Cas will be sitting on the couch and Dean will just flop down beside him, resting his chin on Cas' thigh. He'll stay like that for a minute, before looking up at Cas with those big, hopeless puppy eyes.
He'll stare at Cas without saying anything until he looks down at him, then Dean'll turn his head so the side of his face is against Cas' thigh, eyes wet 'n wide.
The second Cas looks away, he turns his head, still on him but in a more comfortable position, not stretching his neck. And not looking at his Angel.
Occasionally Dean will turn back to face Cas and watch him do whatever he's doing. Waiting until he looks at him again.
When Cas mutters a soft little "Good boy" Dean lets out a little whine and inches closer to him.
If Cas' hand is anywhere near Dean, Dean's nudging under it, pushing it up with his nose until he's touching him fully.
Then, when Cas curls his fingers slightly, grazing the back of Dean's neck, his eyes flutter shut and he leans into the touch.
So, Cas does it again.
It doesn't take long for Dean to become a pathetic mess, Cas' nails scratching up and down his back, neck and shoulders as he moans, whimpers and whines, in his own perfect little version of heaven.
They have a strenuous-not-really-friendship. For some reason, Dean ends up in Cas' apt one night. Cas thinks, "I'll just ignore him and let him sleep in the guest room." But he joins Dean on the couch, and then Dean nods off, and Cas is all, *insert cuddle excuse here*
------------------------
YAY, I GOT MY TUMBLR BACK???
Dean has been making the same stupid joke since he was 18: waltz into some restaurant he’s never set foot in before, flash the server with one of his signature charming smiles and order “the usual”. Watch them squirm for a second, laugh it off, leave a good tip.
It was almost funny the first time. Sam’s been sick of it ever since.
He doesn’t think much of it until Dean and Cas invite him for breakfast to celebrate his engagement to Eileen. There’s a little place not far from their new house that Dean claims makes the best pancakes East of the state line. Sam suspects it’s only because they’ve started to taste like home.
The server puts down Dean and Cas’ coffee with a pleasant smile before he even greets Sam, three packets of Cas’ preferred sugar set next to his spoon and a mug for Dean much larger than standard. It must be intended for some kind of dessert. He only takes Sam’s order, getting quick confirmation from Cas and Dean that they don’t want to try anything new before he’s off to the kitchen again.
Sam will never forget the look on his brother’s face. He’s almost awestruck, staring at the coffee like it’s the greatest thing he’s ever seen.
“They remembered my order.”
“Aren’t you guys regulars here?”
“Yeah. I guess we are.”
It hits Sam like a brick. Every time he’s heard that joke has been a desperate reach for normalcy. A tiny stolen moment to pretend they had the luxury of a routine. But Dean doesn’t have to pretend anymore. Neither of them do. And with any luck, they never will again.
Cool air and rainy days at the end of October outside vs Warmth and coziness inside.
✅ cozy evening, raining outside
✅ house at lakeside
✅ bay window with pillows, blankets, and string lights
✅ couple sweaters and sweatpants and socks
✅ tangling legs
✅ touching fingertips
✅ sharing music
✅ wedding bands
I think I overdose on the sweetness in this piece… a little bit tooth rotting? but I have no regrets :D
I think in a lot of pieces I drew they were hugging / holding hands. I love drawing them cuddling. But I also feel tangling legs and feet is intimate… Slightly different, slightly more domestic, slightly rare...?
So I drew them :D
And I also have some very silly ideas for this piece… Won't have time to finish them this month, but might do it later (when I have time) 😉
I guess this will be the last piece of Suptober that I push hard to finish... I still have so many prompts that I want to draw but I guess I won't have enough time... So there might be some quick sketches I think? Also during drawing this one I doubted so many times if I can really complete it... but I did finish it (Or at least I will call it finished for now :).
first days of december. it's snowing outside, and dean and cas go for a walk. everything's white and glistening, there are lots of lights on shop's showcases, magic of the approaching christmas is already felt in the frosty air. dean turns into a child he never had a chance to be: he laughs happily, holding cas' hand, and tries to catch snowflakes with his tongue, while cas just looks at him with the fondest smile you could ever see on angel's face. dean wants to build a snowman, but there's not enough snow yet, so they end up playing snowballs, until deans hands turn into two pieces of ice. cas warms them in his own palms (he's always warm - benefits of being boyfriends with an angel). then they probably buy cocoa with marshmallows in a small cozy coffeeshop, and dean steals almost all of the marshmallows from castiels cup. cas doesn't mind it, of course. then they kiss, their lips sweet, two tender smiles meeting in gentle touches.
dean thinks this will be the best winter in his entire life.
