the way across the office to be beside her. She looked on with wide eyes and a laugh as he scooted closer.
“What did he do this time?” Foggy asked when he got to her side.
She smiled slightly. “He didn’t do anything.” She said honestly. “It’s just… me.”
“Oh… Well, what did you do this time?”
“I just need to work through some stuff.” Livia shrugged it off. She couldn’t bring herself to unload everything onto Foggy. Even though he had shown on more than one occasion that he’d support her through anything, it still felt too heavy a burden to put on him. “Maybe sending him across the country will be good for us.”
“So there’s still an ‘us’ with you guys, huh?” He joked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
“Matthew and I are very complicated people, Franklin. Our situation is very fluid. It changes almost everyday.” She confessed. “But it’ll work out as it needs to. Fate and the universe and all that.”
“Hey.” He said softly, a gentle seriousness in his words. He took her hand and she made no move to refuse the touch. “You know he still loves you, right?”
“I know.” She nodded, even if she wasn’t quite sure in what way. “But you can’t tell me things aren’t different.”
“What do you mean?”
“C’mon, Foggy. Five years is a long time, especially when someone’s supposed to be dead.”
“Yeah but you were in and out for a few years back in college.” He shrugged.
“But I wasn’t dead.”
“You weren’t really dead this time either.”
“You’re not listening.” She pulled her hand away. “It’s fine, just… Just send June with Matt. I’ll cover his cases here while he’s gone.”
“Livia, I didn’t mean to-“
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Foggy. Drop it.” She said with a gentle firmness as she turned back to papers. She hesitated, sighed, and spoke once more. “Please.”
“Yeah, okay…” He patted her back. “You know we’re all here for you, right? No matter what’s bothering you, we’re here. None of us are going anywhere.”
“I know.” She didn’t look up. She wasn’t even sure she believed it. “Thanks, Fog.”
“I’m serious, Livvy. You’re not alone.”
“Yeah…”
Wasn’t she?
He shuffled his chair a few feet away before spinning towards Livia once more.
“What if I told you you’d be arguing against Jennifer Walters?” Foggy tried.
“I’d say ‘who the hell cares?’ because I don’t know who that is.” Livia answered easily.
“I would then tell you she's a UCLA graduate.”
“Not impressed.”
“And if I said she’s She-Hulk?”
“I’d answer that with the fact that a bigger head doesn’t automatically make you smarter or better competition. The answer’s still no.”
“Worth a shot.” He shrugged.
Livia’s mind soon drifted back to the thought of not being alone.
To anyone else, her life seemed so full. A steady job at a locally successful law firm, a tight knit group of friends, allies across the globe, experience in various fields, a prodigé that’s become more like family. She was charming, smart, strong. She was kind and honest. All the best qualities a person could be.
But if anyone were to actually be inside of Alivia Yersova’s head, they’d find more comfort in a jail cell.
She felt hollow, like anything that could matter to her was scooped out or just wasn’t returned after the Blip.
She had unique abilities of pathokinesis, the power to manipulate the emotions, yet she couldn’t even register or control her own. The walls she had worked tirelessly at for years under Dreykov’s tutelage had shifted. Instead of protecting her from her own emotions and the feelings of others, it was as if she was trapped with them. She couldn’t keep her own feelings in check or away. She was supposed to blend, to remain a blank, unreadable slate to the outside world.
That was her armor.
No matter what she was going through, no matter who was beating her or taking from her or breaking her, the outside world saw nothing but composure. Nothing but control, nothing but power.
Yet, since she came back from the Blip, she had little control. She fell victim to the blushes and tears and panic. She could barely keep herself composed around Matt, someone who would flirt with a stop sign if he thought it’d make a difference. She had listened to the man talk his way out of problems and into beds since they were in college, and now one stupid smile had her cheeks rosy and her stomach in knots.
Livia hadn’t felt that disadvantaged with her powers since she was a child. It made her feel normal, like she was just a woman in love with the one idiot in New York every woman swooned for. She hated that feeling.
And her friends… Her friends would never understand. They wouldn’t see anything wrong with feeling, with being happy or sad or angry. They wouldn’t understand that it wasn’t about the feelings. Just because she controlled them didn’t mean she didn’t have them. Livia knew what it felt like to love, to fear, to loathe, to despair. She knew what every possible emotion felt like. She’d always known, but she had grown so accustomed to them being at her will. Not the other way around.
At least with June out of the apartment for a bit, Livia was able to sit within herself. She found that her walls weren’t necessarily gone but there were cracks, some deep and fissuring while others were spiderwebs. Enough were threatening to widen every day. She spent almost the entirety of each day when she wasn’t at the office mending the cracks, hoping to stabilize enough to not worry about a full on collapse.
It wasn’t done by the time June and Matt came back, but it was progress.
When June got back from California, she made her annoyance very well known.
“Why would you do that?” June slammed the apartment door shut behind her.
Livia sighed to herself, paused her movie, and turned towards the younger woman storming into their shared living space. June made a point to throw down her bags and stand with hands on her hips and an expectant expression on her face. Livia swallowed the remark of how much she looked like Matt in that instance.
“Welcome home.” Livia said instead. “How was LA?”
“Don’t ’welcome home’ me!” June mocked. “Why would you do that?!”
“Do what?”
“Why make me go with him!”
“I’m sorry.” Livia innocently furrowed her brows. “Are you two going through something?”
June opened her mouth, hesitated, then closed it. She stared at Livia intently, that ghost of a sensation coming again. June was trying to subtly find out what Livia knew or what she suspected.
“Don’t go in my head, Bug.” Livia warned carefully.
“Sorry.” June muttered and the feeling instantly vanished. June crossed her arms if only to hide her hands. “Matt and I are just fine...”
“Then what are you mad about?” Livia prodded, knowing June was lying. “I thought you’d enjoy the sunshine and maybe find a cute boy, experience life outside the Kitchen.”
June’s cheeks immediately flushed bright pink. Livia suddenly had a new topic to fixate on.
“Unless you already have a cute boy?” Livia raised her brows with a teasing smirk. “Is that who you’re always texting?”
“I may be talking to someone, yes.” June said carefully but with a proud lift of her head. “He’s very cute, very sweet… I like him. I think? Maybe? I don’t know. It’s new.”
“Who is he?”
“No one you’d know.”
“That’s how we’re gonna do this?” Livia laughed slightly. “I’ve told you about every guy and you’re gonna hide your first crush?”
“I’m not hiding him!” June defended. “I just-“
“Don’t want to tell me.”
“Don’t know if it’s anything.”
“I can see the pink all around you.” Livia gestured. “Your eyes are basically little hearts.”
“Oh god.” June rolled her eyes. She came over and plopped beside Livia with a huff. “I’m scared he’ll be like Russo.”
Livia shifted to face June, a gentle hand on her leg.
“Why do you think that?”
June shrugged a shoulder. “He’s charming and pretty… What if there’s something demented about him?”
“Seems a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Livia tried.
“Or if we end up like you and Matt…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You guys are always falling over each other then at each other’s throats then crying your eyes out then screaming at each other. You’re in love with each other on Sunday and by Wednesday you’ve broken the other’s heart…”
Livia frowned at the observation. She knew her and Matt had no real stability but she hadn’t considered how obvious it could be for everyone else.
“I’m sorry.” Livia managed. “I know I haven’t given you the best examples of love and relationships.”
“No kidding.”
“But it’s a learning curve.” Livia continued. “Some parts of it you have to learn on your own. It’s scary and vulnerable to give so much of yourself to another person, not knowing what secrets they might hide. I had to learn that lesson the hard way… But I can promise you, if your guy was anything like Billy Russo, you’d know. If anyone would know, it’d be you.”
“I really try not to use that on him.” June fiddled with a seam of her glove. “It feels wrong.”
“I thought the same of mine at first, too.” Livia agreed. “Now I’m not saying to do a full deep dive for all of his deepest darkest secrets, if he has any. What I'm saying is that a little focus on what he’s already offering up to you isn’t all that bad.”
“Do you do that with Matt?”
“Matt wears his heart on his sleeve a good portion of the time. It doesn’t take mindwork to know what he’s feeling.”
“Can you tell?” June asked carefully. “When I’m trying to use it on you.”
“Sort of.” Livia nodded. “I’m guessing it has to do with my own stuff because I’ve never known Matt or anyone else to really acknowledge when I’m using mine on them unless it’s a drastic shift. It just feels like a really light, really faint touch.”
“What if I try it and he can tell and he freaks out?” June quietly panicked.
“You could try telling him. Lay all of this out for him and see what he says.”
“That doesn’t sound any better.”
“Yes, but it’s honest.”
“It’s terrifying.”
“That’s love, my dear.” Livia patted June’s leg. “Love is embarrassing and messy and fun and terrifying, but if it’s the right person, it’s the best feeling in the world.”
“But how do I know he’s the right person?”
“You just do.” Livia shrugged, immediately thinking of Matt.
She remembered when he implied she was the right person for him. With a pang in her chest, she wondered if he still thought that after five years.
When tensions seemed to have leveled, Foggy managed to wrangle everyone up at Josie’s. The night seemed to be a step towards normalcy and Livia was almost convinced things would work out.
June was laughing. Matt was poking fun at Foggy, who was across the bar flirting with Kirsten McDuffie. Karen was smiling and joining in. Livia sipped her drink with a small smile, hoping that it was the first real step towards finding her way back to her friends.
tags: @see-the-divine @fallingfavourites // prev // next
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia Yersova
Word Count: 9,045
Summary: Everything seemed to be leveling out, finding their strides in their new normal. That is, until ‘heart of gold’ Matt Murdock takes on a case arguably as risky as the Punisher’s was.
The three of them sat down at a booth in a nearby diner. Livia probably should’ve kept an eye out for where Fisk’s new bodyguard, Buck, went. She recognized that as soon as they were seated. She knew she shouldn’t have taken the window seat. It boxed her in and put her at an immediate disadvantage.
She also recognized that she should’ve been paying attention to what the two men in her company were discussing. She should be chiming in with questions, accusations maybe, even threats.
It was important. They were there because it was important… But her mind was gone.
She had texted June as soon as they sat down, asking her to send a text when she got home. She had to tuck her phone under her leg to keep from staring at it.
She could feel herself slipping away from the moment. Her head and her heart were trailing after June. Part of her wished she had just gone with her and left Matt to fend for himself. He’d be fine. It wasn’t like he was going to start a fistfight with Fisk in the middle of the diner.
Livia considered the option herself.
As if he knew what was going on in her head, Matt’s hand found hers beneath the table. His fingers laced with hers but he never looked her way. She gave no acknowledgement of the new connection either.
Despite still being frustrated with him, she wanted his touch at that moment. Instead of any giveaway, she simply traced the shape of a heart with her thumb as a silent ‘thank you’. After that, Matt seemed to relax beside her.
