Lilith in Cancer / 4th house: negative mother complex | devouring mother archetype
archetypes, negative complexes and astrological positions
[mother's behaviors - the shadow part of Lilith in Cancer and the 4th house]
(Demeter and Persephone)
note: the position is far beyond what i’m exploring through this post. the focus here is on just one side of Lilith.
obs.: before anything, like everything in astrology, not all positions are manifested in the way that astrologers describe because everything depends on the native's will, whether in an active or indirect way. not every position or aspect will manifest in the same way in all people, not to mention that here i focus on the negative point of the position, but it still has its positive points, even if that is not its primary nature.
Lilith in Cancer / in 4th house = possibility to behave like Démeter
Démeter symbolizes the Great Mother, with characteristics that many of us venerate, but also, behind her own exalted attitudes, she keeps an extreme side and an overprotection that masks an ability to allow her daughter to create her own individuality and flourish in other gardens, finally gaining freedom.
exacerbated "love" and overprotection masked by the person's fear of gaining individuality, freedom and becoming a woman she doesn't want her daughter to become.
this complex is related to the mother archetype.
characteristics of Lilith in Cancer/in 4th house:
the exacerbation of maternal instinct
extreme vulnerability
ability to develop dependent relationships
fear of being without her/him nourishing figure, wants to prune the person as if pruning branches of a tree
internal emotional insecurity
control of the other through emotions
denial of giving or receiving love, and at the same time, an excessive desire to dominate those around you through “love”
obsession with emotionally controlling people
projection of her/his personality over that of her/his daughter / son or mother, due to the unconsciousness of her/his internal maternal instinctual world
about the negative mother complex itself
-> the mother complex is present in all people. it can represent the need for affection, protection and connection. if the initial experience we had in life was satisfactory and met our expectations and needs, the mother complex tends to be positive. however, if the experience is one of extreme protection and “care” or an extreme absence of it, we can speak of a negative mother complex.
-> the person experiences the archetype of the Great Mother in intimate relationship with the mother. from this relationship, a particular idea of being a mother is being elaborated by the person's psyche.
-> Demeter, in mythology, acts as if she has a real property right over the daughter. she sees herself primarily as a mother and not as an individual separate from that role, however, she also has an unconscious attitude as a personal relationship. she acts by exercising power and control over her daughter Persephone, and seems to be always sacrificing herself when in reality she is unable to make a real sacrifice: to give freedom to her daughter.
-> her maternal instinct imposes itself brutally until she succeeds in annihilating her own personality and that of her children”
this theme has already been present in several films / paintings / myths, which shows that there isn’t only goodness and positive aspects in a mother's protective behavior.
the story of the film “Tangled” is a good example:
in the end, this positioning of Lilith in Cancer may, deep down, have a possibility of keeping a fear of letting someone create “wings” and freeing themselves from such a relationship of immense dependence. the shadow part of this position shows us an extreme emotional insecurity and inability to love someone truly, unconditionally, accepting the individuality of the other.
and in addition we have the film “Black Swan”, in which the main character seems to be doomed to be trapped in a cage being her mother's eternal child. however, this intense “love” only masks an insecurity and a fear of leaving the daughter to allow her to build an individuality.
this exaggerated "love" and emotional nutrition comes with only one condition: seeing the other being an extension of themselves. this can be particularly present in those who become mother, because the maternal issue occurs more strongly because of Cancer / 4th house. the person doesn’t need to be considered a bad person, it isn’t necessary to make a character judgment, but to notice the effects and it's good or bad to behave like that. it's obviously not healthy for either side. one is too limited and depends on the figure (in this case, the mother depends on the daughter to nurture her), and the other is limited in developing a stronger personality.
how to deal with it in a healthy way?
-> be a person who allows others to have their own individuality. here i gave an example of a maternal figure, a devouring mother, but this side of Lilith can arise in other types of relationships as well: in friendships, in loving relationships. the background, what marks this position is emotional insecurity and the need to control something / someone to supply such insecurity. therefore, it's important to note any pattern of emotional abuse from you towards others.
-> note that you don't need people to be a validated, important person. others don't have to be there to make sure you're feeling well.
-> be aware of possible ambiguities such as: desire to control emotionally x rejection of nurturing someone. at first you want total emotional contact with someone, but in order to control the person. and then, when it comes time to give in and allow yourself to nurture someone and have a good exchange, you run away. pay attention to that.
it’s important to mention that people with Lilith in Cancer / Lilith in 4th house may or may not behave in such way, always prevailing the choices of each individual. moreover, these positions also have good sides. but in this post, the focus is the SHADOW, which is also present in some individuals, even if not in all, and should be discussed and brought up.
I’m not sure if it’s the light or people’s fear of darkness that terrifies me.
When they smiled with nervous eyes and embarrassed wrinkles, my anger climbs up my spine,
‘Yet another motherfucker who wants to be rid of darkness’
Without darkness you are nothing.
How dare you decide that you are the master here, abandoning me as if I have to obey your command.
I don’t believe in light, niceness and fertility. They feel like the viscid mucus you are forced to be pleased with; a slab of fat that greased your spirit without consent.
And the atrocious avalanche of encouraging the pursuit of light diseased the hearts of human.
I no longer care about “everything has a purpose”. If darkness needs an ally, I would step forward and be the commander.
I no longer want to pretend I do not abhor people’s love for light. The mad love that chased shadows down to its corners, evaporated the last particle that refuses to reflect light.
After Persephone swallowed the seeds, her vision transformed.
___________________
Musings of Persephone 2
When I saw you trying so hard to put on a show, I laughed. Without a sound, without letting my lips moved. Because it was sarcasm long overdue; on your side and on mine.
Not sure who your audience will be and what you are going to play on that stage. One thing I’m sure is that nothing under that spotlight is genuine. Including your tears and your gratitude.
And I’m sorry anyone needs to see that buffoonery, and I’m sorry if you ever tried to hypnotise yourself into thinking this would be a real tragedy.
You know, in order to be classified as a tragedy, someone has to die. And as I saw that it’s just gonna be your monologue, I hope this becomes a real tragedy.
So keep trying, maybe when that spotlight finally flickered out of impatience, you’ll see my cometempt.
Sometimes our worst days are truly blessings but the alternative would have devoured us. 💜
Sometimes our worst days are truly blessings but the alternative would have devoured us. 💜
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