Re:
WARNING: DO NOT OPEN ANY OF THE LINKS IN THESE EMAILS! This is SPAM, people!
From: Galvan, Jose [email protected]
Original Email:
I am Mr Leo ku, I seek your assistance to execute a transaction worth $21,300,000.00 USD in regards to my late client inheritance funds, Reply me for more details.
NOTICE OF CONFIDENTIALITY: This electronic communication may contain confidential information intended solely for school business by the individual to whom it is addressed. Any disclosure (verbal or in print), copying, distributing, or use of this information by an unauthorized person is prohibited, and may violate Spring Branch ISD Board Policy FL (Legal), the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA). Should you receive this electronic communication in error, please notify the sender immediately. Thereafter, please delete the message.
My Response:
Dear Mr. Leo Ku or Jose Galvan...whichever...or both...who the hell knows?
Thank you for contacting me about the large sum of money that your client has left to me. How did you know that 213 is my favorite number? I’m just lucky that way, I guess. Did I know your client personally? I must admit that I am a little surprised that one of my recently deceased friends had that much moola! Those greedy friends! They never tell you when they’re holding out on enough money to pay for a private speaking engagement with former president George W. Bush and probably have some money left over to cover the inevitable lawsuit from me drop kicking him square in the cajones! Hell, I could probably add Karl Rove into that deal too!
Anyways, I am sending this email in response to your email, which is apparently a response from my earlier email inquiring about the large sacks of money from my recently deceased friend I didn’t know I had. Which friend was this again? I bet they still made me pay the bar tab! Cheap bastards! Oh sorry. Never mind, it isn’t that important.
So, I have to be a little honest here and ask why the hell you insert a notice of confidentiality citing the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA)? That has absolutely nothing to do with my cheap dead friend finally paying me back for all the free booze. The other “legal” privacy statement you quoted is even MORE useless! It is just some manual for documents concerning the Spring Branch Independent School District! If you are trying to make me doubt your qualifications as executor of my unknown rich deceased friend’s estate then you’re doing a good job!
Wait a minute? Education privacy? Education?
Oh god dammit! Are you trying to teach me a lesson about greed?! I told you to leave me alone crazy serial killer from the movie Se7en starring Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, Gwyneth Paltrow and Kevin Spacey! I am NOT joining your freaky deaky fanclub! God annoying serial killers, I swear!
I’m out.
-Fox