If Cas can’t feel the way Dean does since Cas is an angel, what’s stopping Dean from flirting with him? Or taking him on dates? Dean won’t necessarily tell Cas they’re going on dates. Cas will just think they’re hanging out. Probably. Angels can’t fall in love, so it doesn’t matter anyway. Plus, Dean’s going to be doting on the guy, so it’s not like this harms Cas in any way. It’s actually going to make him happy. At least that’s Dean’s goal.
And Dean wants this. Like, really wants this. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s wanted something—someone—this badly. So, one night, when he can’t sleep (nothing unusual there), he comes up with a few date ideas. Just a few fun places to take Cas. He really hopes the angel will like them. Dean’s excited at least. He tells himself if Cas doesn’t like it, they’ll stop. It’s no big deal. But, god, he wants it so bad. He doesn’t care if he’s being a little selfish.
A few days later, Dean finds Cas sitting in a chair in the library reading a book.
Dean plops down in the chair beside him, but Cas doesn’t look up. Dean says, “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”
Cas frowns. “I’m not—” He looks up in confusion. It’s adorable. “What?”
Dean grins. “It’s just an expression. What’s up?”
“Well, I was trying to read.” But Cas is grinning. There’s a warmth in his eyes that Dean thinks is beautiful.
But Dean would be caught dead before admitting another guy looks beautiful. Well… Dean’s kind of been making exceptions for Cas. He allows himself to think these...poetic, sappy, and sometimes even romantic things about Cas. He tells himself it helps tamp down the yearning… but he isn’t sure that’s quite true. But he ignores that. He’s allowed to be sappy about Cas in his own damn mind. It’s not like anyone’s going to know besides himself.
“I mean, I can leave if you want,” Dean teases.
Cas closes his book and turns to face Dean fully. A small thrill runs through Dean whenever Cas gives him his full attention. It happens every time the angel does this. It’s getting bad. Then Cas says, “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”
“You doing anything this afternoon?”
“No…” The confused look and scrunched eyebrows are back. So fucking cute.
“Cool. I’m taking you somewhere.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Cas raises his eyebrows then smiles. “Alright. I’m looking forward to it.”
Dean returns his smile. “Awesome. We’re leaving at 1:30.”
-------------------
Dean’s staring at himself in the mirror. He looks horrible. Should he dress up? Or would that be too obvious? He sighs and has to refrain himself from running a hand through his hair. He styled it (meaning he put a little more hair gel in it than normal and arranged it so he looks somewhat respectable). He’s changed flannels three times but settles on the one with purple in it. And...is that too colorful? Dean thinks it might be.
There’s a soft knock at his door. Dean glances at his watch. 1:27. It’s probably Cas. Dean should be the one getting Cas. He’s doing this all wrong.
He forces himself to take a calming breath before opening the door. It’s Cas.
Dean smiles. He hopes Cas can’t tell he’s nervous. It’s kind of stupid for him to be nervous. Technically, this isn’t a date. Just a couple of guys hanging out. He shouldn’t be nervous. Besides, it’s just Cas. Dean’s hung around the guy for years. This isn’t a novelty. Why is he so nervous?
Cas’ eyes flick over Dean.
Can Cas tell he spent fifteen minutes picking out a t-shirt and jeans and a flannel with fucking purple in it? Oh no. Does Cas not like it? It’s what Dean usually wears, but he tried a little more than normal. Dean’s pretty sure any criticism will destroy him.
“You look nice,” Cas says.
Dean lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. His adrenaline spikes like he’s on a Hunt or something, but he smiles and says, “Uh, thanks. You too.”
Cas looks down at himself. He’s in his usual outfit. Dean loves it. Cas looks back up. “Thank you, Dean. Although I don’t look any different than normal.”
“Yeah, I know.”
They lock eyes.
That was a dumb thing to say, wasn’t it? Dean’s basically proclaiming he thinks Cas looks great all the time. Which he does. But that’s a secret just for Dean to know.
