Aug 18, 2016
you ever just suck it up and take your meds again and quickly realize a) them damn things work and b) why the hell did I stop
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you ever just suck it up and take your meds again and quickly realize a) them damn things work and b) why the hell did I stop
thoughts
I paid my acceptance fee for Ohio State University today. I love Columbus and I love that it's such a big school. 60,000 people, 60,000 ideas, creatives, lessons, inspiration, all waiting for me in the fall. a ton of my faintly is down there if I need support or help. home is three hours away if I need to return. life is really happening soon, and although it's kind of scary, I am so fucking excited
we did a forensic unit in biology and the groups had to come up with an acronym for a detective firm or whatever and some boys literally thought they could could get away with Dudes In Crime Kansas and that is the dumbest thing I can remember from sophomore biology
swollen knuckles and a sore throat. sounds like it should be song lyrics
oh. OH so everything has to fucking shake now
a ramble I've been meaning to do:
after a grueling, difficult, lazy, and sad two months of summer I finally accepted that depression was kicking my ass again and got back on meds. I thought it would be a breath of fresh air. like I was looking forward to meds making me feel better and stuff but I forgot how annoying the hand tremors are and I think they're worse than before. my hands basically twitch when I don't have my elbows resting on something. it's very annoying and bothersome and embarrassing when I want to show someone something on my phone. but I am feeling better, slowly. depression 2.0 is a strange one, in which I slept a grossly excessive amount, cried often, lost interest in absolutely everything, and lost my appetite. depression had never affected my sleep and hunger OR made me cry. last time it was just feeling numb. it's all just very strange and frustrating because I'm wasting so much time with it and had such big plans for this summer. now August is here and I'm swamped with stuff to do. I really fear I'm losing interest in writing when it used to be my fucking life and something I'm decent at, but I'm banking on feeling better = gaining interest and motivation again. I guess we'll see. and having my boyfriend away for three weeks puts a little damper on things. but I can handle that easy. takin' it all day by day, I shuppose.
haha, ooooookay like I tell you where I'm at and you get mad at me for...not telling you where I'm at...???¿? or is the reason because I "run around" too much? because...seriously? I finally have the power to get out of the house and the opportunity to do things with friends maybe one night every two to four weeks and I'm "running around" too much? like I leave for other activities a lot, yes. but...those are activities...like extracurriculars....like, obligations.... I don't fucking know what my mother's damage is anymore. she's going to have such bad empty nest syndrome when I get out of here. god fucking dammit why does this have to be such a fight.
good thing:
I still don't suck and I ate when I was hungry 2day (not more, not less)