those selfish suicidal fuckers
you know those text posts where people say -in short- “those selfish don’t think about their family members feelings when they fucking killed themselves. those selfish suicidal fuckers”
yeah, you know what i’m talking about
first: what the fuck. is this your actual attempt at making people guilty for wanting to die?
second: you obviously don’t know what it feels like to be suicidal. because that’s literally all we think about. some people only want to die for that reason. in my experience -i’m not saying this is everybody else’s- i felt that even though my friends say they care and show it in real time and even though my family...at least tries on occasion to care, i don’t actually know if they do.
so i want to die. because in my mind, this is what i see happening:
i kill myself, after being completely being immersed in my fucked up thoughts and emotions gathering and not being let out over the course of years.
my mother, in all of her sickly glory, thinks, oh no, who will help me do house chores now
my sister, not a care in the world but too young to still be in this mindset, fake cries at my funeral, and is secretly texting and going through social media while it takes place
my friends, with other emo friends to fuck around with, and too caught up in their teenage drama to give a shit, think, oh. another one? i hope i’m not asked to write a eulogy.
my best friend, legitimately the only person i think would care if i suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth with no warning, cries herself to sleep for a week, two at the most, but then eventually gets over my death and easily replaces me with a happier, prettier version of me.
my school, 99.9% of the people hear the news and think, who the fuck is that?. the other 1% think didn’t expect that, then post a picture of me on social media with the caption #rip
if it wasn’t clear, we do think about other people’s feelings. but do they care about ours? do they try to understand our circumstances?
or would our death just be a mild inconvenience in the “busy” lives they lead?
