#dissociatingdingo

[raven-system]

Uh, hi, I think I could have DID but I’m not sure, I used to just have characters that I would use for stories and roleplays but they became sentient and can talk to me and eachother, I don’t know how to tell if they’re fronting or not but they can influence some of the things I do (listening to a specific song, eating applesauce), does this sound like DID or something similar?

Uhhhhhhhhh

I mean we had Jessie who started as a character then formed into an alter.

Unfortunately I can’t really,, diagnose you, as I’m not a professional.

I might be able to help you find a therapist! You could also join the server there’s lots of kind smart people there.

Hey @dissociatingdingo (sorry to tag you) since you direct people to professionals and stuff a lot do you know of any good ways to find/contact one? I’m super not experienced with therapy as we have trauma with it but I thought you might know a website or phone number or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Here’s a gold star for voicing your concerns though! It can be hard!

⭐️

[raven-system]

Dingo can be kinda a dick to us, I don’t care. But I draw the line at them doing the same to my friends.

And I assume they’re gonna be like “I don’t appreciate being mentioned like this” because that’s what happened last time.

SFZ just told me Dingo is apparently DMing them? Not cool, bro, not cool.

I’ve had a few run-ins with them.

I respect their boundaries and shit but when I asked if they had resources for finding medical professionals they got pissed off that I @ed them? I only did so because they always say “I can’t diagnose you, talk to a professional” and they’re an adult in therapy so I figured they would have resources. I haven’t been able to find the link to this post, but you all know how tumblr’s search algorithm is. I know it’s on my blog though.

It also made us upset when they said it was bad to say “you’re valid uwu” to everyone questioning system shit. I wouldn’t have minded as much if it didn’t come off so condescending. I haven’t been able to find the link to this post, but you all know how tumblr’s search algorithm is. I know it’s on my blog though.

I’ve heard we’ve got a bit of influence in the community now (which is strange because I’ve never really been well known before?) and I’m not trying to stir up drama or anything, at least not intentionally, but yikes.

It’s not like they’re a bad person. We just don’t seem to get along very well.

I don’t know exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m not following them anymore, but their posts are in tags I follow so I see them anyway.

Sorry for the sort of rant. Dingo, if you’re reading this (which you very well might be) I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I do respect your boundaries, and I hope this isn’t seen as vague-blogging or whatever (see your response linked close to the top of the post) but I felt I needed to talk about this. And I know you’d be upset if I @ed you anyway so I really can’t win

Once I can link the posts, I will. If you find either of these posts on my blog (or theirs) feel free to send the link in the replies or DM it to us. I’ve searched by the words I know are in the post and haven’t found either, but you can search for a post word for word and still get the “Oopsie nothing here sorry” from tumblr.

Do not send hate to them. Do not. They are not a bad person. Don’t start stuff on my behalf. Thank you.

[sae-something]

🔋

🔋 - are you a morning or night person?

I’d have to say night, but only because I’m definitely not a morning person :’) I’m not really really a night person either... I’m an evening person, is that a thing? I like evenings (and often don’t want to go to bed), but I can’t stay up late either - I do get tired usually a bit before midnight, but then I usually spend at least another hour scrolling through tumblr, instagram, memes etc.

I really wish I was more of a morning person... not early morning, but if I could just wake up around 8 and feel rested? That’d be so amazing haha

[sae-something]

6 for Spotify Wrapped!

Thanks friend!

6 is Dead by AVEC

It’s actually not that long ago that I discovered this song, I think it was when I just started seeing A, so late september/october. I listened to this song on repeat when cycling to A at least once, it’s really calming but in a sad way if that makes sense. I really like the singers voice, too. I really remember how I felt then, it makes me realize that while I’m still really anxious about seeing A each week, it’s definitely less scary now then it was in the beginning.

[honeysuckle-venom]

16 for Spotify Wrapped

Thank you so much for asking!!!

16: From the Gutter to the Stars by Emilie Autumn from The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls: Behind the Musical

[maemaybe]

I feel most aware of everyone else in my system first thing in the morning. It reminds me of waking up at camp and waking up to the chattering voices of the others in my bunk. How are they conscious before I am? Does that even make sense? 

The first few minutes are the most jumbled, and I’m not always sure who I am listening to. Some are really obvious based on what they are talking about or the way they speak, but some aren’t. 

Lately the most urgent thought every morning has been, “I can’t find my bunny!” Which cues a frantic thirty second search for Henry the stuffed bunny. 

Next, thoughts shift to day planning. Jude and Hannah’s voices are brighter here. I can recognize them now, though for a long time I was so phobic of Jude’s voice that I did a lot of mental gymnastics to explain it away. 

If I allow myself to be still and listen, I think this time is actually the best time for us to communicate. 

I realized this morning that I have been avoiding this. I don’t think it was conscious avoidance. It was unconscious, phobic avoidance. 

I’ve told both my therapist and my psychiatrist probably a dozen times, “I wake up in the morning in a panic and I get out of bed as fast as I can. Like I’m trying to get away from something.” We all assumed it was nightmares I couldn’t remember. They gave me sleeping pills to help. 

Maybe it was nightmares I couldn’t remember. Or maybe I have been that phobic of communicating. 

The really unfortunate thing is that the sleeping pills didn’t do much to help us sleep, but they did disrupt our ability to communicate clearly. Instead of waking up to chatter, I woke up blurry and confused. I would stay in a haze for hours every morning. A lot of days after sleeping pills, it would actually be someone else who woke up and I would only tune in and be present after the effects of the sleeping pills fully wore off after lunch. In hindsight, it’s seems pretty obvious that I was using them to avoid. 

I don’t know how I can simultaneously know so much about DID and have so much understanding about my own system, and yet be so afraid of it. 

[maemaybe]

I was first diagnosed with OSDD back in the early 2000s. My diagnosis was changed to DID later, but that’s not the point of this story. Anyway, the internet was pretty different back then and most of the DID community was on small message boards and LiveJournal. 

LiveJournal was actually quite a bit like Tumblr, except that there was way more focus on long-form text posts than there is now. I think that there’s just been an overall shift towards shot-form posts, images, and “shareable content” on the internet in general. People don’t really write and share public daily journals anymore, but that used to be such a huge thing, especially in the DID community. 

When I was newly diagnosed, reading the journals of other people who were living with DID was probably one of the most helpful things for me. It made me feel less alone. It helped me understand what was happening to me. It gave me words for my experiences and tools to cope. I would read someone’s mundane post about dissociating at the grocery store and suddenly everything would click and I would think “That’s what is happening to me!” 

I know that long-form text posts and daily journals are not popular anymore. I know that I am going against the grain and clogging up your tag with boring “negativity” that some of you are not interested in. I try to be conscious of this and use appropriate tags so that people can filter my content and avoid it, and I know that there will probably be plenty of people who just block me. That’s fine. 

But I’m going to keep sharing, because reading the experiences of other people with DID helped me when I was first diagnosed. It helps me to share my experiences and I think it helps other people to read similar experiences. 

If you don’t like it, filter the tags I use or block me.