January 27 - "I think I could fall madly in bed with you" Daisy/Deadpool for @kradanvers
Written by @iamartemisday
It should’ve been the perfect plan. Just go to the bar where all the crooks and drug dealers hung out, extract the target, and get back to base before dinner. If everything had gone off without a hitch, Daisy would be back at base with a bowl of ice cream, watching cheesy b-movies on her phone because that was her entire social life these days. Which was fine (no really!). Not like she needed drinking buddies when she was busy saving the world every other week.
(And those stupid Avengers still wouldn’t acknowledge their hard work. Jerks…)
Since the plan did not go off without a hitch, but rather with four or five hitches starting with Mack giving her the wrong address, Daisy was now cornered by ten suspiciously similar looking mooks. In her head, she named them all Joe. They looked like Joes.
One Joe came at her and she snapped his neck without thinking about it. The rest of the Joes took exception to their fellow’s death and bum rushed her. Daisy took a fighting stance and prepared for an excruciating battle. This would be the culmination of weeks of hard work tracking down the team’s most elusive target yet.
Meanwhile, in the bar outside of which the fight commenced, Wade Wilson was enjoying a rare day off from his busy crime fighting schedule (read: had already filled his daily kill quota before breakfast). He downed a margherita and saved the paper umbrella away for later.
“Turn around bright eeeeyes~!” He tearfully sang along to the glitchy jukebox. “Oh God, it’s like Bonnie Tyler is speaking to my soul. Boy am I glad chose this bar for a meet cute with my shipmate of the day. Speaking of which, who’s writing this?” He took out his phone and opened his trello app, skimming through the list of January ficlets. “Let’s see here… Artemis Day? But she never writes me. She’s too busy fawning over Sad Panda Barnes and Loki, God of Daddy Issues. How do I know she can do this story justice?”
The wall then collapsed into itself as Daisy shook the very foundation of the building. Six Joes were dead at her feet. The remaining three fell to their knees in the face of her awesome power. Her shirt, fists, and face were all covered in the blood of her enemies. Her teeth bared and her chest heaving, she snapped her head from one side to the other, daring foolish weaklings of the world to step up and challenge her.
“...yeah, I can work with this.” Deadpool slicked his hair back, or would’ve if he wasn’t wearing a mask. He sidled up to Daisy. “Heeeey girl, I was just thinking I could fall madly in bed with you.”
Daisy punched him between the eyes. Deadpool stumbled, but recovered instantaneously.
“Was that not good? I’ve got more. How about… did it hurt when you fell from the sky? Because you’re definitely an angel.”
Daisy punched him harder.
“So, I might have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
Daisy punched him a third time.
“Is your face McDonald’s? Because I’m lovin’ it.”
Daisy stabbed him in the chest with a corkscrew.
“I should probably mention I’m not a bad guy, but this is kind of turning me on a little. Is that weird?”
Daisy shot him.
“How are you not dying?” She kept the gun trained on him as he shook the bullet off like a bee sting.
“Me and death don’t really hang anymore,” Deadpool shrugged. “We had a thing for a while, but it wasn’t working out. Death was kind of clingy so I had to sit death down and be like, ‘babe, this has been great, but I’m just not feeling it. I think we should see other people.’ We try to keep our distance from each other these days. It’s awkward, you know? Lot of baggage there.”
“...are you insane?”
“Sanity is relative,” Deadpool balanced on the balls of his feet, “but yes, I am very much insane.”
A random Joe Daisy had missed leaped out of the shadows with a truly pitiful excuse for a war cry. She whirled around to take him out, but Deadpool was quicker. In a flash, his katanas were out and the Joe had been sliced to ribbons. As he bled out, Deadpool put an arm around Daisy’s shoulder.
“So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, what do you say I help you out with this whole excuse plot that only serves to facilitate us meeting?”
Daisy blinked. “If you mean my mission, then sure. You seem pretty good all things considered.”
“Sweet!” Deadpool jumped up and down and clap his hands happily. “Then we can work on that falling into bed thing, what do you say?”
“We’ll see,” Daisy said, walking out of the bar ahead of him.
“I will take that as a solid maybe,” Deadpool grinned, following after her. “Good job on this one, Artemis. Oh, and happy birthday, kradanvers! Hope you have a great day.”
