the waiting hours
Maria Hill x sister!Reader
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: R is Maria’s younger sister, who struggles with anxiety because of Maria’s job. After a heart-to-heart, Maria comes up with a possible solution to the problem.
A/N: i love this request, and it ties in very well to a series idea that i had a couple of weeks ago that could be really interesting. (for that reason, i did end up changing some of what was asked) the concept really excites me, but i’m nervous about being able to do it justice. i can make a little post to give you guys a little idea of what i was thinking, if that’s something you’d like, just let me know! it would involve more natasha and blackhill.
also tiny warning about the amount of context there is, so sorry about that but i couldn't help myself.
Your heart hammered in your chest as you checked your texts for the fourth time in the last couple of minutes.
Still nothing from Maria.
The time on your phone read 1:23 AM. More than six hours after she was supposed to come home and you still hadn't received so much as a text from her.
By midnight, you realized the movie night the two of you had been planning all week wasn't going to happen, and it stung more than you cared to admit.
It felt silly, really. You had only learned to depend on your older sister after your father died. His passing had been complicated. He was complicated. While he had his good moments, he also had very bad ones. In the last seven years of his life, alcoholism took control of him. It began the year after Maria left the house for college, and you couldn’t help blaming yourself for his incessant drinking.
As horrible as it was to admit, when you found out guardianship had been granted to Maria and you’d be living with her, you felt nothing but relief. Happiness, in a wickedly bittersweet way. You had lost so much of your childhood to the circumstances in which you were brought up, so this was your opportunity to start fresh and enjoy your last couple of years as a kid teenager.
The two of you also had a ten-year age gap, so you were young when she moved away at eighteen. This had left you with a lot of catching up to do, and you were so grateful that you got to live with your big sister again. So grateful that she was willing to put her time, money, and energy into taking care of you
Maria’s availability and presence in your day-to-day life ebbed and flowed in the two years since she’d become your guardian.
At first, it seemed like Maria was around all the time. After your father’s passing, she took an entire month off, just to spend time with you and make sure you were okay. In the following month, she would take a couple of days off work a week and never worked overtime.
Eventually, she returned to her full hours. Her work was important - and you knew how much it meant to her. Ever since you were a kid, you could remember how your big sister would talk about wanting to help people. You knew how crucial her position was, and you were well aware of how busy she was kept because of the demanding nature of her job. Still, you couldn’t help feeling disappointed every time she stayed late at work and missed a movie night or dinner, and lately, it seemed like she had no time for you at all.
It wasn’t the disappointment that ate away at you, however. The anxiety was the real killer. Most nights, you went to bed with your stomach in knots, worried about whether your sister was okay or not. You’d been more stressed than ever before over a job that wasn’t even your own.
Seeing the state Maria would arrive home in sometimes was what rattled you the most. She never arrived bloody or dirty, except for one time. She’d come home with a grazed shoulder and a cut on her cheekbone. You’d cried for an hour because she was all you had left in this world, and you couldn’t bear to lose her. After that, she became adamant about washing off her day in the SHIELD locker rooms and stopping by the medbay if necessary. It was her way of protecting you from the reality of her job.
After that one incident, it was the faraway look in her eyes that shook you to your core. The telltale sign of inevitable disasters she’d still worked so hard to prevent.
Sometimes, you’d imagine that alongside all the medals and awards she’d received in her tenure at SHIELD, she’d receive a medal for being the worst at responding to text messages regarding her safety.
It was hard to complain, though. You knew she would give you the moon and stars if you asked for them, but it seemed as though the hardest thing for her to give you was her time.
You checked your phone once again to no avail and sighed deeply, letting your head thump against the wall behind you.
· ·✶· ·
The click of the front door of the apartment unlocking stirred you from your nap on the couch.
Maria walked in, tight bun still intact, shoulders holding all the tension from her day. She allowed her bag to drop to the floor and her keys to clatter on the counter as a deep sigh escaped through her lips.
She only saw you once her eyes adjusted to the dark room. The sight of you made her stand a little straighter, almost like she’d been called to attention.
“Honey, why aren’t you in bed?”
Your eyes were bleary from your nap, but you managed to catch the time that read 2:08 AM on the microwave behind her.