Then Cas smiles. It’s small and soft. And just for Dean. “Are we leaving soon?” the angel asks.
“Uh, yeah.” Dean absently pats his pockets to make sure he has everything. He does. He grins. “Let’s go.”
-------------------
The drive isn’t long, but Dean keeps having these stupid intrusive thoughts like putting his hand on Cas’ thigh or wondering what would happen if he grabbed the angel’s hand. Would Cas hold him back? Would Cas even know what it means? But of course he would. Cas isn’t stupid. Just because the angel can’t fall in love like humans can, doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what holding someone’s hand means. But what if Dean told Cas friends do that too?
The mental image of Cas trying to hold Sam’s hand pops into Dean’s mind.
Yeah, never mind.
Dean turns up the music and lets it soothe his overthinking mind. He hums along to the song and taps his fingers on the steering wheel. They stop at a red light, and Dean looks over to see Cas staring at him.
Dean smiles. “What?”
Cas smiles back. “You seem happy.”
Dean shrugs. “Yeah, I guess I am.” Dean hopes Cas is happy too, but he’s too afraid to ask. He doesn’t know what he’d do if his answer is anything but yes.
The rest of the drive is peaceful. And Dean thinks he could do this forever. Drive with Cas next to him. He’s sure his Heaven has been updated with countless new memories of him and Cas doing this exact thing.
He wants to touch Cas so bad.
They reach the parking lot, and Dean easily finds a space. It’s not as crowded as Dean thought it would be.
“This isn’t a restaurant,” Cas says.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s not.”
“What is it?” Cas stares at the building skeptically.
“Let’s go in and see.”
Cas looks at him unimpressed.
Dean winks before opening his door and stepping outside.
Cas is still giving the building wary looks as they get closer. And it’s just so Cas. A warm, syrupy happiness fills Dean’s chest. He’s totally gone on him. And right now Dean doesn’t care. These are the moments he lives for.
Dean opens the door for Cas because he can be a gentleman when he wants to. Or maybe he is just for Cas.
Dean steps in behind Cas and gives the person at the counter their tickets that Dean bought online. Yeah...he planned this days in advance. He was really betting on Cas being free this afternoon. The receptionist tells them to go through the big doors behind the reception desk.
“Dean, what is this?” Cas asks as they walk over to the doors.
“Dude, just trust me. You’re gonna like it.” Dean gives Cas a reassuring smile. He really isn’t sure if Cas will like it. He just really, really hopes he does.
“I always trust you.”
And Dean’s not going to overthink that right now. But he will later tonight when he should be sleeping and he’s replaying every interaction he and Cas had today.
Dean opens the door for Cas again and follows the angel inside. Cas is standing about two steps away from the door, and Dean almost runs into him.
Cas is staring, his eyes wide and quickly roaming the room like he’s trying to see every part of the room at once. “Is this...is this a big room of plants?”
“Uh...not quite.”
As if on cue, a big blue butterfly flies right in front of them. It flutters down to a large leaf where three other butterflies are resting.
Cas’ eyes grow wider then he looks at Dean. “What—butterflies? What is this place?”
Suddenly, Dean is unsure of himself. Is this a mistake? Is this too romantic for a casual outing with a friend?
Dean scratches the back of his neck. “It’s called a butterfly pavilion. Do you like it?”
“Yes,” Cas answers immediately. His attention snaps back to the butterflies on the leaf. Then he’s moving towards the big tree in the center of the room. Dean follows.
Cas stares at the tree for a few seconds before going over to a bunch of colorful flowers. This happens for a long time: Cas watching a group of butterflies for a few minutes then suddenly walking over to a new group. Cas is completely captivated by the insects. His eyes are full of wonder and sparkle with excitement. And, yeah, Dean counts this as a win. A big win.
Cas seems to be set on seeing every inch of the place, and Dean stays at Cas’ side as the angel makes his way around the room. And who can say if Dean stands a little closer to the angel than normal?
They’re looking at a new group of butterflies when Cas suddenly looks up at him.
“You okay?” Dean asks.
“Are you having fun?”
That seems like a weird question. Of course he’s having fun. Even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter. This is about Cas. “Yeah,” Dean answers.
“Really?” Cas asks skeptically.
“Yeah, Cas, I am.” Dean smiles to prove his point. “This was my idea, remember?”
