💬 ((time for a roast session))
I’ve always hated you. Even before I even knew you, only saw you on television, I really didn’t like you at all. You were given the huge responsibility of being a state detective on a big case, but all you did was appear on talk shows and parade yourself around for your legions of fans, like you were some kind of idol boy instead of a person with an actual job. Shouldn’t you have been spending your time doing things like, I don’t know, solving crimes? —Of course, later I learned that you never actually solved any crimes in the first place and you were actually kind of a dumbass, but you know.
And I never exactly made it a secret that I hated you, either. You were just a goddamn annoyance with a super punchable face. And then I got to know you, and whoo boy, it only got worse. I already outlined just a few of the things I fucking hate about you, Akechi, but I’ll go further into detail. Just for this. Just for you.
Firstly, here’s one I didn’t mention earlier, you’re a literal murderer. A literal fucking murderer who played the entire damn city for years. I don’t give a shit how sad your personal history has been; there are lots of people on this planet who have gone through things just as bad as you, and worse, and most of them at least know that killing people is bad! Plus, why in the hell would you go to Shido of all fucking people? If I had to work with my dad for three years I’d shoot him and then myself! What the hell is even wrong with you?! You complained that I was better than you, more special than you — but I was only better than you because I don't fucking kill people so that my dad who couldn't give two shits about me will look at me for three seconds. I have some goddamn self-respect.
Oh yeah, that’s right, you’re a fucking attention whore who can’t continue to function unless you feel special. Like people are noticing you. That’s why you made your career so much about getting the teenage girls to soil their panties over you, because you wanted to feel like you were special to someone. Newsflash, dumbass: you’re not! No one is special! Attention is mercurial and fleeting, and attention fucking sucks, so don’t spend your entire goddamn life chasing after something that’ll last ten minutes at best and probably never satisfy you! There are better things on this planet that’ll make you way happier for way longer, but no, you thought it was a great idea to throw your entire life down the shitter so you could pursue this.
I could go on, but I can feel my blood pressure doing a whole lot of things it probably shouldn’t, so let’s leave it at this: go fuck yourself on a rusty nailbat, Goro Akechi.