Livia, however, knew she was all tension. What few words she actually heard from Fisk didn’t sit right with her. Matt felt confident, in control of the situation, and a part of Livia wanted to tuck herself behind him. When a bystander knocked on the window, she flinched.
Livia didn’t pay much real attention until Foggy was referenced.
“I had nothing to do with his death. I kept that promise.” Fisk said intently, tapping his finger against the table.
Livia watched him carefully. She watched everything and nothing all at once. She saw the way his hands bounced, the way he couldn’t quite meet her eyes, the way he kept looking outside. If there was anything true to what Fisk would say to them in that diner, it’d be that one line. It had to be.
It eased a knot in Livia’s stomach to hear that Wilson Fisk has nothing to do with Foggy’s death. At the same time, it added to the weight of guilt that Poindexter was only able to act because Livia made a useless promise to a dead man. She wanted to bang her head against the table but settled for leaning into Matt a bit. She relaxed when she felt her phone vibrate under leg with the text she’d been waiting for.
He didn’t seem to mind, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as the conversation with Fisk continued.
Livia was starting to wonder what she was really there for.
She listened to the vague threat against vigilantes. Of course, he was welcome to try and come for her. Livia didn’t fear what Wilson Fisk could throw at her. She’d done too much and overcome too much to cower away from a man like him. Fisk had no real power to hurt her, not yet. He could go after her or Matt, but then he’d have to take on the pissed off other part to that equation and June.
Even if June couldn’t face Fisk that day, which Livia didn’t blame her for, June wouldn’t hesitate to protect her family. She was like Livia in that way.
“Good day, Sir.” Matt said politely. He scooted out of the booth, flicked out his cane as he offered Livia his hand.
She was reaching for it when Fisk spoke again.
“If I may, Ms. Yersova, a word please.” He said carefully. It wasn’t quite fear, but he was uncertain around Livia. Apprehensive at the very least.
Livia had no weapons with her, not that she could immediately recall. There could be a switchblade in her purse but she wasn’t sure. Either way, she could easily turn the napkin container or coffee mug into a weapon.
“Hmm.” She shrugged. Matt gave a brief nod and walked a few steps away. It didn’t really matter how far he went. Livia assumed he’d be listening. “Your new bodyguard is… interesting.”
He hummed in agreement. “Yes, Buck said the same about you. I heard you warn of breaking his hand.”
“I don’t like to be touched.”
“Rightfully so.”
“What do you want?”
“I noticed…” He looked longingly out the window. “June was with you.”
“Yes.” Livia gave a singular nod. “And?”
“I knew, when she left, that she had found somewhere else… I never thought it would be with you.”
“Me, Matt, the rest of our friends.” Livia waved a dismissive hand.
“How is she?”
Livia’s jaw nearly dropped. Instead, she laughed at the audacity.
“You asked me to stay for a private discussion, and it was to ask how my kid is?” Livia was baffled. “Where do you get off?”
“I raised her.”
“You weaponized her. You drugged her. You manipulated her.” Livia spat, anger flooding her veins with a familiar heat.
“I saved her from that infernal place!” He lightly banged a fist against the table.
“You were no better.” She hissed.
“You turned her against me!”
“You did that yourself!”
A heavy silence fell over the table. Out of habit, Livia looked for Matt. He was seated at the counter, angled towards her. He offered a small, proud smile.
“She’s grown up so much…” Fisk said sadly.
“She has.” Livia agreed flatly. “Even has a boyfriend.”
“A boyfriend?”
“The guy makes her happy.” Livia shrugged. “He’s good for her.”
Fisk stared quietly, waiting for Livia to add something else. He wanted a name or something identifying but Livia wasn’t stupid enough to put Joaquin in that type of potential danger. After a few awkward moments, Fisk got the hint.
“And her… ability?”
“Controlled, without pills.”
He nodded slowly. “I always knew she’d be strong enough one day.”
“Oh, for the love of…” Livia mumbled.
“She didn’t want to stay, did she?”
“Can you blame her?”
“No… No, I suppose not. I did care for her as my own.”
“Yes, well, that doesn’t work well for you. Does it? How’s Maya?”
He scoffed to himself before finally meeting Livia’s scrutinizing gaze. “Can you tell her I’d like a chance to talk?”
“You deployed her as a weapon and kept her in a drugged out state for the entirety you had her. Why do you think she’d want to?”
“Please. I’d like her to see how I’ve changed. I’ve reached out on my own before but she never responded.”
“Don’t you think that’s an answer on its own?”
Livia squinted slightly, examining the look on his face. There was longing in his eyes. Livia couldn’t deny that. She could feel the way he missed her. While she didn’t think he was worth the air he breathed, she wouldn’t make that decision for June.
June was old enough to decide who she wanted to keep around.
“I will relay the message.” Livia gave a short nod. “The rest is up to her.”
“Thank you, Alivia… I know that you don’t agree.”
“I trust she’ll do what’s best for her. But I won’t lie to her. If she asks my opinion, I’ll give it truthfully.”
“I’d expect nothing less.”
She tapped the table in a closing gesture before she stood. “Tell Buck I’m sure I’ll be seeing him.”
“Ah, yes. You made quite the impression on him.”
“I usually do. Keeps things interesting, at least.”
Fisk chuckled as Livia left. Matt met her at the door with his arm extended for her. Easily, she took it and the two fell into stride.
“You believe him?” She asked. She had no real idea what they talked about but it seemed the appropriate question. “Any of it.”
“I have hope.” Matt answered.
“Hope.” Livia repeated. “He really hates us though, doesn’t he?”
Matt laughed slightly. “Can’t blame him. We aren’t all that friendly towards him.”
“Can’t blame us on that.” Livia defended. “What do you think about him seeing June?”
“I think you were right and it’s up to her. She’s a lot stronger than most give her credit for. She’s been through a lot.”
“We all have… I don’t want her to go but-“
“But you can’t not give her the option.” Matt finished. “Have a little faith, Liv. She’s a smart girl.”
“Yeah…”
“Hey.” He shook her arm slightly. “No matter what, she’ll be safe.”
“He’ll target vigilantes. I’m not the only one.” Livia said. The worry in her words was no secret. “We’re all at risk if he gets the office.”
“Maybe…” He stopped walking, pulled her to stop with him. He made sure she spun to face him before speaking again. “Maybe this is a sign for you to hang it up, too.”
“I don’t believe in signs.”
“I do.”
“You don’t understand, Matt. I can’t. Everything I’ve overcome has been because of that. What do I have if not my suit? Who am I without that?”
“You’re Alivia Yersova.” He tucked his cane under his arm and put both hands on her face. “You’re our Livvy. That’s all we ever need you to be.”
Livia wanted that to be all she needed to be. It just wasn’t enough to keep everyone she cared about safe. However, she knew better than to say that to Matt. Instead, she simply smiled and nodded before she moved his hands off her face. He walked her the rest of the way home in relative silence, only a bit of small talk every so often.
It was a glimpse as to what her new normal was going to be. She and Matt were different. Those years during the Blip put more distance than she thought.
She would adjust. She always did, but it’d hurt like hell until then.
Days started to blur together after that. Go to work, hardly talk to Matt, look over her shoulder on her way home, make dinner, go to bed. It was the same thing over and over until one night, she just needed to be out.
She just needed to be under the moon and think.
June was on a video call with Joaquin, gossiping about whatever new expedition Sam Wilson was beginning. Livia was intrigued but not enough to ask any questions. Instead she left a plate of food for June in the oven and went out for a walk.
She purposely walked away from the massive screens in Times Square. She ran her finger over the scar in her hair, catching the audio of the broadcast for a little while. Of course, Fisk was presenting himself as a humble man of the people, indebted to the masses that elected him.
Livia rolled her eyes as she ducked into the subway. As she got deeper underground, her implant lost connection. She was thankful as she shut it off. Every word from Fisk was like a hot poker in her chest.
She didn’t trust him. She didn’t like him. She would rather he take a long walk off a short pier. A man with his build had no chance of floating, right?
Her thoughts were all over as she sat for the train ride. Livia didn’t even look to see where the train was headed. She just leaned her head back, breathed out a sigh, and got lost in her head for the millionth time.
Livia thought of how to tell June that Fisk wanted to see her. She intended to mention it before she left, but it seemed like June had barely stabilized by the time Livia got home. She didn’t want to risk that. She thought of texting her, but that felt too impersonal given the circumstances. Livia settled on just telling her in the morning.
When she got off the subway, she climbed to the street and found she had ended up in Washington Heights. She laughed to herself. It was relatively quiet compared to the noise of the Kitchen, especially given the proximity to the Square for the New Year’s celebration. People were still partying but it seemed more intimate, more personal.
Livia liked it. There was a certain warmth to that neighborhood the Kitchen lacked lately.
It wasn’t the Kitchen’s fault, though. A lot of things lacked warmth since Foggy died was killed.
After another hour or so of wandering, Livia’s feet began aching. She made her way back to the subway, after picking up a Snoopy t-shirt for June at a street vendor. The station was mostly deserted except for three men on the platform and another coming from the opposite stairs. At about the same time, Livia and the other man on the stairs realized the three on the platform were fighting.
Livia had no intention of getting involved. She just wanted to get home. Besides, she saw the other man try to break it up. She was willing to admit there was likely some sort of responsibility to help but there was also no one around to hold her accountable to do so.
She sighed to herself and tucked the shirt into her purse before sneaking down the steps. Ensuring her shoes made no sound on the concrete, she got as close as she dared to the scuffle. Livia was careful to keep her face out of view.
The first man who was getting beat up ran off, and Livia was quietly wishing she had done the same. Instead, she watched quietly. The man from the other side, the one she deemed ‘Leather Jacket’,
She watched as Leather Jacket held his own against the other two. The familiar itch to throw a punch lingered on her skin but she tightened a hand into a fist, letting the sensation of her nails digging in keep her in the present moment. She had no mask, no suit, no way to hide. If she was seen in that fight, she’d have no cover.
She focused back at the worst possible time. One of the men was on the floor while the other charged Leather Jacket. The aggressor made no contact with Leather Jacket but he did trip over his friend.
A subway plowing through a human body made less sound than Livia would’ve guessed.
At that point, she had no choice but to move. She was quick to yank off her heels and run back to street level. She could hear something about NYPD, but she didn’t stop. She didn’t turn back. She left Leather Jacket to take the fall for the scuffle but she felt no guilt in that. She hadn’t gotten involved and for once, she was glad she looked the other way.
She mentally wished the guy luck but didn’t stop.
Livia hailed a taxi to get home. She left the tee on June’s vanity before changing and dropping into bed. As soon as she hit her mattress, she fell asleep.
The next morning, June was up first. She was making pancakes.