Cas narrows his eyes. “This doesn’t seem like an activity you’d enjoy.”
And it’s honestly not. This is just something Dean wants to do with Cas. He’d never set foot in here otherwise. But it’s fun with Cas. It’s nice seeing the angel enjoying himself. He even seems happy. Dean hasn’t seen him happy in ages.
Dean shrugs. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
“No. You’re up to something.”
Dean laughs. “Dude, I’m really not.” He really is. But he isn’t going to tell Cas that he’s decided to date him but not actually date him. See? It’s complicated even to Dean.
“I don’t believe you, but I’m not going to argue with you so we don’t disturb the butterflies.”
Dean grins and dramatically rolls his eyes. “Oh, sure. I think you just can’t admit you’re wrong.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“Okay, Cas,” Dean placates.
Cas holds Dean’s gaze for a second more, scrutinizing him, but then he turns back to the butterflies.
Cas is distracted, so Dean allows himself to stare. Cas’ hair curls a little bit right behind his ears. Dean’s thought about touching it. Sometimes, when they’re sitting close to each other on the couch, Dean will think about kissing Cas there. Gentle and quick. He isn’t sure how’d he explain himself though. So he sticks to obsessively thinking about it.
There’s a soft smile on Cas’ lips. It’s a rare thing to see, but Dean does everything in his power to bring it out. He’s usually successful when he tries. But sometimes Cas will smile at him even when Dean isn’t trying to make him smile. Dean’s not sure what he does to make Cas smile when that happens.
And it’s…it’s really nice to see Cas finally looking relaxed. This really was a good idea.
-------------------
The second date makes Dean even more nervous than the first one. Dean isn’t quite sure what he’s going to do if Cas doesn’t like this one. Maybe he’ll run away and never return.
Dean showers before this date. He doesn’t dress up, but he takes forever to decide on an outfit just like last time. He hopes he looks okay. He has to turn away from the mirror at one point because he starts to see someone he hates.
Dean finds Cas in the kitchen fiddling with the coffee machine. Dean leans up against the counter, getting into Cas’ space. He isn’t sure why Cas lets him get away with doing this.
“What’s up, hot stuff?” Dean greets with a smirk.
Cas doesn’t look at Dean and continues to mess with the machine. He eventually says, “I think I broke it.”
“I’ll buy a new one.” Dean waves a dismissive hand. “That one is old anyway.”
Cas finally looks at him. “You’re not angry?”
“Dude, it’s a coffee machine. Why would I be mad?”
“You need caffeine to function, Dean.”
Somehow Dean forgot this. “Oh, yeah. Well, I guess we can pick up a new one on our way back.”
“On our way back?”
“Yeah.” Dean pats Cas’ arm. “I have another surprise. Let’s go.” Dean pushes off the counter.
“Right now?”
“Yup!”
-------------------
Dean has no clue why Cas is going along with all of this. But here the angel is, sitting next to Dean in the Impala yet again.
What did Dean do to deserve a friend like this?
The drive is a little longer than last time, and Dean can’t stop thinking about holding Cas’ hand. He grips onto the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turn white. Dean swears it gets harder every day to keep his hands off the angel. Maybe they need to be spending more time apart and not together. Dean turns the music up, and it’s a great distraction. It’s a technique he’s used for as long as he can remember. And it works like 90% of the time. There have only been a few times in Dean’s life when music couldn’t drown out his emotions. But he isn’t going to think about that right now.
They get to the park around sunset, and Cas leans forward in excitement when he sees where they are. Dean’s at least gotten one thing right. He just hopes the rest of the night goes well. ...Is this all a mistake?
Before he can talk himself out of doing this, Dean says, “I have to show you something.”
Once they’re out of the car, Cas dutifully follows him. The spring air is a little cold as the sun sets. Birds are chirping, and a few of the trees and flowers are beginning to bud. Everything smells new, and Dean thinks in another life he’d have a career outdoors. Maybe he’d be a rancher or something.
Dean and Cas slowly wander down a dirt trail leading to the center of the park. The trail is really made for only one person to walk down, but Dean and Cas stay beside each other. Their hands keep brushing, and Dean thinks he might be touch-starved since each small touch sends a thrill up his spine.
There are a few other people at the park. Some of them stick to the trails. Others are in the big grassy areas. It’s so calm here. Dean should probably go outside more.
