Re: Disease Face
So, for the first time in my life, instead of going to the doctor's office, I simply downloaded an app (Live Health Online) and video conferenced with a random doctor. Not going to lie, once I figured it out it was the best thing in the world.
The downside, she couldn't see if it was Strep or Mono, considering that I couldn't get out of bed. The lighting was terrible and I had no way of taking my temp. In the end and given it was a Sunday, she sent me to a minute clinic. For those of you, like me, whom have no idea what Minute Clinics are, they are where mega-grocery store chains, like King Supers, store Doctors and Nurses in an extra janitors closets. Not entirely sure how long they've been there, but I can assure you, they are, "one with the walls."
Anyhow, they couldn't determine what this sickness was so they poked at my ears and throat for a while and sent off samples to grow under a microscope. Maybe it's the doctor version of Chia pets, I don't know...
A few days later, I get a call from my online nurse, who I was sure was like a one night stand, never to be heard from again. She wanted to send me an e-mail with her contact info. She also made the mistake of making herself my primary doctor. I feel adopted guys! Anyhow, she told me to contact her with any questions. Well, here's my first e-mail to her:
"Hi Lisa,
I haven't had a response from the lab yet. They were supposed to be testing the results of the very jabby "throat swab" they took, at the Minute Clinic, on Sunday. At this point, I am pretty certain it is strep. Working today was a challenge. Ah hah! My voice did not handle talking for 8 solid hours very kindly. The customers must have thought Spectrum Communications hired Smeagle. I mean, to be fair, ex-Hollywood stars need jobs too!
I've attached some photos of my throat. There are large white pustules forming on the sides, and larger red bumps on the back wall behing my tongue. Since taking the potographs, some of the pustules have grown. Regretfully, my family now changed my name to, "Disease Face."
At this point I am still not taking any antibiotics. Just tea, honey, and one IBU800 once in the morning. Not to mention, I've bathed/permeated everything in Vick's. Eh, so...much...Vicks.
I've never had something like this before so it has been quite the experience. Haha! This is coming from someone who doesn't get sick very often but holds the deep-seeded mindset that I'll be the first to "go," when the zombie apocalypse hits.
What do you think?
Please help me gain back my rightful birth name.
Disease Face (aka Brandy C.)
1(818)***-****
P.S. sorry for the ridiculous e-mail. "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." -Willy Wonka 1971"