#distant father

[girlzoot]

The world had matched what he’d dreamed up, and he settled himself inside what they’d made. He was cheerful enough when he came home from work but he didn’t really know what to do with little kids so he never taught us how to ride a bike, or wear a mitt, and our changes in height remained unmarked on the door frames, so we grew tall on our own without proof.

---Aimee Bender/The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

[mont-del-clare]

Distant Father

For two whole days

A girl knew freedom

Her world was changed

She found herself in a distant land

She had seen it once for herself

And decided it was a land

For others like her

But how was she to know

In exchange for experiencing it

That land would take a part of her

She was forced to return to her kingdom

Heartbroken

Lost

Ashamed

She turned to the familiarities of hers

Feeling trapped

Not only physically

But also mentally

She was shown love and support by all

But for one

The man that every little girl is suppose to find their first love in…She only ever found betrayal and disdain

He was never in reach or loving

The confusion

The sadness

The self loathing only grew

His words dripping with venom

His fist harsh and indiscriminate

His heart guarded and unforgiving

Her hatred grew each passing year

At times

Years of anger amounted from a few seconds spent in his presence

He drank and drank

Her darkness grew

As she grew she learned

Her father was lost

A small scared boy

One spared of love and caring

She began searching

For a way to heal herself

For her sake

Understand the darkness

She continues to search

Till the day she takes her throne

[wounded--dog]

i think it's sad that the only thing that automatically makes me think of my father is cheap high alcohol lager

[danskjavlarna]

Source details and larger version.

[kimosahbee]

I just had the best conversation with my Dad in my entire life. Long story short I just finished the halfway mark of my junior year in college and I want to move back home, take a break from school for a semester, and continue on with a  lighter load after that (that’s my plan thus far). My family has been the one to raise me as my Dad had a number of issues and with certain circumstances could not take care of me as parent. My family is against the decision to take a break and see it as a very childish and selfish move. I don’t often confide in my father as he’s played a smaller role in my life. I called him on his 70th birthday, slightly out of desperation as the people I considered my true parents did not believe the reasons I gave for wanting to come back and start fresh. I broke the news to him, not sure what to expect from the man that has felt like a stranger at times and thus have responded by being a stranger to him, and I got words that have never resonated so clearly with me. He calmed all my fears and showed such faith in me, such unbreakable faith that it felt like he could see in the future and knew whatever decision I made would work out for me. As he was saying this, teary-eyed from the fact that his son not only called him but confided in him about a major life choice, he kept repeating this line in one way or another, “never let anybody bring you to your knees, you have to show them that you’re strong... you have to come from a place of strength, strength I know you have and always will have”. As the conversation ended I wanted to reconcile with the family members who I have selfishly ignored, so I said “dad... I want to be more honest with people about my feelings.. I’m so sorry, so sorry my calls have been so few and far in between... I’m a terrible so..” and before I could even finish the sentence he said, “that’s in the past. The past doesn’t matter, what’s done is done. Do what you need to do for the future. Change, so that you don’t repeat the parts of the past you regret, but other than that keep your eyes forward, show strength”. There was some silence, followed by a proud smile and a “I love you” from my dad.. and I replied “...I love you too Dad... thank you.. you have no idea how much I wanted to hear those words..” Then the phone hung up.

[sharon714]

Meh. My dad came over to see us. I noticed that every time he comes I get more emotional