“You got home late.” June commented. “Spending time reconciling with a certain twin flame?”
“Twin flame?” Livia laughed, coming around June for the coffee pot. “Don’t those burn out and not end up together?”
“Not always.” June pointed at Livia with the spatula. “But they do have deep soul ties and stay in each other’s lives.”
“Is this your new thing, the spiritual and mystical stuff? Livia laughed her way to the table.
“We’re getting off track! Were you with Matt last night?”
“No. I just wandered.” Livia shrugged. “But there is something I want to talk to you about. At the diner, Fisk asked about meeting up with you.”
June froze. “Why? I didn’t want to see him before. What makes him think I’d want to see him now?”
“He wants to show you he’s turned a new leaf, I guess. He was genuine about it. I could tell that much.”
“Well, I don’t care.” She carefully shook her head. “You saw what happened at the diner. There’s no way I can face him, not right now.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I just said I’d mention it to you.”
The topic died after that. Neither of them brought it up again. Livia decided if it would ever come up again, it’d be at June’s discretion. Truthfully, she didn’t care one way or the other if June ever spoke to Fisk again. So long as it was her decision, Livia would support her.
The next few days went on as usual.
When the two women walked into the office one morning, they found Matt and Kirsten at court. Livia frowned, checking their shared schedules. She hadn’t realized an arraignment had been added to the calendar. June shrugged as well.
Neither of them knew.
Livia blew it off. Her and Matt had been in and out of favor with each other since he started seeing Heather. June still hated the woman, claiming she was trying to ‘step-mom’ her. Livia didn’t think Heather had been around long enough for that but she wasn’t going to argue a moot point with her. If June felt slighted, she’d make sure the world knew it. Even if Livia wouldn’t say it, she admired the way June would dig in her heels when it suited her. She liked that the girl was stubborn, which made her harder to bully.
It wasn’t until Livia saw it on a news headline did she understand where Matt was.
He was defending Leather Jacket from the subway platform.
Of course he is.
She didn’t see Matt in the office that day. It didn’t bother her as much as she expected. She had gotten a little more used to it day by day. She didn’t like that she had adjusted but she knew it was better. If she didn’t, she’d stay stuck in some emotional rut for who knew how long.
It’d be the death of her and she’d died enough.
Later that night, her and June were back at their apartment.
“Have you heard from Matt today?” June asked, looking at her phone with a frown.
“No.” Livia answered honestly. “Something wrong?”
“Yeah, we were supposed to go to a movie tonight. He hasn’t called or texted or anything… Do you think he’s okay?”
“I’m sure he’s fine. He probably just got caught up in that new case he took on. Did you see it in the news?”
“Oh, the cop-killer?”
“Alleged.” Livia reminded her. “Matt wouldn’t take it unless he knew otherwise.”
“Right, right.” June nodded. “Oh, J’s calling. Can you call Matt while I take this?”
Livia waved June away and she practically skipped into her bedroom, grinning from ear to ear. When she came back, Livia would have to ask when she’d get to meet the infamous J.
For the moment, she settled for calling Matt.
“Hey, everything alright?” He answered.
Livia could hear muffled conversations in the background.
“Sorry, are you out somewhere?” She asked.
“Yeah, but… What’s going on?”
“You forgot.” Livia understood.
“Wait, forgot what?”
“June said something about you and her going to a movie tonight.” Livia’s free hand clenched into a tight fist. It was the only leash she had on her annoyance, which was teetering into anger. “You blew her off, Matt.”
“No, I didn’t. I forgot, yes, but I wouldn’t do that to her. You know that.” He defended. “Look, with this new case-“
“An arguably stupid case to take on.” Livia muttered. “You picked a PR nightmare, by the way.”
“You did the same thing when you wanted to take on Frank’s case.”
“That was more so just to piss you off.”
“Anyways. I’ll call June in a few minutes and explain. She’ll understand.”
Livia opened her mouth to respond but she heard another voice in the background. She had yet to meet the woman but it didn’t take a genius to figure out he was with Heather.
“You’re on a date.” Livia nodded in realization. She heard him excuse himself and shuffle a few feet away from his table. “No wonder. Maybe June’s on to something.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, just…” She took a steadying breath, forcing the anger down for the moment. A cool apathy helped smother it. “I’ll make an excuse for you. It’s fine.”
“Wait. That’s it? You’re not gonna yell at me or argue with me? Not gonna tell me I’m hurting her feelings or anything?”
“What’s the point? You’re an adult and I’m sure you know how she’ll take this. You care about June, right?”
“Yes, of course I do. You know that.”
“Okay. Make sure you make this up to her then, because this will hurt her feelings.”
A beat of relatively awkward silence passed over the two. Matt was thinking, Livia was just barely keeping a leash on her prowling anger. She was about to end the call when Matt spoke again.
“Liv?” He said. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah, just tired.” She lied easily.
“Usually you’d chew my head off for this.” He tried to joke. “What’s wrong?”
Everything.
“Nothing. Enjoy the rest of your date. I’m sorry I interrupted.”
“You didn’t-“
Livia hung up. She blew out a heated sigh, releasing the warmth clawing beneath her skin. Under her clothes, Livia felt a slight sweat from the sudden burst. She opened and closed her fists, hearing her fingers lightly pop. After a few moments, the heat dissipated and her mood flatlined.
“Idiot.” She whispered and shook her head. Though she wasn’t sure if the comment was directed at herself or Matt. “Junebug?” Livia called.
June opened her door and popped her head out.
“He’s gotta take a rain check.”
She frowned and stepped out to see Livia better, phone still in hand. “Did at least he say why?”
“Something about the case.” She offered.
“Are you lying?”
“Does it matter?”
June studied Livia for a minute. She met her roommate’s scrutiny without letting any emotion show on her face. June read whatever subtle hints remained and she came across the room to Livia’s side.
Livia couldn’t help the curiosity and looked towards June’s phone screen. She saw the side profile of her boyfriend, accessorized with a backwards hat and a gaming headset. He was intently focused on his game, saying something towards it. Either June had him muted or she had an earbud in.
June put her phone down and wrapped her arms around Livia. Livia gave a noise of surprise, having been lost in her visual assessment of June’s choice of man, which Livia had to admit wasn’t a bad choice, and tensed slightly.
“We can watch a movie here instead.” June offered, still holding onto Liv. She squeezed her tighter for a moment as a silent demand to hug her back. “Joaquin’s busy anyway.”
“A video game doesn’t count as being busy.” Livia laughed and hugged the girl back. June’s embrace was warm as ever, comfortable and welcome unlike the warmth in Livia. “It’s okay, kiddo. You don’t have to rearrange anything for my sake.”
“I’m not.” She pulled back, offering an expression of offense. “This is for me. He blew me off. And I’d bet money-“
“Do you have money to bet?” Livia chimed in. The joke earned her a short-lived glare.
“Fine. I’d bet your money it’s not about the case. I mean, sure, he’s trying to find the other guy on the platform but I don’t know if he will.”
“Other guy?” Livia felt a jolt down her spine.
“Yeah, I guess he asked Cherry to find the guy Hector says he was defending.”
Livia wondered how pale she had gone. If they find the guy, and the guy saw Livia, he could recognize her. What would that do to the case? To the firm’s reputation? To the firm itself? What kind of trouble could they all get into?
“Why do you look like that?” June asked carefully, her brows furrowing deeply. “What do you know?”
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow with Matt.” She tried her most easygoing smile. “What do you say, you pick a movie and I have something sweet delivered?”
Hesitantly, June agreed. She went off to end her call and find a film while Livia ordered the sweets.
The next day, they waited for Matt in the conference room. Kirsten popped in and out for Livia’s opinion on this or that. June added some insight as well and it always made Livia proud to see how June absorbed and understood the environment she was working in. At that point, Livia was convinced June could pass the Bar exam.
After what felt like an eternity, she got a hold of Matt. When he answered the phone, he didn’t say much. He didn’t even say hello. He just told her an address and hung up on her.
The lack of tact told her that he was about to get into something he probably shouldn’t.
Livia left all her gear at home, save for her gloves. She wanted to pad her knuckles just in case it got physical. Both of them potentially going around the office with busted knuckles was sure to raise questions.
“Hey.” She caught him on his way up the stairs. “What are we doing here?”
“The guy on the platform, the one Hector saved.” Matt rushed a quiet explanation. “Cops are coming for him. We need to get him out first.”
“Will he actually testify?”
“His options are probably to testify or take a bullet to the head.”
“He could take a bullet either way.” Livia reached for
Matt’s arm at the top of the landing. “If he doesn’t want to talk, you have to keep him alive.”
She spared a fleeting thought for the men that she collected for witnesses that ended up dead. Jasper Evans, shot in the head at the Bulletin. Ray Nadeem, shot in the head in his own backyard. And despite it not being directly her fault, she thought of Sam Stein, stabbed to death on a rooftop.
“You can’t…” She trailed off. A new weight of grief settled in her stomach and stole the rest of the words from her.
As if he knew, Matt took her other hand, the one not gripping his jacket sleeve, and gave a gentle squeeze. He nodded before giving her a small tug to walk with him.
“You don’t have to stay.” He offered as he let her go so he could knock.
Livia was already reaching into her pocket for her gloves. “When have I ever abandoned you before a fight?”
“Who is it?” The man on the other side called out.
“My name is Matthew Murdock. I’m a lawyer.” Matt answered before facing Livia. He spoke quietly and quickly to her. “Maybe now’s the time to start.”
“I never was good at walking away.” She mumbled, then took a deep breath before speaking to the man behind the door. “We’re with the firm representing Hector Ayala, the man who saved your ass on that platform.”
Matt elbowed her slightly, hitting the precisely unstable point. She clenched her jaw tightly and bit back the acknowledgment of the ever present pain as Matt continued talking. Whatever he said convinced the man.
Once Livia heard the chain fall away, she shouldered through the opening door. The man startled, flinching away from her as Matt was quick on her heels. She left the men to talk while she peeked into the adjoining rooms.
As expected, the man was alone. Livia came back into the main room where the men were still going back and forth. Just by the yellow haze around the man, Livia thought he had said his name was Nicky, it wasn’t likely Matt could convince him with words.
“I know you were there.” Livia said flatly. Both men whirled on her so fast she thought they’d both get whiplash. “I saw you. You were getting jumped by two guys. Hector came from the opposite set of stairs.”
“How do you-“ Nicky started before Livia held up a hand to silence him.
“Your options are to come with us, help save another man’s life, and we get you set up someplace safe. Or we can walk out this door and let the cops that are currently storming this building have you… Think about it quickly.”
“I don’t even know who you are!” Nicky tried.
“What do you think?” Livia asked Matt. “Thirty seconds?”
“Twenty as best.” Matt countered and grabbed Nicky by the arm, pushing him to the fire escape.