“You didn’t answer my texts. We were supposed to have our movie night. I was worried,” you murmured.
The shock on Maria’s face told you she had completely forgotten that she’d even given you a reason to wait up for her. Her lips pursed tightly in regret after she took a sharp breath, “Fuck, kid, I’m so sorry. I got so caught up at work, I forgot.”
“It’s fine,” you shook your head, because it wasn’t fine, but there was nothing else for you to say.
“I’ll make it up to you, okay? Tomorrow morning I’ll make us breakfast, and I’ll go in a little late so we can eat together… How does that sound?”
“Good,” you forced a small smile, so she knew you could see that she was trying, and nodded. “I’m going to go to bed.”
Even though you were upset with her, you couldn’t fight the voice in your head that told you to hug her on your way to bed, because it’s what you’d wanted all night. She looked slightly surprised when you threw your arms around her waist. You hugged her a little too tight for comfort - though Maria said nothing about it - and laid your head on her shoulder. One of her hands went to the back of your head, holding you against her, and the other rested on your upper back. When you felt her body relax slightly, like she was no longer holding the weight of the world, you realized that she probably needed this too.
“Goodnight, I love you, Ria.”
“To the moon and back, Y/n/n. Sweet dreams.”
· ·✶· ·
The smell of pancakes woke you before your alarm, and a smile tugged at your lips as you stretched your body to wake up.
You padded into the kitchen, and Maria heard you before you could greet her.
“Good morning, did you sleep well?” She turned in your direction and smiled at the state of you, hair messy from sleep and pajamas wrinkled from the night.
You were pleased to see that she wasn’t yet in the pristine condition that she went to work in every day. Her makeup was done, but her hair was loose, the ends brushing her shoulders as she moved. She was wearing a white button-down and navy pants, but her shirt wasn’t tucked in.
It brought a smile to your face. She looked more like herself.
You nodded in response to her question, and a yawn threatening to bubble up interrupts your speech until the feeling passes, “I did, you?”
“Yeah, it was alright,” Maria nodded once and turned back to the stove. You knew she was lying; it wasn’t very hard to tell. Every once in a while, she would put no effort into a lie and expect you not to question her. You knew why she did it. Sometimes it was easier to give a halfhearted answer than to be honest, than to explain that she didn’t sleep well, and having to tell you all the reasons why. You understood that well.
The high stool that was tucked under the bar of the kitchen island dragged noisily on the floor as you pulled it toward you to sit down. “Sorry,” you murmured, remembering that she’d just told you the week before to be careful with the flooring.
“It’s okay,” she replied softly, as she plated the pancakes into two neat piles.
Maria placed one of the plates in front of you and slid the other in front of the seat beside you. You watched the wisps of steam rise from your pancakes as your sister pulled out a bowl of mixed berries from the refrigerator.
She popped a strawberry that had already been cut in half into her mouth while walking around to sit next to you. “They’re good this week,” she hummed as she finished chewing.
“Thank god,” you chuckled, starting to dig into your breakfast.
At home, when she wasn’t worried about work and was truly herself, Maria was a pretty easygoing person. Last month, however, the grapes at the store were more bitter than usual, and the strawberries were less firm. She’d thrown a fit and grumbled every time she went into the fridge to grab a snack about how she’d love to have fresh fruit.
“Hey, so, this coming Friday they’re sending me out in the field, and I’ll be gone for a day or two. I don’t have all the details yet, but I wanted to let you know now. I just found out last night.”
Just like that, the bubble of a perfect morning you were in popped. The pancakes felt heavy in your mouth, almost too fluffy, like they were suffocating you. You forced what was in your mouth down with a sip of water that you realized Maria had set on the counter for you before you’d even come out of your room. Your eyes watered slightly as a lump in your throat formed, and you realized you weren’t even paying attention to what she was saying.
“-so I’m going to have Natasha come stay with you again, but she also said to tell you you’re welcome to stay at her place if you’d like a change of scenery.”
Maria looked at you expectantly, and your mouth was open for a second or two before you could nod and find words, “That’s nice of her.”
Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, “What’s wrong?”
Her words make the hair on your arms stand. The way she asks is firm, and the words fall from her lips quickly - you think it’s a tactic she developed with you to catch you off guard enough to see your true feelings, even if you’d attempt to lie to her. It always worked.
She’d noticed the subtle crinkle in your brow and your eyes widening slightly before you could catch yourself immediately. You knew trying to lie was a lost cause, and yet, “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” Maria frowned and put a hand on your shoulder, urging you to turn toward her slightly so she could look at you better. “Do you not like it when Nat stays with you? I can ask someone else -”
“No, I love Nat - that’s not it.” “What is it then? I want to help.”
“I know,” you ran your fingers through your hair, a habit you’d developed that was a dead giveaway of your frustration. “I know you want to help, but I don’t think you can help.”
Maria tutted and took your hand in hers, squeezing gently. “Take a breath, kid, it’s okay.”
You chewed the inside of your lip for a moment before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. After letting the air out of your mouth, you opened your eyes again and saw your sister looking at you worriedly.
It made you feel guilty to see her like that. Patient and understanding when you were being difficult.
“I might not be able to help, but I’d like to try. And even if I can’t, I can see that something’s really bothering you. You shouldn’t have to carry that alone.”
You thought your heart might beat out of your chest as you geared up to speak. She squeezed your hand again, reminding you that she was there and it was going to be okay.
“I’ve been struggling a lot lately with anxiety,” you started slowly, knowing this next part would probably be the worst to get out.
Maria nodded once, intent on showing you that she was listening, and waited for you to continue.
“Mainly because of you - or, your job, really. I just get so worried, and I feel so helpless sitting here waiting for you to come back when I haven’t heard from you, and I have no idea what’s going on on your end. I sometimes wonder if it’s going to be you who walks in the door at night or one of your coworkers to bring me bad news.”
Saying it out loud felt relieving, but you were worried about what Maria would think. Tears began to fall at this point, and you swore that for a second, your sister’s eyes looked glassy. “No, no - you don’t need to worry about that, Y/n/n,” she reached forward to brush your hair away from your eyes gently. “I know what I do seems scary, and it can be, at times. But for the most part, I’m safe in headquarters, leading missions from afar. And when I am out in the field, I’m rarely worried about making it out because I know I will. I have to, because I’ve got you counting on me, yeah?”
You nod once, brushing away a tear that had just fallen.
“Come here, kid,” Maria murmured as she stood from her seat, pulling you into her arms.
You cried against her shoulder, probably wetting her button-down, but she didn’t seem to care at all. She ran her fingers through your hair repeatedly, knowing it would help calm you down.
It felt good to finally release the pent-up anxiety you’d had building for months, to talk about how you were feeling, but you were still worried that as soon as she left to work again, you’d be left with the same feeling of dread until she returned.
Maria’s hand stilled after you calmed, and she pulled back to wipe your tears. You started to apologize for her shirt when you caught a glimpse of it, but she shushed you quickly, not having any of it.
“I have an idea, but you might hate it.”
“That’s always a great way to win someone over,” you muttered, sniffling before you spoke.
Maria rolled her eyes playfully and went on, “Since it’s Saturday and you don’t have school, what do you think about coming in to work with me? My day isn’t too busy, and you’d be seeing some people you know. I know you’ve visited a couple of times, but you’ve never spent a whole day there. I think it might change your perspective a bit to see that things over at headquarters can be calmer than you might think… I think it could help.”
“Or it’ll make it worse,” you murmured.
“But it might help,” she pushed gently, but could tell that you still weren’t convinced.
“How about this - if you stay for two hours and absolutely hate it, I’ll take the rest of the day off, we’ll go home and watch whatever movie you want.”
Your brow creased as you thought about it. It was a good offer. You’d never had a bad time visiting her at work, though you’d witnessed some slightly stressful situations; there would be some familiar faces, and it could help to rationalize your overthinking. You knew it wouldn’t help with your anxiety during her missions, but if it could help on a day-to-day basis, it might be worth it.
“Okay,” you said, finally.
A hopeful smile grew on Maria’s face, and she raised a brow, “Okay?”
“I’ll come with you.”
“Good,” she grinned. “We’re going to have a lot of fun today.”
“I’m kind of excited,” you revealed quietly.
“You should be, Nat is going to freak out when she sees you. She might steal you from me,” She kissed the top of your head and let you sit back down on your chair. “Now, eat up so you can get ready.”
