"your lipstick cracked."
pairing: kim seungmin x reader
genre: angst, fluff
warnings: cursing, sexual themes
word count: 1.5k
summary: vacation's fun in theory until you're in your head the whole time, and the only person who can calm you down is a thousand miles away. on the other side of the room.
Entering the dining room you were met with the sight of Seungmin, standing out like the North Star, in a clutter which was his bandmates. He should've been a high fashion model, really. He looked so handsome. Good enough to eat.
But you weren't drooling over him. Or the food.
You didn't quite know why, but you weren't really happy to be there. Changbin's girlfriend had greeted you 5 minutes ago, naturally, as you were the first other girl to leave her room tonight. You were early, too. Early because you'd started getting ready 2 hours before dinner. You'd picked out a pretty black dress, added sparkles, of course, to your usual eye makeup, and wore a dark lipstick. One of the ones that went on wet and stayed all night. None of it was too much, just pretty. Bold?
It was important to you to get dolled up. Get noticed, keep Seungmin's eyes glued to you as long as possible to make up for lost time, even when you knew it might've been futile. Behind closed doors, he gave you all the attention one could. But for now, there was everyone else to entertain. Not just you, passively needy in your seat, and uncomfortable in your own skin like you were a teenager all over again.
The flight was barely anything. That's why you couldn't say anything. An hour and 15 to Jeju in the same plane as the love of your life, and knowing you'd be sleeping with him every night of the trip was hardly anything to complain about. So why did you feel sick? He was distant, you thought. But he was anything but when with you. Was this some sort of separation anxiety? You'd never had it before.
"How are you and Seungmin-ssi?" The girl from earlier asked, bringing you back to earth. Your eyes, unfocused and lingering on some vase shot up to meet hers, which were polite and conversational. She was a lot like you, actually. Fiery, or something along those lines. She was a cute girl, too. Her and Changbin were like a married couple already.
"Oh, we're good," you responded, mustering what you thought was a subtle grin. "He's great."
"Yeah? Cute. Whenever I see Changbin with him on TV, I think of you."
You chuckled softly, lips parting slightly. "Yeah, you too. It's nice to see you again." You pushed down the bad feelings. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."
She nodded, and you left your chair. You walked fast to the bathroom, hoping to hide away until you were breathing right again. Maybe you were nauseous from the plane. You were sure this would all be fixed when he'd say something to you.
All day, no words from him. Well, no sentences. You woke up, alone in bed, finding Seungmin on the floor packing his bag. You exchanged ‘good mornings,’ and he wasn’t cold or anything, but your flight was early enough that he didn’t make time to ease into the morning or tell you how pretty you were when you woke up.
He had gone to bed early the night before after a series of tired nights from performing. He was beautiful on stage. Naturally, you’d wanna pounce him the second he got home. But you spared him, knowing he was probably sore and achy, ready to collapse the second his bed was in sight. He may have let you give him head after a shower one of the several nights, or ride him that night with the technical difficulties, but usually, at least for the first stretch, and the only stretch of concerts in your city, time with him was limited. But all sexual frustration aside, though, you loved cuddling him. Taking care of him, doing anything really. And with all the practices that consumed his everyday, the sex was actually most of your time with him.
But you could handle a day of loneliness.
You sat alone on the plane, window seat, first class. Best of the best, right?
Back to the present, you’d caught your breath sitting on the lid of the toilet, sorting out your thoughts the best you could. You stood up and checked the mirror, expression as blank as it was when you’d left your room. You were excited to sleep here tonight. Not as excited to leave the bathroom right now. But you did anyway.
You caught Jeongin’s kind eyes briefly, and tried your best to return them. For that half a second you shot him with one of those unintentionally bitchy expressions where you assume your lips are grinning when they’re really barely tilted at all. You always resorted to that one when your social battery was low.
You were being perceived. You hated it. You were tired.
Throwing those selfish feelings aside, you went to secure your seat at the dining table again.
Seungmin was still consumed with his boyfriends.
-
Dinner flew by. The food was awesome as usual, made by a bougie private chef the group hired for the trip. Seungmin took a seat next to you, which signaled for anyone who wanted to eat by him to set up over there. You remained pretty quiet for the whole meal, which came more naturally than ever at the moment. It was weird for you to be so tentative. Did he even bat an eye?
You got up to bring your plate to the sink to clean it off.
“[name],” said a too familiar voice.
You turned your head to catch his eye. “Yeah?” You mouthed, assuming a sound would come out, only for it to catch in your throat.
His eyes softened as much they could with his lack of information. “Wanna go upstairs and talk?”
You nodded, and followed beside him when he started walking. His hand gently took hold of your wrist.
“Don’t worry about me…” you mumbled halfway up the stairs. With all these feelings you’ve been organizing in your head, you were speechless now that he was in front of you.
“I’m gonna worry,” he whined softly. You entered one of the many rooms and sat by the headboard of the bed as he shut the door. He sat in front of you on the mattress. You held out your hand, reaching for the side of his neck to pull him in. You kissed him, and he of course accepted. Whatever you needed. He wasn’t an idiot; he could gather that whether you truly felt neglected–-which you sort of did—or not, you needed attention. It was either that or you wanted to be completely alone. But that was proven wrong when you kissed him. Or more so accepted his hand.
The anxiety built up from everything set in now, and became a soft fire now that you weren’t anticipating anymore. You moved your head to kiss his cheeks a bit, and when you parted, he looked over your face like you were a puzzle; a beautiful one. “You ovulating or something?”
“Hey…”
He pressed his lips to yours again, tender and matched to your passion at the same time. Your hand wandered lower, over his chest and down over his pants. You palmed him, willing to take him in any way if it meant being as close as possible, even if you weren’t communicating the best.
“You sure?” He asked, just above a whisper.
“I…want you.”
He gave you those puppy eyes, by default. “Okay, well I’m yours.”
It was as if when he was finally good at feelings, you weren’t.
He kissed your neck.
“I just…missed you,” you muttered while he worked, with a hand ghosting over his back, still tentative.
“Yeah?” Against your skin.
You didn’t respond.
He pulled back, meeting your eyes. “That’s what this is all about,” he said, a confirmation to himself.
You nodded.
He huffed and pushed you gently back onto the mattress. “Well?”
Slowly, you smiled. With teeth. He was too charming; he never let you be unhappy.
He marveled, brushing his thumb over your lips. “Your lipstick cracked.”
You looked up at him like he was the moon. “Did it?”
“...You haven’t smiled all night? Fuck, this is evil now. Wait,” he said, hushed, crawling off of you and leaving the room for a moment. You kept that grin on your face. He didn’t hate you. When he was back he was holding a wet washcloth. He handed it to you. “Here, now we can have soft kisses.”
“What if I want it rough?” You remarked, still subdued.
He rolled his eyes. “Your lips are sticky.”
“Sorry…” You scrubbed your lips till they were bare. They were dry now, but soon you’d be sharing lip balm with him.
He sat patiently. “..Sorry.”
You perked up. “For what?”
“Making you miss me. We were together the whole time, anyway.”
“It’s okay…you didn’t do anything wrong. I just…maybe I am ovulating.”
He chuckled quietly, “Well we’ve got nothing but time this vacation.”
You smiled again, looking over his face, which had light imprints of your lips staining his cheeks. “It’s on your face.”
His eyes widened, and you could’ve laughed at how cute he was.
“Wipe it off?” He asked softly, offering his cheek, which was now flushed.
“Leave it.”











