January 27 - "I think I could fall madly in bed with you" Daisy/Deadpool for @kradanvers
Written by @iamartemisday
It should’ve been the perfect plan. Just go to the bar where all the crooks and drug dealers hung out, extract the target, and get back to base before dinner. If everything had gone off without a hitch, Daisy would be back at base with a bowl of ice cream, watching cheesy b-movies on her phone because that was her entire social life these days. Which was fine (no really!). Not like she needed drinking buddies when she was busy saving the world every other week.
(And those stupid Avengers still wouldn’t acknowledge their hard work. Jerks…)
Since the plan did not go off without a hitch, but rather with four or five hitches starting with Mack giving her the wrong address, Daisy was now cornered by ten suspiciously similar looking mooks. In her head, she named them all Joe. They looked like Joes.
One Joe came at her and she snapped his neck without thinking about it. The rest of the Joes took exception to their fellow’s death and bum rushed her. Daisy took a fighting stance and prepared for an excruciating battle. This would be the culmination of weeks of hard work tracking down the team’s most elusive target yet.
Meanwhile, in the bar outside of which the fight commenced, Wade Wilson was enjoying a rare day off from his busy crime fighting schedule (read: had already filled his daily kill quota before breakfast). He downed a margherita and saved the paper umbrella away for later.
“Turn around bright eeeeyes~!” He tearfully sang along to the glitchy jukebox. “Oh God, it’s like Bonnie Tyler is speaking to my soul. Boy am I glad chose this bar for a meet cute with my shipmate of the day. Speaking of which, who’s writing this?” He took out his phone and opened his trello app, skimming through the list of January ficlets. “Let’s see here… Artemis Day? But she never writes me. She’s too busy fawning over Sad Panda Barnes and Loki, God of Daddy Issues. How do I know she can do this story justice?”
The wall then collapsed into itself as Daisy shook the very foundation of the building. Six Joes were dead at her feet. The remaining three fell to their knees in the face of her awesome power. Her shirt, fists, and face were all covered in the blood of her enemies. Her teeth bared and her chest heaving, she snapped her head from one side to the other, daring foolish weaklings of the world to step up and challenge her.
“...yeah, I can work with this.” Deadpool slicked his hair back, or would’ve if he wasn’t wearing a mask. He sidled up to Daisy. “Heeeey girl, I was just thinking I could fall madly in bed with you.”
Daisy punched him between the eyes. Deadpool stumbled, but recovered instantaneously.
“Was that not good? I’ve got more. How about… did it hurt when you fell from the sky? Because you’re definitely an angel.”
Daisy punched him harder.
“So, I might have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
Daisy punched him a third time.
“Is your face McDonald’s? Because I’m lovin’ it.”
Daisy stabbed him in the chest with a corkscrew.
“I should probably mention I’m not a bad guy, but this is kind of turning me on a little. Is that weird?”
Daisy shot him.
“How are you not dying?” She kept the gun trained on him as he shook the bullet off like a bee sting.
“Me and death don’t really hang anymore,” Deadpool shrugged. “We had a thing for a while, but it wasn’t working out. Death was kind of clingy so I had to sit death down and be like, ‘babe, this has been great, but I’m just not feeling it. I think we should see other people.’ We try to keep our distance from each other these days. It’s awkward, you know? Lot of baggage there.”
“...are you insane?”
“Sanity is relative,” Deadpool balanced on the balls of his feet, “but yes, I am very much insane.”
A random Joe Daisy had missed leaped out of the shadows with a truly pitiful excuse for a war cry. She whirled around to take him out, but Deadpool was quicker. In a flash, his katanas were out and the Joe had been sliced to ribbons. As he bled out, Deadpool put an arm around Daisy’s shoulder.
“So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, what do you say I help you out with this whole excuse plot that only serves to facilitate us meeting?”
Daisy blinked. “If you mean my mission, then sure. You seem pretty good all things considered.”
“Sweet!” Deadpool jumped up and down and clap his hands happily. “Then we can work on that falling into bed thing, what do you say?”
