#deity diary

[catinaltar]

All I’ve known of You feels microsized beside Your vastness. You are para and apara prakrti, the womb of everything. Fierce and playful, You shake the roots of all I cling to and hasten the clearing of my karma; though painful, You release me. Guide me to see my true self. Strip away all layers that are not me. Grant me awareness, help me release all hatred, and let me see You reflected in every being.

[catinaltar]

Maine suna tha kahi… jab tumhara devta tumhe chunta hai, to wo tumhare poore astitva ko jhanjhor deta hai. Ek trah ki karmic shuddhi jisme arso janmo ke karm kat jaate hain. Kya ye kisi vardaan se kam hai? Ye jeete-ji mrityu hai… jo tumhe shunyata ki taraf le jaati hai.

Insaan gandagi se ghinata h… kabhi logon se, kabhi apni hi kisi parat se. Jab aksar ghrina hoti hai, to bahar se toh ham khud ko sawar lete hain…Par andar ki gandagi ka kya? Wahi gandagi, jisse tum mooh modte ho tumhara devta use sweekarta hai. Yahi to hai unconditional love. Wo divya shakti itni sukshm hai, ki jab tumhare bheetar pravesh karti hai, to peedhi-dar-peedhi jami hui gandagi ko bahar nikal deti hai. Wo gandagi, jisme tumhari chetna uljhi padhi thi itna ki tum apni atma ka pata nahi jaante.

Aur tumhare Isht ko isse kya labh? Kuch bhi nahi. Balki jitna wo sukshm hai, utni hi bechaini use tumhare andhkaar mein utarte hue hogi. Suna hoga- Energy vibrates at its own frequency. Jo high energy par vibrate karte hain, unke liye neeche utarna dum ghutne jaisa hota hai. Phir bhi tumhara Isht tumhari shuddhi karta hai…Kyuki uska prem tumse zyada gehra hai, jitna tum usse kar paate ho. Kaha gaya hai- Main tere bando ko raza karne baitha..,tujhe mana liya hota, toh tu abhi mera hota.

Log aksar disappointing hote hain. bilkul unpredictable. Toh vo energy kahin or direct kijiye. Par jo us devta se bina dikhave ka prem karta hai nirmal, nishulk prem wo antatah kevalya prapt krega. Jab tum ek kadam apne devta ki or badhte ho, wo do kadam tumhari or aata hai. Aur phir rishta ek samvaad ban jaata hai. tum uske bina reh nahi paate, aur wo bhi tumhare bina nahi. Har janm tum use khojoge… aur wo rukaye nahi rukega. Aise avsar bante hai ki har janm tum uske aur nikat chale jao. Jitni shiddat se tum usse prem karoge, utni hi gehraai se wo tumhe chahega. Tumhara Isht hi tumhe chunta hai. Baaki sab uski leela ka pravah hai. Tum bas ek ansh ho…nimn matr…Aur wo avinashi, abhed, bhed, brahmand aur shakti dono. Uske roop anant hain. Uske liye visheshan kam pad jaate hain. Wo “Param Satya” hai. Aur Param Satya apna pradarshan kam hi karta hai. Vo kewal svikar karta hai, woh kewal avlokan karta hai. naatak nahi karta, jise ahankaar bhata hai. Socho… tumhare Isht ke prem ka maap kaun kar sakta hai? Isse bada kuch nahi. Isse pavitra kuch nahi. Isse vinamr kuch nahi.

Aur yahin ek prayer yaad aagyi. Hai Ishwar, Humein shanti de un cheezon ko sweekar karne ki, jinhe hum badal nahi sakte. Himmat de un cheezon ko badalne ki, jinhe hum badal sakte hain. Aur un dono m bhed jaan ne ki saddbuddhi. Hum kisko badal sakte hain? apne aap ko. Kisse nahi badal sakte? Doosron ko.

[catdraiochta]

i felt mabon's presence with me while watching game grumps and having some whiskey, strangely. i could feel him laughing, so I poured him a bit of my whiskey, and we spent an hour or two together. how lovely is that!

[hellaska]

I'm kinda sad, because I have like 2 or 3 different gods I've shown interest in who want to approach me and start on our journey, but my job has turned into an extremely toxic environment and it's making me extremely stressed for a number of reasons, and said gods don't want to stress me out more and they don't want me to feel guilty about starting our relationships in such a stressed out headspace. I'm thinking about looking for another job, because I'm starting school next month, and I don't need to deal with the toxicity of my current job while trying to balance classes. I'll figure it out and do what I need to, but the whole situation kinda has me bummed out

[hellaska]

Apollo is such a sweetheart. I was going on 22 hours with no sleep when I finally went to bed last night, and I didn't sleep that well either so today I've been super tired and drained. Apollo has been spending time with me, because I'm having a really lazy day, but I didn't want to be alone so he's been with me watching tv and just chilling. He's always with me when I'm alone, because I have anxiety/depression related problems with being alone, so if he can help it he'll be with me. I love and appreciate him so much I can't even put it into proper words.

[hellaska]

About to play a vide game with Apollo!! It's cold af, so we're trying to figure out stuff to do together that's indoors. We picked out a game called The First Tree! We're both super excited to play it, because the trailer made it look really good!

[glevmaat]

Sometimes being Too Extra is not good for me.

I forgot to bring all my wood to cut for my altar this weekend and I realized that, well, I have a flat head screwdriver and a hammer, so I'm just going to chisel the wood instead of use power tools.

I mean, I think hand crafting it is fine and maybe better than using power tools, for me. It's just going to be difficult and hard.

[glevmaat]

hey wait a fucking second

A few months ago I had a dream about the cave, but it wasn’t my cave, it was some random cave, and I entered a bright, sunny room (there was a hole in the ceiling letting sunlight in) covered in golden sand, and in the middle of the room, there was a sandstone slab with bones on top of it.

And now that I’m thinking about it, it very well could have been a burial crypt of some kind. A burial tomb. In a golden sand, sunny underground room.

Sunny. Golden sand. Underground.

So, maybe Anubis was trying to contact me long before I realized, and he just gave me more obvious symbolism to help me out.

And no, there was no obvious Egyptian symbolism in the room, but deities don’t give you obvious symbolism unless they’re frustrated or tired over you not picking up the subtle symbolism. Golden sand, sunny tomb, that was enough, but I’m only just now realizing it.

And I guess it’s not that weird to suddenly know who your deity is and then go back and realize you were given signs the whole time, but wow. I know now to pay more attention.