#deepthoughts.

[idyiiicsoiitude]

[lumieredemavie]

There are times I want to scream,

If you fucking cared about me like you said you did, and felt as close, you would have been there very night I texted you that I needed that care in the world. That moment when feeling you against me briefly would have subsided the pain of the hole that is in my heart because the person that would do that died and can't. I don't want to fuck, I just need a love that is not romantic, but just enough.

[somehappyday-blog]

recent joys in life

1. when my metabolic physiology professor made a jon lovitz reference in regards to deriving the equilibrium constant of the lactate dehydrogenase reaction. "now that's the ticket!"

2. my sassy 66-year-old patient the other day who described the nurse at a previous hospital visit like so..."she came into my room and i knew...she didn't know shit."

3. the music of ∆ (alt-j).

4. quality haircuts for dirt cheap. an oxymoron? i think not.

5. purchasing plane tickets.

6. my sister's recent dabble in baking; the benefits have been remarkable.

7. being happy for no particular reason other than living life the way i know best.

[sally-sama-blog]

sometimes, i can see my goal as clear as the sky on a california day.

i'd be in that clean, dazzlingly white uniform with my name embroidered on my breast pocket. "Sally Lee, M.D." it'd say. i'd return home at all hours of the night, beyond exhausted, but still manage to check up on my kids before i collapse onto whatever surface is closest to me at that moment. i'd see myself in a white room filled with diagrams of the human body, and i'd be examining a patient, diagnosing them with whatever illness they had. the feeling of prescribing treatment to them, to be able to say "yes, you are sick, but here's how you can get better. here's how i can help you." i want it so badly that it hurts.

and then i wake up from my daydream. i begin to see all the hard work that's needed for me to even graze that goal. all the sleepless nights, all the nosebleeds, the missed opportunities, the tears, the stress, the hopelessness. 

i feel as if--forgive the cliche, as if i'm counting my chickens before they hatch. who's to say i'd be able to enter a good college? i can feel the pain as i envision myself poring over a textbook at four in the morning, studying for a test that has the ability to drop my grade faster than the pants of a man on his wedding night.

i know this is my dream. i love biology. i love to learn how to heal people.

but i don't know if i'll be strong enough to pursue it. i don't want to end up in the hospital a third time. 

[xclove12]

So let it rain, let it pour, let it come down on me..