– Do you mean recursion? Or that stupid loop “fix” Josh put in after the last DDoS?
– I mean a ring made of metal, in a little velvet box.
– OMG, Merlin, are you–
– GWEN! I found it in Arthur’s sock in the wardrobe. Arthur doesn’t know I found it!
– Ohhh… why were you going through his socks?
– Because I was cold.
– Haven’t you got socks of your own?
– I have, but mine are just warm, and Arthur’s are warm and fluffy. Anyway, yes, I sometimes wear my boyfriend’s things at home. When he can’t see me, because it annoys him. But I like it. It makes me feel… bound to him when I miss him. Anyway, Gwen, I found the ring, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.
– Put it back and pretend you never saw it.
– Excellent advice. How?
– God, Merls…
– Gwen, I can’t pretend I didn’t see it, I can’t stop thinking about what it means.
– It doesn’t take a genius. He’s going to propose to you.
– What if he isn’t? Isn’t it too soon? Have we been together long enough to be bound in holy matrimony?
– Well, it clearly isn’t too soon for him, since he bought a ring. Which means he’s preparing to take that step.
– Yes, but he hasn’t taken it. What if it isn’t for me at all?
– Of course. He’s going to run away and secretly marry his mistress, which is why he’s been keeping the ring among his socks at home…
– What if it isn’t an engagement ring at all? What if it’s a present… for his sister, for instance?
– Have you got a photo?
– Sec… sent.
– Got it… No. That is definitely not for women. It’s beautiful, but too wide and sort of… plain. And the stone isn’t in the middle.
– There are lots of stones.
– I mean, if someone gave me that, I’d accept it, obviously, but I’d only wear it out of respect.
– Stop criticising it, it’s very beautiful. Have you noticed these tiny dark stones making a sort of background, and the larger sparkly ones like little stars?
– Oh, I thought the dark strip was the metal.
– No. Oh, they go all the way round the band.
– Then that is a hell of a lot of stones.
– That’s why I think it’s too fancy for an engagement ring. And the size is sort of… too small.
– Did you take it out of the box?
– Yes.
– Merlin, you’re crossing a line now. Put it back in, shut the box, and tuck it back exactly where you found it.
– These pale stones…
– Diamonds.
– Probably. But they’re arranged so carefully, as if it isn’t random. As if it really is bound up with the stars somehow…
– Stop it, put it back.
– It’s some constellation. Maybe it isn’t Arthur’s ring at all. Maybe one of his friends asked him to hold on to it, or even… Oh. Shit. No! No, no, no. GWEN!
– Merlin, don’t tell me you’ve put it on and now you can’t get it off.
– Yes. It won’t come off.
– Stop panicking, take a deep breath, relax your fingers.
– They’re not relaxing. They’ve gone stiff as sticks!
– Try soap.
– (sound of running water)… No. Gwen, the stupid soap isn’t helping!
– Congratulations.
– On what? On the fact that I’ll be single by tonight if I don’t get this bloody ring off? Arthur will be home in twenty minutes. He’ll kill me.
– On the fact that in half an hour you’ll either be engaged, or you’ll be seeing your best friend. Gwaine’s on shift today, isn’t he?
– Can I come down to you and hide, and then we can go to Gwaine together? We’ll pretend you felt ill and I’m helping?
– No, Merls, I’m in the office today. I’ll be here for another couple of hours. So you’ll have to face the fate you’re bound for.
– Gwen!
– I have to run, love. Message me later and tell me how it all ended.
***
Half an hour later, a WhatsApp message arrived.
– I’m engaged! I have a Draco constellation ring and new warm socks. Very fluffy.
⚠️No actual mpreg, just bad humour, panic, and questionable bedside manners.
modern AU | humour | medical farce | hospital chase scene
Gwaine: — Merlin, hang in there a bit, I do need to carry out a proper examination.
Merlin: — Okay.
Arthur: — Should I step out? I don’t want to be in the way.
M: — No, please, don’t go! I’m so scared.
A: — Alright, sweetheart. I’m right here.
G: — You two might as well hold hands while you’re at it.
A: — We will if he wants to. Focus, doctor.
G: — Right. Merlin, does it hurt here?
M: — Yes.
G: — And here?
M: — Yes!
G: — What about here?
M: — Yes, damn it, it hurts everywhere!
A: — I think you’re torturing him at this point. Can’t you see how much pain he’s in? He looked better on the way here. Now he’s pale as a sheet—and his face and legs have swollen!
G: — And his chest too, not to mention the rounded belly. Frankly, the picture seems perfectly clear to me.
M: — …
A: — Are you going to tell us the diagnosis, for God’s sake?
G: — I’d say… about three weeks, dad-to-be.
M: — …
A: — …What?
G: — You should’ve used protection if you weren’t ready for this. Give it about eight months.
A: — …Have you lost your mind?
G: — Mate, you should see your face right now. Shame I left my phone in my locker.
A: — …Are you even a doctor? That’s it, I’m finding us another one. No—we’re going together!
M: — Ah—no, don’t lift me.
A: — I’m not leaving you alone with this lunatic.
