What if it changed everything? (3)
pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4
pairing: idol!Seungmin x reader
warnings: angst, pregnancy, fluff, comfort
summary: After a one night of pleasure with a member of the famous kpop group Stray Kids, you find out that you are pregnant. What will you do?
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The sun burned on your exposed shoulders. And you were sure, despite the thick layers of sunscreen, you would end up with a sunburn. The warm air was filled with laughter and quiet music blasting from a music box, adding much to the comfortable and excited atmosphere.
You huffed as you walked around in your garden at your parent's house. Your old home where you grew up. It wasn't that big since the house was at the edge of the city, but big enough for your small little gathering with the most important people in your life.
Not just any gathering, today was the gender reaveal party of your baby. Today, you finally knew if your little bean was a boy or a girl.
The garden was glowing with all kind of decoration. Blue and pink balloons had been tied to the old tree which you had climbed so often as a kid. Fairy lights and pastel garlands decorated the hegde that surrounded the garden where your father used to hid the Easter eggs in.
This house still meant so much to you, the time where your father and your mother still loved each other and lived here together was sacred to you. You knew that you couldn't be angry at them for breaking up, it was their decision, but sometimes you wished they were still married and talking to each other.
At least, they tried to be nice to each other today. Your father still came here where his ex-wife lived to celebrate, even though they tried to keep a good distance from each other.
Your father helped Chan and Minho with grilling and your mother mostly chatted with Hyunjin and Changbin who made one joke after the other.
All of them were here today. Seungmin and his group members, Sanha and your parents. These were the only persons you wanted here.
"Everything okay, Y/n?" Your best friend appeared in front of you, a glass of ice tea in hand that she immediately gave you.
You nodded with a smile. "Yeah, it's just so warm."
"great weather to know the gender of your baby" she winked at you, pulling you underneath the parasol and into a chair. "Come sit, baby mama" she smirked, already trailing off to get some things from inside.
She and Seungmin's friends had organised this little party for you and Seungmin. And you were extremely grateful for it. Otherwise you wouldn't have managed to do it with all the appointments and college.
At your last doctor's appointment, you had asked for her to write the gender on a paper and put it into an envelope. Saying that you and Seungmin who had accompanied you weren't close to look for yourselves was a lie. You both were itching to find out. But Sanha had immediately snatched the envelope from your fingers and safely stored it for you so that you couldn't look.
Together with Felix, she had baked a great cake that was white on the outside and in the inside, there would be a delicious filling coloured in blue or pink that would show what gender your baby was. And the cookies and brownies did Felix too. They were shaped into cute little beans with frosting, a cute detail that you cherished so much.
Hah, nobody thinks that puppy is a better nickname, you thought while chuckling.
Seungmin was talking to Jeongin, a smile permanent on his lips. He looked happy. And you were too, even though your swelling bump brought discomfort. You were now at 20 weeks, halfway through the pregnancy. Only 20 more to go to finally meet the little bean.
And it still felt so surreal that you were having a baby, becoming a mother in only a few months.
"Here come the cake!" Jisung yelled, the white cake in his hands while walking quickly out of the house. Jeongin sucked air through his teeth at the sight and quickly ran up to him to safely transfer the cake into his arms.
"Ey!" The older one exclaimed, pouting dramatically. "Sorry, Ji. But you are way too clumsy." Hyunjin stepped in, rubbing Jisung's shoulder with a smirk.
"That's not true!" He added.
"Really? Do you remember the accident at Minho's birthday?" Chan asked, scrolling through his phone until he showed you all a video. Jisung was strolling through the dorm's living room, approaching Minho with a huge smile and singing along to happy birthday.
But he tripped over his own feet and crashed to the ground, his head diving into the decorated cake face first. As he pulled his face out of the smashed cake, he was wholly covered in it, even his hair was sticky and covered in frosting.
You all laughed wholeheartedly and Jisung's ears turned red. "That was just one time!" He corrected with a pout. "At least it was rememberable" he shrugged his shoulders and Minho nodded. "Memorable indeed"
"Let's cut the cake! You suggested as Jeongin placed it on the table.