“It’s beautiful today,” Cas comments. He’s smiling, and the breeze ruffles his hair. He looks so peaceful.
Not as beautiful as you.
Dean inwardly cringes. Cas turns him into such a sap. “Yeah, it is,” Dean agrees.
They reach the large garden in the center of the park, and Dean’s heart beats faster. This is the part he’s afraid of. This is where things can go terribly wrong.
They stop in front of the garden, and Dean stares at it. He asks, “Do you know what a community garden is?”
“No.” Dean can feel Cas’ eyes on him, but he doesn’t look at the angel. “What is it?”
“Um, it’s where people have a piece of a big garden and plant what they want in it.”
“Is this a community garden?”
“Yeah. I, uh…” Dean looks down at his feet and clenches his hands into fists. He’s afraid they might be shaking. He really shouldn’t be this worked up.
“You what?”
“I got you a piece of this one. It’s right there.” Dean points. Thankfully, his hand isn’t shaking. And Dean hopes Cas sees where he’s pointing because he’s too afraid to look over and see Cas’ expression.
This was a huge mistake. Why did he do this again? Oh, yeah, because he’s hopelessly in love and is a goddamn fool about it.
“O-oh.” Is Cas’ response.
Shit. He just fucked it all up.
“Yeah.” Dean’s looking at his feet again. His adrenaline is racing, and he can’t seem to stop his mouth from saying, “I was gonna try and build you one at the bunker but I couldn’t find the space for it, and I never really had the time, but those are just excuses, so I thought I might do this instead, but this is…” Stupid. Horrible. The worst idea he’s ever had. But he just says, ”Yeah.”
“Dean.”
He finally looks up, and Cas is staring at him with bright eyes.
“Dean, thank you.” And Cas is hugging him.
“Wait, so, you like it?” Dean stiffly hugs Cas back. This isn’t what he was expecting. His head is spinning. Cas likes the garden. And Cas is hugging him.
Cas steps away. Dean should’ve hugged him better. Cas says, “I love it.”
“Oh. Oh, good.” Dean’s shoulders slump in relief.
Cas tilts his head. “You thought I wouldn’t?”
Dean chuckles nervously. “I dunno to be honest. You can be hard to read sometimes.”
Cas smiles. “Well, you were right about this. I’m going to come here every day.”
A smile tugs on Dean’s lips. “Awesome. I’m—I’m so glad, Cas.”
Cas looks at his spot in the garden. He’s beaming. Dean’s rarely ever seen that smile. And Dean put that smile there. Maybe he did do a good job after all.
Cas looks at him again. “Dean, I really… Thank you.”
Dean grins. “Yeah, sunshine, of course.”
-------------------
Dean walks into the kitchen to see Cas glaring at the new coffee machine like it personally offended him. It’s kinda adorable even though Cas looks pissed.
Dean walks over to him. As he stands beside him, he places a hand on Cas’ shoulder and squeezes it before letting go. He glances at the coffee machine as he says, “Hey, sugar, what are you doing?” The machine doesn’t look broken in any way. Dean can’t tell what Cas is so upset about.
“I hate machines, Dean.” Then he whispers, almost conspiratorially, “I think this one hates me too.” He glances at Dean before looking back at the coffee machine with narrowed eyes. “I have tried everything, but nothing seems to get it working.”
Dean chuckles. “Let me take a look at it.”
Cas takes a small step away. Their arms touch when Dean slides over. It takes Dean a few minutes to figure out what’s wrong. And as he works, his arm keeps bumping into Cas, but the angel doesn’t move away. Dean doesn’t mind.
“Got it,” Dean eventually says as he places the coffee machine back on the counter.
Then he makes the mistake of looking at Cas. Because fuck. Cas is close. All Dean sees is those beautiful blue eyes.
What if Dean kissed him?
Dean realizes he’s looking at Cas’ lips and immediately steps back like he’s been burned.
“Uh.” Dean coughs. “There. It’s—It should be good now.”
“Thank you.” And Cas smiles. It’s so sweet.
Just like Cas is.
Okay, it’s time to go.
“You’re welcome,” Dean awkwardly says as he practically runs out of the room.
That was a close one.