Livia waited by the door. When the cops finally knocked, she knocked back to mess with them. The small joke brought a smile to her lips, especially when she felt the jolt of anger through the wall. She wanted to laugh but settled for the grin.
Matt gestured for her to unlock it. She did so carefully, ensuring the deadbolt made no sound, then she crossed the room to stand with Matt. She put a hand on his shoulder out of habit and his arm came loosely around her waist. It’d be an odd scene for the cops to find, but Livia wasn’t thinking of that.
She was more tuned in to the familiar buzz of adrenaline seeping into her muscles. Once the first cop put hands on her to push her aside, the tight knot of tension was ready to snap. Matt motioned for her to wait, even as the cop slammed him against the wall.
She noticed the tattoo on the cop’s wrist, a replica of the Punisher logo.
Oh, Frank would love that.
Any restraint she had broke as soon as the cop threw the first punch. The second cop hurried to join his buddy once Matt dropped but Livia was faster.
She stepped to block his path and let him grab the front of her sweater. She let him pull her close, even stepping into the man’s space. Once she was within striking distance, she slammed her head forward. Her forehead hit the man’s nose hard enough to bleed but not hard enough to break.
That was a fine line she learned to tread years ago.
That cop stumbled away, too focused on collecting the blood than what Livia was up to. She grabbed the other cop by the hood of his jacket and spun him to face her. She pulled the hood over head and down, forcing him to double over. She then drove her knee into his solar plex before he could get any grip on her. He coughed and wheezed as all the air left his lungs with force.
She considered a second and third assault, but she decided to help Matt up instead. She got him to his knees and he kept a hand on her shoulder. When she turned back to the cops, she was staring down the wrong end of a pistol.
One. Two. Three heartbeats passed before Matt jumped into action. He knocked the gun away from Livia’s forehead and focused on that officer so Livia attacked the other.
She pushed forward, slamming her shoulder into the officer’s stomach. He staggered back a few steps before a heavy elbow hit Livia’s spine. She locked her hands and threw her body weight to the side, twisting them until the cop hid the floor hard. She leaned a knee against the center of his chest before throwing her full weight into punches.
One. Two. Three. Four swings to his cheek before Livia was tossed aside. Habitually, she reached for the back of her belt once she landed in a low crouch but came up empty. That was probably for the best. Killing a cop wouldn’t be a good look.
As the cop charged her, she was quick to reposition and allow herself to slide between his legs. She reached as she slid and caught him by the ankle. She closed her fist around the slack of his pants and yanked, forcing him to hit the ground at full force. Livia turned to check on Matt, fully engaged in his own fight, but the small distraction would cost her.
When she faced the officer again, he had taken advantage of the fact she had turned away and drew his gun. But he didn’t fire. Instead, he snatched her up by the front of her sweater and pistol whipped her. She felt the skin of her cheek split and she couldn’t help the laugh.
The sound drew Matt’s attention and before she knew it, Matt hauled the officer away and began his own beatdown of the man. In the meantime, Livia got to her feet and wiped the slow blood stream away.
She found Matt’s glasses discarded on the ground. She bent to pick them up and found the officer Matt was originally fitting was pushing to his hands and knees. A sadistic grin crossed her lips before she slammed the heel of her foot against the man’s temple. He fell limp just as Matt was finishing his fight.
She offered his glasses and together, they left the apartment, but not before Matt let out a scream of frustration. She felt something in him rattle.
They walked in silence, for the most part. Livia had tucked her gloves away before she linked her arm through Matt’s. Her free hand poked gently at the split in her cheek, coming back wet with blood. She frowned at the sight.
“You okay?” He finally asked when they reached her building.
“Yeah, it’s not that bad.” She shrugged. “Are you?”
“Yeah.” He breathed. “Why do you ask?”
“You just feel off, I guess. It’s probably nothing…”
“I feel off?” He sounded amused.
“I know you didn’t want to do that. I heard you whispering, asking them not to start a fight.”
“But you expected one. You had your gloves.”
“Actually, I was just worried about what you had gotten into. I didn’t care if there was or wasn’t a fight.”
“Still, Liv.”
“Our new coworkers aren’t as understanding or open-minded as Karen and Foggy, okay? I didn’t think both of us having split knuckles was a good idea.”
“Now your cheek is split open instead.”
“It’ll heal by morning.” She shrugged.
A beat of silence, comfortable for the first time in a while, but Matt cracked half a smile.
“You were worried about me, huh?” He asked teasingly.
“You have a habit of finding trouble.” She patted his cheek gently. “See you at work?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded. “Hey, did you ever tell June about what Fisk wanted?”
“We’ll talk tomorrow.” She smiled slightly. It wasn’t hard to piece together that he wanted to keep her there, keep her talking. They hadn’t exactly had much in terms of socializing anymore. It was easier to lose him, to give him up and walk away. She always knew that. Turning her back was easier than fighting for it when it came to love or relationships. But she didn’t want all the time she spent feeling something for him to waste. She didn’t want to face the end of the road with him, not yet.
Maybe not ever.
“Gives you and I a reason to actually show up.” She gave his arm a quick pat before turning away.
She was heading to the steps when she felt Matt’s cane across her chest to stop her.
“You told Nicky you knew he was there.” Matt spoke carefully.
“I did.” She nodded, not looking back as she pushed his cane out of her way.
“You’re a witness.”
“Hardly.”
“Livia.”
“No one else saw me there.”
“Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“When?” She shrugged. “We haven’t exactly had overlapping schedules lately.”
“We could’ve had you take the stand.”
“Think of the way that would look. Hector didn’t see me there. Nicky hardly noticed me. That cop definitely didn’t see me… Any and all credibility would be lost.”
“You didn’t fight?”
“No.” She scoffed. “It was just a scuffle. Whatever Hector’s telling you is the truth. He didn’t push that officer.”
“I know.”
“And you’re sure Nicky’s safe till he testifies?”
“I trust Cherry.”
“I don’t.” She said probably too quickly. If there was going
to be an officer on the roster, retired or otherwise, she would’ve wanted Brett Mahoney. That was a cop she could always trust. “But I trust you so for now, that’s enough.” She added before heading up the stairs and leaving the conversation at that.
Two days later, she was dressed in one of her better work outfits. June, however, came out in the Snoopy t-shirt and jeans.
“No.” Livia pointed back down the hall.
“What?”
“You can’t wear that today. Go get dressed.”
“I am dressed! June argued, gesturing to herself. “Shirt. Pants. Shoes. Gloves.” She threw her hands forward and wiggled her covered fingers. “What else do I need?”
“Go get dressed for court.” Livia explained.
“What? No one told me we had court today!”
“Technically, we don’t. Matt does and we’re going.”
June pulled a face. “Since when do you care how Hector’s case goes?”
“Since today. Matt has the guy from the platform.” Livia answered. “Now change or you’re on your own for a ride.”
June wrinkled her nose in disapproval before spinning on her heel. She mumbled something about hating ordering a ride and how she wished she had been told ahead of
time. There was also a quick ‘If you guys don’t get back together after this…’ that Livia didn’t catch the rest of.
Livia shook her head with a small smile. She didn’t see it as likely but June was dead set on Matt and Livia ending up back together. He was with Heather and he seemed happy. That was what Livia wanted after all.
Wasn’t it?
She shook the thought away. It was the first step down a long spiral that she couldn’t afford.
Her head was just about leveled out. She could look at herself in the mirror and not hate her reflection. She could breathe and not feel a burn in her lungs. She could eat and not be immediately sick. The guilt had mostly worked out of her system, though every so often a familiar song or show or small thing would remind her of Foggy. It’d make her throat constrict and her stomach would sink. There were still times where she would open their text thread and send a message, knowing there’d be no answer. She dreaded the day she did that and the number was reassigned.
June came out in time to save her from that snowball of thoughts. The young woman held her arms out to the sides and did a little spin to show off her outfit. Livia laughed at the display.
Together, they rode to the courthouse, after stopping for a quick breakfast and coffee. Neither of them wanted to be hungry and uncaffeinated for that day.
They took a seat towards the back of the gallery. Livia sat in the aisle seat so she could study the squadron of cops taking up an entire side. Carefully, she reached out with her ability. Most seemed like decent people, men and women actually committed to serving and protecting New York. But of course, there were some that she could feel were off and of those specific ones, there were visible copycat Punisher logo tattoos.
“When’s the last time you heard from your uncle?” Livia whispered to June.
“Frank?” June’s brows furrowed. Livia nodded towards one of the tattoos, poking out of one of the officer’s collars, and June’s eyes went wide. “Oh, that’s not…”
“Mhmm.”
After a few minutes' delay, Matt’s witness showed up. As soon as he walked in, Livia felt it was going to go wrong. He was afraid. He was intimidated.
He was compromised.
Livia propped an elbow on the pew’s armrest and leaned her chin to her hand. She tapped her pointer finger against her temple rhythmically, essentially pulling the fear out of him. She watched the yellow haze shift away from him, staggering and jerking towards her, but she didn’t want it. She spun her finger discreetly until the haze became more of a ball, then she brought her thumb and forefinger together to squish it.
Still, taking his fear wasn’t enough. He denied his presence at the subway station. Livia felt her heart drop and Matt’s frustration took over. She didn’t blame him. Everything for his case hinged on Nicky’s cooperation.
The smugness of the cops nearly made Livia do something. Knowing that, June reached over and took Livia’s hand firmly. It didn’t take a genius to recognize what June was doing. She was asking Livia to stand down. With a sigh, Livia cracked her neck and settled back in.
Matt needed a new tactic and fast.
Later that night at the office, everyone was sitting in the conference room to find a new defense.
“This would be easier if there was a second witness.” Matt sighed, turning in Livia’s direction.
“Yeah, if only.” She said sarcastically.
“Why not put Hector on the stand?” June offered when nothing else was viable.
“Just let him tell his story and the jury’ll see who he really is.” Livia agreed. “If Frank Castle had cooperated, it would’ve worked with him. I don’t see why it won’t work here.”
“He’s innocent.” Matt nodded. “He gets up there and tells the truth… That's all we can do.”
“It’ll work.” Livia promised.
So the next day, Hector took the stand. Livia and June took a seat closer to the front, with the Ayala family. She kept her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs to keep every emotion flatlined. As mumbles erupted through his words, she had to push a little harder. She had to unclasp her hands subtly sweep it away.
“Matt, don’t do this.” Kirsten insisted.
Livia focused on the trial, meeting Kirsten’s eyes briefly. She recognized that look.
Panic.
When she focused on Matt, she saw him holding up a white mask, a portrayal of a tiger.
“Oh, shit.” Livia gasped.
She knew him. She’d worked with that vigilante on a few occasions, stopping a few altercations every now and then. It wasn’t much, especially considering the distance between burroughs, but there was enough overlap that she recognized the costume.
