#dear cats

[usagi-mitsu]

I DREAMED I RESCUED A TINY ORANGE TIGER STRIPED KITTY AND WHEN I REALISED THAT DIDNT HAPPEN, I WOKE UP CRYING

[esterigermaine]

Dear Aristocats litter,

Get your furry asses over here and let me help you. Mama Duchess has already been cared for but, you all need medical care. Just out of reach is not good enough!

Zireael Marie needs eye medicine and more food, Coram Toulouse needs their ear checked out, Berlioz needs eye medicine, and all of you need a nice bath in dish soap!

And no, staring at me from just out of reach IS NOT close enough. Take your mother's example and ear pressed up against my leg or something.

[phyrebird]

I am convinced that all cats think a the bathroom is their personal petting station >.>

[dearanimals339-blog]

Dear Cats

Dear cats,

Okay, you may seem perfect at first, but let’s review a few things all cat owner know about. Where did all that energy come from in the middle of the night? I mean, one moment, you’re fine, you don’t want to do anything but sleep while I’m awake. Then randomly, I turn out the lights to go to sleep and you’re zipping through the house like a cat on steroids! Like what the hell?! Is it the dark? Or do you just enjoy keeping me up all night with the loud crashing noises in the distance of the house somewhere? And why do you insist on bringing me half dead animals and then LEAVING it on the doorstep? It’s like you enjoy the grossed out look and the squirming of trying to clean up the remains! Also, don’t you have a heart for the animals you just decapitated? Does it occur to you that that thing had a heartbeat? (Now’s not the time to look at the meat in my fridge.) Why do you have to scratch on the most important pieces of furniture in the most obvious places? I mean, I buy you a scratching post and you only rub your body against it and then go scratch the walls and the couches! Then there’s the blinds. What do you have against me having the blinds closed? Why must you destroy every window blinds I own? Your litter box smells terrible if it’s not changed everyday. What the hell did you eat?! But overall, I still love you. Because how could anyone resist that face?

-From a very loving but tired human

[caaatdick]

MY SISTER WAS PASSIONATELY TELLING ME ABOUT HOW PEOPLE TELL HER "ALL THE TIME" HOW THEY WOULD WANT HER AS THEIR LAWYER AND THAT SHES SO GOOD WITH THESE KINDA THINGS (even tho she ain't got no law degree so I'd probably want a lawyer?) BUT SHE WAS LIKE TELLING ME ONE OF THOSE INSTANCES AND SHES ALL "I legitly think that I'm cut out for this kind of stuff ya know" I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BUT IT LITERALLY BURNED ME TO MY CORE NOT TO SHE WAS LITERALLY JABBERING ON ABOUT HERSELF AND ALL HER A+ QUALITIES BUT SHE AINT EVEN KNOW LEGITLY NOT A REAL WORD I AM D O N E

[laindir]

Dear cats,

Dear cats,

I can't hug all of you guys, I know. But even if I could, I don't think I'll do that, because it must be pretty suffocating (not to mention rather annoying) to have big, clumsy human-things first pointing their stubby fingers at you and then "KYAAAH!!" ing in their deep booming voice and then being very imposing, isn't it?

So instead, I think I'd just like to sit and watch you guys doing your own little things, maybe play with your cute paws and tails and just pat you all on the head.

I would be extremely pleased if someday, you chose to come live with me and be the master of my house.

The window/door is always open,Me

[datekyosuke]

my cats were all cute lying on my parents bed and then they woke up and started fighting :'(

[alessarah]

Dear Cats

Dear Cats, We need to talk. When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two cats in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but feline sarcasm. My compact discs are not toys for you and your friends to play with. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years and I know that feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It should be such a simple change for you. Sincerely, I just live here.