#devomy

[developmentofmyself]

Em told me she loves me today. I can't even words right now.

[developmentofmyself]

So evidently I was wrong, I can feel jealousy, or something akin to it. Huh. Not sure what to make of that.

[developmentofmyself]

Have you ever had an absolutely crazy thought, some strange idea that just grabs your attention until you realize it's impossible and then forget it, only to hear it from someone else and it just grabs you, refusing to let go even though it's an insane, impossible idea that would end badly for everyone?

[developmentofmyself]

Late Night Flailing

So, I may have just told Em that knowing her makes me happy, that sort of content happy when you know something is just right in the universe, like something's just clicked together. That's the only way I know how to describe how I feel. She's so much like me, she thinks the way I do, talks the way I do, the whole nine yards. So I told her that she was already a major part of my life, and that knowing that someone out there can really understand me like she does makes me unexplainably happy. And she said she feels the same way. <3

[developmentofmyself]

Just got done eating Chinese food with the family, and what fortune do I, of course, get? "There's a secret romance blooming! Go for it, in spite of your hesitation." If that's not a creepily accurate fortune perfectly describing how things with Em are going, I don't know what is.

[developmentofmyself]

Bah!

Agh, this girl is so great. Like seriously, we just had a straight up conversation about what I'm going to be doing with my future and then boom, we're comparing favorite donuts and she's scheming on how to get me to be less picky. We've been talking for just over a week, and I don't even know her real last name, but I can basically tell you her work schedule and a good portion of her life story piecemeal. And I honestly feel like we can tell each other anything, even though we've seen each other in person a grand total of two or three times. Now if only she was into me back. *flails*

[developmentofmyself]

Life Sucks Sometimes

I met someone over the weekend. She's awesome, smart, we share a ton of interests, it's great. We've been talking just about every day since we met. I'm so crushing on her hardcore. But, as happens, I get thrown the curveball of, once again, having a crush on someone who's monogamous. And possibly on top of that not even looking for a relationship in general. And she knows about Angel but not about the whole poly thing. And comes across as flirty when we're chatting but I could just be reading into it wrong. So on one hand, bah, yet another crush that's just gonna simmer and suck. On the other hand, anything else aside, I actually have a new friend. So yeah, Life sucks sometimes, I'm just not sure which way it's gonna go this time.

[developmentofmyself]

Jealousy

I've been pondering this one a lot lately. I've discovered that pretty much no matter what happens, I don't feel jealousy. Like, really at all. Envy, sure, a little, mostly revolving around Angel having someone else and me getting lonely, but true jealousy, that intense gut-wrenching reaction of seeing her with another guy, or that fear of being replaced, or things like that, nope. Nothing. It's nice, being pretty much entirely compersive, but sometimes I wonder. There are so many posts and blogs and people that say that jealousy is normal, to be expected, a glob of natural feelings, and I worry that maybe I'm missing something, or maybe that something is wrong.