"I bet it's gonna be a boy!" Hyunjin exclaimed, showing the blue badge he had clipped onto his shirt. Everyone got a badge, wether they thought it was a girl or boy.
"You wish. It's definitely a girl" Chan replied, leaning over the table.
"Team boy forever!" Jeongin and Minho shouted while the rest of the members claimed it was a girl. Seungmin was quiet, he had absolutely no idea what gender his baby would have. He had read old wive's Tales on his phone some days prior and they assumed it was a boy with how much you glowed. They said that a girl would steal your beauty but for him, you only grew more beautiful since you were pregnant.
Your mother handed you a knife and Seungmin enveloped your hand with his. As you looked up at him with surprise he smiled at you. "Let's find out together"
You nodded in anticipation and with combined hands, you cut the cake, revealing the colourful filling.
It was blue.
It was a boy, you were going to have a boy. You couldn't contain the tears of joy that gathered in your eyes and sobbed quietly. As Seungmin noticed your shaking form, he carefully laid his arms around your body, pulling you into his chest. Your nose was pressed against his white shirt, inhaling his cologne and his rich scent that calmed you down.
"Everything already, sweetheart?" He whispered into your ear and you nodded, pulling your face away from his chest and gave him a big teary smile.
"Great, we are going to have a boy" you sobbed while a laugh escaped your throat. "Yes, our little bean" he gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead, pulling you closer again to hug you tight.
The others cheered for you, recording the heartfelt moment that was forever burned into your brain.
Softly, you caressed your baby bump that was hidden underneath the flowy white material of your dress. You couldn't wait to meet your son.
❤☯❤
After finding out that you were going to get a baby boy, you starting looking online and in shops for baby clothes and all the essentials you would need once the little bean was born. But one big issue was where you would put the nursery. Your apartment was small, really small. It just barely had enough space for you, how could there live a baby?
Even though you loved your apartment with all your heart, you knew you had to look for other places. Maybe even moving before he was born. But that brought another issue with it. Money. You weren't rich and the little income you had was spent on rent and groceries mostly. You couldn't rent bigger apartment when this small one was already so pricey. Maybe, you should consider to move more to the edge of the city or even in a village in the near.
Your mother had suggested that you could come back into your family's house so that she could help you and you didn't have to worry about an apartment. But you just couldn't. Without dad there, in your mother's arms, it didn't felt right. Like a huge piece was missing. Plus, you didn't want to burden your mom with another problem.
You knew she had issues with finding sleep, especially since your father didn't sleep beside her anymore. Often, she had huge circles under her eyes, dark and unnoticeable. A crying baby wasn't helping at all.
Luckily, you had spoken to your college and you would lie if you said that they were happy to let you take a break between the semesters. But they didn't have a chance. The end of the current semester was near and you would take the next off. At least you could check that problem off your list now.
"Already found somewhere to live?" Seungmin asked you over your phone while you cleaned your kitchen in the meantime. Sadly, he couldn't be there because he was in Paris for a fashion show but that didn't stop him from asking how you're doing.
It made you smile when you thought about how early he was awake just to speak to you before he needed to leave. In Paris, it was currently 3 am while you were already seven hours ahead. Crazy but you kinda loved the sweet gesture.
"Nope. I guess I just have to wait and maybe something good will pop up" you shrugged your shoulders, scrubbing the stove.
"Hopefully" he sighed, his blanket ruffling as he shifted.
You had interest in one of two apartments that were sort of in your affordable price range but when you reached out again to ask for a contract, they told you every time that they had already someone. Looking for a new home was devastating.
"We will find something, I promise" he added in a soft tone and through the camera you saw the gentle smile on his lips.
"Yes, we still have some time left" you answered, glancing to your tummy as you felt a strange movement. You gasped stilling in your movements and waited.
"Y/n?" Seungmin asked worried.
"Is something wrong with the baby?" His voice carried concern and fear, his back straightened as if he was about to jump through the phone to you.
"Yes. I mean no!" You stumbled, a smile forming on your lips as you pressed your hand against the spot where your little bean had moved.
"Our little bean moved!" You exclaimed, waiting in anticipation for the next one.
The black haired man's eyes widened and his mouth was agape. "Really? He's moving?" He asked again, thrilled and beaming as well with joy.
