@consultingcriminal Okay so here's the VERY rough draft about that AU I mentioned and screamed over.
So Sebastian's bored, fresh outta his discharge and kicked outta Augustus' place and honestly that's pretty cool. But like finding a fuckbuddy is hard sometimes, cuz then there's the risk of catching feels, maybe it isn't as pleasing as planned etc etc. Because obviously the first thing Sebastian is gonna look for is a fuckbuddy. Any previous ones he lost contact with and that sucks, plus he's kinda bored with humans. Because I guess in this verse people are aware of the supernatural and whatever. So after Severin makes a joke about making a contract with a demon Sebastian actually decides to do it, he's an idiot and Severin needs to not joke like that. Anyway.
So he messes around and somehow ends up with Jim. Now Jim is tryna give his usual speech of the promise of power for a price, that he could destory any enemies, yadada. Sebastian kinda is an awe bc holy FUCK he summoned a hot ass demon. So Jim finishes his speech and is like "so what do you want?" and Sebastian just. "Gotta be honest, I literally just wanna get laid." And Jim is so fucking confused because that's new, he's intrigued, also this human is being so fucking casual with him, that's fucking new.
Jim ends up agreeing because hey it seems like a win-win, sex and after Sebastian gets bored he gets his soul. Easy enough. So Ig a contract is made, they discuss things like limits and kinks and shit, because communication is important! So shocker it takes like a day before they actually Do It, mostly because both are like "wait that happened what the fuck".
Probably would be good to mention that Jim can sense shit. Like what mood Sebastian is in (happy, mad, sad, whatever). Idc if that's not how demons work it's my shit AU I get to have stupid plot things that can lead to angst!
Okay now that I mentioned that so Jim senses that Sebastian had a shitty day at work, Idk what job because I don't know what else Sebastian would do as a job but I also don't want to make him an assassin. Anyway so Sebastian is annoyed bastard, Jim has an idea, gets some fancy lacy black lingerie and just. Waits for Sebastian to get home. So our favorite horny idiot gets home and did not expect to see Jim laying all ✨seductively✨ on the only bed in his shitty flat and especially didn't expect the lingerie but he isn't gonna complain.
CUE BASHER MORAN SPECIAL
anyway.
Sorry I still find it so fucking funny that Sebastian CANONICALLY has some kinda sex thing that he named that apparently is really good or he's just a bragging piece of shit. Either way I love it and Jim is literally a lucky devil because First Impressions Matter. And idk why this is funny to me. Anyway moving right fucking along.
So this goes on for about a year, they do other shit besides fucking for plot reasons. Angst probably takes place, I cannot think of angst rn, but yeah. So like on the anniversary of "Sebastian thinks Severin's joke is a suggestion" that's when Sebastian catches on to the fact that he caught feels, he doesn't know what to do, time to explain to his older brother that he fucking sold his soul for some sex. Severin is surprised and then wonders why he's surprised, Sebastian would do that, why is he shocked. Anyway so he kinda just doesn't fucking know what to say. Conversation goes like this:
"Maybe just...tell him?"
"...I'm literally still trying to tell myself that Sev, I don't fuckin' have crushes."
Spoiler alert Sebastian is an idiot.
So he doesn't mention it but Jim's smart and figures it out. But he doesn't know what to do either, there isn't exactly a "how to unown a human's soul because he fucking fell in love" guide. Unless he just stays, which means he has to bring up that idea, which he does except it's horrible. Literally all he does is suggest that this fuckbuddy thing extends go lifelong. And he only brings it up bc he knows he cares about Sebastian but totally not in a love way, noooo, not in love, lmao what-
Sebastian decides "sure okay yeah sounds fun" and immediately after panics because oh god oh fuck Jim's staying. Then Jim realizes he has feelings and that's new, what the fuck™. So neither do anything because they're idiots and this is kinda new, Sebastian hasn't had a real relationship for a long fucking time, so it's just a state of "shagging acting like there aren't feelings but there are so many feelings" till one time after, Sebastian mumbles those three words out, Jim doesn't know what to do, he tries to give reasons for Sebastian to not love him, now Sebastian is mildly offended and confused, then it clicks, whoops they're dating.
