#derma diary

[tactic4lbeauty]

You close your eyes and you heal it with love

[dermagurl]

Just one of those bad days

the first boyfriend I ever have is sleeping next to me... he fell asleep and I felt the urge to go to the bathroom

So I did and i picked just one second.. that one spot or one of them started bleeding a lot

I undid my make up washed my face and used some lotion.. afterwards I redid my make up.. all in a rush..hoping he's not waking up and checking where I am or wondering what I am doing outside the room for so long

We are a really fresh couple .. a bit more than a month. I told him about my issues and dermatillomania which proofs the trust I have but still I'm never taking of my make up off when he is staying over.. some spots are always to new or fresh so I would feel comfortable. And then there are also all those scars and marks..

Eventhough I tried to explain it I think he didn't got the whole range of this problem and how uncomfortable Im feeling with it. I'm living in a flat with 5 other people and never walking around without make up.. not even from the shower to my room.

I hope soon I can go to sleep next to him without make up. Or also stay over at his place. Which I didn't do so far because I don't have the possibility to escape in the morning to check or take the time to undo and redo my make up.. I know it's not good for the healing process either.

Right now I'm laying in bed. Totally awake. Felling the open new wound covered with make up and powder. Feeling how it's pulsing. Hoping it won't show tomorrow morning and hoping the sun isn't shining bright in the room before he leaves. Because of the makeup I just did in shitty light conditions, so it might be stained. Having a small mirror next to the bed to check early tomorrow morning.

Feeling awful

[bfrbeautiful]

derma diary take 2! the first draft of this post got deleted 😢 i leave to help teach in a primary school in africa the day after tomorrow. i’m so lucky and grateful to have this opportunity, and i feel incredibly blessed. this is my second trip to africa (my surrogate sister lives there). when i see what the girls in uganda have gone through and how they live, i feel selfish, vain, superficial, and spoiled for worrying about my skin. i am so ashamed of the times where i have lost it over acne and cuts on my face. this is my first trip away from home by myself, and it’s for a whole month. i’m terrified and stressed, and my picking has started to act up a little. in africa, i have to remember to drink water, not pick, and most importantly, just enjoy the beauty around me and learn from the people who live there. i feel incredibly scared, incredibly blessed, and incredibly excited. wish me luck. i’ll queue up some positivity posts. love you all, Lissie 💕

[tactic4lbeauty]

It’s so hard to run from anxiety. Ask yourself to shut it down for jus time minute- just enough time to back away from the mirror. Turn away. Crawl under a blanket. Cry. Don’t let anything stop you now.

[tactic4lbeauty]

This is going to be really, really hard. It’s really hard to look at myself on the mirror, or to have the knowledge that that’s what people see when they look at me. I am going to get through this. I am going to get through this. I am going to get through this. I am going to wake up, some morning this year, and not feel dread at realizing that the gorgeous natural light has filled my room and will show my face. I’m going to wake up happy and not feel the need to put on any makeup. I’m going to accept my scars and live.

[bfrbeautiful]

here’s me! recently i’ve stopped wearing makeup, despite my acne and dermatillomania scars. i wish that instead of people telling me “you’re beautiful” they would tell me “hey, sometimes you’re not going to be beautiful. you’ll have scars and pimples and scabs, but that doesn’t matter.” learning to free yourself is so important!! your skin will heal and your scars may or may not fade, but so what? how you look is not who you are, and it’s your beauty on the inside that you should hold dear to your heart.

[bfrbeautiful]

i’m feeling so blessed after the derma selfie party. this year has been one of the hardest of my life and sometimes my appearance showed it when things got rough and i couldn’t stop picking. however, i wouldn’t change anything. this year, i started therapy and it has helped my derma and body issues a lot. i feel really good right now, but i know there will be times in the future when i feel ugly inside and out. I’ll just keep pushing through and ask for help when i need it.

seeing your beautiful faces reminded me how strong the derma community is and i’m so proud to run this blog! thank you ❤️

[bfrbeautiful]

the derma feels are SO REAL tonight folks. i started picking and squeezing between my eyebrows, which is my worst spot. i stopped myself in time and i'm sure the redness/swelling will go down by tomorrow, but i'm still disappointed in myself. i've done so well in the past few weeks with picking. take a deep breath! put some moisturizer and acne cream on! drink a cold glass of water and watch 90s tv shows! it'll all be ok 💕