#deepfriedthoughts

[simplysidra]

Somewhere between heartbreak and obsession 🥀

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Thought;

I like you. I like everything about you. Even your flaws, your flaw makes you human. Being human, means you're real. I like you so much that I end up writing this. I can't stop thinking about you. I'm craving for your attention. I always want you to notice. I want, no, I love it when you hold me. I love touching your skin, I love looking at you closely, so close I can see your pores. I can't believe I would like someone this much. I'm under your spell, a spell I never want to break.

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Escape

Every time I want to escape reality, I read a book. It brings me to a new world, I forget that I exists. 

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I don't know but sometimes I have this voice in my head (my own voice actually) telling me what I'm doing and thinking. It's like this voice is reading a book about me.. 

It's like when I'm walking...there's this voice telling me "I walk alone, hoping someone would recognize my foot steps. I breathe out heavily, knowing that I can't take back everything." I don't know. I'm so weird.

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Things will be easy if you're not impressing anybody.

I started out as a simple young blogger. Blogging about my boring life and unsuccessful love life. My crushes, celebrity crushes, band members, hunger, sleeping late, drinking milk, posting photos of myself with no sleep for 30 hours and then I gained followers from being just like that.

Then I gained more, and some good people included me to their "FOLLOW FRIDAY" list, (Follow Friday is rare nowadays) so I gained MORE. 

The number of followers I gained made me conscious. Having that much made me not want to lose them. 

It came to the point that I find it hard to post my ideas. Don't know if I should or should not post it, will my followers like it, are they going to unfollow me, will they hate me, is it corny, will they agree, all of these thoughts blocked all the things I wanted to say. So I played it safe, I ended up posting tattoos, smoke, people and other photos that I find beautiful.

Then I followed new blogs, then my dashboard turned into something unfamiliar. Like a new world. Photos of girls with gazillion of tattoos and guys smoking, cars, dope, fashion, suddenly the text posts were gone, the amazing ideas were gone, trip to (insert location here) gone...QUALITY BLOGGERS ARE GONE! 

I told myself

"Enough is enough. Fuck what they'll think. I will speak my mind, use whatever language I want.  THIS IS MY BLOG, NOT THEIRS. I made this blog for myself, not for them.  I will go back to that monsterundermybedmademedoit (that was my URL back then) kind of blogger!"

First I unfollowed those so called "DOPE-BLOGS" but I'm still following some because somehow I still find their posts really amazing. 

Then I lost followers, like 2 followers daily. Didn't gain a single one for a long time.

But I always remind myself that I will not make it a big deal, I will still post what I want, what I feel. I told myself that maybe they are the followers who like my TATTOO-SMOKE-PIERCING-MORE TATTOOS kind of blog but that's not the real me. Yes, I do like those stuff but I love reading too, and telling stories, and posting non-sense, and awareness, love, kittens and puppies, telling my point of view and music, posting emotional experiences, posting my not-so-attractive-face, and other stuff. Other normal boring unrated stuff. 

So I let them go, just like in real life. People change, you change your clothes, you change your food-diet, your life style, your socks, your friends, your job, your school, your surname, your pet, I don't know...just let go and move on.

So now here I am, still losing followers but gaining some too. I don't care anymore how many followers I have, I don't care if I lost like 5 or 3726892542 last week, I don't know.

I'm happy.

And for those who are still following this blog from the very start, thank you so much for sticking up. I still know some of you, you still have the same damn URL and I also know you because of your faces. 

You guys, (not only those who follows me but to everyone who reads my blog) you can talk to me anytime you want or ask questions I know I'm just a stranger for you but I'm a good stranger. (I sound like a creep)