#deathlylullaby

[deathly-lullaby-blog]

Off for a week. I'm really sorry, but I need to leave you today. I'll come back on next Friday or Saturday though. I'm going to French Alps and I hope that I'll have some amazing time. To be honest, I'm kind of glad that I'm going away from England. I need some space and time out of my environment; the school I mean. The people, actually. I will miss my friend W. (let's call her W., because I don't want to give out her real name) and at some point my parents. But in other hand, it may be helpful for my parents if I'm away for some time - at least they don't need to worry about me all the time as they do now. So yeah, in some way it's better for everyone if I go on holiday for a week. I hope that my mood will also get higher and it probably will.

I love you all, please stay strong <3

[deathly-lullaby-blog]

Why do I have to screw everything up? ALWAYS. I really don't want to. But I do. The voice is right. I'm a fucking failure. Worthless. Not needed. Waste of fucking space. I fucked over. I don't know what to do now. The school also phoned my parents that I wasn't at school. Then my mum phoned me that I'm in big trouble at school, as well as they are. It's probably because of my poor attendance. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel so horrible right now, have a hell lot of fucking problems and now the school is going to be another one.

[deathly-lullaby-blog]

I decided to make a page called ABOUT ME (click!) and other page called ABOUT (click!). The first one is about me, obviously and the second one is more about this particular tumblr, eg. why did I make this tumblr etc. You can find them on the left sidebar.

[deathly-lullaby-blog]

So today wasn't as bad as I thought it will be. I got prescribed a higher dose of fluoxetine and I'm glad. I hope that it will make a difference. Today I feel a bit better, my mood isn't as low as it was yesterday. 

[deathly-lullaby-blog]

Tomorrow is going to be quite stressful. I have a visit with my psychiatrist in the morning and I find it very difficult to talk about what's wrong with me. Last time I talked to him, he said that he may prescribe me some stronger or different medications, but oh well... I'm not that bothered about what I have to take. And I'm also going to meet my psychologist. I feel so awful, that's it's going to be even difficult to talk to her, even though I see her regularly and at most of the time it's easy to talk to her about anything.