“We’ll see,” Daisy said, walking out of the bar ahead of him.
“I will take that as a solid maybe,” Deadpool grinned, following after her. “Good job on this one, Artemis. Oh, and happy birthday, kradanvers! Hope you have a great day.”
May 22 - "Is that all your mouth is good for?" QuakePool, for @wabbitwanderer95
“How many of these disgusting experimental labs did these animals have set up?” Daisy half-growled it, blowing another door off its hinges and striding into the room, hands up, preparing to quake any resistance to kingdom come. She’d already seen too much in this particular facility to be feeling any kind of mercy for the scientists who’d willingly worked here. Jemma was still throwing up outside in the parking lot, Fitz staying with her to comfort her.
Daisy was extremely surprised to see that all the mad scientists - and they had to have been mad, or at least bereft of anything resembling a conscience - in this particular lab were already in various stages of dismemberment around the room. A tall figure in red and black, wielding a long, curved blade in either hand, was just decapitating the last of them.
“At last, the cavalry! Took you long enough to fucking arrive. Wait,” Deadpool paused, gave her a stare. “You’re not The Cavalry.”
“No, but she is with me,” May poked her head into the room behind Daisy, glanced around with her eyebrows raised. “Been having fun making a mess, Wade?”
“Always!” he saluted her with a dripping katana.
Daisy was still gaping. She couldn’t help herself. She stared from the perfectly unconcerned May, back the the blood-spattered, blade-wielding - whatever he was - who was now checking around the room for any survivors.
“You’ll catch flies,” Deadpool said cheerfully, approaching her, looking her up and down appreciatively. “I mean, I know I’m hot and all, but is gaping at me all your mouth is good for?”
“Wade!” May chided.
“I meant, does she talk!” he said in a thoroughly injured tone. “Although you’re utterly gorgeous and I’m up for any other oral activities if you are. Mutual or one-sided,” he added to Daisy, who couldn’t help but start to laugh, charmed despite the circumstances.
“Maybe when I know you a bit better,” she said with a grin.
“Woohoo!” Wade actually did a little jig on the spot, blood drops flying off his katanas.
“You’ll regret encouraging him,” May said to Daisy.
She shrugged. “Well. Maybe I’ll at least get a laugh out of it!”
“Oh, I promise you’ll get a lot more than just a laugh,” Wade said, twirling his katanas dextrously before sheathing them. “My word on it.”
This fits into The Gambler ‘verse. Because that whole story makes me so happy :) And because considering how they met, OF COURSE Jemma and Remy’s engagement party would feature karaoke!
“Oh God, May’s heading for the stage,” Skye said in a panic as Jemma stepped down into Remy’s arms, to riotous applause.
“This is a bad thing?” Wade said curiously.
“She is the worst singer you have ever heard,” Skye told him flatly, and Wade leapt up instantly.
“Though I’m incredulous to think that there’s something Melinda May isn’t good at, I absolutely believe you.” He darted through the crowd, leapt up on the stage and grabbed the mike.
“Did it occur to you to ask if Wade could sing?” Fitz leaned over to ask Skye curiously. “Or do you already know?”
She winced, realising she didn’t. “Um. Surely he couldn’t be worse than May?” she offered hopefully.
“True, but that still leaves a lot of room for really fucking terrible.”
“Oh, oh, I have a bad feeling about this,” Skye muttered under her breath as she saw Wade grabbing Hunter and Mack, recruiting them for backing singers. “I don’t suppose you happen to have any earplugs?”
“Nope, you’re just gonna have to grin and bear it!” Fitz chuckled.
A moment later they were both staring, gobsmacked, as Wade started singing along in an absolutely glorious voice, powerful and on pitch, smooth as honey. Gazing straight at Skye as he sang.
“I can't stop this feelin', deep inside of me
Girl, you just don't realize, what you do to me
When ya hold me in your arms, so tight
You let me know, everything's all right
I, I'm hooked on a feelin'
I'm high on believin', that you're in love with me”*