The White Tiger was an ally, albeit a rare one.
“Matthew!” Livia hissed.
At least her voice got through to him. He faced her but showed no regret. She shook her head, speechless, while the judge called Matt and Hochberg to his chambers. She met Hector’s eyes as they passed over her to his wife.
Pain. Fear. Betrayal. Hector Ayala was feeling all of it.
She might be able to testify now.
She went with Matt that night to see Hector. She sat quietly on the other side of the cell while the two spoke. Hector was right to say it wasn’t Matt’s choice to tell that secret. Matt warned Hector couldn’t be his vigilante alter ego again. Hector said it was part of who he was and Livia related to him in that sense.
Exodus had become so ingrained into who she was, she couldn’t abandon it. The persona was her reclamation of herself so long ago, of finding power and identifying in the faceless assassin the Red Room and its teachers tried to turn her into. It was her strength. It was her rebellion.
It was her, plain and simple.
“What about you? Why are you here?”
Livia looked up and found Hector looking at her.
“Tú me sabes.” Livia began carefully. Hector’s brows furrowed but said nothing. “Es complicado pero la verdad.” (You know me… It’s complicated but true.)
Livia could’ve spoken in English. She had weighed the decision on the trip over, but the guards couldn’t be trusted. Any one of them could be friends with Powell or could bear the Punisher’s logo as a self-proclaimed hero. The likelihood of the officers being bilingual was less so she chose Spanish. Thankfully, Hector didn’t outwardly question it.
“¿Cómo?” (How?)
“Quiero ayudarte. ¿Recuerdas cuando la mujer fue a encontrar a su hijo? Y ella dice que la policía no puede ayudarse…” She watched the recognition cross his face. “Pues, tal vez ella es mi prima o mi mejor amiga.” (I want to help you. Do you remember the woman that went to find her son? And she said that the police couldn’t help her… Well, maybe she’s my cousin or my best friend.)
“¿Quieres mentir?” (You want to lie?)
She lifted a nonchalant shoulder. “No es la primera vez, mi amigo.” (It’s not the first time, my friend.)
“Hmm.” He nodded. “Why should I trust you?”
“Because I know you’re innocent. I saw everything…”
“No… No, it was just the guy, Nicky.”
“Look, it’s a long story but I have a talent for getting in and out undetected.”
“Then why not come forward earlier?”
“Because of him.” She nodded to Matt. “Our relationship would almost immediately give this case grounds for a mistrial.”
“Him?” Hector almost laughed. “¿Novio?” (Boyfriend?)
Livia shook her head.
“¿Esposo?” (Husband?)
“No. Solo un amigo. Es el fin amigo que tengo de la universidad… El otro murió.” (Only a friend. He’s the last friend that I have from college. The other died.)
“Lo siento.” (I’m sorry.)
“We’re getting off topic here.” Matt chimed in. Livia almost forgot he was there. “Livia and I have worked together for a long time. The judge knows that. If she testified before, someone could’ve said that I gave her the details of what to say.”
“Anything I say now will be my own experience, just a different perspective.” Livia continued. “I can’t say that I’ve worked with you. That has gotten enough people killed. I can’t risk it again.”
“That what took your other friend?”
“Yeah…” She turned her focus to Matt for the next sentence. “And I know he was wrong to share your secret.” She looked back to Hector. “But we might be able to make this work. Do you trust us?”
Hector nodded.
The next day, Matt and Kirsten spent the morning prepping her. They went over the story she’d tell several times, making sure she had her details right.
“Hochberg is going to come down hard in cross.” Kirsten warned. “He knows exactly who you are and he’s probably going to come for your objectivity.”
“I’m not scared of him.” Livia nodded.
“Whatever happens, Liv, you cannot let him trip you up.” Matt insisted.
“Well aware, Matt. Thank you.”
“I’m just saying, whatever you say up there has to be consistent.”
“And it will be. Unless you’d rather I tell June the story and we can put her on the stand.”
He met your sarcasm with a challenging expression of his own.
“I’ll have it all under control.” She smiled innocently.
Her and June rode together to the courthouse. Livia left June sitting with the Ayala family as she took the stand. The judge - she never could remember that man’s name - and Hochberg both offered smothered eye rolls. Kirsten did the questioning, sticking to the questions they had discussed. She was on her way home from a vintage record store, picking up a gift for her roommate. (There was already a credit card purchase to support the story.) She was walking because she couldn’t get a cab to stop. A man tried to take the record, demanded her purse. She tried to fight but the man pulled a blade. That’s when White Tiger showed up.
Granted, that story didn’t exactly happen. Livia had encountered a knife-point robbery one night and Hector did show up to help, but she wasn’t the victim. It was some other brunette woman. Livia remembered the way the woman trembled as she got her into a cab.
Livia’s hands were in her lap, fingers idly spinning to keep emotions calm. She didn’t need to use much energy to maintain the stillness, not like during Frank’s trial. She considered having some fun and toying Hochberg for cross, but she doubted it would go over well with Matt.
“Ms. Yersova.” Hochberg smiled as he stood. It was the kind of smile that implied he was setting a trap. Livia inclined her head to be polite. “What do you do for work?”
“I’m a defense attorney.” She said honestly.
“What firm?”
Livia pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, as if the question frustrated her or cornered her. Of course it didn’t. She’d expected it.
“I work with Mr. Murdock and associates.”
“And have you collaborated on this case?”
“My only contribution was agreeing with our paralegal’s suggestion to let Hector take the stand, which was after Nicky Torres was compromised.”
“But you all work in the same office?”
“Yes.”
“So you had to have heard him working on this case?”
“It’s a pretty big office.”
“Have you been in the gallery?”
“Once, when it was revealed Mr. Ayala was the White Tiger.”
“Are you telling me that you’d never seen this man before?” He pointed over to Hector.
Livia cocked her head, not bothering to hide the smirk. “Counselor, there’s two men over there. Which are you referring to?”
“Yersova.” The judge warned. “Don’t get smart.”
“It’s a fair question.” Livia shrugged. She could see June smiling in amusement. “Regardless, if you’re referring to Mr. Murdock, I see him quite often. If you’re referring to Mr. Ayala, no, not until the other day.”
“Mhmm.” He nodded, rubbing his jaw. Hochberg was counting on his reputation to put pressure on Livia. The fact that it wasn’t made him have to actually think. “What do you think of vigilantes, Ms. Yersova?”
“They don’t bother me.”
“No?”
“Well, I’m not a criminal, Counselor.” Livia smiled sweetly.
“That’s what the police are for. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“I have a complicated relationship with the system.”
“How so?” He perked up, hearing something he could potentially exploit.
“Clearly, I believe in the law. I’m an attorney and a former federal agent.” She shifted her far to the gaggle of police in the gallery. “I believe that there needs to be accountability, at any level, for those who choose to hurt people and do wrong.”
She turned to the jury. “And I don’t believe Hector Ayala to be that kind of man.”
“Accountability… Weren’t you on the FBI team that was assigned to Wilson Fisk?”
“Objection. Relevance.” Kirsten offered from her table.
“Ms. Yersova opened herself to this line of questioning.” Hochberg countered.
“Sustained.” The judge agreed. “Rephrase or move on.”
“Why’d you leave the FBI if you believe in the system?” Hochberg asked instead.
“It wasn’t what I expected.” She said truthfully. “Respectfully, I have to refuse to answer anything else. Confidentiality and the like.”
“Move on, counselor.” The judge waved his hand.
So Hochberg went over her story again. What did she buy? What weapon did the man have? Did he even have a weapon? Why didn’t she drive? Why didn’t she get a ride? Lastly, everything seemed pretty convenient, didn’t it?
“I had no reason to defend Hector before.” Livia lifted a shoulder in a small shrug. “Murdock recognized something I didn’t. He has a good heart like that. I didn’t care before… But as White Tiger, he helped me get home. He took a few hits that would’ve gotten me. He bled so I didn’t have to. I owed it to him, his wife, his niece, to come here today and try to help the man that helped me. You don’t have to believe me, but you have to understand I’m not the only one with a story like this.”
With that, she was dismissed.
The only acknowledgement of her testimony being any sort of success was Matt giving a subtle nod as she passed.
The next day came the verdict. June insisted the two of them be there ‘to support Hector and his family’. Livia figured it was more curiosity than anything, or just wanted to be there for Matt.
Every verdict of not guilty was a heavy weight lifting off Hector. Livia could feel it in her own chest, a tightness that was loosening every time she heard ‘not guilty’. She breathed a final sigh of relief when the third one came. June squeezed Livia’s hand tighter with each announcement. When she heard the final one, her head dropped to Livia’s shoulder and she laughed quietly in relief.
Matt’s ability in the courtroom really was amazing.
That night, June convinced Livia it was only right to go to Matt’s for dinner. It was something to celebrate after all. With fake reluctance, Livia agreed. But when they showed up, Matt already had company.
“Oh.” Livia’s brows raised when the door opened and Heather was seated at the kitchen counter. “I didn’t think you’d…”
June was on her toes to see over Livia’s shoulder. The woman scoffed and pushed between them to enter the apartment.
“No, June.” Livia reached for June’s arm but the nimble woman slipped away. “We should-“
“I’m not changing our celebration because of her.” June said firmly, louder than necessary.
Livia frowned at her.
“Oh.” Heather said, jumping from her seat. She wiped her hands on the sides of her legs. “We haven’t really met, have we?”
Matt grabbed Livia’s wrist and pulled her inside. Livia wanted to stomp on his toes and run, but leaving June there felt like something she’d get in trouble. Instead, she leaned in towards Matt as he shut the door behind her.
“You should’ve just slammed the door in our faces.” Livia whispered.
“I don’t think June would’ve appreciated that.” He answered in the same low voice with a small smile. “C’mon, Liv. Just try to get to know her… Please?”
The soft expression felt like a punch to the stomach.
“I’m not responsible for anything the ankle biter says or does.” Livia sighed.
tags: @see-the-divine @fallingfavourites // prev // next
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia Yersova
Word Count: 6,510
Summary: What is ‘ home’ anymore? Livia’s mind remains in a different place than those around her, leading to a constant sense of displacement.
Matt finished cooking soon after Livia and June arrived. Thankfully, there was no time where it was just up to them and Heather to conversate. As it stood, she had no real issues with Heather. She hadn’t talked to her enough - or ever - to really have problems with the woman. She seemed smart enough, honest, and cared for Matt. Matt seemed happy so Livia was willing to give the woman a shot.
June, however, was not as easily convinced. She was firmly stuck on the idea of Livia and Matt getting back together. It was a ship she was willing to go down on. The way things were seeming, she would have to.
“Where is it?” June mumbled, rummaging around in Matt’s kitchen.
