Hello tumblr world!
It's been a while. Well bumabalik lang talaga ako kapag depress ako. I think i need to change the title into something related to the word "depress". Hmm🤔 Anyway.. Today is different. So much feelings were exerted. And it is something i hate to remember someday. So i just need to let it all out as my boyfriend is already asleep. And i dont think my "friends" will listen to my drama either.. So i'll just have to deal with my personal issues alone. "White lies" I felt guilty because i pretended to be sick today to get the privilege of being absent with pay. I need the money and a time off. So thats the plan i came up with. My pamangkin is sick today. She's in the hospital. And i am super worried. I just need to see her to make sure she's fine. Well, she's not yet fine but seeing her smile and dance and her kakulitan gives me an assurance that she will be fine. "Family conflict" When i got home. The big 3s are here. I am talking about my tita, papa, and tito. The thing is that so much had happened in the past. They had a fight before. I think they are trying to reconcile and fix their relationship as siblings. But i dont know why. Their personalities just won't match. When they are having conversation, it always turns out to sigawan and sisihan moment. As in ALWAYS. They are planning to reconstruct our home. And I don't know how they get to a point where they were bringing up what had happened before. Now, all of them were emotionally hurt. And i felt trapped. Yung feeling na all you can do is look at them and frown. Im thinking, What are you guys doing?? Is it the side effects of being an adult. If so, kill me right now as i dont want to get there. Hopeless na akong magkakayos pa sila. Hopeless na akong mabubuo pa yung pamilyang ito. Magkakasama man kayo pero pakiramdam mo mas okay nang magkakalayo na lang. Atleast, walang gulo. Mas pipiliin mo pang mamiss sila. Kesa andito nga pero nagkakasakitan naman. Minsan mas okay na rin yung LDR 👌👌 So much tears will be secretly shed tonight. That's a sure thing. It breaks my heart to sleep in here. This is worse than being a homeless. "Career" I missed the career counseling today. I no longer have a project. So less chance on getting a promotion this year. I dont know what will happen to me now. I just felt lost as i still cant figure out what i really want to do with my life. I am 22. This might be that thing. Midlife crisis, I guess. I cant focus on the negative side. But today is just one of my worst day. This is definitely not my whole life. This will pass and someday I'm going to look back on what had happened today. Then ill smile. Because i already knew the reasons why i have to experience this day.