I was 8 or 9 when I first heard the word hermaphrodite. I didnt know what it was, so I asked & a kid just yells from the back: "A chick with a dick!" & then i hear some people laughing. When I was in HS I first found out about trans. Growing up it was very conservative, & by the book. It was really uncomfortable growing up in my own home. There were many signs of what my future would be & instead of just letting my life flow, my life was turned into a more cookie cutter life. When I was in 6th grade I would comfortably wear sweats over jeans or skirts. My teacher would ask me why I never wore jeans, told her i never liked it. I remember being in a parent teacher conference & instead of talking about my grades, how good of a student I am, my mom & my 6th grade teacher talk about why I dress the way I do. How im supposed to be dressed like a girl & not like a boy. My mom tore up all my sweats from left to right. Anything that was "boy" related was torn & tossed. She bought me a pair of jeans, & ill never forget those fucking jeans. My mom literally bought herself the same pair as mine. A girl that had been bullying me since I started school spotted that we have the same jeans. She comes over & asked me why me & my mom share jeans, if we're that broke. I had told her that we are two different sizes it made no sense. She didn't let it go then. Mentally i snapped. Didnt want to live anymore. Thinking that it was easier to kill myself to be reborn again for another chance at life. I was 11 when I first officially attempted suicide. I took a belt to my neck, went to sleep. Woke up the next morning & went to school like nothing happened. I really changed after that day. I shut out more & more with my family. I had started to realize who I was no one really liked, so it was harder to find friends. Those that authenticly became my friends I ended up pushing them away because I was pushing for those that didn't like me to like me. 7th grade i had a teacher that bought clothes for students with good grades. I really wanted to get some comfortable clothes for once. But I never won. By the time I was in 8th grade I had a different group of girls that were never fond of me, & I'd just stand there & try to help them with their school work, still being a sweetheart & they're just total bitches to me. When I had done summer camp for the first time, there were another group of girls targeting me. By the time i had noticed i told myself maybe it is time to explore the life. What would go wrong? In hs I felt a bit more comfortable. However, I was still scared of the thought of rejection so I kept myself in the back til I was able to authenticly get those friends. HS was my best time. They helped me be myself when I couldn't do it at home, PRIDE had been celebrated religiously & with respect. I had been a coordinator for a small talent show we would throw for PRIDE. After a long day of LGBTQ workshops we had a 2 period talent show. Everyone would perform, & it was always beautiful. Im 28 now, & I feel like my life was the most challenging thing I have ever seen. Dealing with a weird abusive childhood to surviving cancer. I now feel like I'm able to live my life with freedom & lots of purpose. I love everyone for who they are, & if you are disrespectful to others I cant be around you.