"Yes! Now again! He's becoming active" you giggled, feeling the tears in your eyes.
"I want to feel it too!" Seungmin pouted. "I should jump on a plane right now. I can't wait to feel his movements."
"You can feel it when you are back from the fashion show. Little bean will show you how strong he is then" you corrected, glancing proudly at your belly.
"I can't wait to be home again"
❤☯❤
Just four days later, Seungmin stood in front of your apartment.
"You're already back?" You asked surprised. He had told you that he would arrive today in the late afternoon but you didn't think that he would come over after an exhausting 12 hour flight.
"I couldn't wait anymore. I'm itching to feel my little boy move" the way he pronounced 'little boy' made your heart beat faster, it was so cute and somehow possessive.
With a giggle, you let the man into your apartment, just noticing the pretty gift bag he held in his hands.
His own trailed over the gift. "Oh, I nearly forgot. I saw this in a shop and instantly thought about you - so, I bought it" shyly, he placed the bag into your hands and you thanked him throughoutly before peeking inside.
Curiously, you pulled a stunning red dress out that seemed just your size. It was perfect.
"Oh my - Seungmin. I don't know what to say" you whispered, clutching the fabric to your chest.
"It's extremely stretchy by the way. So, you should be able to wear it now and after the pregnancy" he winked at you.
"Thank you so much. I don't know how to repay you"
He shrugged. "You don't need to. It's a gift. My only condition is that I will be the first to see you in that dress"
You nodded eagerly. "Yes, I can definitely arrange that"
"Great. And now, can I feel my boy?" He asked gently, not forcing you to say yes, just a simple question that you were happy to consent. "Yes, sure" you replied, sitting down on the couch and leaning back. In a swift motion, you pulled your top up to expose your protruding belly.
"Wow. I feel like in the last few days where was in Paris, you grew even more bigger" he stated with a fond smile. You nudged him playfully.
"Ey! Be careful what you say" you knitted your eyebrows and he lifted his hands. "Oh sorry. Didn't meant to offend you. Was just stating that you are even more beautiful with my baby in your belly."
Well, you definitely hadn't expected such words but they made you blush nonetheless. He giggled at the cute redness filling your cheeks, placing his hands gently on your exposed belly, right underneath your belly button.
His fingers were warm against your skin as they moved in slow movements. He stilled from time to time to try to feel your little bean moving.
Seungmin sighed in defeat, pouring and looking up at you. "Why isn't he moving? Isn't he happy that he Papa is back?" The sadness nearly made you coo at him.
"Maybe he is sleeping" you suggested with a giggle.
"No!" He exclaimed in terror, carefully laying his head on your belly, ear pressing against your skin. Meanwhile, his finger poked you. "How can you sleep, little bean, when your Papa is right here to feel you move?"
You couldn't contain your laughter as you watched how the black haired scolded the unborn baby with such seriousness.
"Yes, laugh more. Maybe he will wake up then" Seungmin encouraged, making different gestures to keep you giggling while his head was still on your bump.
"Come on buddy, show your papa how strong you are" he poked you again and again until he felt a small move underneath his head.
He shot up, a big smile on his lips. "There you are, my little bean" he cooed, pressing a little kiss onto your skin. You giggled at the light touch, a blush creating on your cheeks.
"Here's your papa. I can't wait to meet you" he whispered and it somewhat felt like Seungmin wasn't just a random hookup that resulted into a baby. You felt like you were an actual couple, not just two strangers. And you would lie if you said that you were happy that you are just strangers that are bound together by the unborn baby.
"Mama can't wait to meet you either" you replied in a soft tone, your hand hesitantly wrapping around Seungmin's. Gently, he caressed your fingers and looked at you tenderly. The way he observed you made your heart beat faster with unspoken feelings
And maybe, just maybe he felt the same way too.
❤☯❤
"I can't wait to show Y/n this adorable onesie" Seungmin exclaimed holding a light blue baby clothes up for Changbin to see. The cute little puppies all over the fabric had immediately drawn the back haired man's attention.
"It's perfect." His friend agreed, adding it to the pile of clothes in the shopping bag.
Today was one of those rare days where Stray kids only needed to attend a single dance practise lesson. Nothing more that would keep them in the company building all day.