“What are you looking for?” Livia had to laugh, especially when there was a suspicious thud and a loud yelp.
“The usual celebration.” June’s muffled voice answered.
“Usual?” Heather chimed in.
“Wait.” Livia looked to Matt. She smiled softly. “We still do that?”
“Yeah.” He smiled back. “He always insisted.”
“Found it!” June’s hand shot up from where she was crouched behind the counter, a liquor bottle in hand.
“You don’t even like it.” Matt teased and took the bottle.
“What is it?” Heather asked with a gentle, enamoured smile.
“When my old partner and I were fresh out of law school, we were so broke but we pulled just about everything we had together for an office bottle of O’Melveny’s. We only broke it open when we won.” He explained.
“That first bottle lasted quite a while.” Livia teased, reaching to take two glasses. She handed one off to June as she came to sit beside her.
“Thank you for that addition.” He said sarcastically and Livia raised her glass in acknowledgment. “Moreso, it’s just a nice reminder that, once in a while, the system works.”
Livia didn’t miss the pointed look in her direction. She refrained from rolling her eyes. The love-hate relationship she maintained with the system was not going to go away just because the one wholly good person in Hell’s Kitchen believed in it.
“You’re talking about your friend, Foggy Nelson, right?” Heather asked kindly. There was no malice or cruel intentions behind her question. It came from, what Livia could tell was, a place of genuine interest. It was still, and probably always would be, a knife in her chest.
The comment made June grow tense beside her. No doubt June was thinking back to that night outside of Josie’s. If Livia carried the weight and trauma of that night in her heart, she could only imagine how heavy it was for June. Having to be at his side, his blood running through her fingers, watching him die…
Something Livia could only explain as primal began to gnaw at her stomach. She looped an arm through June’s and felt June lean against her.
“Yeah…” Matt answered quietly.
“I was starting to wonder when you would.” Heather turned towards Livia. “He was your friend, too, right?”
“Mhmm.” Livia nodded. She wanted to be polite, if only for Matt’s sake, but the woman was pushing buttons not even someone close to Livia would dare to push.
“It’s not easy.” Matt continued, likely sensing Livia’s unease. “He always knew how to enjoy the good moments when they came.”
“Then here’s to a man who cooks.” Heather lifted her own glass. “A well-won case. And Foggy Nelson.”
Livia simply raised her glass. If she opened her mouth, no doubt she’d start a fight. June mimicked the action, likely thinking the same thing. Livia knew June was very protective of her family. That was a given, considering everything she had gone through. So hearing a woman who knew probably the bare minimum, if that, about her family offering a toast to a dead man she never knew, Livia didn’t need her ability to know June hated Heather the most she ever had in that moment. It likely solidified the fact that she never would like Heather, and the irony was that Heather brought it upon herself.
“You know you can’t pass that off to anyone here, right?” Matt raised his brows at June, teasing her to break the tension.
June pulled a face before looking down at the glass. “I’ll be fine.” She frowned to herself.
“Hang on.” Livia faced her roommate. “You would hand your glass off?”
“Of course not!” June defended.
“You snuck it to Karen every chance you got!” Matt countered, earning a laugh from Heather and Livia.
Livia had the sudden urge to say something relatively rude to Heather, but that wasn’t fair. Heather was allowed to laugh when Matt teased June. June didn’t agree, considering she glared at the other woman until Livia kicked at her shin.
“Bud'te vezhlivy.” Livia hissed. (Be nice.)
“Ona ne smeyetsya nado mnoy!” June countered in the same low tone. (She doesn’t get to laugh at me!)
“YA vam obeshchayu, chto eto ne tak.” Matt said gently. (I promise you she wasn’t.)
“What is that, Russian?” Heather asked, genuinely curious. “I didn’t know you all spoke it.”
“My first language, actually.” Livia nodded politely. June simply shrugged. “I taught Matt a little before the Snap.”
Livia thought that saying ‘I taught him while we were together’ was inappropriate. She was tempted, but she wasn’t looking forward to a new fight with Matt, considering she wasn’t sure if Heather knew they had ever dated. If she was going to start something against him, it’d be worth something more than his girlfriend.
“You grew up in Russia?” Heather continued. “What brought you to the States then?”
“My mom was Russian, actually. I grew up in an orphanage. I came to New York for school and it was always a place for immigrants anyways.” Livia shrugged.
“Right, right.” She nodded. Livia raised a suspicious brow and Heather shook her head in resignation. “Matt mentioned you two went to school together, is all. He never said anything about your childhood.”
“Why would he?” June mocked.
Matt frowned in response but Heather seemed to take it in stride.
“What about you?” Heather leaned forward to see June.
“Also an orphan.” June said flatly. “I’ve heard my parents could’ve been Sokovian but…” She shrugged. The cool sensation hitting Livia on the side told her what she already suspected, that June wasn’t happy or comfortable with the line of conversation. She patted June’s leg softly and the general feeling lessened but didn’t fully disappear.
“Sokovia? That’s pretty cool.”
Livia noticed Heather's attention shift, her eyes flicking to June’s hands. June’s gloved hands. Livia could read the question on her face. The woman was almost dripping in curiosity, an unspoken desire to uncover something deeper that maybe - just maybe - she could help June with. Heather wanted a way to connect with June because June was special to Matt. Livia didn’t know exactly how Matt explained his relationship to the younger woman, but whatever it was, it made Heather want to bond with her.
If there was one thing besides her lineage that June wouldn’t discuss with a woman she didn’t like, it was going to be her gloves.
“Little help here.” Livia mumbled into her glass. She turned her eyes to Matt and he gave her a quick nod.
“June, how’s everything with Joaquin?” Matt offered with a grin.
Livia nearly choked on her liquor. She looked over and saw June’s cheeks flush a deep pink. She dropped her eyes and quickly whipped out her phone.
“Have you met him yet?” Livia asked Matt. “Closest I’ve gotten was seeing the guy on her Facetime.”
“All I got was a ‘Hi Mr. Murdock!’ from a phone call once.” Matt answered.
“At least you know he knows your name.” Livia continued, feeling her phone in her pocket.
“He knows all of your names, okay?” June defended. “He knows your names and your pictures and all about you two. Happy?”
“Yes, actually.” Matt grinned.
“It’s a start.” Livia agreed as she pulled her phone.
junebug✨ - can we just go???
Livia frowned to herself before typing a quick response.
- we can’t up and leave now, itd look rude 😕-
- i actually do not gaf - June’s response was almost immediate.
Livia simply rolled her eyes and tucked her phone away. That didn’t stop June from sending text after text after text. Livia looked over and met June’s deadpan expression as she continued to send messages. Livia was willing to bet it was just one single angry emoji in each.
“Oh, Livia!” Heather said suddenly, as if remembering something. Instinctively, she shifted in her seat to ensure June was behind her. “You know about Daredevil and the Punisher and all of the, um, vigilantes-“ Livia scrunched her nose at how Heather said the word, as if it was an insult. “- in town. Right?”
“Yeah.” She answered carefully. “I mean, who doesn’t?”
“Well, I’m thinking about my next book and-”
“You’re published?” Livia interjected. “Sorry, that probably came off rude.”
“Not rude enough.” June mumbled.
“June.” Matt scolded gently.
“Um, not at all.” Heather gave a small shake of her head. “But yes, I am. It’s relatively recent. I can get you a copy if you’d like.”
Livia glanced and caught Matt giving her an almost pleading expression.
“Yeah, sure. That’d be great.” Livia offered what she hoped came off as a genuine smile. She’d skim it and then let June do whatever with it. Probably burn it. “But you were talking about your next one. What does it have to do with vigilantes?”
“Right, yes. I don’t know, I’m still drafting, but I was thinking something along the lines of the masks we wear and why vigilantes feel the need to do what they do.”
“And that has to do with me because…”
“I’d love to maybe have a sit down and talk about your perspective on things when I get closer to writing it. You’ve interacted with the Punisher as his lawyer, the pseudo-Daredevil that worked for Wilson Fisk. Maybe even the real Daredevil or Exodus or the younger girl?” Her eyes were wide with question, hoping for confirmation that you knew the vigilante trio.
June stood at that point.
“I don’t feel good. Liv, can we go home?” June announced in the most monotonous and robotic tone Livia had ever heard. She had to run her hand down her face to hide her smile.
“Of course.” Livia agreed and stood. She threw back the rest of her liquor before taking both June’s and her own glass to the sink. “Heather, it was nice to meet you. Maybe we can talk about your next book some other time?”
“Sure.” She gave a polite, arguably fake, smile. “You can get my number from Matt whenever you have a chance.”
“I’ll walk you two out.” Matt gestured for the women to start walking.
As Livia passed him at the door, she leaned in close.
“What did you tell her about me?” She whispered.
“Nothing.” Matt answered in the same quiet tone.
“So she just conveniently asked me about the vigilantes I knew? C’mon, Matt.”
“Livia, I’d never tell anyone.”
“He’s not lying.” June confirmed quietly. “Can we go now?” The younger woman was basically squirming.
“Everything okay, Junebug?” Matt turned to June.
“I don’t… I don’t know.” She sighed. “I just want to go. Livia, please.”
“Yeah, okay.” Livia nodded. “Thanks for having us, and sorry to interrupt your date.”
“You didn’t interrupt.” He smiled softly before Livia let June pull her away.
“Now you, missy.” Livia threw her arm around June’s shoulders. “What has your panties in a bunch?”
“Ew.” June groaned. “Don’t say panties.”
“Should I say undies? Chonies? Unmentionables?”
“Liv!” June laughed.
“Okay, okay.” Livia conceded. “What’s seriously going on though, something with Joaquin?”
“No. Well, not no. There’s something he might be dealing with that could- Okay, whatever. It’s not about him.”
“So then what is it?”
“Can we go check on Hector?”
“Hector Ayala? Why?”
“I just have a bad feeling…”
“Okay.” Livia nodded carefully. “We’ll go right now.”
“Maybe we should change?” June gestured vaguely to her face.
“Hey.” Livia pulled June to a stop. “You really think we need to?”
“I do.” June nodded.
Livia saw the concern reflected in June’s eyes. Whatever June was expecting, it wasn’t going to be easy or maybe even kind. Livia simply nodded. She took them home, allowed five minutes to dawn suits and cover ups, then headed straight to Hector’s neighborhood.
They stuck to shadows, having left Livia’s car a few blocks back, but it didn’t matter. They were down the alley across from Hector, too far away to stop anything. It was as if Livia was watching it all play out in slow motion. She knew she wouldn’t have time to get close enough to stop anything. She couldn’t pull her gun or throw a blade quick enough. Yelling would do nothing and she couldn’t utilize her ability with enough accuracy.
All she could do was keep June from seeing it.