G: — Merls, at least you take a picture.
M: — Oh God, Gwaine. Really? Now? I’m in pain.
A: — Merlin… you know him?
M: — Of course I do, Arthur. This is my best friend Gwaine. He’s a surgical intern here. Gwaine—this is my wonderful boyfriend Arthur.
A: — Right. I’m going to find us a real doctor. And if something serious happens to Merlin because of you and we lose precious time, I’ll sue this hospital into the ground—and you personally, you idiot!
G: — Hey, steady on. No need to go nuclear—it was just a stupid joke. Is he always this jumpy?
M: — He’s not jumpy. He’s caring. And you’re being an arse. So what’s wrong with me? Can it be treated?
G: — Yeah. We’re operating today. It’s just an inflamed appendix.
A: — Thank God.
G: — Maybe.
A: — …
G: — Or maybe it’s anaphylactic shock. Allergy to those new ultra-thin condoms you bought on Friday. You two did try them out already, didn’t you?
A: — …
G: — Or maybe it’s labour fever… Merls, your boyfriend’s doing that funny face again.
M: — Gwaine, I think it’s time for you to leave.
G: — Yeeeah, probably. I’ll send a nurse. I’ll check on you later!
A: — I’m going to kill that bastard! Stop running, you coward! And come here! Don’t you dare call security on me! People like you shouldn’t be allowed near patients—let alone trusted with a scalpel! Stop it, I said! Do you really think you can hide from me in that bloody elevator? I run every morning, you, moron!
modern AU | first meeting | gaming interrupted | humor
+ bingo ✓ Red, ✓ Past tense, ✓ Present tense, ✓ Future tense (if 1 sentence counts), ✓ Modern AU, ✓ Different first meeting , ✓ Knights of the Round Table (as a team title), ✓ Mythical creatures (sort of), ✓ Humour (I hope), ✓ Magical object (maybe Excalibur maybe not)
[DeadeyeQueen joined the voice channel.]
[Spellweaver is already connected.]
— We’ve got a new neighbour! And he’s a hottie.
— What? Where?
— Look outside—they’re unloading his stuff from the truck. See the blond guy in the red hoodie?
— Yeah… sort of. Too far for me to see properly. He looks cute, though. Tall, pumped, and cut. Why’s he yelling?
— The movers are refusing to haul his safe.
— I understand them. That thing looks insanely heavy. Oh god, he’s not going to manhandle that himself, is he?
— He is! Damn, if only I could turn on god mode and make him ditch that stupid red hoodie and carry it wearing just a T-shirt!
— Dream on… Ooooh! Damn, Gwen! Maybe you should be our mage?
— That body. Oh gosh, just look at those muscles…
— I can’t really see from here, but I’ll take your word for it.
— Nice try, Merls. Blonds are your weak spot. I can hear you’re about to start drooling.
— Like you aren’t! Want to go say hi?
— Hell yes, I’d already be heading downstairs to check if he’s really that strong—but he’s gay.
— And how do you know that, Gwen?
— All the hot guys I like usually turn out to be gay…
— Thanks for the compliment.
— Not you, you scrawny idiot.
— Hey, I think Lance would disagree!
— Don’t even mention that pathetic worm! He spent the entire evening yesterday chatting with his gym-bro Percy. We got stomped in FF by some Croatian teenagers.
— It happens. Damn—he’s putting that red thing back on.
— Yes, and we need to log in. Elyan’s yelling in my DMs—the orcs are steamrolling him and Gwaine at the fortress! They’ll get wrecked without us!
— What kind of idiot starts a quest for a magical sword without a mage and an archer?
— Same as always! Our dumb “Knights of the Round Table” rushing in before the whole party’s assembled!
modern AU | domestic fluff with suggestive vibes | flirty, sneezy
— A-ACHOO!
— Bless you.
— Thanks… A-ACHOO!
A disgruntled yawn.
— A-ACHOO!
— Can you stop already?
— What?
— Sneezing! It’s bloody irritating. I’d like to sleep a bit longer, thanks.
— A-ACHOO! I’d like to stop and get some sleep too.
— Only you could catch a cold in such great weather!
— It’s not a cold! A-ACHOO! It’s the pollen. Allergy season is officially here. A-ACHOO!
— For heaven’s sake, Merlin, you’re allergic too?
— Yeah.
— Why am I even surprised? You’d think I’d be seasoned to your quirks by now.
— I did warn you I’ve got lots of hidden talents.
— Right. Vegan, gamer, terrified of birds. Trust me to fall for such a delicate flower!
— Hey! I don’t remember you complaining last night! I do remember you moaning my name and begging me not to stop. A-ACHOO! Arthur, where are you going?
— Getting antihistamines! Do you even have anything for allergies on you?
— Yeah—A-ACHOO—in the inner pocket of my jacket.
— If only I could remember where we tossed it—or at least my boxer briefs!
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll make you a trade. I’ll dig into your sister’s death. You give me an interview about the charity benefit that your company is holding next week.”
“You find proof about who killed her, I’ll give you any interview you ever want.”
