Via secretladyspider on Instagram: "Depersonalization is an anxiety disorder. Depersonalization often arises from anxiety." Given WHY I have it, from a series of traumas and almost dying, well, I really hate that explanation. I feel like it dismisses people who have it from both anxiety and trauma, like "you're just overreacting!" But... I'm not CHOOSING this. It's so all encompassing, so maddening. I've had a lot an anxiety in my life, even panic attacks. My body felt far more real when my heart was pounding and tears were streaming down my face. Now I can be crying but it's like the tears belong to someone else, or I'm borrowing someone's face. I know that's illogical. It's just ... There's definitely a difference between anxiety and depersonalization. There just is. Depersonalization may be caused by anxiety, but anxiety never made me fully dissociate or question if there are bones in my hands. I get anxious when these feelings get overwhelming - I don't dissociate because I'm anxious.
I just feel utterly dismissed when people make it sound like a simple disorder when instead it is complex and all-encompassing.
Maybe I only think I understand it. Or maybe this is all a dream and none of it matters anyway. The world is so surreal to me and I am so tired of living in a body I am so far away from.