She quickly ducked into a shadow as she grabbed June’s arm and spun her so they were face to face. June looked at Livia with wide, confused eyes. Behind June’s face shield, Livia assumed she was frowning at her. Livia wasn’t looking at June though, just holding her firmly in place. Livia was focused over June’s shoulder.
“What are you-” June began to ask, her voice slightly muffled behind the protection of her mask.
The familiar sound of a gunshot cut off her words. June went absolutely rigid. Livia watched the shooter for only a moment,hoping to catch something identifying, but they were smart. They kept their head down and their hood drawn, but her blood ran cold when she caught sight of the symbol they flaunted.
Frank’s white skull, the ‘memento mori’ as David Lieberman had called it.
She swallowed hard as she met June’s eyes finally. Livia knew without a doubt that it was one of those cops. Frank would never shoot a man that he wasn’t facing. It was a coward’s kill, plain and simple.
“He’s dead.” June said flatly.
“Let’s get home.” Livia answered.
They returned home in silence. When they were back in the apartment, all boots and accessories discarded, they sat together in the living room. Livia had a spiked lemonade in her glass while June had… Well, Livia didn’t see what June had pulled from the fridge.
“We could’ve done something.” June said suddenly. “If we had left Matt’s place when I first said wanted to…”
“What-if’s will kill you same as a bullet, June.” Livia answered calmly. The sound of the gunshot echoed in her head, bringing up old memories.
Ray Nadeem. Billy Russo. Jasper Evans.
“Why didn’t you just listen to me?”
“How was I supposed to know what you meant? For all I knew, you just wanted to get away from Heather.”
“Oh, please.” June scoffed. “Because you wanted to spend all night watching her make googoo eyes at Matt and try to psychoanalyze everything either of us say?”
“Her job is to try and understand people to fix them. Of course she’s going to ask us questions. We’re as fucked as they come.”
“Yeah, well, she’s nosy.”
“She was just trying to be nice and get along with us. I doubt she likes or really cares about either of us all that much, kid.”
“Good! I hate her!”
“You hate her because what?” Livia finally looked over at June. “Because she’s dating Matt? He’s happy with her. If you believe anyone on that, believe me.”
It pained Livia to admit but she knew better than anyone that he was happy. There was a general lightness to him once they got together, an almost physical weight lifted. Her ability exposed that to her without asking and it’s been in her peripherals ever since. It was also relatively obvious when she found they didn’t argue quite as much. At first, she attributed it to her own distance but instead, it was also in part to Matt’s focus being diverted to a new lover.
“We can’t fault either of them for that.” Livia dropped her eyes, a new chill settling under her skin.
“You’re pivoting.” June frowned. “We’re heroes, Liv. We’re supposed to save people!”
“We’re not heroes.” Livia’s eyes snapped back to June. “We’re vigilantes. In a literal and legal aspect, we’re criminals. We help people, yes, but they’re not going to build a team around us or put up statues in our honor. The best we can hope for is Jameson putting out some slander in the Bugle.”
“Criminals…” June repeated quietly. She looked at Livia as if she had struck her. “How could you say that?”
“Whatever Joaquin’s been telling you-”
“This has nothing to do with him!”
“Fine.” Livia said firmly, pushing to stand. June discreetly shrunk into herself, so subtle no one else would’ve noticed.
Livia swallowed an apology.
“People die, June. You know that. There’s nothing we could’ve done.” Livia said. Her voice was so devoid of emotion.
June said nothing, just gathered her equipment and stormed to her room. The door slamming was the only response Livia got.
Livia just wanted to scream.
June went with Matt to see the coroner the next morning. Livia decided not to. She thought a little distance from anything regarding the Ayalas would be better. Matt reminded her about some bank meetings coming up and that was it. She kept some distance, helped Kirsten with some cases, and tried to pretend she didn’t see the bullet pierce Hector’s skull.
She failed him. She knew that, just as she had failed so many people before. People that looked to her for help, for safety, for support. If she had gone with them, if she had to face Hector’s niece or his wife, that guilt would stick to her like everything else.
For her own sanity, she had to let all of it go. So with a whispered apology, that was exactly what she did.
Except June didn’t let it stay that way for long.
“Come on.” June told her, barging into Livia’s room one night.
“Excuse me?” Livia’s brows raised as she tilted her laptop screen down to see her visitor clearly.
“We’re going to where Hector died. Matt’s meeting us there.”
“Why?”
“Cause the casing wasn’t found.”
“The shooter didn’t pick it up, not unless they went back.” Livia thought out loud as she tried to find her shoes. “But they wouldn’t go back. It’s too risky.”
“Unless the shooter was a cop.” June added. “Or friends with a cop that could pick it up for them.”
“The shooter had Frank’s symbol.”
“Then we need to visit Uncle Frank, too.”
“You know where to find him?” Livia was tugging her shoes on now.
“I might…”
Livia and June returned to the scene, showing up just before Matt did. He smiled slightly at the two of them and Livia stood awkwardly, hands in her back pockets as she looked around.
“June told me you guys were here.” Matt said casually.
“Did she?” Livia asked absently, focusing more on the ground. The casing should’ve been around somewhere so she was looking for something to reflect the light.
“Did you see anything?”
“Nothing helpful.”
“Guys.” June said, her head slightly cocked as she examined something. “Am I crazy or is this sloped?” She pointed to the pathway ahead of her.
Matt hummed in interest before extending his cane. He swiped it at a small liquor bottle, sending it rolling away.
“Good catch.” Livia patted June’s arm, causing her to smile proudly.
The bottle rolled and rolled before finally dropping down a drainage hole. The three went to it but Matt knelt down to reach in. He came back with a small, shiny object. He ran his fingers over it and then frowned before passing it to Livia. June reached for it but Matt pulled away.
She frowned and reached again, to which Matt swatted her hands away and offered it to Livia again.
“Anything look familiar?” Matt asked, annoyance plain in his words.
She took it and rolled it between her fingers, looking at the casing. She sighed heavily and looked over at June.
“Where’s your uncle?”
June led them without complaint. She held Matt’s arm while he tapped away with his cane. Their steps fell into sync and Livia briefly wondered if it was on purpose or just an old habit of June’s. She decided not to ask.
The walk was quiet. No one said much of anything. June, usually the chatterbox of the three, just kept her eyes forward. Whether she was still thinking about her recent spat with Livia or something else would be anyone’s guess. Matt’s train of thought was always a gamble. It could be about their little investigation. It could be about Heather. It could be about something she knew nothing about.
The downside to isolating herself is that there was a lot Livia didn’t know.
When they finally got to Frank’s place, Livia was oddly reminded of Lieberman’s old hideout. She smiled slightly at the thought.
Livia had only a second to react. She only caught the glimpse of a weapon in hand as someone charged towards them.
Livia had to yank June aside, which caused the blonde to yelp in surprise. She positioned herself in front and pulled the switchblade from her back pocket. The blade clicked out, just in time for her to realize what was happening.
The assailant was just Frank and he currently had Matt pinned to a set of lockers.
Livia couldn’t help but laugh.
She looked over her shoulder and saw June staring with wide eyes. She froze in the middle of removing her gloves. When she saw Livia’s look, she smiled in quiet relief and repositioned her accessory.
“You’re lucky.” Livia said, the smile obvious in her words. Frank looked over with a small scowl. “I was about to stick you like a dart board.”
“That’s what you do now, huh? Barge into people’s places and stab ‘em?” Frank scoffed.
“You slam all your visitors into those lockers?” She challenged, tucking away the blade. “A people person like you, I’d expect more dents.”
“Eh, fuck off.” He waved her away.
“Good to see you, too.” She laughed.
“Whatever. And I see you back there, Junebug.”
“Hi.” June waved.
“You brought the whole gang, Princess.” Frank announced, crossing the room for something.
Livia ignored Frank for a moment. She walked to Matt’s side instead, placing a gentle hand on his arm. He patted her hand without a word.
“What do you want?” Frank asked.
“Liv.” June whispered while Matt answered. Livia looked over and saw June’s brows furrowed in concern. “Chto eto za tabletki?” (What are those pills?)
Livia glanced over but frowned. She couldn’t read the label that far away.
“Podoydite poblizhe i uznayte.” Livia winked. (Get closer and find out.)
June practically lit up at the suggestion.
Livia paid attention to men again and found they were instigating each other. No surprise. She actually found it comforting to know that those two were the same.
“I do not have time for your candy-ass hero shit.” Frank yelled. “Is that clear?”
“Yeah, loud and clear.” Matt conceded. “Liv, June, let’s go.”
Matt took Livia’s arm and she took a few backwards steps.
“You think I came here to see whatever you’ve turned into?” Livia asked. Matt sighed but released her arm. “Kinda wish I didn’t, by the way. Cause this-“ She gestured to him. “This isn’t the man I know.”
“I don’t think you came here for my help.” Frank shook his head. Livia didn’t miss how he wasn’t yelling at her the way he was at Matt just moments before. “I think you want my permission.”
Livia took a few steps closer, shrugging her shoulders as she crossed her arms. In her peripherals, she watched June creep around the room.
“I never needed it before.” Livia countered.
“Nah.” Frank pulled a face before pointing over her shoulder. “Him.”
Matt simply scoffed.
“Wanna get your hands on somebody, huh? Wanna hurt ‘em. He’s a little scared, isn’t he, Liv? Scared of what it means.”
“That’s an interesting take. I like it.” Matt mocked. Livia turned, intrigued by the new feeling from him.
She was busy trying to remember what it felt like for Matt to be scared that she didn’t even listen to what they began talking about. She had learned a long time ago that being scared and being afraid were very similar but felt very different. Fear was primal, something she could exploit, something she brandished as deadly as any weapon. But being scared, that was much more vulnerable. It was uncertainty. It was something she hadn’t gotten from Matt before.
“How ‘bout that friend of yours? You save his life?” Frank’s voice cut through her thoughts like a knife.
Her head whipped to face him and she saw, a few feet behind him, that June had froze. She had the pill bottle in her hand but she wasn’t looking at it. June’s eyes were wide and even with the distance. Livia recognized the glisten of fresh collecting tears.
“You lost him, didn’t you?” Frank continued.
“Don’t.” Livia warned. Her voice was quieter than she expected but the firmness of her tone made up for it. Frank’s eyes met hers.
“It’s not about him.” Matt said simply but the sadness in his voice sent a chill down her spine.
“Then say his name.” Frank challenged.
“It’s not about him.” Matt repeated. “It’s not.”
“For Christ’s sake, say his name, you coward!” Frank called out to Matt before a step closer to Livia. “Say his name.”
“What do you want me to say?” Livia stepped forward, now toe to toe with Frank. “You tell me, Frank. What the hell was I supposed to do? I didn’t even see him coming!”
“Did you do something about it? Did you get him back for it?”
“Just stop.” Livia shook her head, using all her will power to keep her tears away.