While most of his members spent the day resting or with friends, Seungmin decided to go shopping for the baby since you were getting into the 25th week of pregnancy now. Not long and he will be meeting the little bundle of joy.
Oh he was so excited, especially since he would have a baby with you. Who knows how it would have been when you weren't the on pregnant?
He liked you, really. Your humour and your kind heart made him feel something that he hadn't felt in such a long time.
"I can't wait to give all these to her"
"You should just ask her for a date, Min. Come on. You can't just keep pining forever. Make a move" Changbin nudged his shoulder as they both trailed to the cashier.
"You think so?" Seungmin replied, quickly handing out the cash. "Sure she is even interested?"
"Dude. You're going to be the father of her child. She wouldn't have slept with you if she wasn't interested"
"But it was a one night stand. Not a date. I don't even know if she wants to date" Seungmin sighed, clutching the shopping bag in his hand in frustration.
"You won't find out if you don't ask her" Changbin replied, nudging Seungmin's shoulder.
"You're right. The next time I see her, I'll ask her out" he nodded, exiting the mall to walk to your apartment to gift you the clothes immediately. He opted to ask you today so that he couldn't put it off longer.
"That's right" Changbin approved, walking through the city centre.
A few moments later, Seungmin's friend pointed to a café.
"Isn't that Y/n?" He asked, pinching his eyes together to check if the pregnant woman on the other side of the street was actually you. Seungmin recognised you immediately. It was you. He would recognise you everywhere.
He nodded, smiling wildly at the thought of asking you now. "I'm gonna say hello" he decided and jogged over the street to the café which you had just entered.
The excitement in Seungmin's chest died down when he saw your form sitting across from another man. He was tall, wide shoulders and a huge smile. His blonde hair fell in waves over his forehead and something twisted inside of him as he saw you two hug tightly.
He clenched the bag tighter in his hands and knitted his eyebrows. You laughed at something the beautiful male said and poked his shoulder. A knife was stuck in his heart and a pain that could only be caused by an unrequited love consumed his body.
How could he have been so dumb to think that you would feel the same? He thought your actions had meant something. Something that was more than friends. And the worst? He couldn't really be mad at you. You weren't together, not even real friends. Just some strangers that had created life together.
He absolutely had no claim of you. And still, it hurt to see you with another man. So much.
He shook his head, turning around and quickly crossing the street back to Changbin who layed his head to the side in confusion.
"What-" Seungmin didn't let him finish his question. "Let's go back to the dorms" he just exclaimed, his voice tight and composed. He didn't even wait to see if his friend followed.
"Seungmin what happened?" The shorter male asked huffing as he jogged until he was next to him.
"I don't need to ask her. I didn't realise she was already dating someone" he growled in agitation. Not at you. You obviously didn't do anything wrong. He was the idiot.
"Why?"
"Because she was meeting another man in the café" he exclaimed, a headache forming behind his forehead.
"What? Really? She didn't say anything about dating someone. Wouldn't she have told you, especially when you are visiting her so often?" Changbin considered.
Seungmin sighed, massaging his forehead. "I don't know. It's just- Let's just go home, okay?"
Changbin knew he couldn't argue against what his friend had seen. He would believe it too. But he didn't thing you would keep such a information a secret.
❤☯❤
During the last 25 weeks of your pregnancy you had grown used to the constant presence of Seungmin. He had been with you during all this time. When you puked because of a strange smell, he had held your hair. When you had weird cravings, he was the one buying it, even when he just came from work in the middle of the night when he was calling you to check.
But in the last week, something had changed. The open hearted young man wasn't himself anymore when he was around you. The usual warmth that surrounded him was gone, exchanged with a stiffness and coldness you didn't know before.
You sat in his car as you two drove to the next doctor's appointment together. The first thing that was off was that he didn't come to your front door at first and instead waited in his car alone until you got into the passenger seat. Then, his face was stiff and it seemed like he clenched his teeth together. You had absolutely no idea why.
But the worst thing was the silence. An uncomfortable silence that filled the entire car which nearly crushed you.
"How was your weekend?" you tried to start a conversation that would hopefully fill the endless void.
