#delusional rambles

[who-tf-cares-bitch]

hopefully hopefully s3 ends at the pizza party chapter/end of the red house arc bc any more than that and they'll have to make adjustments AGAIN or rush it (or maybe since it said grim reaper arc maybe that's the only part they'll be covering (like it'll only have 5 eps or something)

but if it ends at the end of the red house arc it'll be too short for 12 eps soooo YOUNG EXORCIST ANIMATED HELL YEAH

[jazessimpcave]

LET ME PRETEND THAT TINY THING HE'S PETTING IS ME OKAY

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

🎁🎀 You have been selected to play the exclusive get to know your moots game! Name the top 3 most memorable experiences that have happened this year, and paste this into 5 other blog's to spread the love! 🎁🎀

ps: in case you already answered this, feel free to share 3 more to relive happy moments and celebrate your wins. sending hugs!

Top three, in the order I think of them, are

1. I was on a trip w my favorite cousins on my dad's side and other dad's side family, and me and this (older) cousin were sharing a room while traveling. One day, I got up earlier than I needed to for the days planned stuff, and I got ready and was told to wake my cousin up. I did, and she wakes up pretty quickly, so it was all good, but. She sat up, and the first thing she did was like bring her hand up to her head, and she didn't say anything for a second, and I was like "Hey you good? Bc if you have a headache that's a great excuse for us both to just escape our great aunt today," and she's like "wha- headache? No, I'm worried my eyebrows look like my dads" and I don't know why, but I was just DYING of laughter at that

2. I know this is supposed to be all happy things, and it does lead there but first- I had to move away from my best friends in around late June this year, and the DAY BEFORE MY FLIGHT, the few people I've held close and have been the most important to me for about almost 10 years, showed up at my mess of a house, which by that time was almost totally empty, since i got rid of everything bc of having to move. They gave me a handmade photo album/ scrap book they made, with pictures of us throughout the last 10 years or so. We all cried, and I don't think I ever felt that loved by anyone.

3. I found my passion, and realized that it was what I want to do in college and for the rest of my life. I've gotten a lot of shit for it, since said passion is cooking/baking, a lot of relatives who hear about it are like 'oh you're just training yourself to be a good housewife, how sad' and like?? I've long since learned to not give a flying fuck about any of their opinions. I took a culinary class, and the teachers, we're gonna call them Chef W and Chef Mom(bc honestly that teacher was more a mother to me than my own ever was) had such high hopes for me before I moved. They had their best student graduating last year, her name was Maya, and she was so sweet to everyone I loved her, and these teachers. They used to say I was Maya2.0. Maya was the president of our schools section of a national group, that I was intending on joining before I left, and never got the chance. They wanted me to take secretary this year, and then president next year, once I figured out enough about the group. I know how proud they were of me, and again, I felt incredibly loved

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

I'm gonna start being more in theme w my url for a bit here-

His arm veins are litterally insane- like they're not super obvious, but as soon as he picks something up it's done. All of them are visible. And he's got this absolutely gorgeous tan, and his skin is near flawless- his hands are huge compared to mine, and his hands are also really warm all the time- guess how i know

I think I'm in love

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

I know its ooc for this acc, but i need to vent, or ill do something stupid and potentially dangerous, so im here, baring my soul to stangers on the internet ive never met irl before-

I think I got too close to the sun becuase I feel like I'm in a free fall rn and I can't get a hold of anything and I know I'm about to hit the ground, hard, buti don't know when or how far the ground still is or if I'm even going to land on spill ground because what if I fall into a bunch of rocks and die or fall into the ocean, I never learned to swim properly, I can BARELY keep myself afloat, and I know I'm going to die anyway from how high up I'm falling but I don't know when it's gonna be and everyone keeps telling me that I've got this all I have to do is open the parachute but the cord isn't working my parachute isn't working I don't know what to do some of the people who are supposed to be here for me are sitting on the ground watching me fall with a smile and a bucket of popcorn, the others who would catch me can't because they're all the way across the world, and I don't know what to do but everyone expects me to, I should have my life figured out already, everyone else my age seems to, why can't I, why am I like this why can't I just fly like everyone else why did my wings have to fail so miserably when my support system is down and will take at least two to three years before they're back up I need help someone send help please I need to talk to someone and I can't bc the people who'd want to can't do anything about it and the people who could help are convinced I can do it myself I hat being the oldest daughter and the oldest cousin, why do I have so many people looking up to me as a role model I'm a terrible role model if anything I'm more of a warning Hazzard don't do that sign why do all the adults keep saying I need to be perfect so my little siblings and cousins have a role model why where was my role model because my parents sure as fuck weren't it and they're always saying they didn't raise a quitter, well no shit they didn't raise me I fucking raised myself I'm at a point where I can't even talk about this out loud without crying I litterally had a three hour anxiety attack+mental breakdown and my parents still think I'm perfectly fine why did I have to move everyone's always telling me to believe in God and I have but if not a single thing I needed went right how do I keep believing I don't feel like the sky or the statues are listening anymore and I'm happy they do listen for others and I'm glad other people have a good relationship with their religions and their parents and people in general becuase I feel like crying whenever my favorite teacher used to say I did a good job at an event or said she was proud of me becuae she's said, word for word, many many times "I know it's not my place to tell you, but your parents won't, I know, so I will tell you- I'm so proud of you" and i- thank you you have no idea how much it means to me, but much as I appreciate it, you're not who I need to hear it from and it makes me cry because my culinary teachers were better parents to me in the one year I knew and had them than my parents were my entire like and I don't think that's okay, or that i should feel like crying evrytime I see my friends or anyone having a good relationship with their parents and I can't take this anymore please save me from school I know I used to complain but I've never actually hated it and now just the thought makes me feel sick and I used to love going to school and learning but now I'd litterally have take prometheus' placement eaten alive by vultures everyday than go to school again please help i can't live through another year and a half of this torture please help I can't do this please

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

Delusional rambles #1:

I might do more of these, I'm not sure, but we'll see where this goes

His voice. He wasn't talking to me, but I still love hearing it, even in passing. Whenever he talks to me I have to actively remind myself to pay attention to what he's saying, and not just the sound of his voice. He has an American accent, like me and everyone else here(cus i live in the US), but there's something different that makes me think he has a light accent. I can't figure it out and it drives me crazy. He is ridiculously good at doing other voices and other accents. His voice sounds like a warm hug, I'm always happy to just be talking to him.

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

You know what my favorite compliment is?

Being told that I'm pretty/ attractive/ beautiful/ etc by someone who's WAY more beautiful than me. Like today- one of my irl friends WHO'S ACTUALLY FUCKING GORGEOUS saw a picture I took while messing around with snapchat filters, and said I looked gorgeous in that.

And I'm over here.

Literally dying

Bc MA'AM HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? YOU LOOK LIKE A GODDESS.

😭

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

Hey yall I've made another thing which in essence will be my outlet for delulu bc somehow telling a shit tonna ppl online isn't as scary as telling my friends irl 🫶🏼

For whatever reason, I can't tag that acc so I'll just rb from it ig if anyone's interested