Please Dante you need to tell me your opinion on alien earth
Oh my fucking god. i watched the first episode and im gonna watch the rest with my friends but that shit nearly broke me. like the entire premise and set up and everything does not stand up to basic scrutiny and also doesnt even make sense as, like, a concept for a show. simply does not work on a watsonian level or like a 'making art that appeals to human beings' level.
so much shit happens that has me go "ohhhh i see this is obviously a ruse thats part of a larger scheme" and then that theory is immediately and completely disproven. a gigantic fucking spaceship crashes conveniently into a population center where the Big Money Research Guy can get to the samples on board. obviously, he suppressed any warning or deflection systems so he could get to those samples regardless of the cost of life, right? no. he is also shocked this happened. city-sized spaceship does a 9/11 and nobody noticed unitl it was already happening. they send out a "search and rescue team" composed of dozens of guys with guns in armored vehicles with MOUNTED GUNS. and a single combat medic into the crash zone. oh, very clever, theyre sending soldiers in under the guise of a disaster response team to go collect their goodies by force. Of course not you fucking moron this is the actual first response team to the disaster zone, a hundred guys with guns who do nothing while people are literally on fire around them but run directly into the building that just got smashed. absolutely zero exaggeration. no justification as to why this is the immediate disaster response and everyone seems to find this perfectly reasonable and no one ever comments on or hints at ulterior motives. yes it does feel exactly as ludicrous and stupid in the moment. also, the medic doesnt even do any medic shit. he touches a guys neck for two seconds and is like "hes dead :( lets go" and the whole sequence literally feels like it was written by AI.
there is a scene in the first episode of this show, that is owned by disney, and is very heavily fairytale and childhood wonder themed, and Heavily references peter pan to the point of naming main characters after it, where a character reminisces about watching Ice Age 4: Continental Drift with their sibling as a child. the camera lingers on a screen playing Ice Age 4: Continental Drift for a full 30 seconds. i NEED to know who is desperately trying to hock old blurays of Ice Age 4: Continental Drift and has a hookup at disney.
the entire concept of this show is bizarre, like, as a pitch. i dont have the slightest idea who this is supposed to be for. its about Aliens. it has Alien in the title. the first episode starts with an extended, gratuitous, masturbatory homage to Alien and fully shows you a xenomorph killing a bunch of people, to get you hyped about xenomorphs killing people.
the show, seemingly, is all about little kids who got put into super strong invincible robot bodies. and therefore cannot be killed, or parasitized by any xenomorphs. the children are written as dopey precocious adorable little kids in such a way as to assure you these kids Will Not Be Hurt because theyre just tooooo adorable (again, the children are played by fully grown adults with beards and boobs and shit). they reek of baby groot baby yoda Precious Memories type marketability (while still. being played by adults) in the middle of a show where. you know. theres xenomorphs killing people. two soldiers get their blood sucked out by alien super-ticks. everyone is swearing all the time. is this for the YA crowd, who like to see brave kids fight monsters? no, its gorey and sweary. is it at least cheap fanservice for Alien fans? fuck no, the xenomorphs provide zero tension on account of the immortal robot children, and it doesnt even take place in an isolated setting. is it for grownups who just want to watch some light action-y scifi entertainment? HONESTLY? I CANT EVEN BE SURE OF THAT MUCH.
ITS MARKETED TO NO ONE. IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. THE WRITING IS EQUAL TO ONE OF THOSE HORROR MOVIES THAT SPONTANEOUSLY APPEARS ON NETFLIX WITHOUT FANFARE.
96% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES
