Dec 11, 2024
I think I'm demisexual
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I think I'm demisexual
sometimes I think I might be ace, but then today a dropped my partially opened fish on the floor in the dissection lab because a pretty girl sat next to me for 2 minutes...
So...
I’m reading a fanfic right now, and the main character is coming to terms with asexuality. And I had a realization. I crave love. I want a relationship, someone who could love me unconditionally and be willing to hold me and touch me and kiss me. But I don’t want s3x. Never have. I’m not so seriously disgusted that I feel repulsed by s3x, but I have complicated feelings about my body and intimacy. And even the idea of cuddling makes me uncomfortable. Seggs is a whole other thing. I reject intimacy, with friends, I can’t even imagine platonic cuddling like some people do. I want love but it’s always felt conditional, like to have a relationship with someone, an intimate one, I’d need to be willing to have se*. Talk of intimacy makes me uncomfortable and I used to think that meant I was childish, not mature. Now...I think it’s okay that I am? I don't know where I was going with this. I think I’m confused and still sorting through everything. anyways. If any asexuals out there have some advice for me? Or like...idk I think I am asexual? LOL everything feels complicated and I think I should be going to therapy hahahahahhAHHA.
I think I’m questioning my sexuality again....
Like the title say, I'm questioning it. For the past few years, I thought I was Pansexual. I never felt a romantic attraction to anyone but I never felt sexual either. My friends think I’m weird because I have never had a crush. I thought it was normal, that not a lot of people get crushes. When I was about 11 I kinda researched sexuality and stuff. I liked guys but I liked girls too, but I never really cared if they were a guy or a girl. I didn’t care what they identified as. That is when I found pansexual. It just kinda felt right. Now that I’m finding out more about sexuality, I think I could be aro or demi. I’m just confused. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Most anything could help. Message me if you can.
Used to it
It's 1am
He reaches for my hand as we are listening to music. I feel my the heat rising on my face. I am attracted to him and it seems mutual. I know what will follow - a kiss. And every bit of me screams "No!" I don't want to kiss him, I don't want to be near him, I don't want to deal with this.
He doesn't read body language. I suppose he is too blinded from his desires.
"Can I kiss you?"
NO!
"Yes."
But why? Why I'd say this? Why I couldn't say "no"?
The kiss is bad. I can't seem to relax, I don't open my mouth, I don't close my eyes, I don't want this and I push him away.
And even now, 3 months after, I do not want to touch anyone like that, I feel disgusted.
"You will get used to it and eventually it's going to feel good." My friends say. But I don't want to get used to something like that. Who would?
Maybe this is a demi thing?
When I first met the Crush, he was ok, but not like, devastatingly attractive. Now he's so attractive it's occasionally distracting. And I now full well it's because I got to know him in the middle. A demisexual thing maybe? Still figuring that out. But I will say this: If I die, fresh from the shower mussed hair was probably the cause.
Semi-outward processing time again
Please feel free to scroll past, I'm on mobile so I don't have the read more option. This is sort of related to the Crush, sort of not. I have it bad. He's sweet, he's a nerd, he's super easy to talk to, I always feel at ease around him. But I've known form the outset that he's not looking for anything. Which is totally fine, and I'll be fine, but I sometimes have to wonder if it is ever going to work out for me. I'm 26 years old and I've never been liked backed, and that feels kind of pathetic, and my parents are totally each other's best friend and I want that. Sort of on that note, what mainly attracts me to the Crush is his personality. I've always sort of been that way, how attractive I perceive people is directly related to their personality. I think I might be demisexual? (Thanks @ladynorbert for the definition) can you be demisexual and straight? Not quite sure how to process.