-------------------
They’re on the couch. Cas is letting Dean show him the Harry Potter movies. At least as many as they can watch before Dean falls asleep. They’re a few hours into watching, and they’ve both gravitated to the center of the couch. Dean isn’t sure how they usually end up pressed into each other. Maybe Cas is being gracious. He never pulls away.
Dean isn’t sure where the idea comes from, but he’s suddenly asking Cas, “Hey, you wanna go to the zoo tomorrow?”
Cas looks over in surprise. And talking might’ve been a mistake because they’re so close together, and now they’re staring at each other while they’re still close together. Oh no. Dean might be too tired to handle being this close to Cas. When he’s tired, he doesn’t care to hold himself back as much. He always touches Cas more when he’s tired. And now Cas is right here. It would hardly take any effort to touch him. Dean is fucked.
Cas does the head tilt thing that drives Dean fucking wild. And, oh, if Cas only knew the hold he had over Dean; he could make Dean do anything.
Then Dean realizes Cas is speaking, but he had completely zoned out and didn’t hear a word Cas said. Well, it’s Cas’ fault for looking so damn good all the time.
“Sorry, what?” Dean says.
Cas stops, and his eyes wander over Dean’s face. “Are you okay?”
Dean chuckles, and his cheeks heat up. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just tired.”
“Oh. Should you go to bed?”
“No.”
Cas raises his eyebrows.
“Um, the movie,” Dean says stupidly. “Uh, we’re not done with the movie.”
Cas stares. “Dean...it’s on the title screen. The movie ended almost ten minutes ago. Are you sure you’re alright?”
Shit. Had he really just been staring at Cas that whole time? No way.
Then Cas puts a hand on Dean’s forehead.
And Dean has no clue what’s going on anymore. “Cas! What?”
“I’m checking to see if you have a fever.”
Dean pushes him away. “Dude, no, I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
“What? Yeah, I’m always fine.”
Cas gives him a pointed look.
“You know what I mean,” Dean huffs.
“You’d tell me if you weren’t?”
Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine, okay?”
Cas stares at him a second more. “Okay.” Then he adds, “My answer is yes, by the way.”
“Huh?”
“I would like to go to the zoo with you tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Dean smiles. “Awesome.”
-------------------
The zoo is closed apparently, and Dean didn’t bother to check online, so they drive all the way there only to be told by a giant yellow sign that the zoo is under renovations. None of the animals are even there. Dean’s pissed. Cas doesn’t say anything, which Dean appreciates, but now he doesn’t have an excuse to hang out with Cas anymore. The day is ruined.
“Dean?” Cas asks quietly a few minutes later.
“Yeah?”
“Can I suggest a place for us to go?”
It catches Dean off-guard. He hasn’t been sure if Cas has been enjoying spending so much time alone with him. Cas never complains, but he doesn’t complain about anything. Well, anything important. The guy complains about the new coffee machine all the time, but he never complains about the big things. Dean also bought a new coffee machine yesterday, so hopefully that cheers Cas up a bit.
Dean answers, “Yeah. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” Cas says with a knowing smile. “I’ll guide you.”
Dean grins in amusement. “Alright.”
Cas leads them through the city then up a winding road close to the bunker. The road goes up a large hill. As they get higher, the gravel road gets harder to make out.
“Stop here,” Cas says suddenly.
Dean glances at him and says, “I don’t see anyth—”
Cas gets out of the car.
“Son of a bitch,” Dean mutters but also gets out of the car.
It’s a warm day today. It would’ve been perfect for the zoo. It almost feels like summer, but just a little cooler. It’s great.
Dean spots Cas walking further up ahead. “Cas, wait up!” he calls and awkwardly jogs over to catch up with him.
Cas turns to him and smiles. It’s one of his soft, sweet smiles.
“Okay,” Dean says once he reaches the angel. “Where are we going?”
Cas holds out his hand, and Dean stares at it. There’s nothing in his hand, so what does he want Dean to do with it? Dean looks up at Cas. Cas is still smiling, but it’s a little less…certain. Dean is so confused. Cas wiggles his fingers.
Wait…
Does Cas want Dean to hold his hand?
Dean blinks. Then realizes Cas is lowering his hand. Dean is missing his chance! His Hunter reflexes finally come in handy, and Dean grabs Cas’ hand so fast that he even surprises himself.
Cas stares at their hands, and surprise flashes across his face before his smile is back. He pulls Dean along.
And what the hell is happening?
