#dearmum

[dearmattheww]

- therapy II

if you’re an adult and you’re making your own way in the world, you’re going to be carrying some pain. and thats ok.

[dearmattheww]

- mum

life is silly, and i know that

but im so sad for everything that shes been through

escaping her past to try and do better

but falling into the same patterns only

to pass the pain onto me.

its a tragic cycle that we can't seem to get out of.

pain to pain to pain to pain.

im sad that shes not in my life anymore, that i cant just

pick up the phone, that she hasnt

been the mum i needed.

but she was the best mum she could be,

and im trying to believe thats enough.

[dearmattheww]

- stinging and burning

It feels like hot lava

spewing from my body

and burning my insides.

when i stop long enough, usually in the stillness,

when noise carries and the sky is dark,

I can feel the heat and the pain.

I have tried to hold it down for too long,

now its almost impossible to not speak about it,

like my body it too twisted, deformed, cant pretend, hold it in,

the pain that keeps me up every night

cries me to sleep.

i wish i could put it down,

leave it behind,

but theres something so unique and piercing when the cause of the burn

comes from

family.

[dearmattheww]

- why it feels so painful every time

like plaster covering over a crack

it holds for some time

until it doesn't.

snap.

everything falls out all at once.

[dearmattheww]

- if you have ever been embarrassed

you must know,

i have always been a runaway train

that couldn’t be stopped.

not a stop

but a destination, 

and I’ve been settling for stations along the way.

[foreverbitingx]

I luv u 2

Every time I prematurely hang up or cut your sentence short I know

There will come a day when I will mentally gather all the minutes 

I had with you and say the weren’t enough 

I will wish that I held my breath instead of saying 

‘I know what I’m doing’

‘You told me that story already’

Because there will come a day when I will long to hear the

unsolicited advice and repeated stories

I will hate myself for not staying on the phone longer 

and only mumbling i luv u 2

I will cry and pray in hopes of hearing your voice again 

but won’t

Your absence will be an inconsolable drought

And your reflection will haunt me

It will encase me 

This is not a vow to change but an acceptance

of the bed that I made 

I will never be perfect at cherishing you..

There will come a time when I will 

wonder if your face ever haunted you too

-please credit me in any reposts x

[amazedazed]

Mum, This one is for you.

Dear Mum, I wanted to say a few words to remind you of how special you truly are to me. I want to remind you that even though that I don't say or do much to make you feel like the special woman that you already are, I want to let you know that you're one of my biggest role models in this life. My true inspiration. #1 - THANK YOU First and foremost. These are the words I should be telling you every day other than I LOVE YOU. Thank you for always catching me when I fall. Thank you for never saying 'I told you so'. Thank you for bailing my sorry ass out of sticky situations. Thank you for putting up with all my nonsense. I don't get to say this often, even if we talk everyday but know that in my heart, this is one of the things I always say when I think of you. #2 - I'M SORRY Why am I sorry? Let me count the ways. I'm sorry for putting you through hell and back for the mistakes you've made in the last. I am sorry for constantly telling you about all the illegal shit I get up to. I'm sorry for blaming you for how certain things have panned out to be. I'm sorry for calling you at 6 A.M just to hear your voice (this different time zone thing is really inconvenient). I'm sorry for not being there all the time - to celebrate the happy moments and to hold your hand through the hard times. I'm sorry I haven't followed the exact plan you've imagined my life to turn out to be. I'm sorry for all the things I shouldn't have said, I'm sorry because you don't deserve any of it - not one word or syllable. But how lucky am I to be blessed with a mother so patient and kind? I'm blessed to have a mother like you. #3 - I LOVE YOU Three words, eight letters and a million meanings and ways to show it. I love you near and far. I love you yesterday, I love you today and I love you tomorrow. I love you when I'm happy, I love you when I'm sad. I love you when I'M grumpy, I love you when YOU'RE grumpy. I love you, even when I don't want to say it. I love you through our arguments and I love you through our laughter. I love you, plain and simple. I love you through it all; good or bad, big or small. I've had people come up to me and tell me that their mother is the greatest - I think they're a little biased. To me, you're the most magnificent of them all. Despite your flaws and your quirky ways. How lucky am I to not only have a mother - but a best friend and a therapist, too. Despite our distance, I hope you're aware - that you'll always be my number one, no one else can compare.

[langitinu-blog]

Teruntuk wanita yang mencintaiku sebelum aku terlahir. Teruntuk wanita yang memeluk hatiku jauh sebelum hati itu terbentuk. Teruntuk wanita yg selalu terjaga dari senja hingga fajar dg kelemahan demi kelemahan untuk 9 bulan lamanya, menyemangati dirinya sendiri bahwa itu adalah sesuatu yg patut diperjuangkan. Hingga pada akhirnya ia sampai di rumah sakit, itu adalah cinta pada pandangan pertama sebab ia melihat: “aku”. . Dia adalah seseorang yg bangun lebih awal setiap pagi untuk berdingin2 menjemur pakaian yg kita kotori. Berdiri di depan kompor berjam2 memasak semangkuk makanan. Dan kapanpun aku sakit, dia selalu tahu apa obatnya. Komposisi teh, madu, lemon, apa lagi yg bisa aku minta? Cinta yg ia beri padaku adalah obat terbaik & paling menyembuhkan. Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi-Mu ya Allah. Ia melakukan itu tanpa meminta imbalan sedikitpun. Aku masih ingat suatu malam ketika aku kecil. Aku tak akan bisa tidur sampai aku merengek dari luar kamar. “Ibu tolong kecup aku, aku tdk bisa tidur” dan kau akan menghampiri aku. Cinta yg kau berikan padaku selama ini mustahil kuabaikan. Aku mencintaimu, Ibu. Maaf aku tak prnh mengatakan ini sebelumnya. Aku minta maaf utk semuanya. Aku minta maaf krn meninggalkanmu padahal kau yang mengajariku cara berjalan. Aku minta maaf krn berkata “Ah” setiap kau menyuruhku mngerjakan hal sederhana. Aku tak pernah membantumu mencuci piring meskipun aku tahu tanganmu sdg sakit. Aku minta maaf lagi dan lagi, untuk semua janji yg kuingkari. Dari semua itu, aku minta maaf atas semua rasa sakit yg aku sebabkan. Untuk setiap kenakalan masa kecil yg kubuat & semua tembok yg kucoret hingga rusak. Untuk setiap ruangan yg kotor & pakaian yg hanya bisa kuacak-acak. Dan utk setiap pengorbanan yg tak pernah bisa aku balas walau hanya sekali. Semoga Allah senantiasa mengasihi mu, seperti engkau mengasihiku sedari kecil. Dan aku punya satu permintaan terakhir sebelum kau pergi. Tolong. Sejak Allah meletakkan Surga di bawah telapak kakimu, tolong mintakan pada Allah untuk menjadikan Surga; tempat kita bisa bertemu kembali. Amin 😭 . Yuk share ke sahabat terbaikmu! Translated from @talkislam Vid - #DearMum #baperpositif #ibu #langitinu