Fast forward to months later, Jim bringing Richard up from whatever realm bc brother fluff, Sebastian dragging Severin over for a proper dinner, cue Richard being a flirty demon to Severin bc I said so, Severin being a flustered idiot, Sebastian rolling his eyes and sighing, Jim just trying to not be the handsy boyfriend he is, voliá, everything is good and nice.
"Do we know each other? my chest hurts when I see you but I don't remember your face"
Good Omens AU. Where Jim and Spock were lovers in heaven before Jim's fall and now neither of them remember their time together.
But they feel pull to each other. They feel that bond that ties them together. They meet in the Ancient Rome and eventually Spock and Jim remember parts of their memories.
Until Spock decides to fall for Jim because he belongs to his side, as if he has always been there and always will.
Spock's blue eyes are like that after Jim's fall, because he wanted to remember Jim's eyes forever. And Jim's green eyes are from Spock's blood.
@fablesecrets. Wanted your approval on it since I “think” I know what you’re going for, but I’m not entirely sure. And I’m going to light the HELL out of this don’t you worry.
For the seventeenth time in as many minutes, Jason glanced at the grandfather clock. It was tall, tall enough to fit a man (or man-shaped being) inside, and ornate, covered in faded bronze vines and flowers. The hands on the clock face ticked forward - another minute, gone. They should be here any minute now. Jason wasn’t the anxious type, but he was beginning to get worried. The directions were as clear as possible, he knew - he even put in pictures for his disaster-magnet siblings and steered clear of his usual flowery language, but the Jims were never ones for directions.
Jason took a breath, adjusting his tinted glasses on his nose and staring at the clock, willing them to arrive. It wasn’t often he get time off from his numerous clients, and what better way could he spend that time than with his family? After what felt like an eternity, the doorbell rang. Jason immediately jumped to his feet, glancing at his outfit in the mirror (immaculate, like always) before opening the door to the tide of Jims.
CJ and RJ, the reporter twins, entered first.
‘Aha! DJ, we Jims are here! It’s very Jim to see you again. We found some demons!’ The reporter turned to his brother. ‘We are here at the home of our brother, the great and famous Drama Jim! Over and out.’
‘Oh? You did, did you?’ Jason asked, stepping aside to let the rest of the jabbering, awe-filled Jims into his home. It wasn’t by any means a large or magnificent house, but he remembered what living with the rest of the Jims was like - all this space, just for one person? Bliss. CJ turned off his camera, holding it lightly in his hands. Putting it away was out of the question - no Jim would dare to leave something so important, so crucial to their identity out of arm’s reach.
‘Yes! It told us to sub-scri-be, whatever that means. But our reports are going well! People seem to like our show. We even managed to get a slot on a very Jim show! It was called- oh, but never mind that. How are you? How’s your new life going?’ RJ asked eagerly, microphone pointed towards Jason’s face. CJ grinned, a bright light entering his eyes as he slowly raised his camera again. Jason shook his head in regret, walking on through into the kitchen, where various Jims had already begun to raid his fridge for ingredients to make the secret foods that all Jims loved and craved, even him.
‘I am afraid that I cannot say. My life has been busy, with all my clients, that I have had no time to enjoy a Jim away from Jim.’
‘Oh? Your clients? Breaking news! Breaking news, Jim! We have an exclusive report from the house of the mysterious DJ! DJ, have you anything Jim to say about your clients?’
Jason paused for effect, leaning on the side table. The Jims around him had stopped in their cooking, reverentially staring towards him and staying completely silent - out of respect for the interview, of course. He ran a hand through his slicked-back hair, lapping up the attention.
‘Well… I did have a client recently. The Drowned Man.’
A ripple ran through the crowd, the excitement almost palpable.
‘The Drowned Man? Did you get that, Jim? How Jim of DJ! What was the Drowned Man’s problem that needed your Jim touch?’
Jason paused again.
‘His house was plagued by… a water demon. A beast, intent on driving this poor man from his home! A water demon that dampened his ceilings, flooded his house, and nearly drowned his wife! A water demon… that covered the house with blood!’
Gasps from the surrounding Jims. RJ, too, gasped, and CJ rocked the camera slightly, he was so taken aback.
‘Did… did you banish the demon from his home?’ RJ asked. As though the very movement pained him, Jason shook his head, pushing his tinted glasses back up his nose.
‘The demon… it left of its own accord. But for all we know, it’s still out there, waiting… ready for another poor, unfortunate soul to drown in misery, despair, and… blood. However! I will be ready! When the demon comes again… I will stop it, once and for all!’
And with that, the Jims broke out into thunderous applause. Jason smiled, and then grinned. He had forgotten it. The joy, the… the fun that came with being with his numerous siblings. Of course, he was more of a fan of drama and mystery, but the mad, chaotic fun and the way they threw themselves wholeheartedly into everything… it was intoxicating.
‘Wow! How incredibly Jim of you, DJ! I’m sure that demon won’t know what hit it! And now back to you in the studio, Jim.’
With that, CJ lowered his camera and slung the strap over his shoulder - no more broadcasts, at least for a little while. They were safe. They were home. RJ smiled broadly at Jason.
‘Is it safe to… be ourselves here?’
‘Of course. I set up the wards myself.’
‘That’s very Jim of you, DJ!’ RJ grinned, and then, suddenly, he wasn’t RJ anymore.
Of course, he still looked relatively the same, but the demon standing before Jason was tall, small ram’s horns spiralling up from his mass of wild hair. His nails had elongated, almost become claw-like, and with the rip of fabric two radiant, blue-feathered kingfisher wings burst from his back.
One by one, the Jims dropped their human disguises, standing about as though they expected the door to be kicked in at any moment. When it wasn’t, they began to laugh, and chat, and become comfortable once again.
CJ, a demon with two wide eyes like camera lenses and wings so fluffy they served as sound mufflers for the interviews, looked at Jason and tilted his head.
Aren’t you going to change? The Interviews always go so much better if they know we’re like them, he signed towards Jason.
‘Oh… oh! I almost forgot. How silly of me.’
Just like that, Jason pulled off his tinted glasses and changed, easing back into his preferred form.
He was still the same height, to his constant annoyance, but his eyes - always a deep mauve, like his suit - flickered with a bright, changing light. He grew talons, and sharp fangs, his tongue elongating and splitting like a snake’s. He had no wings, and no shadow either. A faint mauve aura flickered to life around him, and Jason relaxed fully. He was free, finally.
‘Jiblings! Gather round!’ called RJ. The demons from all over the house heard, and, almost at once, gathered into a large crowd around RJ. The reporter Jim raised his head, struggling to be heard over the chatter of the family. In frustration, he flapped his wings once and rose onto the island in the middle of Jason’s kitchen, standing proudly, microphone in hand.
‘My family! We are gathered here today not just to meet with DJ and find out about his very Jim life, but we are also here for an Interview!’
Stomps and cheers, calls from the demons so loud and full of vigour that the glasses in Jason’s cupboard rattled and clinked dangerously. RJ raised his hands, quieting the Jims.
‘Now, for the Interview to work and for us to make any demons we find happy and less alone, we need the Jimgredients! Bring out… Mother Jim’s secret Jim pie!’
The crowd parted reverentially as two of the most skilled Cooking Jims walked forward, a steaming pie on a large, white-and-blue ceramic plate (the best that Jason had) held above their heads. They placed it next to RJ, who nodded in thanks.
‘Next! The Ooh-ja board of Hell!’
Once again, a gap in the crowd, and two demon Jims - lucky devils, getting to carry the ouija board - walked up to the island and reverentially placed the board by his feet. Jason had tried time and time again to tell his brothers that it wasn’t pronounced ooh-ja, but they never listened. His admonishments were like water sliding off a duck’s back.
‘And now… bring out… Sarah! The most important part for making our friends feel welcome!’
Another gap in the crowd, but this time, the demons walking through were met with applause and coos from the demon Jims on either side. Carried between the two demons was Sarah - an incredibly furry Collie who always seemed to be grinning a doggy grin. The only indication that she was actually a hellhound was the way her fur seemed to smoke at the edges, or the way her eyes were tar-black. She was still incredibly cute. Jason, as he watched her leap from her handler’s arms and onto the island next to RJ, felt a soft smile being tugged onto his lips. He tried to grit his teeth and force it down, but it was too much. Sarah was just too sweet. With all the Jimgredients prepared, RJ called a list of the Jims who would perform the interview, and thankfully, Jason’s name was on the list. The troupe of demons walked solemnly into his study - the room that was the most free of clutter - and began to set up the ouija board in total silence. Well. Near-total silence - Sarah’s panting and her rhythmic thumping of the floor with her tail brought a small smile to every Jim’s face as they worked.
Eventually, with the smell of the pie wafting throughout the room, red and white candles lit and the curtains drawn, the Jims all placed their hands on the marker for the board (CJ held Sarah’s paw in place, too). RJ looked over at Jason, his eyes glowing night-vision green in the dark. Jason understood immediately, and smiled. He didn’t acquire the title of Drama Jim for nothing, after all.
‘Jims, we are gathered here today to sit, and talk, and make new and wonderful friends. We all know who we are and what we have done, but our lonely, trapped friends on the other side may not. If you are listening out there! We are not humans, calling on you for a joke! We are demons, just as you are! We are Jimus Demonous, and we are stuck here in the mortal plane just as you are stuck in Hell. I - we - all know what being in Hell is like. It’s miserable, and lonely, and always just too hot for comfort. So, to alleviate your pain, or boredom, or simply if you just want to have a chat - we Jims are here for you. And if that doesn't convince you, we have Mother Jim’s famous pie! Legendary throughout Hell for its outstanding flavour, it is still warm from the oven! We also have Sarah. Say hi, girl!’
Sarah barked. The Jims cooed and patted her, stroking her fur and scratching her chin. Sarah looked immensely pleased with herself. Suddenly, the marker began to move beneath Jason’s finger.
‘It’s happening! We- we’ve found someone!’ RJ stage-whispered. Jason nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the marker. Despite being the only Jim to hold the title of Drama Jim, he had never really done anything… important before. He had been making that speech up on the fly, and luckily, it had worked. The marker began to judder and shake, and then…
‘It’s rising! It’s rising!’ RJ whispered, his green eyes wide with terror. Ah. So that wasn’t a common occurrence for an Interview, then.
‘Keep concentrating!’ Jason hissed. ‘They must be really powerful! They might not even be trapped in the inbetween - they could be contacting us directly from Hell! We might be able to get a message back home!’
With a shudder, the marker ripped itself from beneath the Jims’ fingers, swirling in the air. A cold wind burst from the marker, blowing out the candles and ruffling the curtains. Then, a white light so bright Jason was completely blinded, and a high-pitched ringing in his ears.
When his senses came back to him, Jason blinked and groaned, clutching his head. The room was a mess - papers strewn everywhere, the chairs which he had carefully stacked had been all turned over, and several of the candles had been knocked over and were bleeding wax onto his carpet. Oh, yes. And there was a silhouette standing - no, hovering - on top of the ouija board. Jason swallowed.
‘Friend, we greet you! It is simply wonderful that you’ve decided to meet us and have a-’
‘Jason? CJ? RJ? The Jims… I hadn’t expected to see you doing this summoning. I thought you hated demons?’ came a sonorous, fractured voice. The silhouette flickered into view, and Jason’s mouth went dry.
Blue and red aura. Grey skin. White suit. There was no doubt about it - it was Dark. And now he knew the Jims’ most closely-guarded secret. Oh, Jim.
‘Um… pranked you?’ he said weakly. Dark raised an eyebrow. CJ smacked his head into his hands. This was gonna be one long, long Interview, all right.
-woo just a fun little demon!jims fic!! hope you liked it!!