They’re holding hands! And Cas initiated it!
But…maybe it doesn’t mean what Dean thinks it does. Dean’s been…well, he’s been practically dating Cas, so he’s sending all kinds of signals to him. It makes sense if Cas thinks the logical thing to do is hold Dean’s hand. It probably means nothing. But Dean will take it.
Cas stops, pulling Dean out of his thoughts.
The view is amazing.
The hill is just high enough to be taller than the closest town. And Dean can see for miles. He can see where the suburban neighborhoods become more dense and lead to the taller buildings of the closest big city. There are only a few clouds in the deep blue sky, and Dean can make out most of the buildings in the skyline. Everything seems so small. It’s kinda cool. Dean isn’t big on heights, but being here on this hilltop alone with Cas, there’s this…serenity. He isn’t afraid. He feels quite peaceful actually.
“Cas,” Dean says while still staring out into the city. “This is incredible.”
“Isn’t it?”
“How’d you find this place?”
“I go exploring when you and Sam are asleep sometimes.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.”
Cas squeezes his hand, and Dean had forgotten that they’re holding hands. He looks over, and Cas is already looking back. Dean can’t help but smile.
“Thanks,” Dean says. It’s quieter than he means it to be.
Cas tilts his head. “For what?”
“For bringing me here.”
“Oh.” Cas’ smile widens. “You’re welcome, Dean.”
And…and it’s so peaceful. Dean feels…relaxed. Happy. And…Cas is so close. They’re holding hands! Would it be so bad if Dean tries to kiss him? Probably. Shit. He’s staring at Cas’ lips again. He flicks his eyes up, but Cas is still looking at him. Yeah, he totally saw that. Dean opens his mouth to explain, but Cas pulls him closer by their joined hands. Slowly, Cas brings a hand up and runs his fingers across Dean’s cheek. His touch is feather-light. Dean can’t tear his gaze away from Cas’ eyes.
“Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“May I kiss you?”
Dean nods. “Yeah, yes, yeah.”
Cas is leaning forward, and Dean thinks, Holy shit, the dates worked, and then they’re kissing.
Cas’ lips are light, almost as if he isn’t sure if this is okay. Which, this is way more than okay. Dean brings a hand up and curls it in Cas’ hair. And Cas’ hair is soft. Dean drags his fingers through it, tugging on it gently. Dean tilts his head the slightest bit, coaxing Cas to just fucking kiss him.
Then Cas makes this noise that somehow sounds both strong and desperate. He releases Dean’s hand but then he’s grabbing Dean by the waist, pulling him closer. Cas slides his lips against Dean’s, pressing more firmly this time. Dean opens his mouth under Cas’, and lets him take control. It feels so fucking nice to have someone guide him in this for once.
Cas keeps the kiss slow, and Dean can’t remember the last time someone took their time with him. It’s like Cas actually likes kissing Dean just because. It’s a nice thought, but Dean knows it isn’t true. Dean also can’t remember the last time he made out with someone and it wasn’t just a pre-cursor for sex.
Cas eventually pulls away, and Dean feels like he’s floating. He’s disoriented from a kiss?
Dean slowly opens his eyes, and Cas is staring at him with dark, heavy-lidded eyes. His lips are still parted, and his hair is messed up. Well, shit. It looks like they did more than just kiss.
“Dean.” Cas sounds wrecked. And Dean did this!
Dean licks his lips, and it still tastes like Cas.
“Dean, I—” Cas is breathing heavily. “Dean, I love you.”
Okay, Dean is good, but he is not this good.
“What did you just say?”
Cas blinks and sucks in a sharp breath. He stiffens. “N-nothing.” He’s pulling away.
Dean grabs his arms. “Cas, you don’t—you don’t love me, okay?”
Cas shakes his head. “I do, Dean,” he whispers like it’s a secret. And, fuck. It looks like he’s about to cry. Dean has never seen Cas cry. What has he done?
“No. No.” Dean takes in a deep breath. Shit. Shit. This is so much worse than he ever imagined. He literally gaslit Cas into falling in love with him. That was never his intention. “Cas, I—This past week with all the going out and doing stuff together, that was—that was selfish. I never meant—you were never supposed to think you lo—” His voice breaks. “Cas, this isn’t love, okay?”
