#defining ourselves

[averagekyjoe]

Living Love (Advent 2020)

New/Old #Advent poem!

What defines us? Too often it’s what we have Where we live Or what we hate. What if we defined ourselves By what we’ve given What we’ve shared Or what we’ve done? Does the make of our car really matter? Doesn’t it matter more about where we go? Or who provides our internet or phone? As long as it provides connection, who cares? If we live in a city A suburb An exurb Or a farm? Do we love…

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[loveoflifequotes]

Shared from www.LoveOfLifeQuotes.com

[loveoflifequotes]

Shared from www.LoveOfLifeQuotes.com

[irenehalo]

I hate it when people waste their potential. Let´s not let our past define us. We are not our past. What matters, is the present and what choices we're willing to make towards our dreams and goals. Tiny steps will take us there. One choice at a time. Thank you Helsinki for giving me more self-confidence. Puss.

[clatterbane]

As we expect from Le Guin, she cuts right to the heart of the matter. Any denial of an individual’s lived experience is erasure. This is no different from Samuel R. Delany’s clear explanation to the “colorblind” that “If you can’t see something that threatens my life daily, you can’t be my ally.” Le Guin’s version might be more like “If you can’t see the ways I am diminished from what I was, you can’t see me.”

Where another 83-year-old might embrace “You’re only as old as you think you are,” Le Guin does not. And in any event, telling someone, “You’re only as X as you think you are” is always tellingthem what they are from your perspective. The essay goes on to discuss respect in a way somewhat new to me:

Respect has often been over-enforced and almost universally misplaced (the poor must respect the rich, all women must respect all men, etc). But when applied in moderation and with judgment, the social requirement of respectful behavior to others, by repressing aggression and requiring self-control, makes room for understanding. It creates a space where appreciation and affection can grow.

Opinion all too often leaves no room for anything but itself.

People whose society doesn’t teach them respect for childhood are lucky if they learn to understand, or value, or even like their own children. Children who aren’t taught respect for old age are likely to fear it, and to discover understanding and affection for old people only by luck, by chance.

I think the tradition of respecting age in itself has some justification. Just coping with daily life, doing stuff that was always so easy you didn’t notice it, gets harder in old age, till it may take real courage to do it at all. Old age generally involves pain and danger and inevitably ends in death. The acceptance of that takes courage. Courage deserves respect.

I don’t usually think of “respect” as a form of reinforcing privilege, but Le Guin is right–that’s probably the way it’s most often used. Think “respect the judge” as applied a courtroom. To her named effects of “repressing aggression and requiring self-control” I would add “encouraging attention.”...

Most commonly, we use “denial” to talk about things we don’t want to admit about ourselves, or face in ourselves. Le Guin is using it to talk about things we don’t want to hear from others, know about others, look at in others because we don’t want to see ourselves mirrored in them. This applies to aging (and youth), to fat, to disability … the list goes on.

[cathyvelarde-blog]

Life without Definitions

So often in life we unconsciously begin to define ourselves by what we do. Our passions and drives are wonderful things, but we so often forget who we are underneath them. The real essence of who we are isn't defined by our labels.

For a long time I defined myself by my dream. I lived, breathed (and worked) to be an actor. Most of my thoughts and energy would go towards the goal of reaching the next level of success within my profession. This kind of drive is what made life feel fast paced. I couldn't sit still for a moment and if I did, I would guilt trip myself for wasting time.

I've been having a rather different experience lately. Much like being on vacation.

It has been a long mental process but I've finally decided to try something new and move to Florida. The decision took time, my brain has been churning like ice cream. I defined and then redefined all the thoughts in my head over and over as to what I was suppose to do or what was the right thing to do.

The only way I was able to redefine myself was to ask the necessary questions and speak truthfully. Sometimes we change our minds about things without even realizing it. In the case of being in Los Angeles, I had to ask: Why am I an actor? What really matters to me? Is my current lifestyle exactly what I want it to be? ...and what can I do about it?

If there is one truth I've discovered in life, it is that almost every perspective has a way of being justified. When one quote makes me feel passionately about one thing, I'm always certain to find another which states the opposite but makes me feel equally as passionate. So I've learn't that when faced with a decision, go with the one that makes you feel *insert positive feeling*.

Anyway, what I realized about my experience in Los Angeles is that it was no longer as fulfilling as I originally wanted it to be. I have always loved acting and creating. Feeling and expressing. But the reality was, I hadn't created something that I loved in a while. There seemed to be so many hoops to jump through. I focused more on making rent to 'be an actor' than actually being one. On the other end of the spectrum, when I did experience successes, I didn't have any loved ones close to share them with.

So I came to the conclusion that without the definition of 'Los Angeles Actress' I could be a lot happier. I feel a great weight lifted off my shoulders now, because I feel more free to explore. I can go anywhere I want without having to worry about missing an opportunity or audition back in Los Angeles. I can leave and be with the people who make me feel warm inside. I can dye my hair and not worry about getting new head shots and I can finally leave my nose piercing in for more than a week! All these things might sound silly, but they were restrictions I had to live with for a while. It is my opinion that any restriction that you know you have, will hover in your mind.. no matter how small.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still completely in love with acting. There is nothing more satisfying to me than submersing myself into another world. But my experience in Los Angeles seemed to take me further away from that fun. It became more about business and less about creating. So it was time to reevaluate! 

Today (without the definitions) I was able to take my time. It feels a little strange removing a way in which we define ourselves. For a long time I was 'an actor'. Almost everything I did was toward that goal. I think it can be scary for people to remove their definitions, because then, what are they left with? The silence in your head can be uncomfortable at first. It takes a while to really believe that you don't have to be anywhere or do anything. You can just enjoy living and take your time. I'm experiencing this for the first time in a long time, and I can vouch, it is quite pleasant.

[wiseworld]

"What is the relationship between how we choose and who we are?"

The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyengar