A/N: Densimber wouldn’t be complete without a hefty dose of angst. I hope you enjoy. This is set within the first couple of years of Kensi and Deeks’ relationship.
***
Careless Words
Deeks is pretty good at ignoring what other people think of him. He’s had most of his life to practice, after all. Normally, he has no problem defending himself if needed, or playing into inaccurate assumptions for his own benefit. If he can’t have respect, then he’ll enjoy proving everyone wrong.
Sometimes though, it hits a little deeper. Tonight is one of those times. He and Kensi are out with a friend from her cardio class and another couple he’s never met before. There’s already a slightly awkward tinge to the conversation and somehow, it’s drifted into various surface-level anecdotes.
“Deeks has always been a little sensitive,” Kensi says after sharing a fairly embarrassing story. She nudges his shoulder, clearly looking for approval as the other people at the table laugh at his expense.
Just laugh along, he tells himself, but he can’t ignore the slightly cruel edge to Kensi’s voice. Or the sense that he’s once again being pushed out in favor of a relative stranger.
Still, Deeks manages to play along for the rest of the outing. He’s a little more quiet than usual, but everyone else is just drunk enough to not notice and fill in for his silence.
When they finally get home, Kensi stubbles just a little on her way to the front door, grabbing onto Deeks’ arm for support.
“What’s going on with you?” she asks, leaning on him. “You’ve been weird most of the night. Caroline kept asking if you were sick or didn’t like er.
“I’ve just been thinking,” Deeks says vaguely.
“Well, that explains the smell.” She snort-laughs. When he doesn’t join in, Kensi pushes back, and squints at him. “Why do you look so annoyed?”
“Sorry, I’ll try to keep better control of my emotions. Wouldn’t want you to think I’m too sensitive again.” It’s petty, but he feels a little better throwing her words back in her face. Yeah, that’s definitely petty.
Kensi looks confused for a second, then rolls her eyes and signs once realization hits.
“Baby, you know I was joking about that, right.”
“Oh yeah, it was hilarious. I didn’t realize it was an opinion you needed to share with new acquaintances, but then again, you’ve always had a different sense of humor than me.”
“That’s kind of rude,” she says playfully.
“Yeah, so is criticizing me in front of people we just met under the guise of a joke,” Deeks retorts.
Sighing again, Kensi presses a hand to her cheek. They’ve both been drinking. He should probably leave this until a better. Until the sting has worn off and he convinces himself he doesn’t care.
“You have to admit sometimes you can be…I don’t know, a little overly emotional.” Kensi waves her hand at him. “You like to talk about everything and usually lead with your heart and all that.”
And that’s the proverbial straw.
“Right, you think I’m too soft. Just like everyone thinks I’ll be the weak link when it comes down to it.” He laughs, hating how bitter he sounds right now. This is not how he saw the night going at all, yet somehow he can’t stop the words from pouring out of him. “I guess you’d prefer it if I leaned into my darker side, huh? If I acted more like my dad or Max.”
Kensi recoils as if the words physically hurt her. “Of course I don’t,” she says, more seriously than anything else she’s said the whole night. Suddenly, she looks completely sober. “Deeks, that’s not what I meant at all. I just—” She stops abruptly, her inability to finish confirming what Deeks has been feeling for the last three hours.
Brushing his hair out of the way, he looks beyond Kensi. “You know how hard I’ve worked to not be like that,” Deeks catches her eyes, having to look away again when he sees the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “Yeah, I overthink things and talk too much, but I thought by now you understood or I don’t know, maybe even secretly liked it.”
“I do,” she whispers.
“Then why? Why even say it.”
“I don’t know.” Kensi shrugs, looking like she might actually cry. “It’s habit? I guess I didn’t realize it would bother you that much.” Reaching out, she grabs his arms, pleading now. “I’m sorry, Deeks. I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Yeah, it’s a little too late for that, isn’t it?”
“Deeks, what does that mean?” Kensi whispers, sounding scared now.
“I don’t know. But I, uh, I think I need some space,” he says, slowly releasing Kensi’s hold. “I think I’m gonna go for a walk.”
“Deeks, don’t. Baby, let’s talk about it some more.”
“I’ll be back.” He walks away, not sure where he’s head, and a deep, heavy ache in his chest.
***
A/N: I hope this doesn’t seem too OOC.