#definitely personal

[wellskobblelaufeyson69]

I wanna meet David Tennant so much and tell him how much the Doctor and his other characters have helped me through difficult times in my life

[liuwdere]

When I was in middle school, I was a competitive figure skater. Back then, skating was my all; my coaches like parents, my rinkmates practically family. Even though it was hard, I went to the rink every day after school and trained for hours.

By high school, however, I was getting depressed. I was stressed and tired constantly from school, from family, from puberty. I started skipping practice, eventually breaking off my relationship with my coach in the most awkward way possible—by proxy, over text—and quitting freestyle skating. Through high school I did some dance occasionally, but then life got worse and I wound up dropping that too.

By last fall, I was probably at the lowest point of my life: I wasn’t eating; since I frequently skipped lecture to sleep all day, my grades were miserable; and when I wasn’t sleeping I stayed in my room to watch anime or stare at my computer. At the time, I was convinced I was a complete failure of a human being. But when I started watching Yuri on Ice, I began having second thoughts. I saw so much of myself in Yuuri’s character: the anxiety, the eating problems, the lack of self-confidence, even the fear of facing his own former coach. Seeing Yuuri persevere for his love of skating, I was inspired to change myself. For the first time in years, I stepped on the ice again—only to feed my ego by skating “History Maker” to post on Twitter, I’ll confess, but it was a start. That’s when I remembered I actually loved skating, even though it could be so frustrating. It was fun. For the first time in ages, I remembered what it was like to enjoy doing things, all thanks to this anime.

Things started going better. I made an effort to eat normally again. I started giving a damn about my studies so I could stay in school and continue practicing on campus. I came out to my family, because hell, if Yuuri wasn’t ashamed to love whomever he wanted to, if he wasn’t afraid of being judged for nonstandard gender expression, then neither was I, dammit. And though I haven’t done so yet, I did decide to apologize to my former coach for quitting so suddenly. 

My life didn’t fix itself immediately, of course. I can’t do all the jumps I used to—the hardest one I can still land sometimes is 2Lo—but that’s okay; I’m working on something I love. I’ll get there eventually, maybe; even if I don’t, I’ll be fine. My mental state isn’t always stable, but compared to how I was last year, I’m positively beaming. It’s embarrassing to admit, but in a way, Yuri on Ice saved my life and reminded me of, well, love. I’m truly grateful for this wonderful, remarkable piece of art that Sayo Yamamoto, Mitsurou Kubo, and the rest of the YOI staff gave the world. I wouldn’t be the same without it. 

[mademoisellesarcasme]

Okay storytime but it’s long and rambly and religiony and I’m not sure anyone cares so I am going to put it below the break

Today I went to Mass at the Dominican House of Studies because I had mentioned to Br. John Paul that I may be there because he’s been trying to introduce me to the fabled Br. Irenaeus “who used to be an architect.” (EVERYONE HAS TRIED TO INTRODUCE ME TO BR. IRENAEUS. I STILL HAVEN’T MET THE MAN.)

After Mass I planned to see if Br. John Paul was there, then just make a Holy Hour. But during Mass I made enough faces at an adorable baby that she wanted to say hi after Mass, so I got to hold her and then a friend was like “hey I thought that was you!” and I ended up walking out with him but leaving my stuff behind and then we got a little separated in the crowd and I ran into Br. Frassati, another friend of mine, and said hi to him, and we got talking and then a friend of his came up and started talking to both of us and she asked me about my life and basically I was mentioning to Br. Frassati that I’m not sure if I’ll be in DC in the fall because housing so I was hoping to finally meet the elusive Br. Irenaeus and this nice lady who is also friends with Br. Frassati (I shall call her M.) tells me she has friends looking for another roommate and goes and asks them and I stay put and then she comes back and says they found one but she’ll keep ears out and I got a little of her story and background and then excused myself to go finally make that Holy Hour.

Sitting in the chapel, I opened my journal to write, and was about six lines into a reflection on where my life is going when M. stepped back in and invited me to the 3rd Order Dominican meeting. I was the only person in the chapel by this point in time; she went out of her way to come back in and invite me. So I accepted, leaving a parting comment for Jesus -- “I don’t know what You have planned, but I’m going to this thing.”

I went, I was introduced to about a third of the people there, and everyone asked me about my life and my story and how I ended up there (”...I just went to Mass, I promise!!”). Also, everyone is trying to help solve my dual problem of “not having a job that I like” and “not having a place to live past the end of July.” God has one heck of a sense of humour.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

FUCK IT!!! ORG MOL AND I AREN'T FRIENDS AND NEITHER ARE THE LIBRARY STAFF THAT TAKE THEIR SWEET TIME CLEANING ROOMS THAT STUDENTS WANT TO USE TO STUDY 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

[swirlingleavessss]

I’m processing what the doctor told me yesterday about my previous nurse and doctor’s asthma management regime being actually poor and outdated practice.

Basically, in 10 years, if I were to continue with the use of an albuterol inhaler and a preventive steroid inhaler ((like what I’ve been doing for the past 3-ish years & various other forms of such prescribed medicine)) my lungs would look like I smoke 5 or however many packs of cigarettes a day and my lifespan could be significantly shorter. That was horrifying! The Bernie doctor turned to my partner and asked the student doctors in the room and my partner. “ show of hands for who wants this lady to live long and grow into a fabulous older lady” We all raised our hands. 💚 It was sweet. He did get a little too bold and cross a little bit of a line with asking my partner when they’re going to propose to me, lol we’re at a year in April— that’s not even something we conventionally want yet (especially with the current social class we are in heh / we absolutely talk to each other about this stuff)

I had no idea!! I mean I felt like shit at least every day at some point but I thought that was just expected- I didn’t know that this could actually potentially be controlled better. 😿

Also my partner refers to doctor as “if Bernie Sanders was a doctor” it’s so true. He even spouted some socialist notions and beliefs about health care. I mean we’re in a free clinic, so it definitely is fitting!

I’m off today. goodnight!🌙

Ooh I just started this southern gothic witchy show called Mayfair Witches , pretty damn engrossing! It was created by Anne Rice/ I don’t really know much about her; I hear she’s controversial - I should probably read up on her.

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

I joke about it a lot but rn i really feel like I'm going insane

I can't deal with human interaction and today I saw a fairly recent picture of me and I couldn't recognize myself

It's gonna be exhausting to have to force myself to shove it all down for the winter celebrations i don't know how I'm gonna make it

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

A small little evil part of me is like why would I give my brother a call for his 30th birthday when I could ruin his day by not calling h the way he ruined so many of my birthdays making me cry myself to sleep or making me spend hours locked in my bathroom while he slammed himself against the door threatening to kill me or my dog or by simply objecting to anything I wanted to do or eat until I settled for something he liked

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

Bitches will drag you into their messy ass relationship then make it a closed relationship and leave you all used up heartbroken and sexually frustrated