This video goes into details about Death Cafes, which I never heard of before, and planning for your death.
Aly Dickinson is a death doula that Leah meets, who not only looks after the dying, but has inherited some of their cats, as well, which I thought was a great start. I’m always concerned about my cats. I know my father will likely keep them if I pass before him -- he’s attached -- but I still worry.
“She’s very obese. I shouldn’t fat shame her, should I?”-Aly, on a cat.
Leah and Aly get into making plans for death, deciding if Leah wants to be buried or cremated, setting things up for if Leah can’t speak for herself, and other such things. I’ve been through part of this, but more and more I realize I haven’t actually planned what I want done with my body. I know what should happen if I become so ill I can’t interact, but the actual death thing hasn’t been done. I also haven’t had a real discussion about where I’d prefer to die -- home, hospital, hospice
I need to find my own death doula.
Leah ends up wanting to die in a hospital, because being dead in a place where dead bodies aren’t meant to be -- her home -- seems strange to her. Which is a fascinating take to me.
They then explore what is in a “death doula” pack that Aly takes with her when visiting the dying, like a towel (usually dark so stains aren’t as visible), bed pads, sheets, a silk scarf for over the sheet, a book, a snack for her, and other things that are mostly practical, though some not so much (a sage stick -- although it could have a lovely placebo affect).
Aly seems very real in that her manner of adjusting, is chocolate and boxsets. Mood, Aly.
They go to a death cafe together.
At the cafe she meets various people, including someone who’s got a long-term illness he’s struggling with, and it’s his first time at a death cafe, too. They sit around with food and drink, and Aly starts things off with discussion.
There is also a discussion of a Near Death Experience that is traumatic rather than pleasant, which we don’t hear much of -- and see the reactions of a thanatophobe, and those who are chill, which is another interesting polarity, that can maybe give us hope of reaching that level of chill, or at least chill-er.
It does cause an uncomfortable silence that is rescued by Aly -- and people switch tables. A terminally ill man gets to speak and says the hardest adjustment is giving up on plans for the future.
Which, I think is true. I’m always thinking and planning for the future, and having to give those up is hard. Right now with new Covid variants, I have been fretting over the future once more. He is also on the same page as someone who needs to feel like he has control, and plans to keep a “stash of pills” just in case...to keep the feeling of control over his fate.
“I think it sort of makes you want to go out and have an ice cream.”-Assessment of death cafes
