How to Get Picked by a Valkyrie (Hints: Don’t Be Boring)
1. Be Extra Dramatic (Or Don’t Bother) Valkyries aren’t here for your “I did my best” moments. They’re looking for the grand finale. Think:
Dying in a blaze of glory, maybe surrounded by a battlefield of chaos and fire.
Delivering a monologue while charging into battle (yes, like a Shakespearean hero).
Throwing a sword dramatically into a storm to seal your fate.
If you're not making your death theatrical, you might as well go back to your boring afterlife. Do better.
2. Create a Legacy of Chaos Valkyries respect chaos because it’s what makes life (and death) worth remembering. If you’ve got a legacy of making things unpredictable, whether it's turning tides of war or causing the most dramatic conflicts, you're on their radar.
Was your battle a game-changer? Did it reshape history?
Did you pull off that “one last, heroic stunt” against the odds?
Think of it like an Instagram feed, but for epic deeds.
3. Don’t Just Fight — Fight For the Right Reasons (Aka, Don’t Be a Jerk) Sure, the Valkyries love warriors. But there’s a huge difference between fighting to conquer and fighting to protect something greater than yourself.
Fight for freedom, justice, or some kind of noble cause.
Bonus points if you give a motivational speech mid-battle that makes everyone in a 100-mile radius want to join you.
Also, don’t be a jerk. The Valkyries can tell if you’re fighting just for fame or fortune. They definitely won’t pick you if you’re just in it for the gold.
4. Have a Signature Move (or Ten) Valkyries are picky. You can’t just be some random soldier in the crowd. They need to remember you.
Did you single-handedly take down an army with nothing but a sword and a well-timed battle cry?
Are you known for making enemies quiver with just a look?
Do you have a move so deadly and epic, it’s practically a legend?
If the answer is yes, you’ve got their attention. Plus, every Valkyrie loves a signature move.
5. If You Don’t Die in Battle, Make Sure You Definitely Go Out With Style If you’re the type to die peacefully in your sleep after a long, quiet life — no offense, but the Valkyries are gonna side-eye you so hard. They want blood. They want bravery. They want drama. So if you’re lucky enough to dodge death on the battlefield, make sure your final act is cinematic.
Go out with a bang — maybe save a city or take down the big bad in a plot twist no one saw coming.
The more epic the death, the more likely a Valkyrie will be impressed.
6. Be a Little Full of Yourself (But Only a Little) Let’s face it, confidence is the key to a Valkyrie’s heart. If you’re humble, that’s sweet and all, but no one remembers the shy guy who took one for the team.
Walk into a battle like you know you’re destined for greatness.
Talk a little trash.
Make everyone else believe you’re a legend in the making (because hey, if you don’t believe it, how can you expect anyone else to?).
Valkyries love a bit of arrogance. But don’t overdo it, or you’ll end up as that guy who got his ego crushed in a literal hellstorm. 🙃
7. Be Incredibly, Incredibly Extra This is not a drill: Valkyries LOVE over-the-top flair.
Wear that cape.
Rock that armor.
Look like you just stepped off the set of a high-budget fantasy film. Valkyries have seen a lot, so if you want them to notice you, you better bring that extra energy. How else are you going to make it into a legend?
Final Thoughts: If you want to get picked by a Valkyrie, be bold, be loud, be a mess, but a glorious mess. They’re not interested in the quiet, ordinary deaths — they want the epic ones, the ones that live on in sagas, the ones where everyone says, “Did you see that?!” as they pass around mead in Valhalla.
So go out there, live dangerously, and make your final moments so legendary that the Valkyries can’t help but swoop in and say, “Yeah, that one’s ours.”