"Good" he just answered, keeping his eyes set on the streets ahead of him while clutching the steering wheel tightly.
Well, you thought that you could create a conversation. "I saw in the internet that you had a performance. The t-shirt you wore looked so cute! And of course, Felix flashed everyone with his abs" you mused with a grin and wiggling eyebrows but Seungmin was not having it.
What the hell did you do?, you thought as he acknowledged your words with a short and measured nod. You quickly reviewed the last week but couldn't remember anything that could have upset him. You actually had thought the opposite since you two had texted each other on a daily basis and even visited a rentable apartment (which turned out to be an absolute disaster) where you had a lot of fun.
So, what was causing this sudden change in behaviour? Or was it just a bad day for him? You opted to not annoy him any further and keep to yourself for the rest of the drive.
Despite his lack of openness, he still helped you when walking up the few stairs, like he didn't want to care but couldn't get himself not to. His touch was minimal on your back but you still felt it. It was warm, hit even, burning through your shirt and leaving a comfortable feeling.
In the waiting area and in the doctor's office he was quiet, watching the monitor in silence, even just answering the doctor in short sentences without glancing in your way.
Okay, now you were pretty sure he wasn't just having a bad day. He seemed to avoid you in every way possible. Where did your good relationship to each other go?
"Baby boy seems to be healthy and strong" the doctor announced after removing the ultrasound from your belly.
"That's great" you chuckled, wiping the gel from your skin with a paper towel.
"Well, when you don't have any other questions, we are finished and we'll see each other at the next appointment" you pulled your shirt back down and Seungmin was already exiting the room like he couldn't stand to be near you at the moment.
With knitted eyebrows, you followed him to the car.
"Okay, what's up? Tell me. You act different" you stopped him just before he could enter the car, your hands curling around his arm gently.
He sighed, eyes shooting up to your face before focusing on something else again. "Nothing" he mumbled.
You snorted. "Come on, Seungmin. I know something is wrong. But I have absolutely no idea what" your fingers caressed hid arm and for a moment he melted into your touch.
But his expression became hurtful and filled with shame. "Nothing is wrong Y/n. I don't know what you mean" he gulped and freed himself from your hold. With a tight smile, he opened your passenger door.
"Let's get you home, Y/n" you knew he wouldn't answer you right now. He was too stoic for that and somehow seemed hurt. Why? Had you hurt him unintentionally? You literally had no idea how you had offended him.
These questions busied your mind until you arrived at your apartment door. Seungmin didn't even come up to say goodbye like always, rather humming a short bye in the car. You clenched your teeth together and quickly unlocked your door.
Such an idiot. Why is he like that? You did nothing wrong. And you thought that maybe there was something more between you, something more than friendship. Because you felt the good connection you two shared, the pull towards him. And you had been sure he had felt it too. But now? You weren't so sure anymore.
❤☯❤
Seungmin's behaviour didn't get better from then on. He was still distant and vague, only really speaking to you when it concerned the baby. Slowly, you got frustrated. Where you just the one who would deliver his baby now? Nothing more?
You even reached out to Chan to ask what was wrong but he couldn't really give you an answer. The only thing he told you was that the black haired had been sleeping at his own apartment and not in the dorms anymore.
A sharp pain crashed through your body from your belly. The little bean had been pretty active. With a hiss, you rubbed the spot he had kicked. "Beanie, that's not nice. It hurts" you scolded him playfully, actually enjoying the feeling of him moving. That reassured you that he was strong and healthy. Even though you had told him multiple times that your ribs weren't a music instrument he needed to kick or your bladder wasn't a pillow to sleep on. But of course he didn't listen to you.
He kicked again right where your hand laid. "I know. I miss your papa too" it wasn't like Seungmin was on a tour or out of the country. No, he just refused to come over or to even call. He would say that he was in the middle of a vocal lesson or a dance practice which wasn't true since Chan told you that he had a free afternoon.
In the evening, you decided that it was enough torture. If he had something against you, he could finally voice it. He wasn't a child anymore for god's sake. And he could stand up to his actions.
You still remembered the way to his apartment. You had been there a few times now. Sometimes to plan the future and sometimes just to have company. During your whole trip, you fiddled with your hands, a bad feeling spreading inside of you.
