Sleep Paralysis
I've been getting a lot of sleep paralysis lately. Its starts off when I'm laying down. I am not sure if I am just tired and I can't move or if I am going through another episode. Then it dawns on me when I start sinking into my deepest thoughts detached from reality. I think thats what sleep paralysis is, the complete detachment of your mind from the physical world. I still vividly remember my first episode, I couldn't open my eyes, and I had no control over anything physical. When I was young, I associated this phenomena with the devil. I would start praying but that just encouraged fear and anxiety to take over. Now, with more experience, my mind freely roams around open to any thought that could possibly explain the situation, I try to concentrate on relaxation. But to relax, it either takes great courage or complete ignorance. While I wrestle with the choices in hand, doubt starts to creep in, with doubt I must check if I am still in control. This thought becomes obsessive and I devout the entirety of me to confirm my physical existence. I concentrate on waking up, I imagine thrusting my hand or kicking my feet but the more I try the harder it seems to move. All at once, I am broken from the spell and return to my bed. I see how reality hasn't changed a bit and soon the very thought of doubting my control seem silly. I chuckle and wonder if I would react the same way next time I go through a sleep paralysis. But my hapless curiosity is soon flashed by a blade of terror. I ask myself with hesitation, what if I never wake up when did happens again?