The worst part of that question was that Livia knew her answer was no. She didn’t get Poindexter back for it. She had the chance, had him exactly where she needed him to be, but that soft spot in her chest for the man she knew locked her arm in place. It didn’t let her kill him, didn’t let her drive a knife through his chest or put a bullet in his head or do any of the cruel things she wanted. Because when she looked him in the eyes, when she asked for a reason why, she saw the slightest hint of the man she knew, and it was a whole new knife in her chest.
Leave it Frank to know exactly what knife to twist.
“What about you?” Frank pushed past Livia to challenge Matt.
Livia let out a shaky breath as tears spilled down her cheeks. A gentle hand was on her arm and she didn’t need to look to know it was June. She just patted the hand and kept her eyes on the floor.
“Pain meds.” June explained, shaking the pill bottle.
“Voz'mite ikh s soboy.” Livia sniffled, wiping a hand quickly across her eyes. (Take them with us.)
“Pochemu?” (Why?)
Livia simply shrugged. She didn’t really have a reason other than spite. She let out another uneven breath, finding enough control to steady her heartbeat. Any feelings about the last conversation were dulled, muted to the vaguest tingles of sensations.
June gasped and grabbed onto Livia’s sleeve. Livia looked just in time to see the end of Matt hitting Frank.
She thought Frank deserved it.
Livia nodded for June to go first, and the younger woman went to Matt. She went to his side and Livia put herself
in front of Frank. She gave him a slight shove and the man moved a few steps back.
“First honest thing you did, Red.” Frank shot over Livia’s shoulder.
“What does this prove?” Livia asked sharply.
“He talks to you, doesn’t he?” Frank spoke through Livia. “You hear his voice?”
Every word Frank said
“He got life!” Matt yelled.
The words slammed Livia with a sensation so cold, Livia shivered. June looked between Livia and Matt, hesitated, then pocketed the pill bottle as she went to Matt’s side. She took his hand gently, but Livia could still see how they shook.
“What about ol’ Foggy? He get life?” Frank pressed.
Matt’s response was muffled. Livia’s own sadness and regret built in her head.
Foggy didn’t get life. He lost his, because Livia couldn’t kill Poindexter in the penthouse years ago. She couldn’t kill Poindexter when she was face to face with him on the rooftop. The knife she put between his ribs wasn’t intended as the killing blow. She had still wanted answers from him after all.
“And to know you didn’t do anything about it?”
Livia came back to the present when Frank’s finger jammed into her chest. “Not as surprising as you’d think.”
Livia bit her tongue.
“Nah, you couldn’t even finish off Billy.” He stepped away, waving a dismissive hand. “I remember coming in, you two talking like nothing happened.”
“That wasn’t my life to take.” Livia said tightly.
“After everything he did to you?”
“Yeah, well, I liked him more than Poindexter.”
“Then why did you kill him?” Frank yelled.
“That’s enough.” June said firmly. “You don’t have to be such a dick, Frank.”
Livia wanted to say Frank was right. She should’ve killed Poindexter. She knew that. But how could she explain why she didn’t? Why she couldn’t.
Livia felt June tug on her sleeve so she silently followed.
“Y’know, this little family of yours...” Frank commented as soon as Livia turned away.
She froze, hands in tight fists. The only acknowledgment she gave was a tilt of her head.
“It falls apart the second you leave.”
“What the hell does that mean?” She finally turned.
“Let’s go, Livia.” Matt tried. He grabbed her hand, gave her a light tug. The mistake was the contact. In the touch, she felt a surge of emotions.
Concern. Worry. Even regret.
“What is he talking about?” Livia asked Matt, firmly planting her feet.
“They never told you about what happened. Did they, Princess?” Frank called as Livia turned back to face him.
“What are you talking about?” She asked.
“Junebug and Red.” He answered, pointedly saying each nickname in turn. “They tell you about what happened during your little disappearing act?”
“Don’t.” June protested.
Livia squinted at June but she dropped her eyes in… shame?
Livia turned to face Frank again, now curious and a bit scared.
“What happened?” She asked.
Frank chuckled. “Nah, of course they didn’t. He wasn’t man enough!” Frank gestured to Matt, who only shook his head with a scoff.
“Give it a rest, Frank.” Matt complained. “You want to do this? Is this really how you want seeing her again to go?”
“Someone tell me what is going on or I will start cutting answers out!” Livia announced as she pulled her switchblade from her pocket.
“He sent her away!” Frank yelled and the entire room fell silent. “He couldn’t stand it so he sent her away.”
“That’s not what happened.” June argued.
“What?” Livia spun towards Matt, the accusation burning in her chest. “You sent her away?”
“I…” Matt tried.
“It wasn’t Nat that reached out to check on her.” Livia realized the story she knew was a lie. And it hit her chest like a train. “She wasn’t worried about June. You sent June to Nat. How did you even know how to get ahold of her?”
“That’s not how it went.” Matt argued.
“Why should I believe you?” Livia yelled. “And you.” She turned to June, who took a step back. “You couldn’t tell me the truth either?”
“We thought it was for the best…” June’s eyes fell to the ground.
“We?”
“I reminded him too much of you and I felt bad. Was I supposed to just let him suffer? Was I supposed to suffer? Liv, it was best for both of us, I swear.”
“Lying to me is one thing but planning to lie to me? I can’t believe either of you.”
“Yeah, not so high and mighty now, huh Red?” Frank added.
“Shut the fuck up, Frank.” Livia pointed an angry finger at him. “What did you do, while these two were off doing whatever the fuck? Were you being a good uncle, looking after June? Were you hiding out here and pretending the outside world doesn’t affect you?”
“Uncle.” He scoffed. “I’m not her uncle.”
“You’re my brother!” She yelled. “Closest thing to it I have.”
Her fists were clenched tightly to her side. If she released any of the tension in her arms, she’d throw the closest thing right at Frank’s head, which was the switchblade digging into her palm. “You’re supposed to keep an eye on her too!”
“She. Is. Not. My. Responsibility!”
“Neither was I.” Livia snapped in frustration. She could feel the prick of tears behind her eyes, the manifestation of careful control slipping away, but she didn’t care to reel it in. She didn’t care to leash it. She was ready - and willing - to lash out, to release everything that’d been living in her chest and eating away at her for a year.
“Neither was Amy.” Livia pressed, one angry footstep after another. “Neither was Dinah. Or John’s boys. David’s family. But you took care of all of them, saved all of them… But you didn’t bat an eye when she left?”
Frank said nothing, just offered an expression that asked ‘Are you done yet?’ but Livia wasn’t. Not quite.
Hot tears ran down her cheeks that she made no effort to stop.
“At least now I know that I can’t count on you for anything.” She said sharply. “That what all this was about?”
Frank said nothing. He simply dropped into his chair and made a vague wave of a gesture.
Livia took that as her cue to leave. She scoffed as she put her blade back into her pocket and shouldered past both Matt and June.
The pair was smart enough not to chase or call after her.
Her hands were shaking as she walked the streets, but at least the tears were gone. Her regret in regards to Poindexter took a backseat to the betrayal burning in her veins. For Matt to keep it a secret, that wasn’t a surprise. He hid Daredevil from her for a while. But for June to hide it? That cut deeper than anything.
And for Frank to throw it in her face like that? She didn’t understand what he could gain from that. It just felt like a stab to her chest, a betrayal by the only three people that could cut her like that.
She didn’t go home that night. Instead, she called up Bucky to rant while she wandered her neighborhood. He was on his campaign trail for Congress, of all things, but he still answered and listened.
“You have every right to be mad.” Bucky agreed.
“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?” Livia rolled her eyes slightly.
“But you’ve gotta cut the kid some slack. She was alone and scared.”
“I get that, I do. It just…”
“Hey, I get it, Liv. It’s hard to know they lied to you. I can’t explain Murdock cause I don’t know the guy, but I do know June. I’d bet she did it cause she thought it’d spare your relationship with Murdock.”
“Your speech writers come up with that?” She teased.
“Ha ha.” He said sarcastically. “Here, put her on. I’ll talk to her.”
“I’m not home.”
“Where are you?”
“Taking a walk.”
“Jesus, Alivia.”
“Don’t Alivia me. I’m the scariest thing out here.”
“Go home.”
“No.”
“Oh my- Alright, fine. Where are you? I’ll come get you and take you home.”
“I’m not going home tonight.”
“What, as a punishment for June?”
“I-“ Livia stopped in her tracks, offended by the accusation. “No. I just need some space.”
Bucky sighed aggressively. “Where are you going to sleep?”
“I…”
“You don’t want to go home. You can’t go to Murdock’s. You can’t go to - Who was it? - Frank… Where are you gonna go, Liv?”
“I’ll get a room somewhere for the night.” She patted her pockets but came up empty. She frowned to herself as she reconsidered.
“If you can stand the fire of potential rumors, my hotel room has a pull-out couch.” He offered.
She sighed to herself. “The last thing your campaign needs is a romance scandal… I appreciate the offer, though.”
“So…”
“So I’ll go home.” She shrugged and headed towards her apartment. “Thanks for the chat.”
“Yeah, sounded like you needed it.”
“Can I ask one more thing?”
“Shoot.”
“If there was someone who did something to hurt you, to hurt several people you cared about, and you had the chance to hurt them back but you didn’t, does that make you just as bad?”
Livia didn’t know why she asked Bucky the question. He would have no idea what she was talking about. She never mentioned Poindexter to anyone who didn’t already know him or know of him. But she wanted someone to tell her, hopefully objectively, that she was a good person.
“I like to think it makes you better.” Bucky said kindly. “Sometimes being the better person isn’t easy, but it’s better.”
“Should put that on a t-shirt.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah… Night, Buck.”
“Night, Liv.”
When Livia did arrive home, she had been gone for a few hours. Her feet were achy from the walking. Her hand hurt from having to punch some guy trying to snatch her phone from her hand. Her head hurt. Her heart hurt. She was so damned confused and feeling everything while feeling nothing.
She was so lost, so drained.
She expected to come back to a quiet apartment. Living room TV off, June’s laptop off. Maybe the vague sounds of a phone call with Joaquin.
Instead, as soon as she stepped into the living room, a pair of arms wrapped around her like a vice.
It was June.
The poor girl was shaking, shoulders shuddering with uneven breaths as Livia felt tears through her shirt.
“I was scared you weren’t gonna come back.” June mumbled against Livia.
Livia realized just how right Bucky had been about how her staying away would be a punishment for June.
“I just wanted to think, is all.” Livia answered gently.
“Don’t ever do that to me again.” June leaned away and Livia got a good look at her face.
The expression broke her heart.
Blood shot baby blue eyes, brimming with tears, not even considering the tears staining her cheeks. Her bottom lip quivered. She sniffled. She gripped the material of Livia’s shirt tighter.