With a shaky breath, you made your way up to the apartment. But you didn't even come far and with your eyes looking down, you didn't expect walking into someone.
Quickly, your gaze shot up and were shocked to look into the eyes you adored so much, the eyes meant so much to you now.
"Seungmin" his name fell breathy from your lips, a small smile tugging at them. His own eyes widened and panic surged through them.
"Y/n, what are you doing here?" He asked and before you could answer, another voice forced himself into the conversation.
"Seungmin, who is this?" You stilled, slowly taking in the form that was basically glued to the arm of the father of your unborn child. She was pretty. Blonde, tall and super thin. Her face looked down at you like you were in her way to success.
Seungmin gulped, eyes trailing down. You weren't dumb. You knew exactly what he was doing. It wasn't like you two hadn't done the same.
Your heart hurt, clenching together as pain consumed you. You turned your gaze away from them, it hurt too much.
"This is Y/n" the black haired stumbled over his own words, the silence filling with uncomfortable avoidance.
"Oh- um. Sorry- I didn't. I didn't want to disturb you" you whispered, seeing the blonde's triumphant smile as you turned on your heels to flee the scene.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you thought desperately, repeating it like a mantra until you were out if their sight.
So that was why he was so different? Were you really that dumb and thought you stood a chance? How pathetic. You were just a random girl and he an idol. Of course he wouldn't want to spend his life with you. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
And you really thought that he felt the same. You snorted bitterly, now letting the tears run down your cheeks. And the worst?
You were ashamed. You had his child in your belly and didn't really matter to him anyways. Not the way you would like to matter. You were just the mother, a random stranger.
You couldn't believe how you could lie to yourself like that. There never was a real chance for you. And your own heart was already too deep in love. Yes, you said it. You loved him and his quirky mannerisms.
"Sanha?" You sobbed into your phone, clutching it tightly with trembling hands.
"Oh my - what's up, Y/n? Is the baby alright?" Her voice sounded through your phone after the first ring, concern showing in her voice.
"Yes, he is fine." You murmured. "Seungmin he-" your lip trembled as you tried to voice what you just saw.
"Y/n. What did he do?" Sanha wanted to know.
"I told you that he was distant lately and I wanted to know what happened. So, I went to his apartment, only to see a random girl glued to his arm" the words came out shallow and shaky.
"He did not" Sabha exclaimed, huffing out air in a frustration. "Don't worry, I'll get some ice and come to your apartment" she added and you heard how she already shut her door and trailed down the steps from her own apartment.
"With pickles?" You whispered, earning a laugh from your best friend.
"Of course with pickled"
"Thank you. You're the best" you sobbed. "I know." With that, she hung up and you trotted back home.
You were completely sweaty and exhausted when you arrived back at your apartment. The summer's heat and the additional weight from the baby made it even more difficult now. Plus, the crying had weighed you down too, making your eyes puffy and swollen.
Not five minutes later, Sanha came through the door with vanilla ice cream and your requested pickles. She hugged you tight, pressing a kiss to your hair.
"I'm so sorry Y/n."
"Why did he do that? I thought there was more between us." You sighed, opening the ice cream and dipping a pickle in it.
"I don't know. But I had the same impression. He always looked at you so smitten" she argued, plopping down onto the couch. You sat down right next to her, wiggling your swollen feet to lift the weight from them.
"Sometimes, I really thought he would kiss me. But as it seems, he isn't interested at all." You brushed your hair out of your face. The sadness and betrayel you felt prior slowly turned into frustration and anger.
"And the worst? He doesn't even have the heart to tell me or hint at me that he is still doing one night stands. God, I feel so embarrassed" you massaged your scalp, tears of frustration forming in your eyes again.
"Don't feel embarrassed. I thought he had feelings for you too. And he could have communicated" she wrapped her arms around your middle.
"And even if I wanted to stop the contact, I couldn't because of our little bean" you complained, hating the situation he had gotten you in. Every time you would see him, you were going to be reminded of your shame and anger.
"Yes, he's such an asshole" Sanha nodded, combing through your hair with her fingers in a soothing manner. "The next time I'll see him, I'll give him a piece of my mind"
──────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────
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