Feel You Everywhere | [Closed Starter]
Jax ran a hand across his face, elbows leaning on his knees and wet hair clinging to his neck. It’d been months and some part of him still felt like she was right here, the quiet of the house didn’t help that feeling any either. Chibs had pulled him aside and talked him into going home after he’d broken down and nearly beaten a contact of theirs to death for a remark about his dead wife. The boys and his new twins were still back at Wayne’s trailer being looked after, and though Wayne argued Wendy would be better to look after the kids with Gemma still missing Jax just couldn’t bring himself to let Wendy around the kids. Not after everything. She’d come back to Charming trying to take Abel, and then she’d been part of Tara’s plan to get the boys out, and while he’d forgiven his wife he still didn’t trust Wendy as far as he could throw her.
Lowering his hands, he let his eyes slide along the cracked and bruised knuckles and tried to ignore the feeling that he wasn’t alone. He was in an empty room, an empty house that was much too still when the kids were gone. Glancing back at his bed he sighed, “Empty bed,” he finished his thoughts aloud. He hated sleeping alone, hated that Tara’s scent on her pillow had faded long before he had been ready for it too. The club had tried to talk him into packing up her things, had offered to do it for him, but everything was still the way it had been when she’d been alive. All of the suitcases had been unpacked, everything hung back up like she’d walk in the door from her shift at the hospital or shopping any moment. Even her jewelry box was resting as it once had, the wedding rings sitting in the velvet the only reminder that she was gone. He was almost able to trick himself into thinking she was still here, still with him after everything. “I miss you, Tara. I need you.” Eyes slipping closed, Jax let his head hang down a little in defeat, letting himself sink into the grief a little for a moment. He hadn’t ever really dealt with it, and he still wasn’t fully sure he wanted to. Abel’s questions of when Mommy would be home were getting harder and harder to hear, because all Jax wanted to say was ‘Soon.’
He’d just about settled it in his head to go pick up the kids when his cell chirped and jarred him out of his thoughts. Pushing up, he moved over to his nightstand and picked it up. Colette. The nights that it got too hard to stand alone he’d been spending over at Diosa, and Colette had been indulging him as she could; though the glances between her and his VP were starting to become a little more obvious he didn’t really want to give her up either. He still needed the tether she gave him, even if it was more than a little selfish. Texting her that he’d be right there, he moved to his dresser and tugged some clothes out of it before slipping feet into his sneakers and heading out to his bike. It wasn’t the shortest of drives to Stockton, though if she was calling him this late, chances were he’d be staying the night with her.