Something in Cas changes. He steps forward, so they’re close again. His eyes are intense, and he’s searching Dean’s face. “Dean…I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Everything in Dean’s brain comes to a screeching halt that suspiciously sounds like a record scratch. “What?”
“Oh, Dean,” Cas says breathlessly. He cups Dean’s face with both of his hands. “I have… I have been in love with you for a long, long time. Before I even knew what I was feeling.”
“That’s not true.”
And Cas’ demeanor completely changes. “Don’t,” he says firmly. His eyes are steely. “My love for you is mine. Don’t ever try to take that away, Dean. Or tell me it isn’t true. Because it is. And it always will be.”
“What? No, that can’t—angels don’t fall in love. They can’t.” Dean’s voice breaks. And he’s somehow breathless.
Cas’ tone is soft again. “They can.” He rubs his thumbs gently across Dean’s cheeks. “And they usually fall in love with humans.”
“So this whole time…?” Dean quickly blinks, trying to keep the tears from falling. He grabs onto Cas’ arms and holds on as tight as he can.
“Yes.”
“Cas.” Dean grabs the front of Cas’ shirt and pulls him in as close as he can.
Dean kisses Cas this time. And he tries to put all of his emotion into the kiss. It’s desperate and one of the clumsiest kisses Dean’s given, but he needs Cas to know.
One of Dean’s hands is in Cas’ hair again. The other rests on the back of the angel’s neck. Cas pulls them together with the hands he has on Dean’s lower back.
“Cas,” Dean whines. He can barely get the word out. He sounds broken.
“I’m here, Dean.”
There’s something hot and wet on Dean’s face. He’s crying. The realization breaks something inside him, and he buries his face into Cas’ shoulder and cries.
One of Cas’ hands is in his hair, gently petting it. The other is still on Dean’s back, holding them together.
“I’m—I’m sorry,” Dean gasps into Cas' neck. He can’t stop crying.
“Dean, it’s alright.”
And it really is.
Dean kissed Cas. And it’s alright. Nothing terrible happened. Actually, something really amazing is happening, and if Dean would stop fucking crying, he’d enjoy it. He’s already ruining things.
Dean closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe evenly. Eventually, he says, “Cas?”
“Yes, Dean?”
Dean holds onto him tighter. “Iloveyousomuch,” he says into the angel’s neck. He says it so quietly and quickly that he doubts Cas even hears him.
But he feels Cas gasp. He gently presses a kiss into Dean’s hair. Cas swallows. “I love you too.” His voice is thick.
Holy shit, Cas is crying too.
Cas holds him like this for a long time.
The sun is setting when they drive back home.
-------------------
It’s the first week where it’s been warm every day. It feels like the Earth is waking up. Dean and Cas woke up early to go to the community garden. Dean tries to go with the angel when he can.
There are more birds at the park than Dean’s seen in a while. Bees are everywhere in the garden. A big bumblebee lands on one of Cas’ flowers, and he gently pets it with a single finger.
After Cas tends to his plants, they stretch out on the blanket Dean brought. The morning sun moves higher, and Dean closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth.
“Dean, beloved.”
Dean opens his eyes and can’t help the wide smile that forms on his face. “Yeah, Cas?”
“I would like to kiss you.”
Dean laughs. “Cas, I already told you that you don’t have to ask. You can just kis—”
And Cas kisses him. Gently. Softly. He’s always so sweet to Dean. And he always seems to like kissing Dean too. Dean has trouble wrapping his mind around that sometimes. It doesn’t feel real.
Take now for instance. He can’t believe this is his life; kissing an angel while laying down in a quiet park on a beautiful spring day.
Dean’s breathless when Cas pulls away. Cas is smiling in the way he always seems to be when he looks at Dean these days. It’s so full and bright and warm. Dean didn’t think Cas could smile like that.
“I like your smile,” Dean says. It took Dean a few days to realize that Cas really likes when he says sappy stuff like that. It’s also strange to finally vocalize the sappy stuff he’s usually thinking, but Cas’ reaction never lets him down.
Cas blushes (something else Dean didn’t think he could do) and looks down shyly. His eyes are bright when he looks back up. “Thank you, Dean.”
“I should be thanking you for the amazing view.”
Cas’ blush darkens. “Dean.”
Dean chuckles and pulls Cas down for another kiss. Just before their lips meet, Dean whispers, “I love you.”
