a ramble I've been meaning to do:
after a grueling, difficult, lazy, and sad two months of summer I finally accepted that depression was kicking my ass again and got back on meds. I thought it would be a breath of fresh air. like I was looking forward to meds making me feel better and stuff but I forgot how annoying the hand tremors are and I think they're worse than before. my hands basically twitch when I don't have my elbows resting on something. it's very annoying and bothersome and embarrassing when I want to show someone something on my phone. but I am feeling better, slowly. depression 2.0 is a strange one, in which I slept a grossly excessive amount, cried often, lost interest in absolutely everything, and lost my appetite. depression had never affected my sleep and hunger OR made me cry. last time it was just feeling numb. it's all just very strange and frustrating because I'm wasting so much time with it and had such big plans for this summer. now August is here and I'm swamped with stuff to do. I really fear I'm losing interest in writing when it used to be my fucking life and something I'm decent at, but I'm banking on feeling better = gaining interest and motivation again. I guess we'll see. and having my boyfriend away for three weeks puts a little damper on things. but I can handle that easy. takin' it all day by day, I shuppose.